Lurker > StifledSilence

Variety sounds great as long as they dont stop doing the event stuff. If they wanna do huge runs in addition to League/Marbula/whatever Id be down.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

YA GO MY MELLOW YELLOW caps
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Youre quite welcome, everyone. Bumping this for anyone that still wants to read any write ups or whatever.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Pokewars posted...

Aww I missed that you didn't do an Unchained outlier blurb. It's too much of a lay-up to compare me to Candie.

CoolCly: DPokewarrrrrrrs!

DPoke: The d is silent, outlier.

Pew pew
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

OUTLIER

Poke 197
CoolCly 185
Inviso 171
Stifled 161
Johnbobb 143
KBM 143
Karo 123

In the end, it came down to The Poke, the Cly, and the Inviso. But only The Poke with No Name walked away with the outlier gold.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

CoolCly: When I was a teenager, my brother got a DVD of The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly. He watched it many times, and it was all he could talk about. Somehow, I managed to avoid watching *any* of it and didnt care about it at all. I told him to shut up about his dumb western movie.
But I suppose that was a big mistake. This movie is a masterpiece.

For A Few Dollars more built upon A fistful of Paintbulls and made a complete movie. This movie evolved the concept further and created a master piece. The triad of characters are great, and the freeze frame on Tuco at the beginning tells you what kind of movie this is going to be.

Despite being the good, Eastwoods character is certainly a bad guy, the worst hes been in this trilogy of movies, but hes still alright compared to the other two.

I wish the Bad had more time to be developed. He has some good scenes, but I dont think hes as well set up as The Good and the Ugly. I liked his role in For A Few Dollars more a lot more.

In any case, it was a thrilling ride all the way through, with a very fun conclusion.

Great movie!

10/10

Poke: The peak in western cinematic history and film in general. The music is legendary, the dynamic between characters is super. And the film has probably the best ending of all time. No dialogue, just three men in a cemetery eyeing each other while the best music is blaring. Iconic film that could be discussed at length, but Ill take a page from Tuco and say When you have to rank, rank, dont talk.

Inviso: From a cinematic perspective, this film does a ton of things right, and its easy to see how it may have inspired people like Quentin Tarantino. The editing is amazing, with long, slowly-building tension in scenes like the introduction of Angel Eyes (sitting down and eating dinner while his prey is forced to play along, lest he incur the inevitable wrath of a coiled viper), or especially the final showdown. Just quick cuts from eyes to hands to eyes to hands, around and around and around, never quite sure who would succeed, and in what fashion. The score is amazing and iconic as well, adding to the tension and the atmosphere. And of course, the three main characters carry the film well, bringing different personalities to their respective roles. Blondie is a lovable rogue who winds up having a sense of morality, even if hes willing to bend the rules to an extent. Angel Eyes is sadistic and enjoys killing, and he manages to stay cool, calm and collected right up until the end. And Tuco is enjoyable comics relief, who still manages to demonstrate intelligence when not up against the other two. This dynamic, and all aspects of the films design, make it an extremely enjoyable watch. The three-hour runtime FLIES by, as a result.

Karo: The quintessential western movie, and for good reason. We finally get to see what Sergio Leone can do with a passable budget and he does not disappoint, as he gives us not one, not two, but THREE compelling gunslingers, one of which is a rare mexican character who isnt a sidekick or a villain. Though for some reason they recast one of the principal actors from A Few Dollars More as a new character who looks exactly the same as Colonel Mortimer and it is just really fucking confusing to anyone watching the whole trilogy through.
Despite the film's length no part of it feels tacked on or unnecessary, other than the random detour to make a point about the futility of war right before the grand finale.
In a project lacking in quality like this it is certainly one of the bettAYEEAEEYAH.... WAH-WAH-WAH

KBM: So I can't say that when I went into this list, I expected The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly to be this low on my list. Like the two movies above it, this is a stone-cold classic, that not only earns every second of its lengthy three-hour runtime, but also features one of the best third acts ever put to film. That shoot-out, that music, those performances, just GOD everything about that ending is all so good, and pays things off in epic, operatic fashion. This is just the ultimate Spaghetti Western film in so many ways even just the ultimate Western in so many ways. It almost feels silly to talk about it in too much detail, as everything there is to be said about this movie has been said countless times, and it's earned all the accolades it's gotten over the years.

Johnbobb: "This is considered one of the definitive spaghetti westerns for a reason. This definitely isn't a perfect movie; they probably could've shaved a good half hour off the runtime without really losing much of anything, but goddamn Sergio Leone is a hell of a director. The jumps between incredibly long shots and incredibly close shots is such a distinct and impressive move, and you can see how much Tarantino was later inspired by this very thing. The soundtrack is intense and distinct. Eastwood's performance was solid, but it was really Eli Wallach as Tuco, who, despite being a white Jewish man cast as a Mexican bandit in a choice that is admittably detestable, was just incredible throughout the film, putting Eastwood to shame in what he thought was supposed to be his own movie (in other news, it's nice to know that Clint Eastwood has ALWAYS been an asshole, rather than it just being a recent thing).

Fun fact: upon researching this movie, I stumbled upon a 2005 New York Times opinion article in which Rob Schneider compares Wallach playing a Mexican in TGTBATU to himself playing a Hawaiian in 50 First Dates, saying ""I also believe that Hollywood should give roles to the most talented person irrespective of ethnicity."" Gross."
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

And your winner!

#1. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly 30 points (won the tiebreaker over Django Unchained)

CoolCly 1
Pokewars 1
Inviso 2
Karo 2
KBM 3
Johnbobb 4
Stifled 17

Very poor plot synopsis:
Its the same two guys from the previous movie, except one of them actually isnt the same, but they dont really come out and tell you hes not the same, but then you eventually figure out hes not the same.

Why it was included:
Many consider this THE Spaghetti Western. In some ways, this cant be denied. Many elements, including the music, the legendary standoff at the end of the film, and even the wardrobe of The Man with No Name are iconic. In fact, as far as the Dollars Trilogy is concerned, these elements are iconic of westerns in general. Any accolades and money pale in comparison to that importance.

What Stifled thinks:
75% of this movie is excellent. Blondie and Tucos scam operation and subsequent falling out are the highlights of the movie. Tuco torturing Blondie in the desert is hilarious. Tuco holding up the gun store is hilarious. Tuco is just a fucking joy and hes wonderful. Angel Eyes is great too, but I didnt appreciate being thoroughly confused by him not being the same character from For a Few Dollars More. Anything involving two or more of the three titular characters interacting with each other is excellent. And if the movie was JUST them and the treasure hunting element, Id have ranked it right below For a Few Dollars More on my list. HoweverLeone couldnt just keep it simple.

Amidst all of the good character work and fun, Leone decided to toss in a lengthy war scene in order to show the absurdity of war. For another movie, this would have been perfectly fine. But here? It took me right out of the movie. I was annoyed and bored because all it managed to do was pad the runtime. This entire section could have been and should have been cut out to preserve the pacing. I mentioned in writeups for other movies the cutting room floor should have been better utilized, but I feel this section of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly is the worst offender of the entire project. Perhaps my expectations were too high going in, but I dunno man. It really pissed me off when I watched it. I do plan on watching the entire Dollars Trilogy again at some point so perhaps I will lighten up on it during the rewatch. But for now, I docked it some spots.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Inviso: Quentin Tarantino is just a genius when it comes to crafting action movies, but also crafting characters when hes in charge of writing the stories hes directing. It would be so easy for a nearly three-hour long movie to drag on, yet at no point during Django Unchained did this film ever feel like it was taking too long, or like it was lingering on a scene more than necessary. The character work, at least for the four characters I would consider main characters, was exceptionally good. Calvin Candie is odious, yet unnecessarily arrogant, in a way coming across like an older version of Game of Thrones Joffrey. Likewise, Steven is vile in his own way, cold and calculating after years of building up a good life in the main house. Meanwhile, Schultz is a delightful bounty hunter who manages to be both extremely skilled, yet kind-hearted all the same, ultimately to his detriment. And then Django himself is just such a cool, calm and collected character, slowly building himself up as this masterful hero, even going so far as to prove his wiles in the films climactic escape. In the end, everything about Django Unchained was brilliantly-executed, and I really enjoyed it.

Johnbobb: I knew going in that short of one of these films being miraculously impressive, the Tarantinos were going to end up on top. Tarantino was already one of my favorite directors prior to his western doublepack, but they just further cemented. Django Unchained might honestly be my favorite of his (though last year's Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is close). Finally getting to see the original Django as part of this list only made me appreciate that one this much more. Every character is memorable, and either infinitely lovable or despicably hateable with no in-between. Kerry Washington covering her ears as she watches the mansion explode with glee is one of my favorite movie moments of the last decade.

Karo: A former slave teams up with a bounty hunter in an attempt to break the record for the most uses of the n-word in a single film.
Django stands out among Tarantino's protagonists in that he isnt an asshole scumbag nor has the sociopathic need to paint the walls red with the blood of everyone who wronged him (yes Django does get revenge on the slavemasters in this movie, but it wasnt what he was primarily after and that is an important distinction).
As a result Django is a real and compelling character who goes from bondage for being the fastest gun in the west in a manner the is believable and relatable. That isn't even getting to Dr. Schultz, who steals every scene in the movie up until his untimely demise following some of the most badass final words ever.
This film avoids falling into the rut of Tarantino's worst attributes, and indeed it is his best movie by far. It mercifully has almost nothing to do with the old Django movie despite the title because fuck that shit.

KBM: Now this is one of my favorite Tarantino movies. All of his tendencies his brilliant ear for dialogue, his penchant for over-the-top violence, his general unflinching approach to everything he does all of it is basically perfect for this film. Leo DiCaprio is the one who really steals the show here, and it is of course one of the most obvious in a long line of movies he really SHOULD have won an Oscar for before he finally got it for The Revenant. That being said, it also includes one of Jamie Foxx's best performances since Ray, as well as an underrated turn from Kerry Washington. Undoubtedly controversial (like many of Tarantino's films), in this case more than perhaps any of his other films, the over-the-top-ness feels totally justified and earned to me partially because of the obvious satire of it all, though of course with a markedly different satirical tone than, say, Mel Brooks in Blazing Saddles.

CoolCly: Dr Shulz had a great intro. From this alone I knew that despite being inspired by Django, which I hated, that this would be a much better movie.

Django here is great character here though with a great purpose. Its fun seeing him learn and grow throughout the movie. He has a lot of skill, cunning, and talent, the only thing hes missing is knowledge and education, which Shulz is happy to provide.

There are some downsides though I just didn't want to watch a lot of the stuff happening with slaves a lot of the time, though Samuel L Jackson did a GREAT job portraying a very bad guy who perpetrates the abuse against those below him.

I liked the way Shulz finally took out Leo, but it felt like that scene felt awkward and rushed. Once Candie revealed that he know what they were up to and owned them, it felt like the movie didnt know quite how to move forward, so it just rushed into the handshake, then it was suddenly a video game with tons and tons of armed men crawling out of the walls, which had A TON of what I dont like in Tarantino movies the completely over the top blood explosions whenever someone is shot.

Django coming back "unchained" was pretty fun and satisfying though

8/10

Poke: Solid performances from Leo, Samuel, and Christoph. Entertaining, funny, stylish. Its Tarantino doing Tarantino things.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

#2. Django Unchained 30 points

Inviso 1
Johnbobb 1
Karo 1
Stifled 1
KBM 4
CoolCly 10
Pokewars 12

Very poor plot synopsis:
A German man, a black man, and a redneck man walk into a bar

Why it was included:
It won Academy Awards. It won Golden Globes. It won BAFTA Awards. Christoph Waltz won all three! It was on a shitload of critic top ten lists for the year 2012, including the American Film Institute. It also made a shitload of other critics uncomfortable, proving its ability to make people have important conversations about racial inequality and violence, regardless of where they thought the movie stood on them. It paid homage to another movie on this list, down to using some of the music. Franco Nero even made a cameo! I dont think its a stretch to say Django Unchained is a modern masterpiece.

What Stifled thinks:
Forget westerns, Django Unchained is one of my favorite movies of any genre. It takes something awful like slavery and punches it right in its little bitch face with a pair of brass knuckles. It shows you just how awful it was with excellent and convincing performances as well as brutal violence from all of the various slave owner/lackey characters. It has equally as excellent performances from the sympathetic characters such as Doc Shultz and Brunhilda. And most importantly, Jamie Foxx provides an incredible performance of a man that began as a slave and transformed slowly over time into an ace bounty hunter. His progression is impressive to watch and feels accurately staggered over time instead of one montage teaching him everything. Doc trains him not only in combat, but also educationally. Django learns how to read, how to talk more clearly, and how to properly carry himself when playing a character. More importantly, Doc becomes a father figure to Django and their relationship is heartwarming.

There is not a single thing I dislike about this movie. In fact, there is not a single thing about this movie that isnt exceptional. The soundtrack, the acting, the gunplay, the way the characters interact with each other, the emotional weight the story creates, EVERYTHING. 5/5, 10/10, 100/100, whatever metric you want me to grade this on, I give it a perfect score.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

As a reminder, the final two were TIED at 30 points. To break the tie, the lowest ranking of each film was dropped. I also tested using the method of dropping the lowest AND highest score. The results were the same in both instances.

We have a winner, which will be revealed momentarily.

First, I would like to give a big thank you to everyone who participated in the ranking. Westerns are not for everyone, and I appreciate you all sticking it out and watching the whole list. I saw in the writeups that you all seemed to broaden some sort of horizon, for better or worse, and I couldn't be happier.

Second, I would like to thank everyone who chatted it up in the topic. It kept things lively, so much appreciated.

And lastly, there will be a Westerns 2 some day. Maybe Westerns 3? I dunno. We'll see.

But yeah, never mind that shit. Here comes Mongo! Err...the final two!
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Howl is my favorite Bale role.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

There are a whole lot of things being figured out. Detective skillz.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

LinkMarioSamus posted...

I was under the impression people like mocking his Batman voice. Which is goofy, yeah, but it isn't THAT big of a deal-breaker.

I think people just like mocking it for fun, not because they dislike him. Like South Park got a mileage out of it, for example.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

OUTLIER

Poke 187
CoolCly 177
Inviso 169
Stifled 144
Johnbobb 139
KBM 139
Karo 121

The Poke with No Name extends his lead by a single point. With only two movies left, can he hold the lead or will Cool Van Clyyf be able to outsmart him?
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Poke: Eastwood and van Cleef, who later see themselves on opposite sides in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, team up for this one, and its awesome. Lees revenge arc is the most compelling and satisfying when it reaches its end. Awesome tag-team action from the two legends.

CoolCly: I really loved this movie. I felt like it took what a Fistful of Dollars did and created a more complete movie. A fully complete movie.

The villain feels like a more fleshed out version of Ramone from the first movie (and I think its played by the same actor).

I REALLY liked the other bounty hunter. The same actor plays the villain in the third movie but I like him a lot better here. They set him up with his own style with his specialty guns, and I love it.

The standoff of bounty hunters in the street could be the coolest thing ive ever seen.

I felt like they got a bit too cute with the shenanigans they played talking to each other and chatting with the bad guys of course it led to them getting caught and beat up.

But the final music box shoot out was phenomenal. I loved this movie.

10/10

KBM: After being underwhelmed by the first installment of Leone's Dollars trilogy, I was more than pleasantly surprised by For a Few Dollars More, which gave me much more of a plot and character development to latch onto, and felt like a very natural stepping stone between that and the operatic epic that was The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Gian Maria Volont's talents are put to much better use here than in A Fistful of Dollars he is incredibly menacing here and the flashbacks and the pocketwatch as a plot device are all very effective. It's all so unflinching and far more interesting than that first installment managed to be with its story of petty smuggler squabbles. If the final showdown feels a bit anticlimactic, it's only by comparison with what came immediately afterwards in the Leone oeuvre.

Karo: The further adventures of the lone cowboy searching for his name. He and a rival bounty hunter go after the same bandit who is planning the biggest bank heist the west has ever seen.
It is a big improvement on the previous dollars outing in pretty much every regard, the characterization is much better, and the effects while still not great at least no longer scrape the bottom of the barrel.
The villain is somewhat memorable, which on this list goes a long way. He is a complicated and slightly crazy character, and he and his gang crumble from being a bunch of greedy bastards, rather then from being just too stupid to live like the bad guys from the first movie.
Looks like all it took to have Sergio make a decent movie was giving him, well, a few dollars more.

Inviso: This was an interesting one for me, because you can definitely see some of the same plot points being hit as occurred in A Fistful of Dollars, but this film manages to be its own thing. For starts, the introduction of a second, overpowered protagonist allowed for some unique storytelling. Not only do you have Clint Eastwood as a clever rogue in his own right, but suddenly hes dueling with Lee Van Cleef as a similarly-clever bounty hunter, out for a big score himself. While they butt heads and try to backstab each other on multiple occasions, its interesting to see them come together to take out an entire bank robbery gang with only two men. And the level of planning involved in them not only securing their bounties, but also MAKING OFF WITH THE SPOILS OF A BANK ROBBERY, is amazing to me. Throw in Indio as a slowly-degenerating villain who is overpowered and treacherous in his own right (seriously, the double-crosses in the movies climax are wonderful to watch), and this was a solid second entry in the trilogy.

Johnbobb: For a Few Dollars More exists in a weird spot. Not as fresh as A Fistful of Dollars, but not as wide-scale or refined as The Good the Bad and the Dollars. Eastwood's character changes very little dollars throughout the three, which I was expecting, but what I didn't expect was how much overlap the three dollars have. This one got the short dollar for my taste, Volente was better as the cleverly evil family man in Fistful, while Van Cleef was better as the shadowy merc in Good/Bad/Dollars. That's not to say anything here is bad; Leone and Morricone are still top dollar, particularly compared to anyone else in their field at the time, this was just a slight step down from the other two dollars.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Despite being the only film on the list unanimously in everyone's top ten, we have ourselves a bronze medalist:

#3. For a Few Dollars More 40 points

Pokewars 2
CoolCly 3
KBM 5
Karo 6
Inviso 8
Johnbobb 8
Stifled 8

Very poor plot synopsis:
Two bad motherfuckers attempt to out-bad motherfucker each other in various displays of bad motherfuckery.

Why it was included:
When you have your fists full of dollars, its only natural that you will want a few more dollars. And speaking of a few more dollars, this movie brought in a shitload of them. In Italy and Spain, For a Few Dollars more became each countrys highest grossing film of all time. Naturally it has since been eclipsed, but that is an impressive feat, particularly for a western. For Americans, this was a harder movie to watch. Both this and A Fistful of Dollars came out in the US a mere four months apart. In fact, before Clint Eastwood agreed to reprise his role in the sequel, he requested to actually be able to see A Fistful of Dollars to make sure he liked the final product. He had not yet been able to see his own film until then! So Leone shipped him out the Italian version to watch and the rest is history.

What Stifled thinks:
Mild list spoilers, but this one was my favorite of the Dollars Trilogy by a country mile. I felt Clint and Van Cleef were both at the tops of their game, particularly in how they interacted with each other. The scene where they trick shoot each others hats is one of my favorite scenes of the entire project. And when they finally work together? Theyre completely unstoppable. And thats a good thing because the villain in this film is also the best of the trilogy. Tuco is wonderful, but I dont consider him the villain of the story so much as an antagonizing protagonist. Indio, on the other hand, is bad through and through and I ADORE the pocket watch song gimmick. It adds so much extra tension to gun battles hes involved in because while you have a definite start time for the bullets to fly, youre still left waiting.

Unfortunately, I have one complaint that cost For a Few Dollars More a few spots on my list. They rehashed a bit. Everything was great until they decided to toss the infiltrate the enemy gang shtick back into the mix. Now I will admit they 100% did it better here than in Fistful, but all the same, I also believe rehashing is lame. But for as outstanding as everything else in this movie was, especially the final duel, I am more than willing to let that slide.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

LinkMarioSamus posted...

Am I going to get laughed at for saying I like Christian Bale for his portrayal of Batman?

Not that Id laugh no matter who you said you liked, but Im pretty sure liking Bale as Batman is a common occurrence.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

OUTLIER

Poke 186
CoolCly 177
Inviso 164
Stifled 139
KBM 137
Johnbobb 134
Karo 118

Cly Evans attempts to bring Poke Wade to the 3:10 to Ranker. But as is always the case, Poke gets away again.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Poke: Christian Bale and Russell Crowe. Im instantly sold. Russell is having the time of his life playing Ben. Nothing like playing a charismatic, charming cut-throat. Riveting from start to end, this was top tier for sure.

CoolCly: Many of these westerns live or die by how charismatic a few key performance are.
Russell Crowe *nails* it here as Ben Wade. He is very intimidating. The way he stares at people kind of terrifies me. My imagination of the things he's capable of outweigh anything they could actually show him doing. His charisma when he gets talking to someone is also incredible.

I find Christian Bale's character a bit too wooden though. The intent is for him to be rather cautious before making moves combined with having smoldering anger over the hand life has dealt him, which are both fine characteristics, but the result is that he feels like a piece of the background rather than the central character.

But overall, their chemistry together throughout the movie works and leads us to the final sequence, which I immensely enjoyed. Some brief looking around has a lot of people saying the ending of the movie is the worst part. Which I find perplexing. I enjoyed the whole movie, but it all felt in service of getting us to the point that Ben Wade was willing to play along with everything happening at the end. If you take that away, most of the movie feels pointless.

I should check out the original some day maybe if its on Westerns 2.

9.5/10

Karo: A rancher needing a quick buck tries to deliver a wanted outlaw to the titular train to Yuma at precisely ten after three. (or the title might be referring to the average high temperature in Yuma AZ which is in that ballpark)
Wade is a good character and he tends to steal the scenes and even draw empathy from the audience despite basically being one of the villains of the film.
It is a decent film with a focused plot and a clear goal for every character. I shouldn't need to explicitly state this about a movie but by god this project is rough.

KBM: I am not always a huge fan of Russell Crowe... but he is absolutely brilliant in this. His chemistry with Christian Bale here is superb as is underrated character actor Ben Foster as his scene-stealing second-in-command who will stop at nothing to get him out of the law's clutches. One of those movies on this list that just sucks you in and stays super engaging all the way through. Amazing soundtrack, too.

Johnbobb: I don't ever want to see Russell Crowe in an intimate setting again. I don't care that this was mid-2000s Crowe that was still popular and not digesting a toad, but it's still uncomfortable. Otherwise, solid picture. Decent acting (even if most of the cast never truly blends into their roles, which I suppose is inevitable to an extent when you've got big names like these leading men. James Mangold is good at what he does.

Inviso: Honestly? What holds this film back is just how slow and boring it is for most of its run. It just takes itself far too seriously, and I feel like they couldve a couple sequences out of the film without hindering the narrative being told. Christian Bales steadfast character is pretty standard, but doing a whole info-dump as to why hes behaving the way he is, all in the final portion of the movie, does very little for me. However, what keeps the movie from landing way down lower on the list is the fact that Russell Crowes Ben Wade CARRIES this film on his back. He is the wild west equivalent of a gentleman thief, and his Im not really a bad guy, but you should probably let me go all the same attitude makes a lot of the film work much better than it does. Hell, no one else wouldve given a fuck about what Christian Bale is sacrificing or trying to prove, but Ben Wade respects the hustle and goes along with his plans to the bitter end. THAT made for an interesting narrative, even if the rest of the movie dragged a bit too much.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

#4. 3:10 to Yuma 53 points

Pokewars 3
CoolCly 4
Karo 5
KBM 6
Stifled 7
Johnbobb 11
Inviso 17

Very poor plot synopsis:
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINEDin the west?

Why it was included:
I was interested in including both original and remake on the list as I did with other such combos, but alas, 3:10 to Yuma the elder is being used in another project. For the record, the original is actually quite good, so you should check it out. So what does the remake bring to the table? It was nominated for some awards and brought in a tidy sum at the box office, but that isnt why its here. 3:10 to Yuma is just a down and dirty wild west tale that provides a solid blend of modernization and classic western aesthetics. I didnt think twice about including such a film.

What Stifled thinks:
Sometimes in life you just need a nice action flick to enjoy. Kick back, relax, and watch a bunch of dudes try to kill each other. And 3:10 to Yuma delivers on that goal. Take some outstanding performances from the cast, build up some tension and storyline between them at the beginning, and basically push a detonator button to blow it all to bits. Once the action starts, it doesnt let up. Its a hell of a ride until the very end of the film and its quite exhilarating. Its some of the finest western pew pew I have seen so far. But hey, lets rewind a bit here. What about those performances? Well the dynamic between Bale and Crowe is an attention grabber. They play off each other so well, you wonder if they forgot it was a movie. Bale is the serious business war veteran crack shot farmer that is putting it all on the line for his family and his land. Crowe simply does not give a fuck and treats life as a non-stop thrill ride. They are both adversaries and teachers to each other. During their experiences together, their eyes are opened to worlds they did not see before. And in the final moments of the film, you even see that the nefarious outlaw has come to care about his captor. I feel that many movies attempt this type of relationship and cant quite pull it off. But 3:10 to Yuma delivers.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

OUTLIER

Poke 185
CoolCly 177
Inviso 151
Stifled 136
KBM 135
Johnbobb 127
Karo 117

The Rancorous Rankers shot CoolCly dead as he tried steal the outlier bounty money from Poke.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Johnbobb: I put off watching this for a while after not seeing it in theaters, partially due to the 3.5 hour runtime. Then I saw that Netflix had uploaded a 4-hour cut, broken into much more serviceable 1-hour segments, like a miniseries. So, I sat down, watched one, and then immediately watched the next 3 because I got so hooked on the characters, the plot, and the mystery of this desolate little shack in the middle of nowhere. Four hours goes by faster than most 2 hour films do.

Karo: Eight of the most despicable people in the civil war era end up trapped together in a small house during a blizzard in this filming of Big Brother: The Old West. Everyone is a total shitlord and it is a miracle we make it halfway through the movie before someone gets murdered.
This is the kind of thing only Tarantino could make work, and make it work he does as the blood begins to flow freely and the typical narrative weirdness ensues.
The scenario somewhat bares in mind Agatha's Christie's 'And Then There Were None' and much like that story the bodies pile up until everyone is dead and that is probably what is best for the world.
It is a very very Tarantino movie and if you like his stuff you will probably like this. I myself am lukewarm on many of his movies but this is okay I guess and at least he knows what he is fucking doing as a director.

Inviso: This is a good movie, and the only thing that holds it back from being higher than the movies Ive ranked above it is that theres a LITTLE too much downtime. Dont get me wrong, I know Tarantino is big on building atmosphere and tension, and theres a lot of good stuff of that variety in this film. But for such a largely character-driven piece, I feel like the stretched tension was a LITTLE too often superfluous to the plot. Namely the stuff with Bruce Derns general, who was himself superfluous to the plot. I think hes the real part of the movie that feels like an unnecessary addition, and thats the one piece that kinda hobbles the film for me, just a little bit. I do love the character development of Walton Goggins character over the course of the movie though, and hes probably the best character. Hes a typical Confederate asshole, but even from the beginning, hes trying to turn over a new leaf as a sheriff. And over the course of the film, while hes still quite racist, he acknowledges Marquis skills, and the two of them die as friends, having outlasted the bushwacking attempt. That balances out Bruce Dern, Id say.

CoolCly: This is an interesting movie. It puts a lot of thought and effort into setting up who everyone is and why the are there, and why events are going to unfold as they are. But. It failed at a lot of those tasks.

The Major baiting the old man to draw on him was good, but just doesn't seem to make sense to do in the middle of this house of people who are already mostly hostile towards him.

The narration of what came after is very strange and out of place. This feels like they couldn't figure out a good way to handle this transition and just did the lazily voice over explanation possible, which seems so unusual for Tarantino.

The Major playing detective on who poisoned the coffee and how Senor Bob doesn't belong is great, but killing Bob after giving his conclusions without trying to get any information out of Bob is just dumb.

I didn't like the flashback to how things to where they were. The way it all went down doesn't even make sense - there'd be blood and mess everywhere that they wouldn't have had time to clean up, and handwaving the old man playing along because he's actually in the main movie makes no sense. It feels like they wanted a brutal scene but rushed the actual planning of it and it really hurts the movie. It's all just to justify an extra person being in the house but it's the opposite of clever.

It's especially not good because Gage and Oswaldo are the least developed and justified members of the eight anyways, so to use this to justify adding a ninth person to their gang sucks. Bob's gruff and terse answers was enough to justify him, but not the others.

Having half of the eight all being in cahoots as a "side" makes this a worse set up than eight strangers falling into chaos as is the premise says. Seeing why eight strangers would tear each other apart is interesting. Finding out that half of the game was mafia all along isnt. All in all - bad twist.
It's strange that this movie just fell off a cliff on how to keep things on track, which should be crucial in this type of movie.

I also don't care at all for Tarantino's penchant for really over the top violence - gunshots causing big blood explosions and heads popping.

Walton Goggins in the end game was awesome. It was great how he, and the Major, who hated each other perhaps the most, ended up as comrades enjoying the letter together. That was a great ending.

The best performance is Daisy who seems crazy and patient at the same time.

7.3/10

Poke: Not as bombastic as other Tarantino works, but the witty dialogue and tension between characters is ever present and thoroughly enjoying.

KBM: One of Tarantino's lesser films, yet still a really good one overall. The man is a master of dialogue, which is good because that's most of what this is. Though it's not necessarily one that sticks with you as strongly as his other movies do, it does feature an unforgettable performance from Jennifer Jason Leigh. It's also a testament to Tarantino's skill with dialogue and the chemistry of the cast that it doesn't feel as long as it is (though I can't speak to the Longer Version that's out there now; I had hoped I would find the time to check that version out and see how it is, but I ran out of time).
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

#5. The Hateful Eight 63 points

Johnbobb 2
Karo 3
Inviso 4
Stifled 11
CoolCly 12
Poke 15
KBM 16

Very poor plot synopsis:
Do you remember how everyone was trapped together in a stagecoach inStagecoach? Well now imagine that in a cabin with more violence and racial slurs.

Why it was included:
Popular demand. I had left this off the first draft of the list, and multiple folks requested I add it. So here you go. Becauseperusing the internet, I didnt find much about The Hateful Eight that really stood out, outside of the usual controversy a Quentin Tarantino flick brings to the table. I think the main (and really cool) thing is that Ennio Morricone FINALLY won an Academy Award for best original score. The fact it took that long in his career to be recognized by the Academy is absolutely criminal. But then again, they do have a bad habit of waiting too long on a lot of folks.

What Stifled thinks:
Admittedly, I hated this the first time I saw it. I thought it was entirely too long, I didnt like many of the characters, and I just felt bored overall. But looking back, I think I was just having a bad day. I wont get into it, but Ill simply say my life was very stressful at the time and a movie such as this was not what my brain wanted. Now fast forward to the rewatch. I was able to calmly sit down and give this one more of a chance. And you know what? I actually quite enjoyed it! I enjoyed everyone interacting. The setting was both pretty and suffocating. The resulting tension due to the close proximity of everyone was well presented. And it was appropriately murdery when it needed it be. Now the one aspect I enjoyed both times I watched this was the performance of motherfucking Sam Jackson. Hilariously take no prisoners, Jackson was very much in charge the whole time, whether everyone (particularly Kurt Russels character) wanted to admit it or not. Additionally, I enjoyed the Lincoln Letter plot device. It was unclear the entire time as to whether it was legit or not, and I have my suspicions the complete truth still wasnt told.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Page break?
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Bear Bro
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OUTLIER

Poke 175
CoolCly 170
Inviso 150
Stifled 130
Johnbobb 124
KBM 124
Karo 115

CoolCly thought he would be able to strike it rich prospecting for gold, but Poke went berserk and tried to murder him. As it happens, a gang of outlier bandits took out Poke instead.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

KBM: Goddamn am I glad this list finally got me to go watch The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. This has to be one of the best movies of the 1940s. A shockingly timeless portrait (especially considering the very specific time period in which it's set) of a man's descent into the madness of greed, it is a travesty that Bogart wasn't nominated for an Oscar for his performance in this. And what's more: this movie is genuinely really funny, in a pitch-black kind of way. One of those rare films of the Hays Code era that doesn't lose any of its potency due to the Codes stringent restrictions, this is a movie I could recommend to anyone, and one that I'm sure I'll be watching again several times in the future. I loved, loved, loved this. Screw John Ford, give me a John Huston movie over him any day.

Inviso: Throughout my watching of this movie, I kept thinking that it reminded me of a Twilight Zone episode (The Rip Van Winkel Caper, to be precise). It just had that interesting, psychological aspect to differentiate it from a standard old west story. Humphrey Bogarts chararacter is a complete bastard throughout, easily a craven coward despite his masculine persona. But really, the whole set-up is great. Dobbs (Bogart) and Curtin (some other guy) hear tale of prospecting and getting rich quick, so they put in the money to do exactly that. But its not long before paranoia and greed start to well within them both, seemingly egged on by their partys third member, Howard. Now, if Howard was scamming them both, the whole time, that wouldve been great. But sadly, he just stirs the pot and turns out to be good in the end. Still, it works. Its fascinating to see the descent of Dobbs over the course of the film, until karmic retribution costs him everything. His more virtuous partners get screwed in that their labors are for naught, but they still get happy endings. As a result, the movie just tells a very strong story from start to finish.

Johnbobb: Saw this for the first time in a film studies class in college (as I did with a small handful from this list), and it was one of my favorites from that class, mostly because it was the first western I think I can remember actually enjoying. Humphrey Bogart is top notch here, and he plays the poor man losing his mind to greed on the mountain that it's hard to believe this is the same suave sweet-talker from Casablanca. This is what I tend to think of in terms of a true classic Western deserving of the title.

Poke: Three players in the game of trust. It is a triumph of films revolving around the concept of game theory. My only gripe is the pacing/editing towards the end with Bogart basically dying off-screen. But the middle of the film is just so spectacular.

Karo: So some gringo bums in mexico team up with a crazy old prospector to find all that gold in them hills and so the three of them head off into the wilderness masquerading as big game hunters tracking mexico's famous lions and tigers.
What begins as a simple partnership quickly turns into cowboy game of thrones as everyone begins to suspect everyone else of running off with their share of the gold, all while paranoia and goofy dancing intensify.
The intense scenes around the midsection of the story are the strongest part of the movie, as they contemplate of the murder of a lone cowboy so they wont have to share the loot drops with him.
But that is as high of a peak as the film gets, as it immediately degrades into dated racial depictions and everyone doing incredibly stupid things simply for the sake of getting the story where the writers wanted it to be.
For such an old movie the characterization is unusually good, but I would have liked it to have not go so overboard with all the winking and nudging that our would-be prospectors would eventually turn on each other. Similarly I would have liked it to not have been so absurdly obvious who the betrayer would be. I would have liked for the most tense scene in the movie not to be randomly defused by an attack from some culturally insensitive 'banditos'.
Though it remains interesting throughout, it still is a little half-baked due to its age and it pulls a lot of punches in places where it definitely needed a little more to leave a real impact.

CoolCly: I dont care for the two main guys

This was an interesting story about the effect of greed on a man. Dobbs was rather pathetic from the beginning, but he didnt believe himself to be a bad guy. But he truly falls to pathetic depths throughout the film

Howards scene where he had the opportunity to leave Dobbs to die in the mine and have one less split of the gold but chose to save Dobbs anyways was nice, and cemented his choice to resist that kind of temptation.

But he old timer that knows all there is to know about prospecting was the star of the show. Hes just dripping with both wisdom and practical knowledge about everything, and he has the vitality and determination to back it up. Its almost silly how the two guys mock him and think hes crazy when hes prepared them for the hardships ahead as much as he could

The scene of the old timer and the other guy talking about how theyd like to make a life for themselves running a store or growing peaches contrasted with the main character just talking about the material wealth uses he would do the moment hes back in civilization was really the whole theme of the movie.

A bit sad Howard and the old timer ended up empty handed, but they never really needed the gold to live a fulfilling life anyways.

My review of this movie is rather positive, but honestly, I didnt actually enjoy watching it, and I dont think I could recommend this movie to anybody unless they were doing just to experience what older movies and/or westerns could be like. Theres definitely substance behind this though for those who choose to go looking for it

4.5/10
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

#6. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre 64 points

KBM 1
Inviso 5
Johnbobb 7
Pokewars 7
Stifled 9
Karo 14
CoolCly 21

Very poor plot synopsis:
I like gold and you like gold and we like gold and you like murder andwait what?

Why it was included:
I could simply say Humphrey Bogart is in a western and call it a day. Dude is a legend. In fact, because he was a fan of the source material, Bogart went out of his way to pester the director to get a part. He ended up landing the lead role and fucking nailed it. But interestingly enough, he was NOT nominated by the scumlord Academy for best actor. The film did, however, take home awards for best director, best supporting actor (Walter Huston as Howard), and best adapted screenplay. It was nominated for best picture as well, but lost toHamlet? According to Rotten Tomatoes, Sierra Madre has a 100% and Hamlet has a 95%. Got em!

What Stifled thinks:
Due to my love for Humphrey Bogart, I went into this one with super high expectations. Sometimes that isnt always a good idea, but in this case? It exceeded expectations. The feeling of tension and paranoia is presented so incredibly well that it even made me feel uneasy at times. The acting is superb, of course (motherfucking Bogart). Its refreshing sometimes to have a protagonist that isnt squeaky clean. Bogarts character is all over that spectrum in Sierra Madre. Early on, despite his actions being firmly in a grey area, his intentions were usually in the interest of fairness. Then as time progresses, he slowly descends into madness, eventually turning on his once trusted friends. Its hard to think of many other characters in media treated with such detailed development. Its an incredible movie, and I plan on watching it again very soon.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Hey friends. Ive had a migraine the past two days that wont go away. Im hoping to continue this and do a double drop tomorrow.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

OUTLIER

Poke 174
CoolCly 155
Inviso 149
Stifled 127
Johnbobb 123
KBM 119
Karo 107

Lets face it. Everything below the Poke is kaput!
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

KBM: How the fuck do you fairly, equitably rank Blazing Saddles alongside a bunch of serious westerns, both classic and modern? Obviously you really can't. Mel Brooks' iconic send-up of Westerns is bound to be a controversial one among our little band of regulars, just as it was when it was released, although I'm certainly hoping more of y'all end up on the positive side than the negative one. And don't give me any of that you couldn't make Blazing Saddles today shit it's technically true, yes, but only because this was made to send up a very specific kind of film that doesn't get made any more (because, well, Blazing Saddles basically killed the genre for a couple decades, after which the whole concept of Westerns was reinvented). Nothing in this movie crosses any lines that aren't contextually appropriate to cross. But enough about this movie's place in the zeitgeist the main thing is, it's just really, really funny. And it's a hell of a lot funnier to me now, too, after having seen so many more of the old Westerns it's spoofing than I'd previously seen for this list. It really would take forever to list my favorite bits, as I'd basically just end up summarizing most of the movie. However, I will give a special shoutout to the chemistry between Cleavon Little and Gene Wilder in the leading roles Little cracking up when Wilder says You know... morons gets me every time I see it. The Count Basie cameo is also fantastically random, one of many gags in this movie that you'd likely only see from Mel Brooks.

(PS: I consider this part of the Holy Trinity of Brooks: The Producers and Young Frankenstein being the other two where his brand of wacky, zany humor is just *mwah* pitch perfect. Spaceballs gets an honorable mention, as not quite as many of the jokes in that one land, but it still has that unmistakable Brooksian energy and enough of the gags are great to cement it as a minor classic.)

Johnbobb: Some of this movie REALLY doesn't age well. Like, REALLY doesn't. But every fart joke, racist joke, and sexist joke is mostly made up for by Gene Wilder and Cleavon Little at their best. It's pretty easily the funniest movie on this list. All of this leads up to one of the best endings ever put to film.

Karo: So the governor appoints a black sheriff to this town of inbred racists and hilarity ensues.
This film is a work of brilliant satire that lampoons every stupid bigoted element and overused trope of old westerns in a dark comedy that is severely unstructured but still very funny.
Unfortunately, midway through it starts to fall off a little bit and we get scenes like the chorus of excessively flatulent cowboys. Did someone turn over the production reins to their five year old son?
The forces of good win the day in a ploy that involves building an entire replica of the town in a single day and beating the fourth wall savagely within an inch of its life.
It is dumb and proud of it, which is good because it is really really dumb. Whether that is a good or bad thing varies wildly throughout the movie but lets just say for now its better to be dumb than boring.

Inviso: A reviewer Ive watched once said that comedy is the fastest form of entertainment to age poorly, and from that perspective, yes, Blazing Saddles hasnt aged the best. However, Im willing to take into account the era in which it was made (immediately after the civil rights movement of the late 1960s), and realize that despite the copious amounts of racial slurs, theyre all in service of painting the majority-white cast as idiots, while Bart runs circles around them in a Bugs Bunny-esque fashion. In that regard, its somewhat amusing. And honestly, some of the jokes still land really well. When Bart takes himself hostage in order to avoid an angry mob, I laughed out loud. Plus, there are multiple instances of one character or another (I know Gene Wilder was one) going on a long soliloquy about the pride of people, only to completely undercut that flowery language by insisting that everything they just said is descriptive of idiots and rubes. Overall, I think Mel Brooks crafted a quality comedy, but its hard to hold up in modern times.

CoolCly: The way the black guys working on the railroad are treated as lesser does a great job at showing how casual racism can be, despite being played for comedy.
The executioner is great.

I didn't care for the musical number at all. I couldn't understand the actress half of the time.
A lot of fun, and I don't think the use of slurs and depictions of racism harm the film. They're always done to portray the bigots as ignorant and cruel, which I think is exactly the right way to combat racism.

Overall, very fun comedy that I enjoyed and I think is worth watching today

6.1/10

Poke: I love Mel Brooks films, and I was anticipating liking this one, but for some reason, I was underwhelmed. Some jokes landed, but only mild chuckles for the most part.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

#7. Blazing Saddles 71 points

KBM 2
Stifled 2
Johnbobb 6
Karo 8
Inviso 13
CoolCly 15
Pokewars 25

Very poor plot synopsis:
Land: see snatch

Why it was included:
A musical western comedy with a black protagonist? Yes please! Also, DID YOU KNOW that motherfucking Darth Vader (James Earl Jones) was the original choice to play Bart? And that Gene Wilder was originally considered for the role of Hedley Lamar, but he turned it down? And that John Wayne was originally considered for the role of the Waco Kid, but he turned it down because it wasnt a family friendly movie that fit his image? And the original actor playing Waco Kid (ironically) collapsed on set due to alcohol withdrawl and Gene Wilder was chosen to replace him? Well now you know!

What Stifled thinks:
Scene for scene, this might be the funniest movie Ive ever seen. Its that perfect blend of biting social satire and shock value that keeps me enthralled every single time. The acting is great, down to even the side characters. The music is catchy and funny. The comic timing is perfect. The blurred line between it being really happening and being a movie within a movie is wonderful. I have absolutely nothing bad to say about Blazing Saddles. It has been one of my favorite movies since middle school and nothing has changed since then.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Thats to be expected I suppose. Movies chocked full of violence tend to skew lower with critics overall. There are exceptions of course, but Last Man Standing wasnt one of them.

ALSO random thought I just remembered that I think I forgot to put in my Tombstone write up, but Kilmers performance as Doc reminded me of Dave Chapelles imitation of a white dude on Chapelle Show. Dude had a weird voice for that role.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

LinkMarioSamus posted...

Just want to ask if anyone in this topic has seen the Bruce Willis film Last Man Standing, an actual OFFICIAL remake of Yojimbo.

Sure have. Its one of my favorite Bruce flicks. In fact, I considered putting it on the list because of the setting and aesthetic, but it isnt classified as a western anywhere.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

OUTLIER

Poke 156
CoolCly 147
Inviso 143
Johnbobb 122
Stifled 122
KBM 114
Karo 106

The Poke with no Name ends up with a fistful of outlier dollars, but only after the rival ranker gang beats the living crap out of him for 23 movies.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Inviso: This was an extremely enjoyable film. For starters, Clint Eastwood is surprisingly charming in this. Im coming off multiple movies where John Wayne is supposed to be this charming, lovable rogue, yet Clint Eastwood manages to pull off that role effortlessly. The first half to two thirds of the movie involve him riding into town and discovering that two crime families are at war and trying to one-up one another. So, what does he do? He stokes the fire and makes a little money for his troubles. He plays both sides against one another and makes them both look foolish in the process. However, his fatal flaw is that he gets sentimental, and cant stand seeing a little boy cry over his captive mother. He rescues her and thinks hes in the clear, only to get found out for his double dealing. The last act of the film involves him thinking quick on his feet to improvise and escape captivity, and then returning to town after hes fully healed to outsmart the bad guys one last time. This is how you tell the story of a one-man army, and its really great to watch, especially since everything set-up throughout the film comes full circle perfectly.

Johnbobb: I watched TGTBATU before this, and had heard that was the best Leone had put out, but similarly to how I preferred Rashomon to Seven Samurai, I prefer Fistful of Dollars to Leone's later, bigger scale films. Almost every character in this feels surprisingly developed given it's not-overlong runtime. The pace is constant, and Eastwood's character, standoffish dickhead that he can be sometimes, is easy to root for, especially after you see him beaten within an inch of his life. The Rojo family, meanwhile, all feel distinct from each other, with Ramon's commanding presence dominating every scene he's in and Esteban's sadistic stares haunting the film's most brutal moments. The film is fantastic in its smallest moments.

CoolCly: I had never seen the dollars movies before this project, and Im very glad they were included. This was a great movie.

The quickdraw on the three guys at the beginning of this film feels like the first of any of the movies in this project to actually create good tension in the moments leading up to the firing of a showdown and having it feel relieved

In the other movies up until this point, the draw in the climax is usually instantaneous and doesnt really have a lot of tension. The main character just beats the enemy and then its over.

Ramone wasnt just defeated. He was systematically taken apart and destroyed.

The heart, Ramone. Dont forget the heart. Aim for the heart or youll never stop me.

When a man with a .45 meets a man with a rifle, you said the man with the pistols a deadman. Lets see if thats true. Go ahead, load up and shoot.

Ive never seen a man so thoroughly defeated.

8.5/10

Poke: The first of the Dollars Trilogy which put Clint Eastwood on the map and etched him onto the Mount Rushmore of Western leads. And its a damn good start to the trilogy.

Karo: The adventures of an anonymous wild west mercenary who plays two groups of mexican bandits off each other in order to make a quick buck and everyone just immediately trusts this suspicious gringo for no reason.
The story takes place in a lawless town just across the border where ketchup is spilled on a regular basis and everyone seems to sweat so much it looks like their faces are covered in a thin film of oil.
Our protagonist is an interesting character, though at times it seems he is just a bit too blessed in his luck and the sheer stupidity of the people in the world around him. Of special note is the scene where The Nameless One escapes the bandit compound due to his pursuers failing at a game of hide and seek that a six-year-old could accomplish. Oh man our prisoner has broken down the door of his cell! I'm sure he's still in there for some reason so we should all immediately rush inside! This is saturday morning cartoon villain levels of competence.
It's just feels really old, and the fistful of dollars in question here was apparently the movie's budget because wow these special effects. Probably a movie that is more impactful than actually good.

KBM: This just didn't click with me on the same level as the other Dollars trilogy movies did. The story didn't engage me I didn't care about the conflict occurring in the town between the two smuggler families, and the Stranger's part in it didn't really interest me that much either. He just rolls into town, fucks shit up on all sides, and leaves. I can't deny its influence in the development of the Spaghetti Western, but I definitely found the others on the list more engaging. It probably has to do with the fact that so much of the draw of the subgenre comes from the idiosyncratic visuals and soundtrack, and those aspects, though still in the capable hands of Sergio Leone and Ennio Morricone, just haven't really been nailed down yet Leone's direction is amateurish compared to his later work, and the soundtrack is repetitive and a lot blander than Morricone's later stuff. It's certainly not a bad movie, just one I found kind of uninteresting.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

#8. A Fistful of Dollars 79 points

Inviso - 3
Johnbobb 3
CoolCly 7
Pokewars 9
Karo 15
KBM 21
Stifled 21

Very poor plot synopsis:
Clint Eastwood defeats a whole crew of baddies despite getting his ass handed to him in a beating that felt like it lasted for a half hour.

Why it was included:
I probably dont need to tell you why Sergio Leones legendary Dollars Trilogy belongs on this list. What I will tell you is a nifty little fun fact involving lawsuits. Do you remember how The Magnificent Seven was essentially a western remake of The Seven Samurai? And do you also remember how I mentioned Akira Kurosawa, the director of The Seven Samurai, loved The Magnificent Seven? Well A Fistful of Dollars is essentially a remake of Kurosawas film Yojimbo. Well Kurosawa described Dollars as a fine movie. UnfortunatelyLeone didnt bother to get that shit properly licensed. So a lawsuit ensued, with Kurosawa saying it was a fine movie, but it was my movie. Leone tried to get out of it, but ended up settling out of court for 15% of Dollars worldwide revenue and $100k in damages. Lotsa spaghetti indeed!

What Stifled thinks:
Im rather frustrated to report this because my expectations for this one were super high, butI wasnt overly fond of the fisting of the dollars. It was far too slow and plodding for what it was trying to build itself up to. The baddies were not memorable on an individual level. I only remember them as a big group. And even The Man with No Name kind of fell flat for me in this entry. He wasnt nearly as cool and badass as I expected him to be. Honestly, he was kind of a pushover for most of the movie. Granted, anyone would be a pushover if an entire group of dudes beat the shit out of them for like an hour or whatever. But still, I was a little put off because I expect more from western protagonists. And sure, he takes care of business in the end, but I was left feeling decidedly meh.

Not everything was bad, however. I WILL give Clint a bajillion respect points for watching out for the kids. Thats an A+ for moral fiber. And the metal plate bit was fantastic, reminded me of when Bret Hart used a metal plate under his shirt to knock out Goldberg when he tried to spear him. And while the baddies were no name losers, the coffin maker and inn keeper were both great characters. I rather enjoyed the final third of the movie, so its a shame the first two thirds couldnt match up. The other two entries in the trilogy were more than worth getting through this one, but I dont like that I had to even think that way in the end.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

OUTLIER

Poke 155
CoolCly 146
Inviso 138
Johnbobb 117
Stifled 109
KBM 101
Karo 99

The Mandalorian killed Pokes dad and so they went on adventures together. The end?
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

CoolCly: This was a fun imaginative movie that captured the western feel despite all the sci fi trappings.
The dads greed and short sightedness really screwed them over. The ship was damaged and they had a limited window of time to get home - and he really brushes past those issues to chase fortune.

I wonder why bandit #2 was carrying around such a large gun.. Is there danger that would call for such a large weapon?

The daughter on the ship after her father dies feels less like someone grieving and more like kid who got to stay home alone from school cheetohs and watching TV

I thought the people they meet were going to be "natives", but it seems these are humans who've adapted to living on the planet, and gone a little crazy. It'd be neat if there was a more primitive society of humanoids living here.

I find this alien world to be beautiful - just familiar enough to feel normal enough for these humans to be walking around in, but strange enough to remind you that this isn't earth. I'm curious what's going on with the atmosphere that they need to wear the suits and filter, but they seem to be okay living in tents.

The growing relationship between the girl and Pedro Pascal is good. It's interesting that so much of their activity is driven by trying to treat his arm wound that was caused by her earlier when he entered her ship. I was glad Pedro Pascal might have made it in the end. Even though he killed her dad, I found myself hoping their uneasy partnership would last.

The pods they are prospecting for gold has me wondering what those are. They come out of little pods and have to cut an umbilical cord of some time. I kind of expected this to be a problem later, like thse are little baby aliens or something. Facehuggers are gonna come flying out, or maybe the Queen of the Queens Lair will emerge. I think they indicate the hole you pull them out of can tear your arm off, but we dont actually see it.

Anyways, I really enjoyed this movie, and I got really invested in the survival and partnership of Cee and and Pedro Pascal. It would have been nicer if there were a couple more characters though.

8.5/10

Karo: So a young orphan girl as thrown together with a rough-hewn ne're-do-well who was partially responsible for her father's death and she hates him at first but eventually she grows to trust him.
You may think this sounds a lot like Arya and the Hound, and well, yeah, it is basically Arya and the Hound. But now it's in space!
The world is well built considering how little we see of it (and I wanted to see more of it), even considering they quite clearly did not have the budget to construct a whole alien planet.
Nothing about the scenario is particularly original, and things go way off kilter when we reach the merc camp, but whenever it is just the two of them it is great.

Poke: Interesting film that grabbed my attention. Wasnt expecting the killer of the girls dad to form an unsteady alliance that snowballs into them trying to get a ticket off the planet. Very imaginative.

Johnbobb: I fell asleep the first time I watched it but once I could stay awake for it it was pretty decent.

KBM: Tough one to rank. On the one hand, its strong performances and chemistry from Sophie Thatcher and Pedro Pascal kept me really invested in the moment, and there's definitely some interesting world-building going on here. On the other hand, its ingenuity-by-limitations approach is maybe a bit TOO limited as a Washingtonian, I never could quite get past the fact that this was pretty clearly filmed right in my backyard. Beautiful use of color, though, and I've always felt more movies should be filmed around here. So yeah, it's an enjoyable flick that doesn't quite stand out above a crowded field of strong movies.

Inviso: This was a disappointing end to the list. The past couple lists have all ended strong, in my opinion; what with Far From Home, The Half of It, and Weathering with You all landing in my top three for their respective lists. But Prospect just felt like a good concept that spun its wheels for a long time, trying to make it work. On paper, a space western is interesting, as is the concept of a girl and her father being set upon by bandits, only for the father to die, one bandit to die, and both the girl and the remaining bandit forced to work together to survive. Having this set in space gives the movie an inherent danger element, as you have the ticking clock of lift-off being necessary to escape a dying planet. But the film itself often feels like its just having scenes to have scenes that youd expect to find in this kind of movie. They go to a camp with Native American allegories, and when money is offer to buy Cee, she runs off and escapes with ease. Nothing really comes of that, other than Ezra losing his arm, which was in the works regardless. And then they get to the Queens Lair and completely fail at every aspect of their task, only to kill a group of trained mercs and escape in an EXTREMELY unsatisfying ending. It just had its moments, but it was really dull, and the cinematography was pretty terrible too.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

#9. Prospect 87 points (won tiebreaker over True Grit 2010)

Stifled 3
CoolCly 6
Karo 7
Pokewars 13
Johnbobb 15
KBM 18
Inviso 25

Very poor plot synopsis:
After getting his face crushed by The Mountain, Oberyn Martell found himself stranded on a strange planet.

Why it was included:
Ive often heard Star Wars referred to as a space western. And this makes sense, as westerns and Star Wars both drew heavy inspiration from samurai movies. But the fact is, Star Wars is not officially classified as a western. But you know what is? Prospect! And do you know who stars in Prospect? The Mandalorian! It all comes full circle! I was so thrilled to be able to add a sci-fi western to this list. Its actually kind of a miracle I stumbled upon this lovely little film because it had a very low-key release. It hit the film festival scene first, and was then exclusive to Regal Cinemas. Around four months later, it was already available for purchase to watch at home. With a tiny budget and tiny box office numbers, it was basically word of mouth and high praise from critics that helped circulate it upon home release. Perhaps like many of the others on the list, time will build a stronger reputation for Prospect. But for now, its a nice indie flick we found.

What Stifled thinks:
Since I was a teenager, I loved the anime Trigun. If you arent familiar with Trigun, its a sci-fi western and its amazing. But as it happens, unless you want to cheat and classify things in the Star Wars universe as space westerns, there really isnt much to work with. But then I found Prospect. And let me tell you, I absolutely love this movie. Its kind of hard to describe, but Prospect manages to blend the sci-fi and western genres together so well that neither side of the coin feels forced or out of place. I constantly felt the western aesthetic while all of the sci-fi tech was being used. Quite frankly, thats amazing for anyone to pull off, much less a director with a budget of four million dollars.

The acting is great too, despite focusing mostly on two characters. The film makes you think the father/daughter duo are going to be the focus, but the father gets taken out fairly early, leaving the daughter to be stuck with one of his killers. Two people reluctantly working together to survive is nothing new, but having to do so on a weird planet with weird primitive rapey people and weird fauna is something unique. The daughter finds herself going from despising ol Pedro Pascal to eventually accepting him as a new father figure of sorts. Coming of age? Family is who you choose? Giving up a life of crime and finding your heart? Prospect gives us all of that and more. It was even more than I was expecting and my expectations were HIGH going in. What a wonderful movie.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

I think I like the Mariachi Trilogy a bit more than From Dusk Till Dawn, but all four are great.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

OUTLIER

Poke 151
CoolCly 143
Inviso 122
Johnbobb 111
Stifled 103
Karo 97
KBM 92

If you all werent so unattractive, Poke might have snuck a kiss. But now hes gonna give you a few lashes of his belt.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

CoolCly: I made a big mistake watching the original True Grit. I accidentally started watching this version instead and got to when they ford the river. I thought the original was good and deserves a lot of credit, but it was tough to see it with fresh eyes when I felt like Id watched better versions of those scenes in the remake!

It would be alright. The undertaker is pretty memorable, a good extension of a pretty normal line from the original.

Hailee Steinfeld is purposeful and mesmerizing as Mattie. The original Mattie demonstrated true grit and did a really good job, especially for the era it was filmed in and how women were normally portrayed, but Steinfeld really took this to a higher level. The scene where she negotiates over the horses demonstrates this excellently. Matties sharp wit is on full display, as well her stubbornness that leads her into saying too much at times.

Rooster and the Texan Ranger constantly being at odds, so late in the movie, felt a bit too repetitive. But an improvement over the original is Mattie and the ranger mending their relationship and gaining respect for eachother before the final encounter.

Im not sure if I like John Wayne or Jeff Bridges better as Rooster. They are both very good, though Bridges I think benefits from just better modern film making around him.

Tom Chaney and the gang of bad guys were nice for the brief moment they were on screen.

I liked the hectinc ness of the original a bit better in how Mattie ended up in the cave and the snakes, and Rooster and the rangers parts in rescuing her. The ranger pulling through to save them but then dying was a poignant moment. It seems they just wanted him to survive in the remake to make this feel better, but it just makes it feel less.

I strongly disliked the change to the ending I really liked in the original how Rooster visited the farm and Mattie pushes to recognize him as family, and he genuinely accepts. I also think it harms the movie to replace Mattie with this older woman who I dont really feel captured the fire of Mattie at all.

Overall, I respect the original, but I like the remake better for Hailee Steinfelds stellar performance its just a straight up improvement. Its a shame that I feel like they fumbled the ending compared to the original so badly

8/10

KBM: See, these are the kinds of movies that should be remade. The original was a middling movie at best, with an okay story, indifferent acting, and a straightforward, old-timey Western tone. But put the Coen Bros in charge, with their razor-sharp sense of off-kilter humor, and better actors all around in the lead roles, and suddenly you turn something merely decent into a minor Revisionist classic. Hailee Steinfeld in particular shines in her breakout role, but Bridges and Damon are both far better actors than John Wayne or Glen Campbell, with Josh Brolin and Barry Pepper also giving great performances. It's doubly amazing because of how many scenes are taken more or less directly from the previous film, and yet with those alterations in tone and performance, it all just plays so much better humorous and self-aware when it needs to be, but still with a surprising amount of dramatic oomph in its third act. I will say that one of my favorite scenes in this version, though, is one that was nowhere to be found in the previous iteration: the scene with the man in the bear suit is one of my favorite all-time moments of oddball Coen Bros humor. Something about the way Jeff Bridges delivers You are not LaBeouf after that loooong buildup just gets me every goddamn time.

Poke: This I saw before the original and maybe just because of some updated pacing and the more familiar modern actors I like; I prefer this to the original. Both are great though.

Johnbobb: So I was a little disappointed to the remake bring back some of the original's weaker moments (like LaBeef being an abusive creep toward Mattie) but pretty much every other aspect of the film was improved. Much better performances, much better directing and cinematography, and better characterization of pretty much every character. It turned what was a mid-tier film by Western standards and made into something really solid.

Karo: Remember that old western? Well here it is remade almost scene for scene and sometimes even line for line, much like those soulless live action disney remakes. Though this movie isn't THAT bad, it still begs the question of why the hell did it need to exist when all it does is slap a new coat of paint on a classic and make it considerably less fun.
The humorous lines from the original seem weird and out of place in this new movie and its hyper serious tone, but that doesn't stop the characters from reciting them verbatim regardless of how awkward it is in the new scene.
The soundtrack consists of mainly just playing the same public domain church hymn over and over again at different speeds. So yeah, I hope you really like 'everlasting arms' because you are going to be hearing it a LOT.
As far as I am concerned there is only one True Grit and it isnt this one. This is Fake Grit. This is Ditto with imposter Grit. If you are going to adapt an old movie, fucking adapt it. Dont just shove it into a new mold that it doesnt really fit.

Inviso: Ive been trying not to compare movies in these write-ups, for spoiler reasons, and even in the two trilogies Ive watched, Ive managed to keep write-ups separate. But in this one, its literally a remake of a movie on this list, and the remake is MUCH better in my opinion. For starters, the main character feels less like an obnoxious brat, and more like a young teen whos in way over her head, but still has a basic understanding of how the law works. Her robotic personality at times goes a long way in terms of carrying the movie, because shes amusing in how much more seriously shes taking things compared to Rooster and LeBeoufs pissing contest. The plot is mostly the same, but it feels a lot tighter. We dont need to see the whole scene with her father getting killed. Thats a time when telling, rather than showing allows the plot to kick off faster. Really though, I think its just a solid film overall. Not spectacular, because its still a bit slow at times. But its good enough, and even the ending feels more satisfying because its bittersweet, rather than nothingness.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Did someone say True Grit 2010?

#10. True Grit (2010) 87 points

CoolCly 8
KBM 9
Pokewars 10
Johnbobb 12
Karo 13
Inviso 15
Stifled 20

Very poor plot synopsis:
NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG THE REMIX

Why it was included:
As I mentioned before, comparisons are a major part of this list. My goal was to show all of you some of the past and some of the present. The Two Grits might be the most interesting comparison at all because, by all accounts, this is nearly a shot for shot remake of the original. No matter your opinion on remakes, reboots, and other such things, certain aspects of True Grit definitely benefitted from a remake. Was it necessary, however? Well, a lot of people certainly thought so. True Grit 2010 became the highest grossing Coen Bros movie and the second highest grossing western of all time behind Dances With Wolves. Yes, you read that right. Second highest grossing western. Not to mention it received high praise from critics and was nominated for TEN Academy Awards (it didnt win any of them, but still!). So suffice it to say, the second coming of the Rooster earned its spurs here.

What Stifled thinks:
True Grit? More like True Shit mirite?! lololol



Nah, Im just joking.

I certainly wasnt as fond of this as Im predicting the other rankers will be, but it was still worth a watch (twice, actually). As I mentioned before, the Two Grits are very interesting to compare with each other. While I normally detest remakes and reboots, the action sequences of True Grit 69 needed a fresh coat of paint. There was some janky camera work, especially in that final charge near the end. True Grit 2010 was up to the task, and made those scenes infinitely more watchable. This is especially true of the cabin sequence, which felt a lot more focused than the clusterfuck of the original. LA BEEF getting his ass handed to him in a fight instead of being made to look like a moron by shooting a horse was much preferred. Speaking of, Matt Damon is worlds better in this role than Glen Campbell was. Granted, the character is still a fucking creep at first, but Damons performance gives the viewer a much better transition from creep to decent dude. Additionally, the Coens decided to stick to the novel and keep LA BEEF alive at the end. I think I prefer it that way.

But how about Mattie and the Rooster? Well, I think it depends on what you want from these characters. I actually preferred the original Mattie to the new one because she came off as more of an intelligent threat, at least in my opinion. Additionally, Mattie 69 showed more vulnerability and let her characters age shine through to remind the viewer she truly wasnt an adult. Mattie 2010 remained stiff throughout and lacked any vulnerability, which I found odd. And Rooster? I think Rooster 69 gets my vote. Rooster 2010 is great for a more grizzled version of the character, but I found Bridges attempt at a southern accent to be far too cotton-mouthed to understand at times. Wayne, on the other hand, was a nice mixture of grizzled and humorous. I wasnt sure at first if I wanted the character to crack so many jokes, but it strangely worked for me. The one thing Bridges DOES have, however, is more vulnerability. John Wayne tends to want to be mister badass the whole time and not get shown up by anyone. As a result, LA BEEF was portrayed as a joke to be shown up by Rooster. Yet in the remake, Roosters inadequacies are highlighted far more, where LA BEEFs are toned down. I think I actually liked that balance more. Wayne wins by a hair, but if Bridges took the marbles out of his mouth, he may have clinched it.

One thing I absolutely did not like about the remake, however, was the narration. I am a huge believer of show, dont tell. The beginning scenes impact was lessened because of it and the endings emotional blow would have been more effective without it. So while I still prefer this version overall due to the nice quality of life fixes for the action scenes, its not a big win. The two are very close to each other.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

ya go my mellow yellow
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Actually, that reminds me of a fun fact. There is only one movie in the top ten that we all collectively put in our own top tens. But it did not win.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

There are two that made the top ten that I don't think deserved the placement.

Interestingly, none of us are talking about the same movie(s) lol
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

And here's your top ten! Not a bad split as far as eras are concerned. Five from before the 80s and five after the 90s.

Speculate? Predict? Lament? The choice is yours!

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948)
A Fistful of Dollars (1964)
For a Few Dollars More (1965)
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966)
Blazing Saddles (1974)
3:10 to Yuma (2007)
True Grit (2010)
Django Unchained (2012)
The Hateful Eight (2015)
Prospect (2018)
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

OUTLIER

Poke 151
CoolCly 141
Inviso 117
Johnbobb 109
Karo 94
Stifled 93
KBM 91

Going into the final battle blind was bad for Cly. He thought there was a kid to spot him, but it was actually just Poke telling the bad guys where to shoot.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

Inviso: This was just a chaotic mess of betrayals and wacky, over-the-top characters. And thats right up my alley when it comes to enjoying a film. Seriously, I could just leave the write-up at that, but it would feel like doing the film a disservice. Lets recap: the main villain is Willem DeFoe in brownface, as a psychotic drug lord who insists on having his piano teachers fingers chopped off after an errant joke from Mickey Rourke. I should point out that Mickey Rourke is an American ex-pat who wanders around with a chihuahua at all times. Johnny Depp is a crazy FBI agent with an itchy trigger finger and a penchant for scheming and plotting, who winds up blinded and forced to rely on his sense of hearing to win multiple gunfights. Antonio Banderas is great as always, with a new team of mariachis helping him prevent a coup against the Mexican president. And all of this takes place as multiple sides are attempting to gain power over one another, inserting moles into each others plans. Its great fun across the board.

CoolCly: I strongly dislike it when a movie sets up characters and relationships between them, but then in the sequel one of them is killed off between movies or in the opening act, to create stakes, give the main character a loss to mourn, and/or to drive the main character to revenge.
It's extremely lazy and destroys my ability to respect the films stakes and relationships going forward. People often claim that when characters dont seem to die it hurts stakes, but IMO this is much worse and disrespectful to the audience. Its especially dumb because his motivation in Desperado was revenge over the girl in El Mariachi so they are just doing that again.
The Mariachi bros existing at all is just absurd but whatever, they are even cooler than the bros in Desperado. This continues the trend of these movies just redoing the earlier movies but better

I liked Sands a lot. It seems like he was going to kill that eyepatch guy at the beginning just to keep his money but then didn't after getting called out for it and gives that childish I would. But then kills a chef later for basically no reason (though he believes he has one). He's an interesting guy, very manipulative. And seems very dangerous. His look after the, uh, procedure was pretty striking, and seeing him try to daredevil his way to victory was great. Then when he lost his eyes and achieved true Johnny Depp Style is when I realized that's who he was Overall, he drove the plot in this movie to be a lot more complex and interesting than the plot of El Mariachi / Desperado.
I think Desperado embraced its cheese and had better fight scenes to give it the edge over this movie though. This had lot more turns in the plot and a much more expanded cast, but I just did not connect with the Mariachi himself thanks to it being so based around the wife being killed.
This is a Mexican crime drama though, not a western. Don't agree with it being in this list.

7/10

KBM: Probably a slightly better overall movie than its predecessor El Mariachi (potential list spoilers there, depending on how these fall!), I still have to give the slight edge to the former film if only for sheer low-budget gumption. This may be one of Johnny Depp's best performances of his career, and that IS saying something. It's also refreshing in that unlike Desperado, it goes new places with the story and characters involved than just being a rehash of El Mariachi. And since it's less repetitive than that second installment, and there's much more going on plot-wise, it ends up the much more engaging watch.

Johnbobb: Robert Rodriguez is almost at the point I want him to be here. This film is all sorts of goofy and over-the-top in a way that doesn't ever really take itself seriously, but is almost always entertaining to some extent. It stopped caring all that much about its main character, but for what it's worth, I'm okay with that, as it was more fun to watch a blind Johnny Depp make his way through a battlefield while a kid calls out where his enemies are (were we supposed to be on his side though? Because it acted like he was the hero at the end when he definitely wasn't).

Karo: More mariachi madness, albeit less silly than the other movies. Comparatively. Someone is killed with a remote controlled guitar case bomb so take that as you will.
So apparently his family that he now has was murdered by this general who they were fighting for some reason, or at least that is the best that can be gleaned from how scenes are bizarrely edited together in a way that is both confusing and disruptive to the movie's flow. Dude you arent Quentin Tarantino so stop trying to be his bargain bin mexican knockoff.
The one saving grace to the film is Johnny Depp's eccentric CIA agent, whose personality was thankfully largely created by Depp himself, because Rodriguez has shown again and again he can't create compelling characters to save his life.
Otherwise, it is just an overblown mess with too many plots, too many weird slow motion filters, and way too little time spent on writing the script.

Poke: Not a fan of the over-the-top action flicks and D-grade storylines. I just dont care about the characters.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence

#11. Once Upon a Time in Mexico 98 points (won tiebreaker over The Great Silence)

Stifled 4
Inviso 9
CoolCly 13
KBM 13
Johnbobb 14
Karo 16
Pokewars 29

Very poor plot synopsis:
Bring in the white guy!

Why it was included:
Despite my reluctance to include The Lone Ranger on the list, I was intrigued to find out Johnny Depp had done a few other westerns. One I will be including on a future list, 1995s Dead Man. But for now, Once Upon a Time in Mexico is the other. This is the high budget finale to a low budget start for the Mariachi Trilogy. Your mileage may vary, but Antonio Banderas and Johnny Depp deliver memorable performances in this action packed Hispanic western.

What Stifled thinks:
On one hand, Im not entirely sure I liked taking an Antonio Banderas starring role and diminishing it to where he and Johnny Depp are dual main characters. On the other hand, Johnny Depps character is a batshit crazy lunatic who shoots a chef because his cooking was too good. Ridiculous stuff like that will crack me up every single time. Using a rare combination of revenge and political intrigue, this could almost be considered a Hispanic spy flick. El Mariachis life has gone down the crapper once again having lost his wife and daughter, and now the FBI wants to hire him to take out their killer because he is going to assassinate the president of Mexico. Convenient! No matter how ridiculous this might sound, ultimately it doesnt make a difference. This movie takes elements of westerns, spy movies, and revenge flicks and smashes them together with a sledgehammer. Its not just my cup of tea, its the whole damn pot. I have such a blast every time I watch this trilogy, and the third installment is by far my favorite of the three.
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Bear Bro
The Empire of Silence