Lurker > Chesh

I'm partially cut and I like it because I still have a lot of the feeling that gets taken away from being completely cut but without phimosis. I look uncut when soft basically, the skin is just shorter.

I like guys with uncut dicks but they can smell really bad unless the guy washed right before.

I just got back from a date I wasn't really attracted to the person though, would rather be friends (I did feel like I got along with him well) but he probably doesn't want that. Oh well lol

I've been in it for 4 years. In 2018 I was psychotic and paranoid, had no friends and was addicted to several substances, all while being 400+ pounds. I was also extremely depressed and wanted to die basically daily... I am now no longer addicted, no longer experiencing psychosis or paranoia, and lost a decent amount of weight, and I have much better relationships with other people. I still have a lot of work left to do, though, which sucks, but I think my 30s will be a much happier time than my 20s (I'm currently 25). I have no idea what I would be like if I didn't go to therapy, but I'd probably be a lot worse.

Glasses, I don't look very good without them

I don't care, but sometimes I do assume it's because of something about me, what I look like or something. That's my issue though

Tenlaar posted...

Used to be the second, much more the first now.

This, but I could definitely use more fulfillment in my life. Its way better now than a few years ago when I was an active addict constantly in an altered state

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

lol

bsp77 posted...

You should text him and it's not the end of the world if he doesn't like you

Thanks

edit: it was the 2nd meeting not the 1st, idk why i said that, maybe it's because it was the first time i slept with him

So as an introduction, I'm a 25 year old guy, and did lots of casual hookup type relationships in my teens and early 20s but never actually dated or even did friends-with-benefits really. I also used to delude myself into thinking I was aromantic (not capable of falling in love, etc.) but I started having crushes last year, so that was BS.

I'm finally feeling a little bit more confident about myself and decided to try dating. I started talking to this guy who was clearly pretty weird, but that's fine since I felt like I could be myself around him. We met for the second time yesterday and despite his weirdness (he was very obviously on the autism spectrum, which again is fine since I am autistic too), I now feel like I have a crush on him, which is probably pathetic because we've only met twice. We did have sex this time and I really loved it, we even did it twice for around 2 hours each time lol. It seemed like he really liked it too.

Because I'm forming a crush, my mind has me convinced that the guy hates me, or is just using me as an option for sex, despite it mostly seeming like he liked me (although there were some mixed signals). He hasn't sent any follow-up texts either, but his communication has always been pretty sparse. I was so awkward after the first hour or so of us meeting because I liked him, so I worried that he got really bored. idk

I guess I just need random internet strangers to validate me by telling me I should text him and it's not the end of the world if he doesn't like me lmao

Fire, fire! My heart! O, I burn me! Alas! Fa la la la la
O help, alas! Ay me, I sit and cry me
And call for help, but none comes nigh me. Fa la la la la
I burn, alas! Ay me, will none come quench me?
O cast water on and drench me! Fa la la la la

Lol. I literally read it the first time as if you were talking about the word... That goes to show you how autistic I am (yes gamefaqs i clinically have it)

I got it in March 2020. Probably within the top 5 times I've been the sickest in my life.

That room he's in looks nice. I wonder if he lives there? How can he afford that?

I make a little bit less than that, I'm 25 and graduated college at 23. With inflation and my general unhappiness with life I want to get a different job though.

can i just do this daily? lol

he ded

But I didn't like him when he was alive. He had pretty severe anger issues.

A little bit. I'm guessing it will bounce back eventually just like it did in 2020-2021 when it crashed in 2018 (my guess is 2025 for the next top), so people just need to hold until then.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/0/3/8/AAXvbuAADVJO.png

low by dbz standards, high for ce standards apparently

"pride is a sin" says the book that also says being gay is a sin

I agree a little bit though. pride month is generally stupid and I don't participate in it but I don't really care that it exists

IdiotMachine posted...

School lunches are like $1.50. Who can't pay for that?

They're way more than that now lol.

Does that mean it is wet and smells like saliva too?

RealityDose posted...

I mean what do you expect?
the admins don't fucking ban 'old accounts' because 'they want to give the a chance to change' so you have shit like rouletted accounts from kos users to avoid bannings

blame the admins

Don't really care to assign blame, just expressing my disappointment. I was almost constantly on CE as a kid for a couple years so it's sad to see it so dead

Gamerguymass posted...

They keep banning everyone or suspending people for arbitrary reasons discouraging people from coming here anymore. It's like they are doing everything they can to get people to leave without having the balls to just shut down the forums altogether.

Yeah. I used to get banned a lot and the only way for me to stop it was to basically stop posting. lol

I miss old CE. Is this how it will end? Everyone just slowly stops posting?

CRON posted...

Broke and in deep debt which I'll likely never be able to pay off

If you don't have significant assets, can you do a bankruptcy?

CRON posted...

Cannot find a job to save my life, even after fluffing up my resume and having a natural knack for doing well on interviews

Yeah, I feel this too. It sucks. My only possible suggestion is to get some kind of cheap certification / bootcamp and use that to get a job.

CRON posted...

Cannot afford a car, while also being a very bad, anxious driver

This also sucks, do you live in a town or city? Is a car absolutely necessary for you to go anywhere?

CRON posted...

Can't afford insurance; in significant need of general, mental and dental healthcare which would only put me in more debt that I'll likely never be able to pay off

Why can't you get Medicaid? Does your job put you over the threshold or something? But you say you can't find a job, which makes me think you don't have one.

CRON posted...

Living in an extremely expensive part of the country that I cannot afford to relocate myself away from

This makes me think even more that you could get Medicaid...?

CRON posted...

Mental health issues that cannot be treated as I cannot afford insurance

There may be free clinics. They aren't ideal, I know, but they are definitely better than nothing and can at least give you someone to bounce your thoughts off of. They may also be able to direct you to resources that you can use to improve your life.

CRON posted...

No support system whatsoever

Another good reason to seek out social services or free clinics. It sounds like you live in the US?

I'm a gay guy jealous of bi men because they get to experience the positives of being gay like easy access to sex, but then can settle down with a woman later in life and have a family if they want, and never have to talk about their same-sex attraction again if they don't want to. Just being honest. I don't hate them or think they're lying, I'm just jealous.

My sister has BPD and abused my mom and I horribly for years making me want to kill myself daily for years afterward and gave me tons of issues. I only recently recovered from it all. Tread VERY CAREFULLY here.

I asked her what she wanted and she said bras, a new purse, and food, so that's what I got her. <_<

After midterms

RealityDose posted...

I'm quitting anyway tomorrow

do you have another job lined up?!

I recently came out as autistic to coworkers and on facebook lol. I still kind of mask but it's a lot easier if people know... Not saying to do this since you could end up getting fired.

Wow, I forgot that guy existed.

J03can posted...

I used to be like this too. Keep up the positive changes! You're in control of this!

How did you change? Do you have tips? I'm not really depressed anymore but still have a very melancholy, low-energy vibe despite having a lot of anxiety (and energy in general) when I am alone.

GrandConjuraton posted...

I think it's a bit different for me. I was actively in denial (of several things, like who I am and even how other people felt about me), and I behaved like an obnoxious asshole almost constantly. People tired of me, and then the bullying started; I never realized that people hated me because of how I was, and so I doubled down on my behavior... which caused more and more people to hate me, and it just made things worse, too. After a certain point (the incident where I broke/dislocated my arm and the summer of recovery afterwards), reality crashed down around me and I dissolved into a mess of pure self-hatred. I stopped making an effort to be around people or make friends, and I gave myself away to isolation.

I've been there ever since.

I was really obnoxious as a kid too before the bullying started. It's like a feedback loop, people show signs of disliking you which causes you to dislike yourself and then you put out a vibe that makes people dislike you more and then you either end up being just an unpleasant person or isolating. It sucks and is really hard to break out of.

GrandConjuraton posted...

We've spent extensive time talking about various things that happened to me while growing up (both at home and at school), various failings I have made in life, ways to potentially deal with my emotions, etc., and i've been given coping strategies and whatnot, but i've either found them unhelpful or haven't had the vigilance to actually make them work. Stuff like "replace the negative thoughts with positive ones" are just too gargantuan of a task for me because those thoughts are so automatic and immediately beat down any of my attempts to try to change them. I don't have the strength to make changes.

I've been on CE for so long (almost as long as depression has completely controlled my life, at around 12 years) that i'm not going to remember everything about everybody, but I do feel "superzoner" actually does sound pretty familiar, though. It's good that you're doing better than in the past, though, :)

Have you had psychodynamic therapy? I found that to be helpful because you shouldn't need any "strength" to partake in it, it's mainly about subconscious processes and how you view yourself and others. It's really helpful for things like depression. I did it when I was a severe addict and had zero hope for living, and the constant thinking is what eventually made me better and want to start living again. Then, I was able to start making changes because I was in a slightly better state of mind.

bump lol

Bi little guy? I thought you were a girl? I remember you making a topic about thinking fat guys are hot and me thinking the same (I'm a fat guy with some muscle who is also into fat guys). I think I was going to post pics of me in that topic but then I found out you were a girl

edit: I see the they/them in the sig now, oops. Congrats on your transition and living closer to your true identity!

I have had poor self-esteem since I was a very young kid due to bullying, abuse, etc. and it really showed in everything I did. I basically talked like Eeyore, wasn't fun or happy at all, always had mean facial expressions (despite being very nice) and yet I blamed it on things like my looks, my race, how poor I was, or other things. That wasn't it at all -- I was dragging everyone's mood down by being around them, being so insecure, etc.

Lately, I'm having more and more days where my self-esteem is closer to normal and people react pretty well to me during those times. I used to see myself as intrinsically bad, but now I realized it was simple as the energy I was putting out. It's pretty crazy that I didn't notice it...

I've been trying to have a more positive energy, but it's been difficult. I think I can achieve it eventually though. If anyone has tips, let me know though -- lol

D. I'm not sure whether the fact that you still make these topics after so many years is comforting (because it means your mental health isn't gradually getting worse) or concerning (because your mental health has been so bad for so long).

Do you want to stop feeling like this? Do you have resources available to help you (slowly and gradually) bring your life to a place you would want it to be?

Also, I had some extreme luck to be able to attend college. I got a scholarship for people who did well in HS to go to community college, so that covered some of my costs of living so that I only had to work 20 hours/week instead of 40+ like I would have if I got no assistance. I did well at the community college so I got another scholarship to go to a prestigious university, but that was based on luck and my merit. If I didn't have either of those things, I would have been really screwed.

I grew up poor. Being middle class is much easier and much better than being poor despite having to pay more money for things because I actually have the money to pay. When I was poor, I was just borrowing tons with no end in sight.

I drank for the first time in 3 years today. Half a fifth of vodka. It felt amazing, I'm going through a LOT of shit so it was great to have some relief. I'm already almost sobered up though :( debating on whether i should drink the other half

2022? 1. I'm not in the mood very often tbh

Can you take a vacation? I took a simple day trip yesterday after feeling similar to how you described and felt so much better.