Lurker > SableWolfAngel

I was making fun of TC because his life is so hard from being a gimmick account for a decade vs actual hardship like what you were talking about.

I bounced from group home to group home with my mom and younger sister when I was a child. We'd take the bus everywhere and eat out of the garbage since we didn't have a place to keep food. That's just one of many hardships I've faced, so...

Coming up with fake stories for a decade on a dying gaming forum is like 1000 years of homelessness.

Dont you know that?

Sounds good to me

Yeah I love that book. Plus bunnies are my fave animal. (Actually getting ready to buy a baby soon.)

who doesnt like bunnies!?

I change my answer to SableWolfAngel

I think episodes like that exist. Remember when Brian constantly peed on the carpet?

Wordlessly beat the shit out of him

TC- Im going through similar issues with legitimate roommates who do pay rent but signed a contract about house rules (it is my house). Its hard to know when its fair to put your foot down on small issues, but sometimes if you dont, you get ran over. You seem to understand that there are lots of nuances you cant predict when bringing in someone new, and while I agree all the things you said seem like common sense, I guess unfortunately not everyone had the same one. I have a roommate that still leaves the door unlocked after being reminded many times in the last 8ish months, to the point that for my own peace of mind I bought a coded door lock that has an auto lock feature.
I think the house meeting was the best way to put your additional rules out there, and that you shouldnt feel bad to continue to enforce those. I disagree with these asshats saying you arent actually being kind- I know you arent telling him every day be sure to pick up your socks since Ive been so generous to you! A house guest should be respectful and as unobtrusive as possible, not out of feelings of superiority/inferiority, but as respect to a person opening their home. Its good manners. If staying an extended (or in this case, unknown) amount of time, I can see them getting a little more comfortable but most people in that situation would still go out of their way to seem like they are contributing to the household. Again- these are common expectations, so since you said yall had a not so great childhood, its possible his behaviors arent matching what you were hoping for due to just an actual knowledge gap, which is all the more reason to freely voice what you need to.
Ultimately, in the same way that no one made you offer up your place, he also isnt required to stay. If he doesnt like being told what to do, hell figure out a place to go or figure out how to not piss you off- I dont mean that like a threat, its just realistically the only options there (beyond also you telling him to leave, which seems unnecessary at this moment).
I also would be upset about the asking your bf for a ride thing, but I think thats a different instinct. Its your friend that you invited in, youre probably a little more sensitive to the intrusions on your bf than those on yourself. You dont want your friend to make your bf feel uncomfortable, and even if he is not feeling that way, you may feel more protective of that (thats how Ive dissected my feelings to be at least, about an almost identical situation)
good luck to you and him! Break ups are tough, you were nice to reach out and offer some kind of respite.

Were you hosting CommonJoe?

I think it's kind of you to do what you're doing, tc. I don't know why everybody's dissecting your motives like they have to be as pure as the driven snow or you're just a superior jerk. Pretty much all acts in this world can be twisted around to have a self-serving element to them if you're intent on doing so, but I know I would sure have a hard time inviting someone into my home. I'm sure you've given him quite a bit of peace of mind over these past weeks, and I hope he gets back on his feet soon.

Yes I agree with MrDrMan. If I were TCs friend and came across this topic I would probably physically vomit from how awful and less-than-human it would make me feel (hell, its doing that to me already even without any personal involvement).

Like fine, you dont want him there then just dont invite himdont use the favor you offered to lord over him and treat him like your golem, even going so far as referring to him as Pet. Jesus Christ.

imo, this is on you. but i get it. you wanted to be kind, and thought hey kindness is easy right. well that was the mistake. kindness isn't easy, at all, in fact it's usually not worth it and you end up feeling used. but that's what kindness was supposed to be about, you aren't supposed to care about being used.

ok so you messed up there. lesson learned. what you're stuck with is basically, you can kick them out whenever you want. but don't get confused and think this is out of kindness anymore. now you're looking at this like a business transaction and you should expect it to be responded to as such. it's no longer a friendly thing between friends. it's business.

if you can't handle it, or he can't, it's not worth it. get yourself out of the situation. but if you can both agree to a deal then do the deal with rules and everything. but don't get it mixed up. it's not kindness anymore.

Im sorry I came off abrasive. What Ive been trying to say is basically what the above poster said. You thought when you let him stay with you then your good deed was essentially over but it doesnt work like that. There are other things that come with that and youll have to either accept it or just ask him to leave.

Some people are more organized than others. Hes not a bad person for being messy or lacking organization. Youre not a bad person for feeling how you feel but this is the kind of deed that doesnt stop after one day. It has to be an everyday meet in the middle type thing. Even if its your home thats what you signed up for when you let him stay.

Kudos to you for letting him stay at all.

Kick him out, someone who isn't putting in money on the house deserves to fuck off and live in the streets

Fucking gone. Tonight.

You clearly did.

Bro youre complaining about a sock, being woken up and not giving him a ride but the fact that he even asked for a ride. This whole topic just stinks of superiority. Otherwise why are you so bothered about him asking a simple question?

Grow up and just tell him to leave or just accept that when you invite someone into your home your day to day life is going to change a little bit.

Notice how you keep bringing up rent, charity, living on your dime this and that when you were the one to say you didnt need money. Then why do you keep talking about it then? Pick one.

Telling him to clean up after himself is entirely reasonable, it's your house. Instead of saying he has a curfew I'd just say you're going to lock up the house at a certain time and if he can't make it home by then he needs to stay where he's at.

Basically the same thing as a curfew but sounds less like you're treating him like a child.

As far as stuff like the ride to work, honestly your bf should have just said he'll take him but he needs to give him more of a heads up in the future.

You set boundaries beforehand. You dont make them up as you go and then get upset when people dont abide by boundaries you never even set.

If common sense is trolling then sure Im trolling.

I actually have a roommate. He does plenty of stuff that gets on my nerves but I dont complain about it because thats what I signed up for. You keep saying he does this, he does that but you havent once acknowledged that you also could have handled it better by just setting expectations beforehand.

THAT is what means to actually be an adult.

Youre not doing him a favor if youre constantly holding it over his head. Its literally that simple.

These are things you could have and should have laid out beforehand and didnt. That is entirely on you.

The roles are equal because he is a grown ass man. Who pays the rent is irrelevant. This was your idea. You cant complain about that now.

Im not gonna go back and forth. Do what you want but if you do a favor and truly expect nothing in return you wouldnt be sitting here complaining about getting nothing in return.

"And because you didn't lay it out beforehand, there's nothing you can do to change it now."

See how stupid that is? See?

It's literally @MrDrMan trying to do the thing. You don't need to acknowledge it at all.

Oh wow you really got me there! @Guide Kudos for your contribution.

This topic is dumb. Letting someone stay with you doesnt mean you are better than them or above criticism now. If youre gonna help him dont half ass it.

I dont live with TC so Ill tell you, youre treating him like shit. Oh I have more money than you so roles arent equal like wtf? In what universe is that acceptable? Either help him out or dont. He didnt ask to stay, TC offered. Accept what comes with that.

You guys are fucking delusional.

Ok so you let him stay with you to feign superiority as I thought. Thats fine but dont act like youre doing him a favor

You didnt have the foresight to anticipate your current situation so how are you any better?

Getting a key copied cost not even $5. If you didnt trust him you shouldnt have allowed him to stay. Getting woken up is a minor inconvenience.

The roles are equal. Hes been there a week and you act like youre saving his life. Get over yourself.

Youre complaining about him asking for a ride as if your boyfriend is simply incapable of being an adult and saying no. I dont know why you offered to help him when you clearly dont want to.

I feel like you let him into your home to feel like you did a good deed rather than for him.

1. In what universe is it normal to have a roommate and not give him a key? He should not be forced to rely on you for access in and out. If you didnt trust him with a key you shouldnt have allowed him to stay in the first place.
2. Why is what time he comes in and goes out any of your business? He is a grown adult. Maybe he will be home and maybe he wont. He doesnt need to check in with you.
3. The things you are upset about are minor grievances at worst. A light left on, socks, asking to give him a ride once?
You arent wrong if you dont want to deal with it. Its your home but you also didnt think about the repercussions of doing so and are now upset at him when you should have considered the ramifications beforehand. You also talk about him as if he is a child or less than capable which just seems disrespectful to me. This iI a conversation that could easily be resolved by just asking him to be more considerate. That goes both ways though.

Honestly hes probably better off not being there. For your sake but for his own as well.

Explain tonhim your rules and tell him you will be forced to kick him out ifvhe doesnt do as you ask

If i just got up and still in my pjs I would not give a ride to anyone, I mean I might but he would be late maybe very late he would be on my time waiting for a ride

Straighten the fuck up or get the fuck out. Be direct about it.

You are not responsible for him, dont feel bad if you sometimes sound mean to him, he needs tough love it seems

Your proposal sounds fair.

It's disappointing how many people don't know how to be good 'mid-term' guests. Pick up after yourself, when possible, give at least 24 hr. notice of any special requests, and have yourself back at a decent hour so you don't keep your host up all night.

At least he's not inviting strangers into your home - yet.

This isn't scientific or anything, but this whole thing gives me bad vibes.Unless you are sure you can trust this guy (and honestly, how well can you know somebody if you've never lived with him?) I'd get him out of your house one way or another before the date he would be considered to legally be a resident.

Give him the boot before he stays permanently

Youre doing a very nice thing, but living with someone in a situation like this is just awkward. Your feelings on it are pretty reasonable.

Youre pretty much just hoping for him to find a place quickly at this point, so you're stuck with him for probably another month or two at least. Imo keep doing what you're doing with the gentle reminders. Like someone else said, you're his dad now. You probably wanted to be the fun aunt, but it is what it is.

idk, just sit down and have an adult chat with him, be gentle but direct

Just wordlessly beat his ass from one end of the house to the other. He'll know what he did.

Kick his ass out.

Kick him out or fully commit to being his dad for the rest of his life.

what?

If he has lived there for 30 days or longer (well, it might depend on the city / state, but 30 days is standard). The key is "establishing residency". Does he get mail there? Does he call it "home"? He doesn't necessarily need a key to establish residency.

And if he refuses to leave, you wouldn't even get to do a "cheap" eviction, which runs about $500-1500 depending on state, you would need to do an ejectment which costs $5k+ (or if you're renting, likely you would just not renew your lease, move out and make the landlord deal with it).

This is especially bad now given the pandemic eviction moratoriums, there are still quite a few state and local ones in effect.