SUPERMAN SPOILERS
-opens with some dark skinned minority choking Lois. Superman shows up in like 2 seconds, and it's all like "look how fast he got there." I get it, Superman is fast.
-he burns the minority woman's arm and she lets Lois go. Superman flies Lois to the outskirts of Metropolis
-he goes back and tries to find evil Minority Woman and she flies out of nowhere and punches superman really hard. "I felt that," he remarked. If she's strong enough to hurt Superman, why did she flinch when he used a tiny bit of heat vision that was meant to just make a human winch? shouldn't she be super invlunerable?
-she goes on to talk about how she is SUPERMAN'S SHADOW BLAH BLAH I AM ALL YOUR FEEEEAR (ITSELF)
-superman kicks her and goes "UNF! WHAT YOU ARE IS ANNOYING." I read it like he's saying it in a teen girl voice and it sounds better
-she laser visions his hand and superman is like AHHH HOW ARE YOU SO STRONG STOP THAT
-she starts saying I AM FROM EARTH! THIS IS MY HOME! then she makes superman fly away with her so they dont hurt anyone.
-Superman yells OPEN THE LIGHTNING DOOR (what) and it warps them to what appears to be either limbo or the artist not wanting to draw a background
-her origin is that she touched a Kryptonian Sunstone at the same time Superman was passing by during his "Sad Superman Walk Across America." Wtf? Is this a real thing? Also, it shows him walking by COMPLETELY ALONE. wouldn't he have followers like Forrest Gump or at least media coverage?
-the stone projected all of superman's evil "you should just let go and take over the world" thoughts into her head and she became evil (ok...)
-she apparently has been ****ing with his mind for the past few issues, making his dreams scary and making him fight shadows that weren't there. I imagine this isn't a satisfying reveal to people who have been reading this.
-apparently she superman hear someone say "you are a gun" when they are really saying "you are our hero." I think I remember this. I feel like that's a bull**** retcon or something.
-superman goes "lol i am not even depressed anymore," grabs the stone, thinks of really happy thoughts, yells EXPECTO PATRONUM and the stone blows up.
-he gives some motivational speech to her about how there must always be a superman even though she's unconscious.
-goes home, makes out with lois, cheesy dialogue,
-montage of superman chilling with other heroes like Steel and... a girl in the Blue Superman outfit? the hell? what is this
-OH HE IS GIVING THEM SUPER WATCHES
--he gives them to Super-Chief, Steel, Iron Munro, Livewire, Superboy and Supergirl and...
-THIS WAS ALL A DOCUMENTARY MADE BY PEOPLE IN THE FUTURE
-ALL THE TVS IN THE FUTURE ARE SHAPED LIKE A SUPERMAN LOGO
-the people who are watching are the SUPERMAN SQUAD of the future. they're all teens in superman outfits that look like they were mad ein DC Universe Online's character creation system
-old DC universe future canon: fragments of sunstone fall to earth and lots of people get superman powers and his ideals, world is now a better place.
-also shows that crazy minority woman reformed and became a new superwoman
-wow
-ends with superman flying and carrying lois. he winks kinda like "I am getting laid awww yeah" before THE eND
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~Zen