From: Team Rocket Elite | #048
No guard doesn't even work that way. I'm 90% sure you can still miss/be missed by instant death attacks like Sheer Cold while in No Guard.
Nope. Those attacks always hit as long as they are used by or targeted towards a Pokemon with No Guard.
Still miss against a higher leveled opponent though IIRC. And they have a weird interaction with stuff like Protect (where apparently the formula is (100 - X)% with X being the usual accuracy of the attack, which means lower accuracy attacks are more likely to work). Given the ludicrously literal and absurd approach to No Guard that's being used here, Machamp's low speed means Bullet Punch is the best bet, and that's going to have 0 accuracy due to how weird No Guard is when put against shield like tactics. Also, fighting types are weak to psychic attacks. This means their brain is a weakness. That means a bullet to the brain should win, which Ocelot can deliver. This is significantly less implausible than "No Guard warps reality so attacks hit from fifty million miles away", so it's pretty safe to go with.
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