Current Events > That part of the bible where the woman grabbed Jesus' robe always stuck with me

(+) Yeah! (+)

Where a woman was suffering from menorrhagia for over a decade, heard Jesus cured shit and was like "Man if I just grab his robe"

Grabbed his robe while he walked by and was cured. Jesus was like "Aiyo, that's neat. Good on ya for believing."

I think it was intended to signify that she was healed/rewarded through the power of her faith but I always found it odd that Jesus' healing powers aren't like a concious choice, at least not fully. It just eradiates from his clothes. Like an RPG armor. Whether big J intends it or not.

Read the part with the fig tree.

Big j

Maybe that's how popes live so long. They've got Jesus's healing robe stashed away in some Vatican armory with the lance of longinus

Kim_Seong-a posted...

Maybe that's how popes live so long. They've got Jesus's healing robe stashed away in some Vatican armory with the lance of longinus

Most Popes would've burst into flames from touching it tbh.

Jesus felt some of his power leave him. So we know he can sense ki.

Unsuprised_Pika posted...

Most Popes would've burst into flames from touching it tbh.

Isn't there a legend where a girl became the pope by pretending to be a man for a while until she got exposed.

So they do a ritual where now they carry the pope over people's heads as they look up and chant "Oh his balls, his balls, for he has balls" in latin as he goes by?

Guns_of_Verdun posted...

Isn't there a legend where a girl became the pope by pretending to be a man for a while until she got exposed.

So they do a ritual where now they carry the pope over people's heads as they look up and chant "Oh his balls, his balls, for he has balls" in latin as he goes by?

The fuck. I hope this isnt real.

i like the part where a guy kicks the puddle jesus was admiring, so he killed him

viewmaster_pi posted...

i like the part where a guy kicks the puddle jesus was admiring, so he killed him

That's non canon filler.

Same as the dragons.

What always stuck with me is that the bible implies that Jesus was rich af.

Remember he had a ministry and one of his apostles was his treasurer. Broke people don't need a treasurer. On palm Sunday he rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, well 2,000+ years ago in the middle east that was luxury travel, like the freakin' pope mobile. His robe was also a very expensive and valuable piece of clothing at the time, like a designer suit today.

On palm Sunday he basically did the equivalent of what today would be driving into Jerusalem in a Bentley while wearing a nice suit while his ministry was earning him a net worth, and people think Jesus, if he existed, would have been poor for some reason

Guns_of_Verdun posted...

Isn't there a legend where a girl became the pope by pretending to be a man for a while until she got exposed.

So they do a ritual where now they carry the pope over people's heads as they look up and chant "Oh his balls, his balls, for he has balls" in latin as he goes by?

Funnily enough the woman had bigger balls then the men if she pulled that shit off for awhile back in the day lmao.

LonelyStoner posted...

The fuck. I hope this isnt real.

I really hope it is. It's hilarious to think that the initiation for a pope involves a mass observation of his balls, while chanting in Latin about said balls.

I'm legit not sure if it's true or just a legend but I'm 100% sure that if it was true they wouldn't do it anymore. This was centuries ago.

Anyone who can become pope while hiding the fact they're a woman in the 20th century is a miracle worker who deserves to be pope.

I swear I read somewhere in the Bible about a women that plays with the dead or something similar to those lines

i swear

but when I looked for it I didnt find it

that made me feel pretty unintelligent and shocked

OriginalPlain2 posted...

that made me feel pretty unintelligent and shocked

the bible is working

Guns_of_Verdun posted...

Isn't there a legend where a girl became the pope by pretending to be a man for a while until she got exposed.

So they do a ritual where now they carry the pope over people's heads as they look up and chant "Oh his balls, his balls, for he has balls" in latin as he goes by?

That's the story of Johanna. She only got busted because she got pregnant. She is also featured on the High Priestess tarot card and is the inspiration for Makoto's persona in Persona 5.

HudGard posted...

Jesus felt some of his power leave him. So we know he can sense ki.

"Peter, how many people did he just feed?"
"It's over five thousaaaaand!"

Pope Joan is seen as an urban legend.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_Joan

My favorite part of the Bible is when a group of boys mocked the prophet Elisha for being bald. Instead of giving the boys an ironic curse like making all of their hair fall out as well, God sent a hungry bear to kill 40+ of the boys.

jesus gonna come down from the heavens on a pegasus with a sword in his mouth with a cyborg body this time

Nukazie posted...

jesus gonna come down from the heavens on a pegasus with a sword in his mouth with a cyborg body this time

DIdn't AVGN do that?

Hyper mega death Christ?

Fenriswolf posted...

My favorite part of the Bible is when a group of boys mocked the prophet Elisha for being bald. Instead of giving the boys an ironic curse like making all of their hair fall out as well, God sent a hungry bear to kill 40+ of the boys.

I like Book of Judges 19.
Guy hunts down his escaped concubine and sleeps over at a town. All adult men in the town wants to rape him, so he throws his concubine at them and locks the door. She is gangraped to death.
Next day he takes the dead body home, chops it up in 12 pieces and sends them to the leaders of the 12 tribes of Israel.
They gather and 11 of them asks the one that owns the town where it happened wtf is wrong with them.
The Benjamite (I think they were called that) is surprised, how can the other tribes be against gangraping men that visit their towns?
So the 11 tribes declares war against the Benjamites.
After a long fight, the 11 tribes realize that they have terminated a whole tribe, their own brothers and sisters.
But wait, 150 men had cowardly hidden in the desert.
Hooray, the tribe can be saved!
But wait, the 11 tribes suddenly remember that every town in anger had sworn to God to never let a Benjamite take one of their daughters when they gathered their troops, so the Benjamites will die out soon...
But wait, they suddenly realize that one town had said "fuck no, we are sending no troops. The Benjamites are our brothers and killing them will be a great loss and sin!". Hooray!
So they go to that town and kills ever male and non-virgin female as punishment for not joining the war, then giving the virgins to the Benjamites.
But wait... They only found 100 virgins...
Luckily a nearby town had a harvest featival, so those poor 50 men were allowed to go there and kidnap 50 virgins because suddenly the 11 tribes were allowed to break their oath to God.

i was just meditating on Deuteronomy 23:12-14 today during my morning prayers, God is great

LonelyStoner posted...

Read the part with the fig tree.

What about it? It wad a succint metaphor of the fruitless temple he already said would be destroyed.

Remember when Jesus called that one dude Baldy McBaldface?

Phantom36 posted...

What always stuck with me is that the bible implies that Jesus was rich af.

Remember he had a ministry and one of his apostles was his treasurer. Broke people don't need a treasurer. On palm Sunday he rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, well 2,000+ years ago in the middle east that was luxury travel, like the freakin' pope mobile. His robe was also a very expensive and valuable piece of clothing at the time, like a designer suit today.

On palm Sunday he basically did the equivalent of what today would be driving into Jerusalem in a Bentley while wearing a nice suit while his ministry was earning him a net worth, and people think Jesus, if he existed, would have been poor for some reason

What bible are you reading? Jesus was dirt poor. They go weaning in some other dudes grain field to eat. This wasn't stealing but the Law of Moses said you leave part of your field for the poor.

WingsOfGood posted...

What bible are you reading? Jesus was dirt poor. They go weaning in some other dudes grain field to eat. This wasn't stealing but the Law of Moses said you leave part of your field for the poor.

Joseph is a carpenter, so they're the equivalent of the middle class of that era.

Fenriswolf posted...

Joseph is a carpenter, so they're the equivalent of the middle class of that era.

You think Joseph sent him an allowance at 30 as Jesus eloped and walk across the region jobless?

Anyways here is the infos:
Leviticus 23:22
When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Leave them for the poor and for the foreigner residing among you. I am the LORD your God.

Matthew 12:1
At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath, and His disciples became hungry and began to pick the heads of grain and eat.

Phantom36 posted...

What always stuck with me is that the bible implies that Jesus was rich af.

Remember he had a ministry and one of his apostles was his treasurer. Broke people don't need a treasurer. On palm Sunday he rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, well 2,000+ years ago in the middle east that was luxury travel, like the freakin' pope mobile. His robe was also a very expensive and valuable piece of clothing at the time, like a designer suit today.

On palm Sunday he basically did the equivalent of what today would be driving into Jerusalem in a Bentley while wearing a nice suit while his ministry was earning him a net worth, and people think Jesus, if he existed, would have been poor for some reason

Perhaps you should read the Bible?
Jesus told two of his guys to go steal that donkey...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfhEE7NPVjY&ab_channel=TheSoulStirrers-Topic

Sam Cooke's version of this song is amazing

If you want to see Dr. Strange as Jesus, watch the Book of Clarence
https://youtu.be/m6in_WI71QU?t=30

Jaguar34 posted...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfhEE7NPVjY&ab_channel=TheSoulStirrers-Topic

Sam Cooke's version of this song is amazing

My father loved this song.