LogFAQs > #978988305

I think it's one of those things where there's maybe an okay way to do it, and a definitely NOT okay way to do it.

If you make some casual greetings, maybe try to start up a conversation, pay attention to social cues and immediately back off if they're not showing interest, I think it's fine.

If you very deliberately target someone with the intention of picking them up, then keep pushing and try to force a conversation even when they're showing signs that they're not interested, it's NOT fine.

The fact that a lot of men will do the second one and then try to rationalize it with excuses like "How am I supposed to meet anyone otherwise?" or "You miss every shot you don't take," is the reason a lot of people just want to say, no, you can't ever do that. If you're mad that this has become more and more socially unacceptable over the years, get mad at them.

Also if you do decide that you want to do this, keep in mind there are contextual things that can make it worse. Doing it during the day in a fairly crowded coffee will feel safer than doing it at night in a fairly empty one. If you're decades older than the person you approach, obviously that's going to make you look more predatory. And if you go in with the mentality of "This person is hot, I want to use this interaction to date / have sex with them," then chances are that will come across to them.

And finally, remember that it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to do what you can to avoid making the experience unpleasant for whoever you approach and to BACK THE FUCK OFF if they aren't interested. Err on the side of caution. If they don't seem very interested, and they're not actively continuing the conversation, leave them alone. They're just trying to relax and have something to drink. If you think it's okay to make them nervous / uncomfortable just on the off chance you can get a date, you are being a selfish asshole.

All of the above should be common sense, but enough people don't get this (or don't care because they are selfish assholes) to make a lot of people say no, you should never approach a stranger in a coffee shop.