Lurker > MegamanXfan21xx

I don't think my brother's gonna get another cat anytime soon. We just don't have the finances for one, and caring for our old one definitely ate a chunk of his wallet. Any extra money we've gotten (from finding mom's wallet and sent by family members) has gone towards making payments to the condo we live in.

https://youtu.be/V6ny763n24s?si=gKif9grJhAZTJ7zX

Man, it's really interesting having the windows open more often. My mom was always more sensitive to temperature and humidity, so she'd make us close the window and turn on the air conditioning on a day like this.

At least one decent thing about the timing of mom's passing is that it happened right at the start of Spring, which is very conductive to mental health. It's breezy, not too hot, not too sunny, and the locusts haven't shown up yet. It's like she tailor-made the day specifically for me. I don't even wanna think about if it happened in winter, where I'd generally be stuck inside.

Goodbye, April 2024, and good fucking riddance. Can't believe all this shit had to happen on my birth month.

Malcrasternus posted...

though I feel it matters more how they're raised, and from how early.

Our male cat was eight when his owner (my brother's ex) moved out, and he completely changed after that. The ex was loud, and so was the cat. After she left, the cat became a lot more calm, quiet, and relaxed, which is coincidentally what we're generally like.

Man... the grief comes and goes. When it's gone, I feel fine and think "Yeah, I'm gonna make it through this." But then when it arrives, it hits hard and I feel like shit for the rest of the day. Losing half the population of the household in under two weeks is a horrible thing to go through. I really fucking hope the finances are figured out soon so we can get a cat. A male one, preferably. My brother thinks a new cat could turn out to be a prick, but cats get a copy of their owner's personality, so if we treat it right, it'll treat us right.

I'd also like if he would invite friends over more often just to breathe some life into this place, but we have to figure out how to get rid of the hospital bed from the living room.

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https://youtu.be/OvezgDni8z4?si=o0W2XqQ9L0Bcci2u

Kingmakers has one of the most blatantly, unapologetically ridiculous concepts I've seen. A modern person with modern weapons time travels back to medieval times and starts wrecking all the knights with full-auto guns, grenade launchers, and sniper rifles. More games should have ridiculous concepts like this!

Well... I can't mourn forever. I'm already used to solitude, the weather is nice, my mind is no longer weighed down with my mom's suffering, and I can sleep full nights once again. I've said my goodbyes, apologized for my wrongs, and shed my tears. It's time to move on and continue living. Regular posting will resume soon.

My mom wanted me and my brother to be buried next to her when our times came. Unfortunately, she never got around to talking to a pastor about buying plots, and buying two extra plots would be too expensive for us, so me and him decided that we'd get cremated and buried next to her.

Had to kneel at the porcelain throne for some relief. Still hurt for a while afterwards, but slowly went down. Slept well, but still feel like crap. I really wish indigestion didn't also come with a sore back.

Chinese food.

Indigestion.

Not fun...

Me, my brother, and a couple of his friends visited the neighborhood we grew up in, which also had an elementary school we went to. The school playground surprisingly had a couple small jungle gyms that were still intact. Like, they looked practically unchanged from when we were students there and they were still very sturdy. It also has a creek and some train tracks behind it, which you can imagine the kids loved. Sadly, the creek seemed a lot shallower than it was in the 90s.

There's a bridge going over it that was rebuilt in the last few years, and a small field that leads to a couple nearby neighborhoods. There's a volleyball court in it that's sadly become neglected and overgrown. I remember seeing a bunch of women in swimsuits playing a game there once, but I was too young to appreciate the sight.

The neighborhood itself hasn't really changed all that much. Some houses got repainted or mild remodels (my childhood home included), but it still has that same modest, comfy vibe.

It's done. Her body is with the earth and her spirit is with the Lord. Tomorrow, the cold streak ends and the healing begins.

The viewing was nice. Mom looked good, and there were a lot of people we knew who admired her. Our neighbors didn't show up, but considering they're old ladies too, I didn't expect them to.

Our mutual friend is gonna spend the night and play some Mario Golf. He's wondering how he's gonna break the news to his son, since the son got all upset over the death of a freaking caterpillar earlier. Now he's gotta learn that a woman who was basically his grandma is gone.

The poem we chose for the memorial card was "Do Not Stand By My Grave And Weep" by Clare Harner. Look it up; it's a very beautiful poem, and one that suits my mom.

Antiyonder posted...

Not changing the subject, but adding some levity from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic #63.

Ends with a reveal about Pinkie Pie:

"Nobody"? It should be "nopony"! Fire this writer! Burn their house down!

The viewing is tomorrow and the funeral is the day after.

Tried taking my suit jacket to a couple dry cleaners for a small stain on the sleeve, but they wouldn't be able to get it back until after the funeral. I went back home and decided to use our steam cleaner on it. Did a pretty good job, I think.

Our neighbor brought over some food; chicken and bread from this awesome restaurant called Cane's. Also some store-bought side dishes like pasta and coleslaw, and some home-baked cookie brownies. She'll be coming to the viewing.

Our friend is gonna spend the upcoming weekend with us. Our mom was like a mom to him as well, and his son was the closest she got to having a grandchild.

Still feeling some tension in my head and shoulders. I need to keep myself distracted so I don't feel bad. We've got an air purifier, so keeping that running for some background noise helps. I'm starting to see why my dad always has a radio on in the background at his house. Games are obviously a good source for this, though I'm obviously not in the mood for action games at the moment. Apparently the human brain stops maturing at 25, so of course my 34 year old brain isn't getting many of those happy chemicals from games anymore, even before I had any hints of my mom's failing health.

Recently I've been playing Coral Island. It's a Stardew-like farming game that also lets you clean up a trash-infested ocean floor. It's the best Stardew-like I've played, but still not as good as Stardew. It takes longer to build up money, and there's less forage along with no special forage events. Also don't like how using the scythe consumes energy, since that means you can't prioritize clearing out the bushes from the farm first. There's less overall ore nodes in the mines and the amount of rocks that are likely to spawn a hole to the next floor are much smaller.

I do like how you can slow down the game clock so you can get more done in a day. Like, you spent a day clearing out trash from the ocean, then you still have time to run around town, grabbing forage. The clock also doesn't seem to affect processors, so you could squeeze out extra productivity from them. You also don't need items in your inventory to craft items. As long as you've got the right resources stored away on the farm, you can craft the appropriate item on the spot no matter where you are. You can choose to exclude certain chests if you have rare resources you don't wanna use up.

I also like how they handled shops. The map lets you bring up a schedule of every shop, so you can tell from a glance who's closed or open at the time. You can use a shop's services as long as they're open, even if the owner isn't behind the counter. The map also keeps track of the NPC's locations, and you can track down specific characters through the relationships screen.

Overall, I like the game, but it takes too long to get going.

Just made some funeral arrangements. Looking through the prayers and poems to put on the memorial cards tore me up, imagining her saying them.

There was a bit of good timing recently, at least. My dad dug up a bunch of old photos and brought them over when she was still coherent. She got to indulge in some memories before the end.

A shower and a good night's sleep definitely helped to take the sting off. It'll be even better once this damn cold streak ends and I can wake up to the gentle breeze and birds chirping (before the locusts come out of hibernation, anyway). I'll probably be going to the gym later on. Haven't been there in so long since I had to stay back for mom.

Just took my first shower since that whole mess. That... really helps. Maybe I'll get some decent sleep tonight.

My aunt came over and brought some food from Olive Garden. Didn't have much of an appetite, but it was nice to have some company over; some life in the house again. We've found a beautiful dress and shawl to bury mom in.

Oh, and how could I forget when I caught covid for a second time the day after the cat passed? Had to spend a few days away from mom in what turned out to be the last two weeks of her life. I'm surprised God managed to resist the urge to have her pass on my birthday.

So, I said earlier that bad timing has been a recurring element in my life, and this whole ordeal is a shining example, if not the crown jewel. Let me give you the rundown.

-It's April, my birth month, and naturally the month shit royally hit the fan.
-On the day of the eclipse, the joy of experiencing it was immediately undone by my brother having to put his cat to sleep.
-The last trash day before my mom passed, the trash men left our trash can half full, likely from something getting stuck inside, so now we have to keep a bunch of mom's now useless junk even longer.
-Four days after my birthday, my mom passes.
-My mom passed in hospice less than an hour before we arrived. Granted, she wasn't even aware by that point, but it still hurts knowing we weren't with her at the final breath.
-The day mom passed also coincided with the start of another cold streak that's gonna last a week, when we had beautiful high-70s days right before then. I can't even have the windows open for the small comfort of experiencing nice weather.

Our neighbor is gonna let us borrow her trash can for the week, at least. But going through so much poorly-timed misery has left me paranoid as to what else will happen at the worst possible time. It feels like every bit of happiness I experience is punished with something that more than undoes it. The shallow happiness from good food and entertainment isn't punished, but anything that brings true, genuine, deep happiness? Oh no, can't have that!

Something I was hoping to avoid was a repeat of how my grandma passed. She was alone in a nursing home with no familiar faces around at the end, and my mom and aunt didn't arrive until after she was gone.

I believe we half-succeeded at this. By the time my mom was loaded up, she was basically on autopilot. We weren't around when she passed, but we were with her when we believe her mind was still functioning. As far as we know, she wasn't alone when she lost conscious thought.

Whether we succeeded or not, it's at least a major upgrade over how our elderly aunt spent her last days. She lived to 90, but was alone in a nursing home a lot of the time. She did have our cousin's family nearby to visit her, but we don't know how often that happened.

I'm just feeling numb. Watching her break down for weeks while also having my sleep constantly interrupted really wore me down. Plus, I couldn't help but voice my displeasure once or twice at being woken up so many times. Knowing that they were among the last interactions I had with her while she was going through so much worse has left me feeling guilty, even if I did apologize for them.

Cartridge88 posted...

well, there aren't really any words that'd work right now, but just know we're here for you.

Thanks.

Sad as I am, I'm relieved she's not suffering anymore. No more arthritis, no more cancer, no more sickness, no more being too weak to even get out of bed. She's back with my grandparents, aunt, our cats, and her brother who passed in the 70s.

She's gone.

Antiyonder posted...

^^^Well haven't talked with you, but condolences for what happens.

Thanks. Sorry about the bad timing.

She's been taken to hospice. Once we get a room number, we're off to stay with her until the end.

She doesn't have long. Another day at most. She's just laying there breathing heavily. I'm taking a brief break to type this, then back to holding her hand.

God, she's been throwing up for over 20 minutes...

I won't go into details, but she's definitely gotten worse. She needs supervision now more than ever.

Mom's either getting worse, or she's in a major slump. She's weaker than before and can barely speak, likely because of her phlegm. I doubt she'll be around in the next two months. Her suffering has spread to us, ensuring we're all miserable. As much as I'll miss her when she's gone, I'll also feel a sense of relief. She'll be free, and me and my brother won't have to suffer any more emotional damage from the state she's in.

Four years ago, I was on the back porch, drinking coffee, playing Cozy Grove on my Switch, and enjoying the company of our two cats as they wandered around, basking in the sun.

The impossible has happened. I'm actually feeling nostalgic for 2020.

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It's my birthday today. I'm 34 years old now and can already feel the liver spots forming.

Last year was glorious, with me getting a PS5 and RE4make. This year, we're on the heels of our cat passing and my mom being in at-home hospice, bedridden until she's no more. I'm not feeling particularly celebratory this year.

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https://youtu.be/7zTei5RMhQ8?si=Zd7m_jfMQ-Erf4Sw

Robocop: Rogue City is awesome! Little surprise, since it's made by the same studio that made Terminator: Resistance. Much like Resistance, it's an adaptation of a beloved 80s property that's heavily based around that property's golden era; in this case, the first two RC films, with it being set between 2 and 3. Robocop is voiced by his original actor, Peter Weller, just like he was in Mortal Kombat 11, and the guy's still got it.

Like Resistance, it's an FPS with immersive sim elements. Since it's set in a functioning society unlike Resistance, there's more dialogue, and even skill checks that show up if you have high enough stats or found clues. You can conduct smaller-scale policework on the side, and get public trust by being lenient towards minor crimes; letting your humanity show. What public trust does, I don't know. It's not openly tracked, so it probably affects the ending.

I really like the environments. They're smaller, but packed full of detail. I've always had an odd fondness for fictional, dystopian, crime-ridden cities. Every inch of New Detroit is grungy, littered with trash, covered in graffiti, and the city streets are perpetually rain-slicked, like any good 80s action movie city should be. They really gave it their all to give this craphole a personality!

You always have access to that signature burst-fire pistol with infinite ammo, and can carry a second weapon taken from killed enemies. You get the ability to modify it with these booster chips to increase its stats, as well as give it special abilities, like different firing modes, infinite ammo, splitting bullets for close-range targets, and one special just makes enemies spew more blood.

It's hard to believe that the studio behind this made the absolutely awful Rambo rail shooter from 2014. Guess giving them enough budget for a game with free movement was just what they needed. I wonder what they'll do next? My only guess is something involving either the Alien and/or Predator franchise.

Also, does anyone miss when street punks were portrayed as having colorful spiky mohawks, crazy piercings, leather/denim vests, tattoos, and screechy voices? They were not only distinct, but also very entertaining fodder to be mowed down in droves by the hero.

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The neighbor made us another lasagna. Once again, she's proven to be the sole bright spot in my life.

Don't worry, I wore a face mask, latex gloves over clean hands, and I told her I'm infected while a safe distance from her.

Was feeling really crappy today, so I decided to use one of the covid tests we got in the mail.

Positive. -_-

https://imgur.com/a/3SHbHBS

She was a very beautiful cat... who sometimes got into staredowns with our other cat.

How come you never got another cat, Cart? Is it because you moved into a new house a few years back, and it's not a good environment for one?

I can't believe the cat's gone. While the male cat only became friends with me in 2018, the female cat was fairly friendly towards me as soon as she moved in in 2015. Helps that she had seen me before in prior visits to my brother. She was so long-lived and energetic for her age that it felt like she was gonna be around forever.

Yesterday, my brother had carried her outside since she couldn't walk anymore, and he brought her back in so I could pet her for the last time. It still feels like if I go in my brother's room, I'm gonna find her curled up on his bed, just enjoying another nap.

Think I'm starting to develop a sinus infection. Sure, why not. Join the party! After all, I've got thieves oil, so it'll be out on its ass soon enough.

He's back. They gave him her body to keep overnight. Guess they'll cremate her tomorrow morning.

He says she threw up while they were waiting, so she was just getting even worse. Seems he sent her off at just the right time. Any further delays would have just magnified her suffering significantly.

She's gone. There was absolutely no chance of recovery, so my brother's taking her off to end her suffering. As predicted, I had to stay behind to take care of my mom, so no being there for the cat at the end, and no comforting my brother at the loss of his beloved pet of 18 years. Guess it's fitting, in a way. It was just him and her at the beginning, and it's just him and her at the end.

At least she lived to see one hell of an eclipse and one final gorgeous Spring day. Before he left, I reassured my brother that he was an absolutely amazing pet owner who gave her a long happy life.