LogFAQs > #974933639

adjl posted...

I'd flip that around a bit to better communicate the point you're making: Respect is innate, but it can be lost.

Nah. I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.

Respect has to be earned. It's not something you start out with and then lose by negative actions. It's something you have to build up over time via positive actions. It's something you have to show yourself worthy of. It's being treated as being better than the baseline because you have shown yourself to be better than the baseline.

Politeness can be innate. Tolerance can be innate. Tactfulness can be innate. Not being an asshole can be innate. You don't have to prove yourself to be a superior being to earn basic human decency. It's not saying that we should all treat everyone else like shit until they prove themselves worthy of being treated better. But respect is more than that.

Arguably it's a difference in what definition of the word "respect" you're using. Some people may use the word to essentially mean "not being an asshole to someone", but that's not really what it's supposed to mean. Respect is "an attitude of consideration or high regard", "good opinion, honor, or admiration" or even "good will; favor". It's a state above and beyond just simple politeness. It's showing extra deference to someone based on their accomplishments or attitude. It's saying "this is someone worthy of praise".

I'm polite to strangers. I can even be friendly to strangers. But respect is something you earn, not something you are given. No one owes you respect.

Parents, teachers, and other authority figures who "demand respect" aren't asking to be treated like neutral strangers. They're asking to be treated with a higher degree of regard. They're essentially saying that their opinions and demands are worth more because they're in a higher position. "Do what I say, I'm your parent." "You should listen to me, I'm your teacher." But parents and teachers can be assholes too.

Ironically, my father played a huge role in my becoming the antiauthoritarian shitstirrer that I am today (and I give him tons of respect for it). I don't "honor my father and mother" because society tells me I should, I do it because they were awesome people who sacrificed to try to give me a better life and who generally tried their best to be good people whenever they could. They earned my respect.

But I have friends whose parents were abusive alcoholics, teachers who took advantage of tenure to be absolute wastes of space, petty bureaucrats in positions of authority who abuse their power for kicks - and those are the types of people I refuse to respect. Because their roles do not obligate me to overlook their failings.