I feel like we are making progress but I've got some pretty bad and chronic conditions.
Hey.. Progress is good, as slow as it might be. I know that personally, my main problem is finding the motivation to get anything done. I have plenty of time on my hands for everything I want to do, be it chores, reading, gaming, playing guitar, and often I'll just sit on the couch playing around with my phone instead. But I'm aware I'm the problem, no one else. Sometimes I kick myself in the ass and do every chore I've been ignoring. Or beat a 30 hour game in 2 days, or play so much guitar my fingers hurt just looking at them. But yeah, no one can do it for me. I have to be the one to do it. Same with you. Seeing someone helps, I've been there. But ultimately, only you can help yourself. You're good at what you do, when you do it. But in that, you're a bit like me. No motivation to actually do it. I know you like writing comedy, but you'd like people to like it right away. You're decent at programming and can make games, but you want to make a profit right away. You have to start somewhere. I'm decent with my guitar. I know nothing of the theory but with I can still play songs and enjoy myself. I could be way better than I am right now if I had practice more through the nearly 20 years I've played, but since I haven't put the effort, I'm the one to blame for it. But seriously, you're not a bad person, aside from those "woe is me" topics, you seem like a nice guy.. You just have to give yourself more credit, and be patient. Not everything you do is doing to turn up being positive. Heck, you like comedy. Look at Adam Sandlers.. His latest stuff sucks. Doesn't stop him from doing what he likes. (and I'm sure his early stuff before he was well known sucked as well)
EDIT : oh and by the way.. For your conditions... Don't be shy about using medication of they prescribe it to you... It's for your own good. My mom's bipolar, and she's way better to be around since she got her meds... Took a while to get the dosage right, but even then, it was a big change right at first.
Thanks.
Yes there is a big part of it that it just putting in the effort, but part of that is believing the effort has purpose. We don't have to hate ourselves if we fail to find the motivation, hating ourselves for not finding it is just going to make us want to try even less in the future.
I didn't think that game would succeed, I really don't expect anything I do to succeed, which is why finding the motivation to try becomes so difficult. This is a bad thing and a good thing, it's a bad thing because it makes getting better harder, but it's a good thing because it means when you succeed you can ride some of that success momentum.
People habitualize behavior so if you picked up the guitar and played for 1 minute a day eventually just picking up the guitar would have 0 stress associated with it, as it is it is likely that when you pick up the guitar you have to confront the feeling of where you are vs where you want to be as a guitarist whereas when you ignore it you can ignore it.
Recognizing mental hiccups like that are an important way to break free of cycles that make us unhappy or unsatisfied, my problem is despite the awareness of that I've just been so severely depressed for so long that any step feels pointless. ---
