Lurker > WickIebee

Shepard > Ike > Yuna

Rest don't know. I figure I'll pop in on day 1s and do my own personal one like that.
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Any takers on what'll be top 2?

Original
Rise
War
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Natalia for placement
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Euphie
Klaudia
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I tried to escape the outlier, but it dawned on me that I need to do it.

Stifled- 13
JONA- 10
Wickle- 10
Johnbobb- 9
Scarlet- 9
Karo- 8
Inviso- 7
KBM- 2
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Zurg
Beast
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So they decided to make a sequel to the second film, y'know, the one where the Earth blew up and everyone died? In the immortal words of Bubsy T Bobcat: 'What could possibly go wrong?'
Hahaha, oh boy.
So what happens is Zira & friends find Taylor's old spaceship, somehow fix it and launch it into space with no knowledge of rocket science or even understanding of basic flight, and then use to to travel back in fucking time to California in the 1970s.
It is laughable how quickly everyone on earth just up and accepts the talking chimps from outer space and doesnt just immediately shoot, dissect, or accuse them of being communists. This is especially blasphemous in the case of this series, which in general takes a very poor view of the nature of humanity.
It takes learning the grim details of the future ape society and the accidental death of a man before humans show the slightest ill will towards our monkey friends, and even then it is just one bigoted psychopath who has it in for them.
Zira and Cornelius then also wreck god knows what havoc on the space-time continuum by bearing a child and becoming their own ancestors.
This is an abomination to the franchise in every sense of the word, and to say it was like they turned someone's horrible fanfiction into a movie would be far too kind, not to mention insulting to fanfiction everywhere. ~Karo
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"A flawed but ultimately entertaining film, Escape serves as an interesting inversion of the first movie where the original portrayed a human being treated like an ape in a society run by apes, this one brings the apes to human society, flipping the script (especially on the themes that were explored in the original's trial sequence). What would it be like if a monkey were in court, and could understand everything that was going on and speak on his own behalf? The message is certainly blunter here (though it's subtler than Beneath, at least), and hand-waving the destruction of the planet via casual time travel, while typical for this series, is a bit lazy. Still, Cornelius and Zira are two of the best characters in the original Apes series, and they make good with their moment to be center-stage. I love the dark, depressing ending by this point the series has pretty clearly established its nihilism, and yet somehow the carnage at the end of this still managed to shock me. This isn't a great movie by any means, but it is an entertaining one and had enough twists and turns that I was never bored." ~KBM

"How do you make a 5-movie series after essentially abruptly ending it in the second entry? Your options are either 1. prequel or 2. time travel shenanigans. We got both! This film is weird the whole way through, but pretty easily has the most charm of all the weird sequels, despite also having one of the most ridiculous plots. Seeing the ape scientists hamming it up as instant celebrities was hilarious enough that I'm willing to forgive the goofiness of it in a movie that seems to want to take a dramatic turn. By the end, I was expecting a cliffhanger ending of the scientists on the run for future sequels and... that's not what I got. Goddamn, these movies have weird endings." ~Johnbobb

"Here is a weird blend of fish-outta-water comedy and all-us-humans-suck moralizing. After the destruction of the Planet of the Apes in Beneath, three chimpanzee scientists escape on James Franciscus rocket ship and are propelled back into Earths glorious past of 1973. The tone jumps all over the place as Roddy McDowell and Kim Hunter navigate their newfound celebrity as time traveling apes. The media lavishes them with gifts while the government begins to freak out about the inevitable doom they represent. Just as theyre starting to settle into their environment, a human hunting party is formed, and both Cornelius and Zira are chased down in what has to be one of the harshest conclusions in cinematic history. There is a glimpse of hope as their son Milo is hidden away within Ricardo Montalbans circus, but naturally, for this series, the sequel would reveal only more sorrow." ~Scarlet

Oh, I'd like to help, I really would. But I don't know the first thing about this place's history. Don't let my age fool you; I may have been around for a while, but I didn't spend all that time here! You're hurt. Fortunately, this is a medical clinic. Why don't you let me take a look at that. Don't get any cute ideas. Security is just a shout away. ~Doctor Preston
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I'll just go back to gifs. Not like the winner was gonna click my topic.
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To note, every movie in the top 4 has a #1, and so they start falling now.

#4. Escape from Planet of the Apes (1971)
Stifled- 1
JONA- 2
Inviso- 3
KBM- 4
Johnbobb- 5
Scarlet- 6
Wickle- 6 RUINED IT
Karo- 8

"This was easily the biggest surprise of the list for me. Ive seen the original Planet of the Apes quite a few times, but never any of the sequels. I kind of assumed Heston of the Apes would reign supreme, but then this little gem appeared on my TV. It gave me more of the characters I really liked from the original. It did some nice world building and lore setup. It gave me an extremely well done role reversal that I didnt know I wanted until I saw it. It taught me what grape juice plus is. It also shattered my heart into pieces at the very end. I was hoping with all my might that Zira and Cornelius would get a happy ending, butwell, you know. We dont do happy endings in this series. Its so cool that the franchise was able to slip a surprise sequel turned prequel into the mix and make it so good. Sometimes these kinds of ideas are very poorly executed, but Escape is a major exception.

Traviss Opinion: He kept asking me over and over again if there were monkeys on the TV. I told him yes, since no one was around to correct me. But dont tell Cornelius and Zira I said so! Travis also decided to climb up to the top of the couch like a kitty and watch forreasons. And during the first committee hearing, he got all up in my face with a Mickey Mouse hot dog car and made loud car noises. Never a dull moment with him." ~Stifled

"As weird of a direction the movie is for the series, it ends up being a good movie and a good contrast to the first movie. Having Zira and Cornelius as the protagonists is a great choice and I liked seeing them react and adapt to the human world and seeing how the humans react to and treat them. Drink Grape Juice Plus." ~JONA

"Planet of the Apes is a classic movie, but Escape managed to impress me a great deal, for a concept that really SHOULDNT have worked. I mean, sure, it pretty much ignores the entire first movie in the franchisebut whatever. The basic premise is enough to carry the plot. You get some light-hearted fun for the first half of the film, with Zira and Cornelius getting to highlight their personalities in the modern human world of the 1970s. But then things take a turn, and you know what? I actually like the characterization in this. Yes, there are a bunch of humans that are the antagonists, but I feel like theyre mostly portrayed as thinking rationally. It was extremely impressive to see the President (a character who easily couldve been a generic strawman) giving some reasonable arguments and sounding intelligent about scientific theory. Granted, I may have had my expectations lowered a fucking LOT recently, but still. I found the overall plot interesting and similarly in-line with how The Day the Earth Stood Still worked out." ~Inviso
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And since this one's important for me to post... Here's my actual write-up for Dawn. My gimmick is definitely not going to cut it here, though this was when I was happy about my gimmick once again, since I felt this one really fit for the movie.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)- Oh god the change in CG for the apes was terrible. The baby was ugly especially thanks to the new art style, whereas baby chimps before (like Caesar both in both iterations) were fairly cute. They also introduced Caesars son in this movie, and of course the birth of said sons brother. Neither of which were obvious until nearing the end of the movie when the main human brought up the topic of Caesars son, and then Caesar talking to his son about his wife and other son. Early on there was hardly any tell on the fact that it was Caesars wife, or who this new kid was. I even thought the new baby was the new kids child for the longest time. I did not like that they never really indicated that the gorilla was meant to be different from the one from the first movie (who you know, is supposed to be dead), and also after seeing like 30 orangutans were back to only the one. Continuity errors, ho!
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"This movie is great when it focuses on the apes, and boring as shit when it focuses on any of the humans that aren't Gary Oldman (who adds yet another great over-the-top villain performance to his rsum here). Caesar and Koba are the highlights here their relationship is riveting, but the focus of the film keeps getting hijacked by Jason Clarke's character, who just doesn't have that much to him I like him as an actor, but especially when his screentime is taking time away that we could have been spending with the apes, I just feel all the energy and momentum get sapped out of the story. At times it feels like a series that's just spinning its wheels between two much more eventful installments. As is true of all of the reboot series, the effects are fabulous, and Michael Giacchino's score is typically great." ~KBM

"I really can't remember much of this movie except that it's the buildup for War. The humans in this movie are rather forgettable and wow, I can't remember anything about this movie. There's nothing particularly bad though." ~JONA

"This was an interesting look at an attempt at cooperation between humans and apes. Besides Caesars few friends in the last two original Apes movies, there was no semblance of the two sides trying to coexist. In Dawn, a group of humans need to cooperate with the apes in order to make some medicine. The interactions between the two sides presented some heartwarming moments and equally interesting tension. And then you have crazy Koba stirring up trouble. Koba was a fun character in the fact that his motivations made perfect sense, but he was also batshit crazy and violent. He was also fairly smart, using an act as a dumb, primitive ape to lure humans into a false sense of security. As expected, however, any positive traits became outweighed by the negative. Any logical message he had for his comrades became wiped out by his craving for murder. I swear, what is it with leaders named Caesar hiring untrustworthy generals?

Traviss Opinion: We were on vacation and took a break in the hotel room to watch some TV. FX happened to be showing Rise and Dawn, so we decided to watch them. Travis was enjoying Dawn, but he was too hyper to sit still. He climbed up for a bit here and there to watch, but then hopped down and started running around like a nut again." ~Stifled

"Project Purity can and will be operational. This is just the beginning. I've got one of the portable fusion generators up and running, but it's just enough to power the emergency lighting and a couple of other systems. Look at me, getting all sentimental. There's time for that when our work is done. You think I'm going to let YOU stop me? After all I've been through?" ~James
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#5. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)
Johnbobb- 3
Scarlet- 3
Karo- 4
Inviso- 5
KBM- 5
JONA- 6
Stifled- 6
Wickle- 7

"Dawn is solid, but it gets stuck in the typical tough spot that the 2nd films of triologies tend to fall into. It largely exists to bridge the gap between the origin and the war, but fortunately there's a good bit to keep it distinct. Koba makes for a thrilling villain, with intelligence to rival Caesar's and pure AM-level hate to drive him. Watching him manipulate the guards into getting their guns, only to immediately break character and gun them down went from hilarious to startling in moments, and seeing Koba work really shows the division between him and Caesar. The end fight scene was even better, with the crumbling tower making everything feel large in scale and simultaneously claustrophobic. It's a shame the human characters' subplot doesn't entertain nearly as much." ~Johnbobb

"After the final moments of Rise reveal the species-leveling catastrophe of the Simian Flu, Dawn sees the scraps of humanity struggling to remain dominant on the planet. Andy Serkis Caesar carries the weight of his people on his shoulders, and he must determine if the humans who once enslaved him are worthy of his compassion. He may be infected by his memories of love for James Franco, but the hatred that resides within Kobo (his right-hand chimp) will force Caesar to engage in battle rather than compromise. Stepping behind the camera, Matt Reaves brings a singular vision to the visual storytelling and a sincere trust that Serkis mo-cap character is enough to capture our attention." ~Scarlet

"After the virus kills off most of mankind, the survivors and Caesar's new simian civilization clash thanks to the betrayal of of the scar-faced monkey that was CLEARLY going to be evil from minute he appeared in the previous movie.
Unfortunately, the whole film comes off as a rather unnecessary sequel that seems to go on and on and on without much of a point and everyone killing each other for reasons that get ever more arbitrary and contrived.
None of the heart present in Rise is in this movie, however there are many scenes that are probably very touching to those who can speak monkey sign language or who are entranced by apes who talk like they are trying hard to pass a kidney stone.
It is competent, but is really nothing more than a glorified filler arc mandated by some executives that decided it absolutely had to be a trilogy. Like, you can literally skip right to the third film with very little confusion." ~Karo

"This movie was fine. Once again, I think Andy Serkis does a fine job playing Caesar (although he constantly has this half-scowl expression on this face, so thats weird.) And the movie is fine in terms of being a well-made and well-produced modern film. The problem I have that keeps it out of my top tier is just how obvious the plot feels. You have humans and apes. Apes live alone in their little ape sanctuary, humans are trying to survive after the simian flu wiped out their population. And they meet up ten years after the events of Rise, and theres some automatic tension. Thats fine. Tension is good. My problem comes from both sides having exactly ONE guy who is a raging asshole trying to stoke the fires of war. Carver and Koba are so unnecessarily dickish, and I KNOW that Koba is supposed to be evilbut when youve got characters that feel complex and multi-dimensional (even Gary Oldman feels like a fleshed-out person), those cookie-cutter motivations just feel off. And theyre the MAIN source of conflict in the film. So yeahthis couldve been better. Couldve been worse, as evidenced by the films I ranked lowerbut couldve been MUCH better as well." ~Inviso
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Fun fact coming up. Scar and JONA have just broken up after 3 movies of same rankings. One couple ends in the movie I'm trying to post before dinner.
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@Logience

Did you get that notifying others badge yet?
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The conquest of Wickle's outlier, he's long out of the race for bottom now.

Stifled- 9
JONA- 7
Inviso- 6
Johnbobb- 6
Wickle- 6
Scarlet- 5
Karo- 3
KBM- 2
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Jafar
Stitch
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For Scarlet's information, I realized my Battle write-up was bad anyway.

Between Conquest and Battle, I enjoyed the subtleties to show that this Caesar was changing the way everything was working, I did not find either movie boring and found myself actually forgiving a lot more of it than things I ranked lower. I found both shows battle segments to be well handled considering it is the old attempt at non-animated children's shows. Battle especially has a very good continuation while time skipping in my eyes to Conquest.
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"The fact that the reboot series is successful at all is proof that this concept could have been executed better than it is here. It's not well-directed at all many scenes are poorly lit, and the camera constantly Dutch tilts for no discernible reason, Battlefield Earth style. At the heart of the plot is a tortured analogy for 19th-century slave auctions that comes across as more insulting than anything else, especially when you have scenes of Roddy McDowall telling all the black men in the cast that they, of ALL people, should understand his plight! The ending with all the apes putting down their guns flies in the face of both the nihilistic tone of the series' previous endings, as well as the established continuity of the movie franchise. The apes have already murdered a bunch of people at this point, why are they suddenly developing a conscience when it comes to the actual worst of the lot? (The real answer: because that ending didn't test well.)

So yeah, really not that much to recommend this movie, although there are some satisfying scenes of carnage at the end. The cast is also clearly doing their best with the schlocky material McDowall, to his credit, does a good job of differentiating Caesar from his previous character through physical nuances, despite looking and sounding exactly the same as he did as Cornelius." ~KBM

"This film COULD be better if not for two things. One, I watched this after I watched the first movie in the reboot trilogy, and I cant help but think that Dawn did this same plot, but better (keep in mind this write-up is prior to me rewatching Dawn). And two, the analogies to racism were just a LITTLE too on-the-noseespecially when the movie decided to add a black character specifically to be sympathetic, because he knew what it was like to have his people enslaved. It was a bit preachy, and that detracted from the rest of the plot, which was standard uprising stuff. It WAS a bit weird how quickly mankind developed these bipedal chimps though. Only took like, twenty years I think? That was kinda distracting, and felt a LITTLE hamfisted to try and keep the movies as continuous sequels. But Conquest still had its interesting moments, and Im not gonna say no to more KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN." ~Inviso

"Conquest is a very flawed movie, but at the same time, I ended up having a pretty good time with it. It takes the series in a pretty drastically different direction, leading up to a violent ape revolt that remains one of the best sequences of the series. Caesar makes for a compelling new lead (even if he doesn't have Andy Serkis' incredible performance backing him yet). It's at its best when making these steps toward the titular conquest, but also makes some big missteps when it tries to get deep. In particular, the comparison between the apes and the slavery of black people is pretty rough." ~Johnbobb

"Initially, I was really excited to see the lore explained by Cornelius in Escape. But then about 20 minutes in, I was wishing it remained in my imagination. It had potential, and the ape slavery could have made for a good starter movie to lead into Battle. But instead the movie focused on the completely boring evil human leader and his cronies. While there were a few cool moments for Caesar, particularly the epic speech at the end, around two thirds of this thing was just a drag. And actually, even the big uprising at the end was kind of wonky due to the dark night setting making things a bit hard to keep track of. There was also recycled footage used during the fight. I thought only Disney pulled that trick.

Traviss Opinion: Travis checked out of this one, and I did too, to a certain extent. It was rough trying to stay interested in this. So me and Travis played Pokemon Lets Go Pikachu on the couch for awhile until things picked up in the movie. He also brought me a ton of cars and told me what colors they all were." ~Stifled
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#6. Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)
Wickle- 2
JONA- 3
Karo- 5
Scarlet- 5
KBM- 6
Inviso- 7
Johnbobb- 7
Stifled- 8

"I already got a plan. They think I'm a monster. I'll show them the real monsters! We'll unleash our feral brethren on them; all those bigoted sons-of-bitches will get torn apart. Trouble is getting past the damn subway access door! You see, there's some kind of escape door that leads from the Tenpenny basement to the subway tunnels. There must be some way to get that open. I got no compassion left for those mindless freaks. But they were a nice deterrent keeping out smoothskin bastards like yourself."~Roy Phillips

"It's intriguing to see the aftermath from Escape and seeing Milo's journey through this new world. The hunt to find the son of Zira and Cornelius's son is intense and the interaction with MacDonald is interesting." ~JONA

"In this prequel, we head back to the dark future of 1991, where primates seem have evolved both advanced intelligence and human shaped bodies as a result of breeding after becoming the new pet of choice following dogs and cats being wiped out by disease.
There are two problems here. One is that apes make fucking terrible pets, and the other is that the plague happened in 1983, 8 years ago. Which means then in less then one ape generation they all became taller and smarter and attained enough learning ability to be taught how to be waiters and hair stylists. Somewhere, Charles Darwin is shedding a single solitary tear.
The story this time is the dramatic tale of how the apes rebelled against human bondage that was touched on in Escape, of how one monkey stood up to the humans and spoke the first word of apekind, a resounding 'NO'.
Naw, not really, they just completely ignore all that. Now Caesar is a circus monkey who knows how to talk already, and because of stupid reasons he ends up a servant for the governor and uses his position to start a rebellion.
The film does have an intriguing message to tell about the institutions of racism and slavery, unfortunately, using talking monkeys as an allegorical stand-in for black people raises a whole slew of other unpleasant questions." ~Karo

"Baby Milo last seen speaking his first words during the final frame of Escape has grown into a spitting image of his father. As the son of Cornelius, Roddy McDowell is allowed to shed most of his good will as Milo casts off his birth name for the righteous rank of Caesar. Conquest of the Planet of the Apes is a film simmering with rage at the injustices witnessed in contemporary America. Set in the near future of 1991, Conquest recounts the first uprising of the Apes against the humans who would have them for their slaves. McDowell gives his finest performance as Caesar, leading the charge against the police, and spitting venom at an audience who probably only wanted a good night out at the movies. A brutal, angry film, Conquest represents that volatile mixture of entertainment and commentary we so desperately crave in modern science fiction." ~Scarlet
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Hercules
Lilo
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Beast
Zurg
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Oh right.

store.steampowered.com/wishlist/id/Wicklebee/

I use a laptop that's not set up that well for gaming, I can run most things. Only high end for graphics are a problem.
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The battle on outlier continues as Stifled thought the boring one wasn't his #3, the first top half movie on someone's list to be eliminated. Also I gained points.

Stifled- 7
Inviso- 5
Johnbobb- 5
JONA- 4
Scarlet- 4
Karo- 2
KBM- 2
Wickle- 2
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"The blandest and most forgettable of the original Apes series, it's pretty easy to see why this is where the original series of films ended. Directed by the same director, and with the same disinterested artlessness, as Conquest, the best thing I can say about this movie is that it has a couple of decent side characters. Claude Akins is pretty good as the unbalanced General Aldo, Lew Ayres brings some much-needed energy to his scenes as weapons-keeper Mandemus, and Austin Stoker (of Assault on Precinct 13 fame) shows up as Mr. MacDonald's younger brother, Mr. MacDonald. But overall, this is a painfully dull affair, and certainly the one that feels the most like a cheap cash-grab of the '70s sequels. Even Roddy McDowall seems tired at this point." ~KBM

"What a fucking boring movie for the big climax of the old Planet of the Apes movies. Everything in this movie is cheap and hokey. I can't think of a positive thing to say about this movie." ~JONA

"This is a tremendously disappointing entry to close out the original series of films. Billed as The Final Chapter on the franchise, Battle promised to reveal just how the Apes finally hammered the nail in the coffin of the human race. Sadly, as the budgets rapidly decreased with each film, the titular Battle was barely a skirmish between humans driving jeeps and a few apes on horses. I do really enjoy John Hustons Lawgiver prologue, and the addition of Paul Williams as a friendlier, wannabe-Dr. Zaius is certainly a fun watch. The rage last seen in Roddy McDowells Caesar is barely an emotional blip, and his wise king routine just feels dishonest in light of the riotous climax of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (more on that later)." ~Scarlet
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I'll just go back to gifs. Not like the winner was gonna click my topic.
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#7. Battle for the Planet of the Apes
Stifled- 3
Wickle- 5
Karo- 7
Inviso- 8
Johnbobb- 8
KBM- 8
JONA- 9
Scarlet- 9

"Seeing the peaceful ape society reminded me a lot of the parts of Chrono Trigger where you got to see the peaceful monster villages. They were both thought provoking role reversals that really worked and immersed you deeper into the world and the lore. In the case of Battle, the ape society presented a possibility of peace between the apes and humans. Naturally, that was going to collapse one way or another, but it was a fun idea to entertain. The school scenes are great, doing an early job of presenting the general as a total meathead (which does not change at all). But perhaps the best part is Caesar learning that humans are not the only ones capable of mindless violence. After a fun bout of battling, as the title implied, Caesar discovered similarities between apes and humans that need to be understood and addressed. He grew as a leader, his people grew with his wisdom, but then descended into madness after his death. Oops. You almost did it, Caesar.

Traviss Opinion: He cuddled with me on the couch and watched pretty much the whole movie. He seemed to really like it. It was so cute!" ~Stifled

"We are all escaped slaves. I need your solemn promise not to betray us to Paradise Falls or the Slavers. Our home is your home. Your past is your own affair, so long as you serve our common good. So we should give up? Never! Better to die free than surrender to slavers. We attack, now!" ~Hannibal Hamlin

"Sometime after the nuclear armageddon, Caesar suddenly decides he wants to see what mommy and daddy looked like, and after learning of a recording heads off into the ruins of the city in search of this macguffin.
They end up antagonizing a group of survivors and between this and racial tension everyone ends up killing each other for the rest of the movie until they learn about the power of love and friendship and live together in harmony (except for the survivor faction, who are all brutally gunned down while trying to flee).
It is as boring as it it pointless, and by this point the Apes franchise just needed to be put out of its misery." ~Karo

"Im not sure if this is supposed to be some kind of alternate timeline where the apes dont completely take over the planet or whatthe franchise got weird starting withwell, the first film, but mostly Escape. Anyway, I dont really know what to think about this film. Its all about humans and apes living in semi-peace, with some humans being treated as subservient, but not enslaved, and then there are some humans living underground because of nuclear fallout. Theres a lot going on in this filmalmost TOO MUCH. The irradiated humans decide to wage war because they spy Caesar again, and meanwhile, the gorillas get antsy and want to take over, leading to the death of Caesars son. Reallyits just the concept of correcting a known future that intrigues me and saves this from a lower, potentially bottom ranking. Well, that, and the fact that it felt like it was at least TRYINGunlike the movie/s I rank lower." ~Inviso

"There isn't exactly anything profound going on here. It's a pretty typical war plot when you put aside the fact that some of them are apes. There are also some weird and kind of dumb moments, especially early on. The apes banned the word "no," one of the most basics parts of any language? The scale of everything seems bizarrely small for what is apparently the ape military that basically is conquering the world, but that is more likely due to budget limits. Still, it makes good on what it has, with the actual war between the apes and human being pretty solid. Seeing the school bus storming the battlefield was easily the best moment in the movie." ~Johnbobb
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Seasons and Ages are about a gimmick which is really good, but lackluster story and honestly has worse dungeons overall than Awakening does. Awakening has, imo and probably the opinions of others as well, some of the best 2D dungeons, particularly for Gameboy. It just has a weak final boss. However, I do want to replay both Oracles since I haven't beaten the final boss for either. I'll get to them eventually.
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Change from Redskins to Jaguars
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Arizona Cardinals @ Atlanta Falcons
- Home against a team that jobs more.

Detroit Lions @ Buffalo Bills
- December in Buffalo is like a December game in Green Bay. Would you like to know the last time Detroit won in Green Bay in December? 1991.

Green Bay Packers @ Chicago Bears
- Remember when the Packers beat the Bears at home this year? It's time for vengeance, now that Packers are dying.

Oakland Raiders @ Cincinnati Bengals
- I mean, Bengals technically have a better team?

Dallas Cowboys @ Indianapolis Colts
- Colts sometimes beat better defenses, but this is one of the top defenses if not #1 by this point. While Colts have a defense that might be overwhelmed by Zeke and Cooper.

Miami Dolphins @ Minnesota Vikings
- Vikings should be able to bounce back at home.

Tennessee Titans @ New York Giants
- No OBJ, and a team that fights a fair defensive battle.

Washington Redskins @ Jacksonville Jaguars
- Eenie meenie, just kidding. No team vs defensive team at home.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Baltimore Ravens
- Whenever you try to pirate Edgar Allen Poe, your computer closes the tab and tells you nevermore.

Seattle Seahawks @ San Francisco 49ers
- Well, the score might be closer this time.

New England Patriots @ Pittsburgh Steelers
- Uh, something about not losing to the team that lost to the Raiders.

Philadelphia Eagles @ Los Angeles Rams
- Does this secure them a bye yet?

New Orleans Saints @ Carolina Panthers
- Even in desperation mode, it's still the Saints.
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Euphie
Klaudia
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Facilier
Hercules
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That was the last one for tonight, and reminder that there will be no ranking tomorrow as I'm heading up to Vegas to watch my college team play in a Bowl Game.
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Not going to steal Scar's ideas on titling Outliers, instead I'll ask if you will donate to the Church of the Atom to save these poor souls from the nuclear points they've procured.

Inviso- 4
Johnbobb- 4
Stifled- 3
JONA- 2
Karo- 2
Scarlet- 2
KBM- 1
Wickle- 0
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Euphie
Klaudia
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"God this is wacky. Half the movie is spent basically just rehashing the stuff we already knew from the first movie, and then suddenly it jumps right into high gear with telepathy and mutant skin masks. I was expecting something along the lines of what the prequels provided, with the humans going deeper to try to discover how Earth became Planet of the Apes, but instead I got a weird bomb-worshipping cult going to war with the apes. It couldn't find a good middle ground between "we've seen this already" and "what the fuck is happening" and then it just ends with the most bizarrely abrupt endings I've ever seen." ~Johnbobb
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"There is an unbridled insanity to the last act of this movie that saves it from ranking dead last on the list. This starts out as a boring by-the-numbers retread of the first movie, except instead of Charlton Heston, we have perhaps the least charismatic leading man since Michael Beck's performance in Xanadu. Things don't improve when the allegory begins this time we're taking on Vietnam protests, and the atomic bomb, and we're going to lay the message on so thick it makes the original movie look subtle. Sadly, Roddy McDowall was busy for this one, so we have a bad sound-alike playing a Cornelius who's mostly relegated to the background. A lot of the other cast members return, but you really get the impression that they don't really want to be in this movie certainly not Heston, who barely shows up until the third act so he can get killed. Of course, killing him off doesn't end up mattering at all, because then they kill off the entire planet with a nuke.

Which leads me to the thing that propels this above the dregs of the series: the third act. This material may not be any better than what preceded it in terms of quality, but goddamn is the last third of this movie hilarious. The scenes in the chapel, with the weird atonal music and the prayers to the Almighty Bomb, are straight comedy gold." ~KBM

"This film had the unenviable task of following up the original masterpiece without the full involvement of its star. Charlton Heston agreed to do the film only if his scenes could be completed within two weeks and that his character would be killed off in the end. The producers obliged him by destroying the whole planet. Beneath the Planet of the Apes manages to cram in more anti-human sentiment by focusing on a group of irradiated mutants living below the planets surface. A collection of fools who worship the potential beginning of new life as well as the end of the current mess via the atomic bomb (a.k.a. The Alpha and The Omega). If you thought the original films Statue of Liberty conclusion was a bit grim then Beneath would leave you shuffling out the theater in total despair. This is the only film in the original set of five to be filmed without Roddy McDowell, and his presence is absolutely missed. James Franciscus is an adequate stand-in for Charlton Heston, but his heroism is maybe just as generically bland as Mark Wahlbergs stranded air force captain." ~Scarlet

"Come forth and drink the waters of the Glow, for this ancient weapon of war is our salvation, it is the very symbol of Atom's glory! Behold! He's coming with the clouds! And every eye shall be blind with his glory! Every ear shall be stricken deaf to hear the thunder of his voice! Yea, your suffering shall exist no longer; it shall be washed away in Atom's Glow, burned from you in the fire of his brilliance." ~Confessor Cromwell

"This movies pacing was just WEIRD. I mean, I GET that you have the entire first movie to world-build and set things upbut it feels like this movie jumps right into the deep end as far as plot goes. New guy arrives on the planet in search of Taylor, and he finds Nova. They go to the ape city, they meet Zira and Cornelius, they get captured, and they escape. The pair find an underground city of humans with deformed faces and psychic abilities, and then the apes march on the city and easily overwhelm it with superior force, only for Taylor to nuke the whole planet. Yeahthat sounds quick because it is. This movie introduces an entire race of humans unseen in the first film, makes them slightly evil, and then wipes them out in rapid succession. Really, the only positive to this film is that Brent is hotter than Taylor ever wasbut thats it." ~Inviso
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#8. Beneath the Planet of the Apes
Stifled- 5
Karo- 6
JONA- 7
KBM- 7
Scarlet- 7
Wickle- 8
Inviso- 9
Johnbobb- 9

"Talk about a tale of two movies. Movie A is a long and often torturous romp through the Planet of the Apes with a guy that looks like Charlton Heston, sounds like Charlton Heston, but is nowhere near as interesting as Charlton Heston. He tags along with Nova, who does the same amount of dont talk, just be hot she did in the previous entry. We plod along with those two for awhile, eavesdropping upon the new plot points of the idiotic military gorillas wanting to stir things up. Then we arrive at what I can only describe as the dumbest, weirdest shit in the entire series. Its a church of telepathic weirdo humans that worship an enormous bomb. But wait, it gets better! They are wearing masks and are actually super deformed forreasons! It was an interesting reveal, but it served no purpose. But luckily, that brings us to Movie B. See, Movie B is fucking awesome and was a blast to watch. Weird telepathic cultists invade Heston Wannabes mind and make him try to kill Nova. Then they toss him in a jail cell and make him fight to the death with True Heston! It was a brutal cage fight that really woke me up from the prior tedium. I loved it. After this, all hell breaks loose. People die. Apes die. And then it happens. The craziest possible explodey boomy ending happens and it is absolutely wonderful. This crazy fucking movie took Hestons line in the previous film about you blew it up! and turns it up to fucking 11. I was shocked and it made me immediately move this up higher on my list. If the first half of the movie wasnt so terrible, Id have this in 1st or 2nd.

Traviss Opinion: He really liked the horse that Heston Wannabe was riding. And uhhhhthats about it. He tried to watch it with me, but kept getting bored. So he ran off to go play." ~Stifled

"In this dull and mindless sequel there's another human from the present time who ends up on 'apeworld' because he was sent on a rescue mission though the same time wormhole as Taylor. The problem is that there actually is no anomaly or accident that sends Taylor to the future, it is the relativistic effect of lightspeed travel and was a planned effect of the original mission. They literally sent help because a spacecraft that wasnt due back for 700 years hadnt arrived yet. Great job guys, lets not even watch the fucking movie we are making a sequel of.
After he lands, he ends up running into Hot Loincloth Girl and they eventually find their way to the ruins of New York City, where apparently some humans who survived armageddon now have psionic powers and worship nuclear weaponry.
Why must we insert weird supernatural bullshit into a series where that was never a thing?
Why doesn't the bomb cult ever just use their psychic abilities to make the apes kill each other, like they did with the protagonist on two separate occasions?
Why do we have an ending that seems more like something come up with by a role-playing game DM who was fed up with his players?
Why was this even made?" ~Karo

"This definitely was not what I expected when we were doing the series. The new protagonist really lacks the charisma of Charlton Heston and the only positive point is that there are some nutty scenes." ~JONA
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Zurg
Mr Shark
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JONALEON1 posted...

2009 version huh

Whoops. Well, too late now. At least it's correct on the original list.
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Oh right, Outlier.

Inviso- 3
Johnbobb- 3
JONA- 1
Scarlet- 1
Karo- 0
KBM- 0
Stifled- 0
Wickle- 0
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Sounds like a Donald Trump tweet.
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Beast
Sa'luk
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"Can we just hold an intervention for Tim Burton? He needs to stop remaking shit. I mean sure, those two Batman movies were pretty good. But this and the Alice in Wonderland movies? Get the fuck out of here. The ape costumes were absolute garbage. They reminded me of how terrible the costumes were in the live action Grinch movie. They looked like horrible costumes you would find at a hole in the wall Halloween costume shop. The acting was completely awful and hammy. Mark Wahlburg in particular put in perhaps the worst performance of his career. He was probably as surprised as I was that he got the part instead of Johnny Depp. And speaking of people that are ALWAYS in Tim Burton movies, hi Helena Bonham Carter. She was awful too. All of the apes sitting around together and talking reminded me of bad Power Ranger villain dialog, but without the cheesy fun. And what the hell was up with Tim Burton naming a random ape character Nova? That would be like if I remade Star Wars and named a stormtrooper Leia. Good lord this movie was goofy and stupid.

Traviss Opinion: When the movie came on with the outer space scene, he asked if we were watching Star Wars. I said absolutely not. He desperately wanted it to be Star Wars. Later on, Travis asked if one of the badly designed ape characters was Chewbacca. I laughed, but I also felt bad for poor Chewie being compared tothat. Travis was also very interested in the initial pod crash and anytime something was on fire. He asked both me and one of his plushies if the apes should get a fire truck to put out the fire." ~Stifled

"I'm in charge here. Not you. Now get out of my face! Like I tell my men: Don't bother reporting in, unless it's to tell me you got the job done.You serious? You don't know what a Ghoul is? A goddamn disaster waiting to happen that's what they are." ~Chief Gustavo
(Yes, this is what Wickle's doing for write-ups. This is not one he's as happy with. Some better ones will come.)
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"The remake that was not needed, absolutely nobody wanted, and smack dab in the middle of the worst era of modern cinema. Oh, this is gonna be great.
So the story is the astronaut crashlands in Ape China and Helena Bonham Carter in a monkey suit wants to fuck him and a human slave girl wants to fuck him too and there's an evil chimpanzee general who is like some 80's cartoon bad guy and after murdering each other for a while everybody just straight up forgets their centuries of bigotry and lives together in harmony then Leo travels to the past or maybe future and the movie's villain is Abraham Lincoln because that totally makes sense.
Jesus Christ, what as mess.
The apes are now all these abominable uncanny valley nightmares that call to mind either orcs or close relatives of Lord Voldemort, and are somehow less convincing than the special effects from 30 years ago.
Oh by the way, the humans can speak. Yes you read that correctly, the apeworld humans can not only form words, they can do so better than their monkey counterparts. The apes themselves seem like subhuman monsters who punctuate every sentence with weird growls, hisses and clicks, and seem barely in control of their animal instincts. Great job missing the whole fucking point of the first movie Timmy m'boy.
Burton shows no respect for the original, or even the slightest understanding of its message into the shriveled black-and-white neurons that make up his brain. Perhaps if he had spent less time dry humping skeletons and more time pondering what the first movie was trying to tell us, and what made it so great, we could have had something more than a generic action-adventure flick where people rise against their oppressors. Perhaps then we could have had a respectful and thoughtful film where the themes of the original were presented to a modern audience, rather than a movie that is closer to 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' with Donkey Kong characters than the great classic whose name it shares.
Chuck this steaming pile of apeshit onto the compost heap where it belongs." ~Karo

"This movie sucks. I'm a fan of Tim Burton, but outside of the Batman movies his series reboots are generally terrible and are best avoided and this movie is the poster child for that rule. Mark Wahlberg is here, wandering through the movie as cluelessly as he did in The Happening. There are also *good* actors in the movie, but that doesn't help much either thanks to the wildly disjointed screenplay, and the fact that most of them don't seem any more invested than Marky Mark (although Helena Bonham Carter is pretty good, at least). Charlton Heston gets a pointless cameo as a severely downgraded Zaius. This still probably would have ranked above some of the blander '70s sequels were it not for one of the most mind-fuckingly stupid twist endings of all time. This is only for die-hard fans of Tim Burton or the Apes series who're looking to check off the box and be able to say they've watched it. You damn dirty human is the low point of the franchise." ~KBM
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Might as well get this started.

#9. Planet of the Apes (2009)
Inviso- 6
Johnbobb- 6
JONA- 8
Scarlet- 8
Karo- 9
KBM- 9
Stifled- 9
Wickle- 9

"First and foremost, that ending is the stupidest plot twist I could possibly imagine. It makes NO sense, and under NO circumstances can I see them justifying it outside of Thade SOMEHOW going back in time to screw with all of human history, while still managing to get the modern world to develop EXACTLY as it did in reality. That ALONE prevents this film from EVER being considered any sort of amazing. That being saidits at least ENJOYABLE. Tim Burtons direction and choices in this film are weird enough that its FUNNY. Sure, theres just a TON of dumb shit (like characters being introduced solely to get murdered during the final battle), but theres also the hilarity of a chimp and an orangutan doing some weird-ass foreplay, Helena Bonham Carters CLEAR lust for human dick, and the fact that Burton gave Charlton Heston a cameo for ONE scene to expose the evils and dangers of guns. Its just a goofy movie that, if it were a standalone film, would be decent with a stupid ending. Thats surprisingly high praise in this franchise as a whole." ~Inviso

"Is Charlton Heston really talking about how evil guns are here? There's a lot I like here, but the bad makes itself so much more apparent. Mark Wahlberg is an instantly forgettable protagonist. Heston's character back in the original was an asshole, but at least he was something. The film suffers from not knowing how to trim down fat. Two separate Mark Wahlberg romance subplots and a teenage angst subplot? In a movie about a human-ape war, why is that necessary? Much of the film is weirdly dark and gloomy, which feels unncessary and against the tone of the rest of the film. Still, it's not a bad movie. The prosthetic work here is ahead of its time, with the ape characters looking impressively believeable (leagues ahead of the original series). In fact, the ape characters are what really bring the film to life, with MCD and HBC really stealing the show from the bland-ass humans. This could've been a really solid sci-fi spic if they had cut the generic human subplots that only seemed to rob the film of its identity." ~Johnbobb

"There's some charm in the cheesiness of some actors but there's nothing compelling here to sit through the movie." ~JONA

"The film most responsible for my own departure from the fandom of Tim Burton, the 2001 remake of the 1968 original trades the jerkish machismo of Charlton Heston for the generic heroism of Mark Wahlberg. The tone is all over the place, the cynical moralizing against the human race is obviously absent, and the new twist climax is utterly baffling. However, Rick Bakers makeup work on the film is gorgeous, and the sole reason to put you through the torturous running time. The combination of Bakers work and Tim Roths villainous scenery chewing make the big bad chimpanzee, General Thade, endlessly watchable. The film may also supply Danny Elfmans last great film score as well. Its a wreck and probably best watched apart from any of the other Planet of the Apes films." ~Scarlet
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It was in Humble Monthly at least. Which isn't cheaper than this on a technicality.
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Oh right, I do want to say this. Some of us did do write-ups for the first movie, but I made it unrequired for republishing since we did write-ups for that movie in the Sci-fi ranking project. You'll be able to find those here:
http://board8.wikia.com/wiki/Gauntlet_Crew_Ranks_Science_Fiction_Films_I

If you missed the first topic of sci-fi and see a ranking you want to talk about from that wiki, progress here: https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/77231113, though the topic is almost filled up.

EDIT: Sponsoring aside, I do want to say if you put something there for a write-up, either as some manner of joke or a write-up because you wanted to pin it against the other films of the series, I left it in. I will leave off any copy of the Sci-Fi list write-ups unless you specifically ask me to leave it on (might have had one person copy their Sci-Fi write-up and it's already somewhere readable).
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Get those filthy rankings out, you damn dirty Gauntleteers.

Speaking of which, my 8 participants:

Inviso
Johnbobb
JONA
Karo
KBM
Scarlet
Stifled
Wickle

Have I reached a new low for references? Maybe, maybe I do in my unique screwball of write-ups this time around. Hell, don't read my write-ups thinking they're meant to be write-ups, if you'd like to read my actual write-up on any given film, just ask and I'll post the real one.

Anyway, for the actual movies we ranked. Here's the list.

Planet of the Apes (1968)
Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970)
Escape from Planet of the Apes (1971)
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972)
Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)
War of the Planet of the Apes (2017)

I massively apologize for the number of movies to my rankers, I didn't realize there were 9 of them when I picked this option, and there's so many references to the first movie that it's tough to separate either segment. It's also why it's not up as fast as my Bourne one was after Martial Arts, as I had to delay it a little to help some lists get in. Oh right, I have to cover the score.

Here's the breakdown on rankings:
18
22
24
35
39
43
57
58
64

No ties! Thank god because there are very few movies that have unique ranking spots. There are no unique #9s on three different choices to be placed there, and there's 4 different #1s with only one user being alone with his or her unique opinion.

So, let the rankings somewhat begin, I'll post the first one in a little bit, let's see how unanimous readers will think on the last movie, if there's others who actually managed to watch pieces of this series.
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Like, players or commentators need a collage of every missed call in the 4th quarter during a potential final drive, there's been at least 3 missed head to head penalties in the past 4 Thursdays (2 night games, one Thanksgiving game), then tonight there was the missed OPI and the miscalled DPI as TKS above me is pointing out. Then after we have this collage just pin it literally onto the face of Goodell and fine him for every referee he's done nothing about despite those calls.

He's ruining the credibility of the NFL himself like this, preaching player safety (and not enforcing missed calls) and letting games be won by officiating.
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Euphie
Klaudia
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Change to Chiefs
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