LogFAQs > #977276296

Made a post on my Facebook today. I kinda update once a month as you've all seen.

Four months if you can believe it.

Today marks four months since I became a widow. I need to use the word more to sort of normalize it for me. I don't use the word often since to me it conjures the view of a much older person. Widows are supposed to be in their 70's and 80's. Not 39.

I think I'm beginning to come around to it though. The other thing about being a widow is that you made wonderful memories together. It wasn't a growing apart or loss of trust that ended your relationship you know? It was the inevitable that happens to everyone at some point. It was an incredibly successful love that ended when one person came to the end of their life. There's something beautiful about that, something I'm growing to appreciate more and more as the days turn into the months that I have been a widow.

And I will be a widow forever. There is a somber beauty to that as well. There is a piece of me that will forever be connected to Lindsay. The ways in which she inspired me to be a better person, a more thoughtful member of my community, the confidence in who I am as a partner. These are all aspects of myself that are connected with Lindsay forever. So many things that my family and friends and I value in who I have become today are because of who she helped me become.

None of that goes away when you become a widow. I am still that person she helped me become and she continues to inspire me to grow. That is what being a widow at 39 is... and that's not so tragic. I will be a widow when I find the next love of my life too. Someone who will understand that part of me too, who will inspire me to grow and become a stronger person too.

Four months of being a widow down, another 45 years to go? I think I'm ready.