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| Topic | I need an outsider's perspective and possible advice for my wife and I. |
| BakusaiTenketsu 03/11/21 6:49:21 PM #24 | CoolCly posted... I'm a bit concerned about your attitude about it though. It seems there's a lot of "oh yeah we aren't going to break up over it, i'll just put her needs first if i have to, it's okay if i'm depressed for awhile" going through your head, which is a bit understandable considering you currently unhappy, but I don't see you engaging with all of the suggestions on how to improve your situation where you are.Yeah. I've probably been sabotaging a bit since I haven't made any effort to conform. I have a military buddy back in Utah that I talk to regularly, and he wants me to come back, so I've probably been using that as an excuse as well. I can't really answer these questions yet. --- |
| Topic | I need an outsider's perspective and possible advice for my wife and I. |
| BakusaiTenketsu 03/11/21 6:01:01 PM #20 | Corrik7 posted... I'm pretty sure he has a disability paycheck based on what he said. So, he isn't exactly money-less in the situation. He doesn't need to to take his wife's extra money for his hobbies most likely.All money from my disability and my wife's employment are shared, and we don't do his or hers. --- |
| Topic | I need an outsider's perspective and possible advice for my wife and I. |
| BakusaiTenketsu 03/11/21 5:32:16 PM #14 | PrivateBiscuit1 posted... Is there an option your wife can do a transfer to a facility in Utah?She's in a position specifically at a headquarters level. If we move back to Utah, she would have to drop about 4 or 5 pay levels and take a field position instead, which she would not be happy in. Her education and work experience might be applicable to other businesses though, and we haven't researched it, but there would need to be openings of course for those to even be a possibility. Federal jobs are protected though, so transfers to lower paid positions are the only real guarantee. We've talked a little since I posted this, and as of right now, we are just "kicking the can" a little longer. We will extend our lease to November/December if the owners will accept a short term lease, and her hope (which she feels is a strong possibility) is that by that point telework/domicile policies will be updated and which jobs qualify. She isn't excited about moving back to state that has a lot of annual snow, and I get the feeling she liked living far from her parents as well (lol). We just celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary. We will work through this, and divorce isn't anything I'm concerned about. We aren't that bad. But we are definitely very far apart on this decision. It's kind of uneasy putting a lot of faith into the updated policies of the post office that may or may not happen any time soon. I'm fiercely loyal to my wife, even at the expense of my own desires, so I know I'm the type of person that will stay if I had to in order for her job happiness is secure. I could be in for a long road of slight depression in that case. --- |
| Topic | I need an outsider's perspective and possible advice for my wife and I. |
| BakusaiTenketsu 03/11/21 5:08:55 PM #10 | Yeah, most of my misery does come from lack of support structures from Utah. There are aspects to life out here that I'm not fond of as well. The time zone difference when connecting with friend and family is very frustrating. The traffic gives me anxiety in general. The allergens here have required the use of antibiotics every year to alleviate sinus infections. It's just never felt like home. And, yeah, I've pretty much just sat around our house for the past 3 years. I'm not even sure what kind of social settings I would even enjoy going to that I wouldn't feel awkward at since I don't enjoy going out. I go walk/jog around the middle school track for exercise, have regular doctor visits that I need to be seen for in regards to my disabilities, but other than that, I usually just stay home. I've already been to all the Smithsonian's, Philly, and NYC. Everything is way to crowded for my comfort, and I'm not really interested in feeling like a tourist anymore. --- |
| Topic | I need an outsider's perspective and possible advice for my wife and I. |
| BakusaiTenketsu 03/11/21 3:55:54 PM #1 | My wife and I are a bit at odds at the moment on a situation we have found ourselves in. I'm hoping maybe someone with an outside perspective might be able to help me see something differently or provide insight that might help relieve the stress a bit. Myself, my wife, and our two children, moved from Utah 3 years ago because my wife was offered an opportunity to work for the business (the USPS) in a Headquarters position in Washington DC. It was a great opportunity, and since I am a unemployed disabled veteran and stay at home father, I had no qualms supporting her endeavor. Fast forward 3 years now. I have not been happy since leaving. We have no friends or family on the east coast, the closest is a relative in Arkansas. We live in Virginia, and I haven't really found myself loving it here at all. I keep wanting to go back to Utah where all my friends and our family is. My kids as well have mentioned that they too miss Utah and the family and friends. My wife, however, has been very happy here and she loves her job. During the pandemic, she's been teleworking her position, and there has been no official word that it could potentially be a permanent feature. Being a federal job, the mandates are rolled out a snail's pace, so the possibility of working her job from Utah is not yet a feasible option. Adding to this, we are currently living in a rental property since we were unfamiliar with the area before we moved. Our lease is coming due, but we don't really want to rent anymore. If we stay in Virginia, we need to buy a house. If we move back, we need to start looking for a house in Utah, but we can't just have my wife quit her job and us move. She loves her job, like I said. She feels a bit outnumbered with our vocal dissent on our current situation, and thinks that maybe she should give it up and move back. If we did move back, we have no idea what our job opportunities might be, if any. I don't want her to feel this way, I want her to be happy, but I too want to be happier. I'm just not sure what to do here. She loves it here. I don't. I'm struggling to find a compromise, and I suspect one of us could end up being resentful no matter how this ends. --- |
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