Lurker > Anagram

LeonhartFour posted...

oh yeah in case you were wondering what Romein LeTouse's name was in Japanese

it's literally Romaine Lettuce

Nothing surprises me after learning that Articuno's name is Freezer.

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First day of trial beated

I knew in one second that Lamiroir would be talking about long hair guy. On the other hand, I don't yet know the killer for sure, so at least there's some mystery left.

I'll say for sure that this is one of the weakest trials in the series so far.

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I presented the room schematic to prove that Lamiroir couldn't have seen the body to know that he was shot, but got slapped down. Instead I was supposed to present the gag order? Give me a ****ing break.

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Pitbull
https://www.petsami.com/best-dog-food-for-pitbulls/

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AxemRedRanger posted...

this seems like a good place to ask

if I were to start watching the original series (never seen substantial amounts of anything Trek other than the reboot movies), do I go with the remastered version or the original?

Just do the remastered. Its just the same thing with better special effects.

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An important fact is that Naomi Wildmans mother stopped appearing because each writer assumed th others killed her off, and no one actually double-checked.

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- Good Tier -
Good Tier characters are integral to their shows. They elevate things to the next level, and if removed, the show would be completely different.

19. Nog
I cant think of any funny fake Nog quotes, so Ill just write this and see if anyone responds.

Nog is up here pretty much for one reason: comparing him to Voyager is like a joke. Nothing in Voyager matters. Everything is always reset by the end of every episode. But Nog, a secondary character in DS9, has an entire storyline about the phantom pain of losing a leg. Sure, I kind of thought the Federation would be able to just regrow a leg or make a robot leg as good as your original, but whatever. Heres something I dont hate about Discovery, actually: actions have consequences that play out over the course of entire seasons. DS9 did it first, and better, but hey, thats the best youre getting from me.

Nogs a great example of character development. Starts out as a bratty kid, evolves into someone who cares about duty and hard work, momentarily alienated from his lazier childhood friend, eventually grows beyond that and becomes, dare I say it, an adult. He also has the advantage of being slightly disconnected from Quark and Rom after a while, which lets him join the serious storylines of the other characters.

Of course, like most kid characters, hes pretty annoying at first. Hes lucky the show lasted seven seasons and gave him the chance to grow up. Overall, hes a good character where theres not a lot to make fun of him for? Making bad jokes about thirty-year-old characters is all Ive got, sadly.

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Daphne (Scooby-Doo)

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Oh huh, okay. Thanks.

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Hey, I just realized, who's the brown-haired guy in this picture?
https://cdn.wikimg.net/en/strategywiki/images/thumb/f/fc/PW_T%26T_Official_Artwork.jpg/500px-PW_T%26T_Official_Artwork.jpg

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Just finished the first first day of investigation.

I actually like the idea of having a defendant you can't communicate with, but this is kind of stretching it.

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Just watched it. It may be good. I didn't expect Daj to die like that. I'm interested to see more, at least. It was heavy on the fanservice, but that's life.

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20. Julian Bashir
Why yes, my real name is Siddig El Tahir El Fadil El Siddig Abderrahman Mohammed Abdel Karim El Mahdi, how did you know?

Lets get our Game of Thrones jokes out of the way now, okay? Okay. Boy, the Dorne stuff in GoT sure sucked a lot. Its almost as bad as being stabbed by a Jemhadar. Alright, good enough, lets move on.

Bashir falls into the Crusher mold of I only exist because the show needs a doctor, but he does it much, much better. In particular, he actually has some personal drama to resolve over the course of the show: two relationships with Dax and the problems of being a genetic augment in a future where thats not cool.

I guess we can deal with early season 1 Bashir first. If I was just ranking him, hed be near the bottom of the list. That guy is way too pushy with Dax, and its forgivable mainly because Dax is like this super old and wise type who knows exactly how to deal with him. Hes also annoying in general, very jumpy and irritating. So, in a weird way, Bashir is the DS9 character who has the second highest jump in quality. Rom, of course, goes from unbearable to merely highly annoying, so he wins that title.

I wasnt really into Bashirs romance with Dax, to be honest. I never really understood why he was so into her? I guess the heart wants what it wants, but she never really seemed very into him, despite her later claim that shed have banged him but for Worf. I mean, yes, shes beautiful and a super genius, but its Star Trek. Everyone is a hot super genius. And as for Ezri, I already mentioned how I literally forgot he had a romance with her after watching the show three times. I would say that its unnecessary, that the arc of Bashir in this is getting over Dax after she chooses another man, but I cant rightly say that since I dont even remember the romance at all.

Even though the thing everyone remembers about Bashir is that hes a genetic augment, it actually doesnt come up that often. It comes up in like six episodes total, but its a really interesting idea. Bashir has to grapple with the fact that hes literally better than normal humans at anything he wants despite not really wanting to be, but acknowledge the bare truth that if he wasnt an augment, hed be mentally disabled. He looks at other genetic augments who are borderline-insane and knows that he dodged a bullet, all because the procedure isnt very reliable. Its a great premise and interesting setup, and I like it a lot. It also leads to funny moments when you rewatch the early episodes before the writers thought of that and see Bashir struggle with normal humans. Theres one episode where a pudgy guy tries to murder OBrien and Bashir barely manages to restrain him. So good.

You can mine a lot of drama out of doctor who sees crazy stuff during a war, and they sort of do that. Bashir grows a lot during the show, but not in a PTSD sort of way. Actually, a great comparison is the doctor in Babylon 5, whos also a doctor during a crazy war who sees stuff he shouldnt, but instead gets broken by it and has to walk to clear his mind for many, many episodes. Bashirs response is to just be a little grimmer.

Bashir/OBrien is an interesting friendship, partly because its one of the few just a normal friendships in Star Trek. Kirk/Spock/Bones, Geordi/Data, and Harry/Tom are sort of it, and even Geordi/Data is pushing it. The juxtaposition between Im literally superior and Im the most normal person in the galaxy produces a really cool relationship, and it makes complete sense that theyd bond over dumb stuff like medieval battles in the holodeck.

One of the main things about Bashir people remember is his relationship with Garak. Well save most of this for Garak, but the idea of I like screwing around as a pretend spy meeting I am actual spy and am kind of offended by your naivete is super strong.

Overall: a really good character, even if he's not one of the best DS9 has to offer.

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Darth Vader

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Solid Snake

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Started 4-3, it already has a wacky cast of characters. I like how Klaivers invitation is just 20% off on tickets, thats funny.

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RPGlord95 posted...

Too much Chakotay hate. Not enough Neelix hate.

Riker better be top 5 on every list.

Both are bad to me, but for completely different reasons.

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21. Christopher Pike
Beep. Beep. Thats wheelchair for No, jackass.

Christopher Pike wins the coveted Only Thing in the Galaxy Not Ruined by Discovery award. Pike is absolutely the only thing holding up season 2 of Discovery for me. Hes the only thing in it that feels like something out of a real Star Trek. I would have preferred if the entire show was just about Pike and Number One having space adventures and Michael Burnham is just the science officer or something. Do you remember how at the end of season 1, Discovery was going to pick up its new captain, then Pike took over unexpectedly? I wonder what happened to the original captain. Do you think hes still waiting for his new ship, and no one told him?

I think back to The Cage, and Pike in it is thoughtful and morose in a way that no other captain ever would be. Hes a man whos not sure about the crazy space adventures hes had and the people hes lost, and slowly comes to realize theres still a place for him out there. Hes a captain whos smart enough to see through the basketball aliens illusions in a way that I think only Picard could match. How I would love a show about that Pike, the Pike who wants to find cool stuff in the galaxy and not question if its worth it. Sadly, Discovery takes place well after that, when hes more cheerful and normal, which actually does make sense. Im unclear if the writers were thinking about that, though, or if they just stumbled into something logical.

Isnt it amazing that one of the most recognizable Star Trek things, alongside the phaser and Vulcans and whatever, is Pikes stupid wheelchair? Its in one episode, but its more recognizable to a normal person than all of DS9, VOY, ENT, and DIS combined.

My biggest problem with Discoverys version of Pike is, of course, the big revelation about his later life. In TOS, Pike being in a wheelchair was just a random accident. A one-in-a-million chance that could have happened to anyone. A function of exploring space that happens because space is dangerous and you cant proof against everything. It could have as easily happened to Kirk or Bones or Spock, and although its a tragedy, its a tragedy that all Starfleet members know is a possibility. If were going to use real life analogies, its something like a ruptured wall on a submarine its always a possibility, but if you really want to explore the deep ocean, you just have to accept that.

No! says Discovery. Its not just a random accident, thats boring. Its destiny. Pike was such a hero that he willingly accepted becoming paralyzed in the future in exchange for a magical time crystal guarded by Klingon monks in a secret monastery on a forbidden moon needed to stop Michael Burnhams time traveling mother in a super technology spacesuit that she later replicates in five minutes with the help of three other people!

That really says it all, doesnt it? TOS: Slow, plodding, thoughtful. DIS: Fast, action-packed, explosion-y.

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22. Tuvok
To be honest, its been hard being the only Vulcan whos not a scientist or a diplomat, but I have to go where my heart takes me.

I just realized that Tuvok is the winner of the dubious easiest name to make fun of award. Boo-vok, Screw-vok, Moo-vok. Has anyone ever made fun of his name before? If not, Im calling the rights.

Tuvok probably does not deserve to be this high. Hes here pretty much entirely because of the rest of Voyagers cast. He and the Doctor are all that hold the first two seasons up. Tuvok is the only person in the entire cast who at any point feels like he could actually be in a military. Hes the only person on the bridge who has even an ounce of professionalism, and for that reason, hes able to buoy a lot of scenes where Janeway, Chakotay, Harry, and Tom Paris act like idiots. I suspect Tuvok manages this feat because its impossible to write a Vulcan wrong without having him or her come off as a smug, condescending jerk. That happens in Enterprise and Discovery, but its not one of Voyagers (many) sins.

I dont want to say that Tuvok is the smartest person on Voyager, because thats obviously Seven, but he comes off as the smartest whos not also an idiot, if you get what I mean. Remember that early episode where Janeway says I wont trade away copies of our Earth literature for a space catapult that will return us to Earth because its against the rules? Tuvok just straight-up makes the exchange behind her back. Thats something Spock would have done.

I think theres just something inherently interesting and cool about someone who tries his best to behave logically and without emotion, but inevitably gets into a situation where his control is tested, because of course he does, thats the drama. Spock does it better, of course, but I think the concept itself is so fundamentally solid that even Voyager couldnt screw it up.

Heres a fun fact: Tuvok and Phlox are the only married characters in any show who have zero marital problems. Phlox is just like lol my species each marries like nine people at a time, so my wife doesnt care if I go adventuring, and Tuvoks wife is like Im a Vulcan, you think I mind waiting seven years for you to return? I wonder if they gave Tuvok a wife planning to make some kind of plot about it later, like hes tempted by a sexy Delta Quadrant woman who loves board games and meditation, then decided not to do it.

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Thanks. I figured it would be, but I wanted to be sure.

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Hey, is the 19th century Japan game still canon?

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I've never played any Golden Sun game, are they good?

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23. Deanna Troi
Captain, that snarling Klingon may be hostile.

For all the crap Troi gets, shes not a bad character. Yes, its fun to make fun of her for giving obvious advice and constantly being ignored when she does give good advice, but honestly, the premise of this character is solid. The future is very clean and sterile and science-y, heres a psychologist whos all about emotions and who integrates it all into the futuristic society. Thats part of what I like about Star Trek, the basically optimistic future of people who solve problems with diplomacy, science, and philosophy, and who look at laser explosions and fistfights as a last resort. Troi is completely in keeping with this style of writing, so I actually kind of like her.

Troi benefits a lot from being the person who everyone else goes to for advice and support, so shes usually got something to do. She gets a bad rap, but if you actually sit down and watch Troi episodes, the only bad ones are either really about her mother or the one where an alien has sex with her in order to impregnate her with himself. And really, who hasnt been raped by an omnipotent energy being in their sleep at least once?
https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MTwyb-A1oak/hqdefault.jpg

I will say this, however: Marina Sirtis is the worst actor in TNG, and its not by a small amount. Patrick Stewart is like a real actor, of course, Brent Spiner kills it as Data, LeVar Burton elevates a character who should be boring and lame, but Marina Sirtis doesnt do the same with Troi. I cannot imagine anyone else playing Picard, Riker, Data, or Worf, but I can definitely imagine another actress playing Troi and doing a better job of it.

One of the funniest aspects of Troi to me is that Marina Sirtis and Denise Crosby were originally going to play each others characters. Can you imagine a TNG where Troi dies early on and Yar stays on the whole time, except played by a woman who does not look tough at all? Like I believe Denise Crosby when she acts tough, I would not believe Marina Sirtis. Have you watched Terminator Genisys where Emilia Clarke has to act like a badass warrior and its completely absurd? Thats how I imagine the original version of Yar.

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Bump for later

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Good luck.

Season 7 is clearly where they just ran out of ideas in general, at least until the final episode.

24. Jonathan Archer
I just read an article on dailymail.com that says people with elf ears are 12% more likely to be evil.

I think I understand Archer. More specifically, I think I understand why he exists.

We need a captain, said someone. Kirk is an adventurer, Picard is a diplomat, Sisko is a warrior, and Janeway pretends to be a scientist. What does that leave? The answer was adventurer again. Okay, okay, Archer is supposed to be an explorer. Hes in it just to see whats beyond the current borders of a map. But it leaves you as a viewer a little vague on the details of how his skillset differs from any of the other captains.

All of the other captains so far were very professional. What if our new captain is casual and chill? So Archer refers to most of the crew by their first names and just gives off a more casual vibe.

He needs to have some kind of conflict. What if he hates Vulcans? So Archer gets annoyed easily when he talks to Vulcans. I bet the writers thought they were being clever, that Archer would learn as the series goes on why the Vulcans have made the choices theyve made, and undergo some self-reflection and become a better man for it. And that soooooort of happens, but not really. It happens two times: when Archer refuses to save the planet of diseased people so another species can survive and says I WONDER IF WELL HAVE SOME KIND OF DIRECTIVE THATS GIVEN PRIME IMPORTANCE IN THE FUTURE and admits the Vulcans neutrality makes sense sometimes, and another time when he meets emotional Vulcans and is like okay yeah I agree with the emotionlessness now, my bad.

Archers standout moment is in season 3, when his ship is broken and he needs a part to save Earth. He finds an alien ship and is like dudes want to give me your warp drive and theyre like lol no. Archers been pretty adamant about doing The Right Thing up to this point, but out of options, he finally just steals their warp drive which looks like a donut, and leaves them enough food to get home at sublight speeds in two years. Then, after defeating the Xindi a few episodes later, he goes back, apologizes, and gives them a new warp drive so they were only inconvenienced by a few weeks naaaah haha.

If wed had more of this Archer, the Archer who has his beliefs challenged by the difficulty of the crazy space stuff he encounters, he would have been way more interesting. Thats what Ill give him, he was teetering on something cool and interesting.

One of my favorite elements of Archer is that the previous captains rarely lost fistfights. Scott Bakula was like I will absolutely get beaten up on screen, so the writers wrote way too many Archer is beaten up episodes. The result is that Archer successfully wins exactly one fistfight in four years: against a monk. And he doesnt even really win, he just survives long enough to grab a phaser.

So much of Enterprise feels like a weaker version of TOS, which is largely intentional (not the weaker part, of course). The greatest shame in Star Trek is Enterprise being cancelled just as it was finding its footing. That alternate dimension where we get a season 5 might be laughing at us right now. Maybe Star Trek never went through a dry spell there, and so it never had to deal with Discovery.

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Im halfway through AA4 now, but so far its 1-5, 2-4, and 3-5 to me. Id say 2-4 edges the others out by a little, though.

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Raka_Putra posted...

Ana is a 4channer?

Not really, but the one time I go, someone on B8 is also in the same thread, it seems.

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One of you jerks found my post on 4chan and recognized it

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- Okay Tier -
Okay Tier is for characters who are okay. Not great, but they have genuine reasons to be on the show, are written mostly well, and are pretty cool guys who dont afraid of anything.

25. Geordi LaForge
Is it weird if you make a hologram of an attractive woman, program it to think youre the hottest man alive, and have sex with it while pretending its the real person? Asking for a friend.

Star Trek has a well-deserved reputation for technobabble, but TOS isnt guilty of it at all. The most technical that happens in TOS is Scotty complaining about energy or wiring. The true criminal here is Geordi LaForge, in more ways than one.

We can all make fun of Geordi for the creepy sex stuff, and yeah, he deserves it. Theres the time he makes a hologram of a real person and falls in love with it, and when the real woman finds out, she apparently doesnt file a complaint at HR? I would think the best-case scenario for Geordi at that point is being transferred to a less prestigious ship, but she forgives him pretty quickly, and even marries him in an alternate timeline. Then theres the time he has to watch a video journal of a dead woman, falls in love with her, learns shes not dead, and creeps on her.

But I want to move past all that and talk about the most interesting aspect of Geordi, which is the acting. It wasnt until recently (about a year ago) that I read an article by LeVar Burton where he discussed what playing Geordi was like, and he was like I had to spend a lot of time getting down how to show emotion while wearing a thing on my face, and I was like man, that does sound hard. He talked about how he put everything into giving Geordi a constantly enthusiastic, happy outlook and personality, and that although you dont learn a lot about Geordi through his backstory (of which he has almost none), you learn a lot through the acting. Reading that gave me a huge amount of respect for Burton and Geordi, at least during the show era. Movie Geordi is basically just an extra.

Anyway, the technical aspects of Geordis character are sort of more interesting than the character himself, whos just the engineer. Non-Geordi episodes just have him drop in, say SHIELDS ARE AT 30% CAPTAIN, and disappear. Geordi/Data episodes have him as the supporting character for the immensely more interesting Data, where hes there to explain in human terms whatever new nugget of humanity Data has discovered, and invariably does a bad job of it. Geordi-specific episodes show him to be the most awkward person on the ship after Barclay. Aside from the romance episodes, what does Geordi even have? The episode where he turns into a shadow monster?

Fun fact, theres a commentary for the season 7 episode about Geordis mother where the writer describes the pitch. Someone had the idea for an episode about Geordis mother, and we were like *sigh* Are we running so low on ideas that this is where were at? Geordis family? Poor Geordi. By that point, wed had episodes about the families of Picard, Riker, Crusher, Data, Worf, and even Yar, but it was Geordi that was a step too far. And really, they were right. Season 7 is clearly where they just ran out of ideas in general, at least until the final episode.

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New topic
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/78349313

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Well

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Making another topic when he's already halfway through AA4 and isn't doing full write-ups anymore is something a foolish fool would do, no doubt.

2-4 >= 3-5 >= 1-4 > 3-4 > 1-5 > 4-1 > 1-2 = 2-2 = 3-1 > 1-3 > 3-2 > 1-1 > 3-3 > 2-1 > 4-2 > 2-3

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SeabassDebeste posted...

ini miney?

Ah jeez, her, okay. I'll say that counts enough.

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I think that so far, the only game not to have "cute girl gets angry and mean" is AA2.

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25. Saru
My sister is a primitive hut-dwelling savage. Oh look, there she is flying a spaceship after ten minutes of training!

Discounting Christopher Pike and Spock, Saru is the highest-ranking Discovery character on my list. He probably doesnt deserve to be this high, but hes the only Discovery character who could have been on a real Star Trek, so I give him some leeway.

I kind of like the idea of a species thats constantly frightened because they can sense the coming of death, even if that makes no sense. I also enjoy how they hedged their bets with season 1 by avoiding telling us anything about Sarus species except that hes the first one in Starfleet. Youd think that would come up in conversation after the part where his people are like primitives, but okay.

The idea of Im a primitive hut-dwelling alien, but through a bunch of silly coincidences, I got picked up by the Federation and now I feel obligated to prove Im not a primitive by being the best at everything is really strong. I dont think they did much with it, but its a great premise.

Nothing about the setup makes any sense, of course. Sarus species was once a dangerous predator, so the prey developed advanced technology and enslaved them, and told them dude if you live long enough youll go insane and die, so kill yourselves while youre young. So ignoring any questions about how a species continues developing new abilities and stuff like this while in adulthood, why did the prey species just murder them all to avoid any chance of exactly what happens happening? Anyway, the situation is resolved when Captain Pike completely ignores the prime directive. Im sorry, General Order One, because prime directive sounds too nerdy.

In a series full of dumb stuff, the dumbest thing in Discovery might very well be Sarus species being given space fighters to help in the final battle because we need it to be more like Star Wars. This isnt really Sarus fault, so I didnt ding him for this, but if you write a gigantic space battle scene with laser explosions and a bad guy being kicked into a disintegration booth and his face exploding because you want to stop HAL 9000 from eating all sapient life in the galaxy, then you have completely misunderstood what Star Trek is.

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Paratroopa1 posted...

You might've thought this because AA6 has two little side-story cases that you can play called "Asinine Attorney." They're really nothing though, just goofy little cutscenes that can be watched in 20 minutes on Youtube, so in the future make sure not to buy those.

Oh okay, thanks.

MrSmartGuy posted...

Also, Alita admitting she hired you just because you were new and she thought you'd f*** up Wocky's defense while Apollo sits in stunned silence is another highly underrated moment.

Paratroopa1 posted...

Yeah I love the twist at the end that Alita hired you because she thought you would suck and you foiled her plans by being competent

I didn't realize that was even supposed to be a big twist, it seemed obvious to me.

Underleveled posted...

Klavier is Swedish (or some kind of Scandinavian)

I thought he was, my mistake.

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LeonhartFour posted...

4-4 is...something else. Just wait for it. There's really no other case in the series like it.

Good luck with 4-3.

I'm already used to the third case in each game being the worst, so 4-3 can only improve things.

NFUN posted...

Reading the Star Trek topic, Anagram's favorite character must be Ema. She's a scientist because she likes using logical deductions to find the truth!

lmao

It took me quite a while to realize she was going to replace Gumshoe.

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34 more cases, then. Okay then.

By the way, the absolutely brilliant minds at Capcom made it so that to buy all of the episodes on ios, you have to see the episode images, so I know Apollo's mentor shows back up in 4-4. Thanks, Capcom!

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LeonhartFour posted...

AA5 and AA6 both have 6 cases, with one case being DLC.

Yeesh, okay. How many do the Edgeworth and Japanese-only games have? I haven't decided if I'll play them yet.

LeonhartFour posted...

well you could also rationalize it that they would be softer and harder to hear than her clacky high heels so she could sneak up on him I guess

I just love how it didn't even occur to me that it was one of those cultural things caused by a localization issue.

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Also, I just briefly looked up the later games, AA6 has 8 cases?

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LeonhartFour posted...

that's what the von Karmas are!

Dammit, I just want a villain who feels like he's actually a threat and doesn't want to help you do the right thing. I got enough of the friendly rival stuff from Edgeworth.

LeonhartFour posted...

the very California cultural tradition of not wearing outdoor shoes inside a building so they provide "indoor-appropriate" footwear in places like that

Oh jesus christ, but let me get this straight, she went into the clinic with the intention of threatening the doctor, but took the time put on the clinic-approved sandals?

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- Good song for Klaveir, but I don't like him much. I obviously realize that they're going for a different, more laidback theme than the previous prosecutors, but he doesn't really come off as an opponent. He also stole the "I realized the witness is the killer halfway through, so I'll help you expose her" move from Edgeworth. Is it so much to ask for a prosecutor who just feels like he's better than you?
- Also, what's with every foreign prosecutor being from Germany?
- I refuse to believe a doctor could mistake an unconscious person for dead under this circumstance, that he'd put the gun with the "corpse," or that a big-time mobster would refuse to use his dirty money to save a son with only a few weeks to live.
- Maybe I missed a perfectly good explanation, but I'm super unclear on why Alita was wearing the clinic's sandals at the time of the murder.
- Bit tired of the "sweet girl reveals she's evil" move, she's the third person to use it.
- However, I do approve of the revelation of Kitaki's dark shadows over his eyes actually just being eyebrows.
- 4-1 starts the game pretty strong, but 4-2 is prettttttttty lame. One of the worst defendants ever (if not the worst), Trucy's kidnapping being completely pointless, the most obvious killer twist ever, and just generally being kind of bad.

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- I was willing to look the other way on how Ema got so many people's fingerprints, but I demand to know how she got their shoe prints.
- Did this game come out after 1-5 was added?
- It's kind of infuriating how long it takes the characters to realize things the player figured out hours ago.

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27. Jadzia Dax
Careful, or you might get me Madzia Dax.

Okay, so you have an immortal character with the wisdom of a thousand years or whatever. What kind of personality do you give her? Do you go with the Galadriel-esque Im an ancient being beyond your comprehension, or do you make her an anime teenager whos bouncy and acts like a five year-old? I bet you didnt expect Star Trek to err toward the latter.

Jadzia is supposed to be this ass-kicking warrior/scientist/philosopher/sage/adventurer whos still into things like gambling, sex, and booze, and she pulls it off okay. Shes okay, thats all Ive got for her. Of DS9s main cast, she definitely has the least to do after OBrien. Sisko has his whole Jesus and war storyline, Odo and Worf are Torn Between Two Worlds, Kira has a lot of baggage from her Resistance fighter days, Quark handles all of the comedy episodes, and Bashir has his embarrassment about being a genetic augment. Meanwhile, Dax borders on being happy-go-lucky. What Im saying is that of all the non-Jake characters, she has the least to do and the least growth.

And yet, DS9 is just so good that she still climbs her way to Okay Tier. Everyone on DS9 gets so much to do that even its weaker characters are above-average by everyone elses standards. I like Jadzia being a Klingaboo, I like her silly little love triangle where she just doesnt care about Bashir at all (she tells him he was her second choice, which, ouch, better to say nothing at all), and I like her acting like a mentor to Sisko because of the Trill reincarnation thing. She lacks the real depth of the other core DS9 characters, but shes still a solid supporting character. She could have been more, but what we have is still good.

Id also like to say that she has a disappointing death. Star Trek is very bad at giving characters satisfying deaths, and the one time it succeeded with Spock, it undid it. Later Spock dies of old age or whatever in the Abrams universe, but not before skyping Zachary Quinto and telling him that Khan is dangerous instead of Quinto just looking him up on Wikipedia.

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28. Gabriel Lorca
Yes, Im evil. I had to shave my mustache because I was pretending to be good, but when it grows back, Ill start twirling it again, I promise.

To me, one of the highlights of Discovery is when Admiral Psychologist says the real Captain Lorca was trapped in the Mirror Universe? Well, hes probably dead, no point in looking for him, and no one makes any attempt to rescue him.

Lorca gets this high based purely on his association with the Mirror Universe. Because he has the good fortune to miss season 1s opening and closing and all of season 2, he avoids most of the shows worst moments. Like hes fine when hes pretending to be a Starfleet guy, hes like We need to be willing to do bad things to win and I respect Michael because she tried to stop the Klingons before they could do their nonsense, but once he reveals hes evil, he immediately becomes hilarious. The first thing he does when he goes into evil mode is kill a guy while talking about how he enjoyed ****ing his sister. My personal favorite Lorca moment comes in the next episode, when he says Good thing I packed a spare black leather trench coat, and gets rid of his Starfleet uniform. Have you ever watched 24? Every time a friendly Muslim reveals that hes actually a terrorist, he loses his American accent and starts talking with an Arabic accent, and its ****ing hilarious. Its the same kind of thing here.

Lorca even dies in a great way. Michael betrays him in the most obvious way ever (like if you fall for the trick she pulls, you deserve to die), then beats him in a fight and says I cant kill you because you pretended to be my friend once, but Georgiou is like No prob, bro, Ill do it, and then stabs him in the back and pushes him into a star-mushroom-engine-thing where he disintegrates.

I love how the show makes no attempt to explain anything about Lorca. How did he infiltrate the Federation without any knowledge of what it was? How did he learn about the super-secret ship that was the only way in the universe to return to his dimension? How did he get assigned to it? How did he know how to calculate a vector back to the Mirror Universe when hes a soldier and not a scientist? Shut up, none of that matters.

As far as completely stupid emperors go, Lorca is nowhere near as much fun as Palpatine, but hes still a lot of fun, and I approve of how completely stupid the show becomes once he reveals hes actually evil.

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Leonhart4 posted...

I think the fake kidnapping is a bottom 5 moment in the series. People talk about how Mia magically appears to bail Phoenix out too much, but this was way worse than anything Mia ever did.

It's also worth noting how Trucy does a lot of the work in arguing during the trial, way more than Maya does.

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NFUN posted...

i completely forgot about this to the point where i still remember nothing about it!

I had to be reminded about it myself when I mentioned Bashir not ending up with anyone and got corrected.

29. TPol
These humans are so useless, Im tpolling all the weight around here. Thanks everyone, Ill be here all night.

A lot of people like TPol. Shes okay. Shes fine. I dont hate her. But of all characters on this list, she does the least with the amount of time given to her. Shes the second main character of Enterprise, shes the Spock to Archers Kirk, she gets an incredible amount of focus, more than all other non-Archer characters combined, and she uses it to be okay. Ive read that Jolene Blalock was a big fan of TOS and was super excited to play a Vulcan, how must she have felt about the first episode having her character strip down to her underwear and slathering gel all over herself?

Ill give TPol this: she isnt just a generic Vulcan character like Tuvok, and she isnt a retread of Spock. Shes her own thing, and that contributes a lot to her placement on this list. Vulcan gets addicted to a drug that makes her emotional because its necessary for her job is a take we hadnt seen before. TPols journey as she slowly loses control of herself and learns more about humans is kind of interesting, but Im going to go ahead and say that it needed to happen before season 3 (the first two seasons of Enterprise are hard to get through).

Enterprise has a problem with Vulcans, in that it turns them into kind of smug jackasses. There was technically precedent for this with the DS9 baseball Vulcan who hates Sisko, but that was one guy. Almost every Enterprise Vulcan acts in a way thats technically logical but obviously going to anger non-Vulcans and cause problems, and that includes TPol. In the first episode, theres a Vulcan who gets angry and yells at Admiral Whatever. This unfortunately extends into Discovery, where the non-Sarek Vulcans continue to behave illogically because the show wants to make a statement about racism and normal people wouldnt care about Tellarite Supremacists.

Got off-topic there for a second, sorry. Point is, Enterprise has a serious problem with writing Vulcans, and that affects TPol. The difference is that TPol has a drug and psychic mind meld addiction, which mitigates it because at least she has an excuse after season 3, but thats the half of the show people care about. Remember the season 1 episode where they go to the human colony no ones visited in thirty years and its turned into a caveman planet? No one does.

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There's a Star Trek episode where a commercial break cliffhanger is a woman taking Kirk hostage with a gun. After the break, Scotty goes "Ohhh" and looks like he's going to collapse from being sick. She looks over and Kirk grabs the gun, resolving the cliffhanger in five seconds.

That's still a worse cliffhanger than Trucy's fake kidnapping, but not by a lot.

I also didn't expect the panty thief mystery to get wrapped up like that. Predicting the girlfriend is the murderer, though I've thought that since she hired Apollo to defend Wocky.

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30. Ezri Dax
LOL IM DAX NOW

Ezri Dax is the single Star Trek character who has the least right to exist. Id go so far as to say she shouldnt exist at all.

So you have a problem: you have a season all written out when one of your actresses bails. Solution? Hire a (younger) actress to be her alien reincarnation.

Ezri probably would have been a great idea if Jadzia had died in season 4 or season 5, but she dies in the last episode of season 6. Ezri has exactly one season to show her stuff, and that means she has like two episodes to integrate into a cast thats been together for six years. Its a hard task that she does not succeed in but I like her anyway.

Im not sure what it is about Ezri Dax I find appealing, because its sure not her character. Shes younger and more inexperienced than Jadzia, and she gets into trouble a lot because she didnt train to carry a symbiote like shes supposed to have. Shes a counselor, but no one on DS9 really needs counseling (and it was questionable enough as it was to have Troi on the Enterprise in the first place). She has a romance with Bashir that is so forgettable that even I was surprised by it on my third rewatch of DS9. She gets like two genuine Ezri episodes, one where she has to track down a serial killer, by the way, that episode is better than anything in Star Trek Discovery because it involves logical deductions and figuring things out instead of spouting technobabble (I cant stop insulting Discovery, sorry, maybe I need counseling), and the other where Worf just assumes theyll continue dating and shes not into it.

I guess what I like about Ezri is her potential. She could have been a better version of Deanna Troi, the redemption of the concept that proved it was a good idea all along but she wasnt. She just shows up early in season 7, says LOL IM DAX NOW, and thats it. That, and her actress. I think her actress actually does a great job with what shes given, she just was brought into the show way too late.

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31. Jake Sisko
Dad, it turns out Nog isnt a Ferengi at all. Hes a 50 thirty-year-old man dressed in Ferengi makeup circa 1993.

Is the most unbelievable thing in DS9 that Jake Sisko has a hard time finding a girlfriend on a planet where his father is Jesus? Can you imagine Jesus coming back to life today and saying Hey everyone, this is my son Terrance, say hi, Terrance, and that kid not drowning in girls?

As the main character with the dubious honor of most missed episodes of any main character, both in absolute and proportional terms (105 episodes missed, or 60%), I think well all agree that hes a satellite character. What makes it interesting is that hes a satellite for two others: Ben Sisko and Nog. Nog is the kid character on DS9 who grows up and changes and actually affects the story, and Jake is very important to that for the first three years or so. Then Nog goes to the academy and war and stuff, and Jake ceases to matter.

Jakes basic purpose on the show is to let Sisko explore his dadness. Whats it like to be a dad? How does dadding affect his duties? Its basically just an elaborate excuse to show Sisko interacting with someone in a way different from how he interacts with all of the Starfleet people. This is similar to Crusher and Picard, except that Crusher serves a real purpose independent of Picard. And in this, Jake does his job extremely well.

Thats the reason why Jake is so high. I dont really view him as a true character, I view him as a parasite attached to Sisko, draining him of life so that he can live himself and obtain more screen time running through the promenade. Sisko is a great character, so being part of Sisko catapults you to the lofty heights of Fire Tier.


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