"I vote to impeach the sun."
Score: 3/10
The heroes are lost in a forest, heading to the Pokemon Boccer Championship in Crown City, which (according to Bulbapedia) is based on cities in the Netherlands. I want you to know that “boccer” is never explained until the credits, and it is pronounced in a thousand different ways by the voice actors, to a point where I thought it was “macher,” “crocker,” or “docker,” but never, ever “boccer.” I had to check Bulbapedia to figure out its actual name.
In the forest, a wild Zorua attacks some Vigoroth for fun and runs off, but is soon trapped by them. The heroes appear, and Ash tells the Vigoroth that "there's nothing brave about ganging up like that" even though he - literally one episode ago - had his pokemon gang up on Meowth. The heroes rush to Zorua's aid, so the Vigoroth just kind of wander off rather than fight Infernape. Probably a good call on their part.
Zorua is a talking pokemon, and he possesses telepathy. Unlike the other talking pokemon in the past, who were legendary or psychic or Meowth, Zorua’s speech is completely unexplained, and his mother communicates in animalistic growls. I mean… I’m sorry, I can’t let this go. There’s absolutely no reason Zorua should be able to speak, it just doesn’t make sense in the context of the story. Also: the heroes make a special point of using their pokedex to scan even pokemon they’ve seen before, but no one tries to scan Zorua even after they fail to identify it on sight.
Well… whatever. Zorua is also heading to Crown City to save “Mima.” By the way, it takes the heroes forever to piece together that Mima is his mother. You see, some “bad people” captured the two of them and took them here across the sea. Zorua managed to escape (I guess, it’s never really explained very well), but Mima is still trapped. The heroes, horrified at the idea of capturing pokemon and going places with them, of course agree to help Zorua. Zorua thanks them by turning into Ash, and thus this “master of illusions” reveals to people he's known for five minutes on his most important secret - that he is a master of illusions. Zorua is either an idiot or - more likely - literally the cleverest fictional character since Jonathon Milton’s version of Satan in Paradise Lost, and merely wants me, personally, a random member of the audience watching this on his laptop, to think he’s an idiot. What incedible secrets Zorua is hiding from me I do not know…
Meanwhile, on a boat in Crown City, we meet our villains: Kodai, a businessman, Rowena, his secretary, and this guy.
The movie never says his name, but Bulbapedia says he’s named “Goone.” I’m just going to call him Hairman. Kodai is obviously the one who captured Zoroark, whom he commands to go into the city and wreck the place up by transforming into Suicune, Entei, and Raikou. He does this by threatening Zorua-- we then learn that the Zorua Kodai possesses is just a technological illusion, which means… Kodai is commanding a master of illusions by using an illusion of another master of illusions. Insert Inception joke here.
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Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005