Lurker > HotLap

SmidgeIsntBack posted...

No, but my anxiety makes it such.

Baby get outta there.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Just play Stardew Valley.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

He found me. Last night I was startled awake by loud banging at my front door. I pulled my covers closer to my chin, hoping he would just go away.

I heard the door frame crack as he barreled through the door. I quickly sprang up and attempted to move my dresser in front of my bedroom door to barricade myself inside. I was too late. @KillerKhan420 threw open the door, grabbed me by the waist and threw me on the bed. His eyes were as red as a dogs bunger when hes making a smelly two. Loose grains of cocaine were falling from his nostrils like the seasons first snow flurry.

What are you going to do to me? I asked him as he undid his belt.
Im going to show you the true meaning of heat, @KillerKhan420 replied, fully removing his pants to reveal his bare penis and his charred, homunculus coin purse.

He poured a line of white powder onto my nightstand and whispered, Snort it up, hot yum.
More cocaine? I wondered aloud.
No, he answered. This is pure capsaicin. I dont want to hear you complaining about jalapeos anymore.

In one smooth motion his bare penis snorted up the capsaicin with the efficiency of a 1990s stock broker. His bare penis left a line of sweat across my nightstand. His once small, burned testicles began to swell in size. The char fell off his skin like someone scrubbed a grill.

@KillerKhan420 ran out of my room and returned with my rolling pin. Bite down, he instructed. His scrotum was now four times the size it had originally been and was releasing steam. It was glowing white hot like tempered steel waiting to be struck and molded by the blacksmiths hammer. I bit down on the rolling pin as I was told.

He pressed his molten ballbag onto my lower back. I could feel my teeth dig into the wood as I grunted in agony. My skin sizzled and melted beneath his fury. I had been branded. I looked at his bare penis, which was receding meekly into his torso as if it were apologizing for its owners actions.

@KillerKhan420 rose to his feet. Now you know, he whispered before heading to my bathroom and cooling his roasted chestnuts under a stream of cold water. And then he was gone.

I was never able to get back to sleep. The pain in my lower back was immeasurable. Although Im incredibly tired and had severe burns inflicted on my person, I will thank Jesus Christ every single day that @KillerKhan420 broke into my home and assaulted me. If he hadnt, I would have never been branded and known his perspective on the true meaning of heat. God is good.


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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Put you in a fucking nursing home.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Love you unconditionally.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Encore opened in MA this summer but the blackjack table minimums are still hovering around $50 so Im staying away for now. If I want to go Ill probably head down to Mohegan.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

where is boner and peepee

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Hes making pro gamer moves, brother.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Caelthus posted...

Are we ever gonna get a new CYOA?

I can't. I'll just let you down. You can't trust me. Hell, my bare penis can't even trust me anymore. But baby I still believe in trust. I think for awhile in my past... I forgot what trust was. That is until Jesus Christ came into my life and I thank Jesus Christ every single day for coming into my life.

Parappa09 posted...

i wish TC could touch my bare penis

Could I handle your bare penis? Could God create a bare penis so strong that even he couldn't burn it with hot peppers? Why doesn't God ever wash his putrid, rancid nutsack? Who knows? But here's one thing I do know. I know I thank Jesus Christ every single day for being the sperm the shot out of God's rotting, fetid yam bag, through his bare penis, and into Mary's unsuspecting womb. I hope this clarifies things.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Machete posted...

Which was in more pain? The penis or the scrotum?

My bare penis by far. But it didnt hurt as much as when my father would put out lit cigarettes on my bare penis.

My father was a hateful man, but during his time in the United States Penitentiary in Hazelton, West Virginia, he found the word of God. He walks with Him now and I thank Jesus Christ every single day that my father extinguished his cigarettes on my bare penis because it made him the man he is today. Without Jesus hed still be in that West Virginia prison. Instead he stands tall and proud with the Lord while he finishes his sentence in the United States Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kansas.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

I slept for 16 hours. I have never had a dream that felt so violently real in all my years.

Adam, The First Man, is slouching in front of me. His back is crooked from the weight of his swollen, defeated ballsack. Thick rivers of dark corruption navigate his body, seemingly replacing his veins. He gasps for air. Adam is in great pain.

He stands on a bed of jalapeo peppers. In fact, the peppers are everywhere. There is no floor, no soil, no oceans. Only jalapeos lay beneath our feet now.

Eve stands in the distance. She wears a tunic of leaves, but is naked from the waist down. Her corruption is contained to her bloated, decaying scrotum. She holds the corruption in her hands and mutters, Ive become a stranger to myself.

I look down, terrified to know if Ive contracted the corruption myself. I havent, but my penis is gone. I look to Adam. He sports the same smooth area as I do.

Bare penises fall from the sky like rain. When they reach the floor of peppers, they ignite and burn away. Snow falls from the heavens pure, Adam recites. It is not to blame for being soiled by the earth.

Adam opens his mouth as if he were catching a snowflake. A long, bare penis lodges itself in his gullet. He makes no effort to remove it. Adam chokes and falls into the spicy abyss. He, like all the penises before him, is burned away.

Adam, The First Man, is dead.

I turn to Reverend Al Sharpton. His penis is gone. We can never go back, he tells me.

I awoke in a panic. I had sweat through my nightclothes and all of my bedsheets as well. My penis is here. Reverend Al Sharpton is not.

I know not of what this dream means, but I will thank Jesus Christ every single day for bringing me this nightmare.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Just shit down my fucking throat Scruffy, you useless fucking animal.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Man, what a ride. The pain in my penis has subsided, but the memories never will. When I woke up, I never thought Id burn my bare penis and my hairy, veiny ballbag on hot peppers today, but sometimes God has his own plan.

Do you think there were jalapeos in the Garden of Eden? Do you think Adam burned his bare penis and throbbing, misshapen gonads on a hot pepper? I will now lie awake wondering about lifes great mysteries and I will thank Jesus Christ every single day for giving me the glory to ponder the great unknown.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

KillerKhan420 posted...

Jalapenos aren't even that hot. Quit it.

I can handle them in my mouth but apparently not on my bare penis and scrotum, unfortunately.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Hey gang, my penis is burning a whole lot. I also touched my sack and that hurts too. Ive definitely had better penile sensations in my life.

When I farted there was a flare of pain in both areas but I think that may be coincidental.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

I live slightly north of Boston and I just walked around town for two hours. Not sure if well get another day like this before spring so I wanted to spend some time outside. Its absolutely gorgeous out.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

The dog was later destroyed.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Louie Lastik would have been a hell of an offensive lineman if he looked like that.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Divinity Original Sin 2
Disco Elysium

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.