LogFAQs > #965066609

It think it's not worth discussing right now, at least not the angle that you are attempting to discuss. It's difficult to connect the notions between 'sex by deception is rape' and 'people shouldn't have to disclose their birth gender to anyone for any reason.'

The most common response you will get is that this doesn't happen very often and generally by the time you would get physically intimate with someone, it's something that most people would disclose. But of course that doesn't answer your question because you're not asking about the people who disclosed it, you're asking about the people who didn't disclose.

Chris is correct here that physical violence is not the answer. I'm not even sure if everyone would universally agree that keeping your past a secret is a shitty thing to do, even IF it ends up being a bigger deal to the other person. It depends on how you feel about transexuality. As well as people keeping other aspects of their past a secret. Like I never talked to any of my partners about some of the terrible stuff that I went through as a kid. Does that also count as rape by deception? It doesn't feel important to me to share that. So, in the end, it's more of a disagreement about what should or shouldn't be shared, rather than a clear case of people withholding information that needs to be shared. For an example of that, people need to disclose their HIV and Aids status before having sex with a partner, and most would universally agree that this stance is correct.

But here's the actual bottom line and why I think it's not even worth bringing up:

First, if you're only asking out of 100% curiosity and for no other reason... It's an extremely sensitive topic, and there are many other things going on right now that make the issue complicated and make people on both sides unable to discuss in good faith. Would you kick a hornet's nest for no other reason than curiosity? No? Then leave a subject like this alone until the conditions for discussing it are more favorable.

Secondly, if you're asking this out of genuine concern that you or someone else may be 'raped by deception' the only thing I can say is that it happens extremely infrequently. It's like worrying that a piano is going to fall on you and kill you. Would you kick a hornet's nest just because you thought it might slightly decrease the likelihood that a piano was going to fall on you and kill you at some point in your life? Surely the answer, again, is no.