LogFAQs > #977094463

KogaSteelfang posted...

This touched a nerve. But otherwise...

I've been avoiding this topic for a long time. I didn't think my heart could handle seeing you suffer through the loss. I finally decided I should look it over and see how you're doing.

I'm so relieved and glad to see that you're doing well. Of course it looks like there are still bad days too. But overall you seem to be in a good place with friends and family(sorry to hear about your brother being sick though). You really do seem to truly enjoy your job, and the people in your life. It's been bittersweet catching up on your posts in here, but mostly uplifting. You're a strong person and I have a lot of respect for that, and the good that bring to the community. You're a good person at heart and that absolutely shines through in every post I've seen you make. Stay strong, and of course if things get rough, we'll be here for you too.

Thank you, I do feel a lot of support in this topic, and I'm surrounded by people who are supportive of me. You said a lot of wonderful things about me, thank you.

I think Bittersweet is the perfect word for it all. I do have to remind myself often that my wife was already dying. Regardless of my having lived with her and seen for myself the ravages of the medical problems she had to fight, it became so normalized to me that like... I still at times almost don't believe that she was dying? My wife was an incredibly strong woman and for as awful as she felt, when we were together she would hide it or just kinda grit through it all. I sometimes forget that ultimately what happened was that my wife did not have to just wait in agony until something bad enough happened that would have put her into the hospital and never to come out.

And while that is somewhat grim and sad, it's just what the reality is for a lot of people who pass away with medical complications... and I think it was wonderful that my wife could pass away holding my hand after we went to see a movie, you know? I wish it could have been at home rather than out of province but the sad truth is that without MAID, she would have waited for something horrible to happen, we go to the hospital, and for however long she could make it there she would live out the rest of her life there.

Personally when my health fails to that level I hope I'm given the opportunity to go out to a movie with my wife or someone else I love, get comfy in a couch, fall asleep and never have to wake up again.