LogFAQs > #976609861

Suddenly, I'm met with a host of new challenges with managing an apartment. Since I'm the first new tenant, I've had to buy everything that I usually take for granted: trash bins, shower curtains, beds, and less commonly for people for my income level, sofas. The moving process has been complicated by my OCD-levels of obsession with cleanliness. The first thing I thought to do was to buy cleaning supplies. But in my carelessness and eagerness to sanitize the apartment, I used a cleaning spray that was a bit too harsh, and now my eye stings whenever I come into contact with everything I used it on. Thankfully, I've used it only on the wheels on my luggage, a spot on my counter because I was afraid that the spray would be too harsh, and unfortunately, my car. Now, I've had to use baking soda to strip away the offensive odors and residue. The situation is particularly bad, especially for my car. I may have used a bit too much baking soda to absorb the chemicals, and now it looks like I'm keeping a fine layer of snow in my backseat. Now, I don't feel comfortable transporting things I'll be using to eat and prepare food, like bowls, chopsticks, and rice dispensers. Overall, I feel that I need another day-off to put my affairs in order. After moving out, I realized that I took other people's company for granted, too. It's just me in this apartment. And aside from needing help getting everything set up, I'm feeling more lonely. I know I've spoken of it many times before. But it isn't until now that I feel like I need other people in my life. Unfortunately, I wasn't very kind to those people who are already in my life. I have been quick to shun my co-workers and everyone else at my workplace out of either shyness, social anxiety, or just being too tired to engage in social activity. I'll have to mop up the place with water, because I'm a poor sweeper, and there are still remnants of baking soda everywhere. I also have to return a package to Amazon. One thing I am noticing about myself recently is that I don't have nearly as much time to mess around at home than I used to. I think it's due to the stress of all the logistics of moving-in, which is hampered majorly by my obsession over what's clean, what isn't, how clean something is, what touched what, and other things that likely have no basis in reality. It's just so hard for me to manage. Before, in my living space, I didn't really have much to manage; it was usually my landlords, whom I also took for granted, who took care of that for me. Now I realize that I took them for granted also. Anyway, sorry for the lack of organization in this post. But I just don't have enough time or energy to even get my thoughts straight; they're always clouded by worries and the recent stresses of moving in.

Oh yeah, and I've had a spot of bad luck at work socially. It seems that no one there really likes me. I don't blame them, since, as I've said earlier, I make it a point to shun and emotionally neglect anyone I come into contact with. All the same, though, I just don't like it. I always tell myself that if they hate me, it's fine. But lately, I've come to question how true that really is. Some other team makes a habit of trying to mock me somehow by acting like they're English. Others have come to mock me in other ways, such as clearing their throats whenever I'm around, since they know that I am very annoyed whenever a high-tier manager on the floor does it. In my own team, there was this bloke who expressed his hate for me by mockingly repeating thoughts that he thinks I have. Many people around me seem to get sick of me. The new-hire has conversed with the other group about how she hates me. I could have sworn a veteran co-worker has shown me his middle finger as I left the parking lot today. I also submitted a list of work manual revisions I wanted the acting senior co-worker to look over. I feel like I insult her intellligence and ability to write whenever I do this, since I take issue with how she words things in the company work manuals. Sometimes at work, I mutter under my breath about stuff I'm daydreaming about. I grow concerned, since anyone within earshot may mistake my muttering as being directed towards them. I'm not conscious of this habit most of the time, so I'm very scared that someone may misinterpret something I say, and then take offense to it.

Anyway, how was your day, board?

I must have these answers.