LogFAQs > #979886414

bsp77 posted...

I obviously don't know you, but I suspect you are being too hard on yourself. Why couldn't you make someone happy? It sounds like you are capable of enjoying things, but the feeling doesn't linger. You might understand being happy but never feel truly content? That could be because you still don't feel you are where you want to be in your life. Maybe finding someone is part of what you are missing?

I really don't know. But you have a career, you stay in shape, you go out and do things, you have friends, and that likely means that you would be worthy of someone else's time. Am I missing something here?

And the fact that you even care about the other person's well being is good.

I am a selfish and hateful individual. My natural inclination is towards antagonism. While I have a job, it is not a high-paying one. Im not in shape, I only do the bare minimum physically as I often overeat.

If I have the antisocial personality disorders I suspect, then one could say that I imitate my fellow humans behaviors with the bare minimum required to participate in our collective society.

The last time I had a gf, I was in high school. I was happy, but she became unhappy. A lot of time passed, and I accepted that I had been the problem. I had ruined one of the only good things in my life. I didnt have many relationships, but she was the only one where I think I had feelings other than just lust.

A few years later I was participating in something that was a prime place for people to hook up. My roommates were constantly getting with women. I had no tallies next to my name on the board. This was undeniable evidence that I was both ugly and had no charm.

Theres a basic, social human element required for romantic relationships. Platonic and familial relationships dont necessarily have that same stipulation attached. I have no doubts that my brain, either through poor luck of the genetic lottery, factors that influenced my fetal development that I (obviously) had no control over, or the randomness of experiences I had during my developing years, does not align with most other humans enough to warrant a romantic relationship between myself and another human.