Your horrific addition to food that has gotten so bad that it comes before literally everything else you claim is more important to you? It might not be the single thing that defines you, but its disingenuous to say its the biggest thing that defines you, or the thing that defines you most at that point. At a certain level of obesity, it is THE prevailing characteristic and no amount of nice nice talk is going to change that fact that realistically thats the thing that everyone else IS going to define you by. Its just the harsh reality of reality.

Its kind of like getting to the point of being an actual crackhead. Once everyone knows youre a crackhead, its going to be thing that defines you. Everything else, every interaction, every single thing you do, every single day, is going to be colored and influenced by the fact that youre a crackhead and everyone knows it. It will be, beyond a shadow of a doubt, your most defining characteristic and it matters not how many other good traits you have. The one and only way out of that hell is kick and then your defining trait will be that you used to be a crackhead and you managed to get clean.

It will be a long time before anybody sees you any other way. The same is true of someone whos so big that when you see them the first and only thing on your mind is good lord, theyre gonna die soon. Im not being a dick, Im being one thousand percent realistic about this. You may get to know that person, and really really like them, and even stop judging them, but at the end of the day, the thing youre most going to correlate them to, is overwhelming morbid obesity. If everyone sees you as something, more than anything else, and that thing is true. (For example everyone thinks youre a crackhead because you obviously smoke gratuitous amounts of crack) then it kind of is your defining characteristic. It sucks, but it is what it is.

TLDR: If you smoke a metric shit ton of crack you ARE a crackhead. It doesnt matter how you see it, it still defines you in every way because its the most prevailing characteristic about you, and nobody else is going to look at it another way.