Current Events > Where do you guys think me and this girl stand?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I see only two options. And they're both long-term.

1. Find a partner who's as anxious as you. It'll be a codependent relationship, but the two styles will (kind of) counterbalance themselves in a dysfunctional way. It can work honestly...but the anxiety will still be there for both parties.

2. Try therapy like your friends say.

You'll certainly want to be better for your next partner. Your therapist will quickly teach you that it's not necessarily the state of the relationship that you want to change/control constantly, rather the state of your own mind.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

if this is the case I will wait until tuesday or monday to text her then if I dont hear form her

my last response tho didnt give her anything to really say right ? the one rom a page ago. so I shoudlmt mental boom if I dont her form her today or tomrrow

ryudo500 posted...

if this is the case I will wait until tuesday or monday to text her then if I dont hear form her

my last response tho didnt give her anything to really say right ? the one rom a page ago. so I shoudlmt mental boom if I dont her form her today or tomrrow

I don't want to give you more anxiety but I'm not exactly understanding what your relationship is right now.

Like my last girlfriend was definitely...overly obsessed with me before we started dating, so we text all the time. It wasn't the case that I'd be like "wow she hasn't responded to my text and it's been four hours" but it would have been weird on a regular day to not receive a text from her. But I've known people in very different situations pre-dating.

But I'm also a big texter. Like I text many of my friends on a daily-ish basis. And if I was home sick, I would be even more likely to out of boredom. So what exactly do you consider your current relationship to be? If I was casually dating someone I met on a dating app, I'd probably be a lot more reserved than someone I already knew for a while.

And I'm not asking this to be like "she's not into you bro", but rather to feel out if this is still a non-committal thing on her part (in which case being clingy can do you problems) or if there's been a noticeable downturn.

Anteaterking posted...

I don't want to give you more anxiety but I'm not exactly understanding what your relationship is right now.

Like my last girlfriend was definitely...overly obsessed with me before we started dating, so we text all the time. It wasn't the case that I'd be like "wow she hasn't responded to my text and it's been four hours" but it would have been weird on a regular day to not receive a text from her. But I've known people in very different situations pre-dating.

But I'm also a big texter. Like I text many of my friends on a daily-ish basis. And if I was home sick, I would be even more likely to out of boredom. So what exactly do you consider your current relationship to be? If I was casually dating someone I met on a dating app, I'd probably be a lot more reserved than someone I already knew for a while.

And I'm not asking this to be like "she's not into you bro", but rather to feel out if this is still a non-committal thing on her part (in which case being clingy can do you problems) or if there's been a noticeable downturn.

@Anteaterking

im not sure what it is either, but the last 2 months has been like this where she will respond after work, we have hung out about 10-12x in last two months prolly more maybe. on nights we we hang out after her work she would text a bit more frequent if I had questions or if she was tellign me she had work early or late or when to come over

just the last week shes been sick ( has happened before where she told me she was sick and i had to askl again to see shes feeling better this was like back in dec when we hung out only 1 time)

I dont know what we are i think she likes me I have told her I like her and she says she liked me too but shes also abiig smoker and super chill type of girl.

my one friend that knows her thinks we are stil good ut honestly if we do hang out again proly the 2nd time ima sirt around asking about relationship or if shes ever thought about getting in another one ( last one was long shes more of a seeing only 1 guy typ eof girl)

ant did you read all teh texts in tihs topic?

She never responded to my last text

it's joever

SrRd_RacinG posted...

I see only two options. And they're both long-term.

1. Find a partner who's as anxious as you. It'll be a codependent relationship, but the two styles will (kind of) counterbalance themselves in a dysfunctional way. It can work honestly...but the anxiety will still be there for both parties.

2. Try therapy like your friends say.

You'll certainly want to be better for your next partner. Your therapist will quickly teach you that it's not necessarily the state of the relationship that you want to change/control constantly, rather the state of your own mind.

are you calling this current one over then : /

So shes been sick for 10 days or the like the more I look back at messages the more Im confused

last time we hung out was 19th and then on the 29th she was sick I brought her a care package where she cried (according to her text she double texted me) that week

I guess if I dont hear response from her either

1) never text unless I hear from her

2) wait till Monday night to text her ? I would say hey how was your weeknd are you feeling better? Are the bunny and advocado still in one piece XD

Do not text her. Check back in a week to see how shes feeling. If no response again cut her off.

ryudo500 posted...

are you calling this current one over then : /

Even the longest marriage ended. It was 80 plus years. ;)

I don't want to answer your actual question because it's not going to help forward your life. You can do this!

Maybe see if she wants to go see the new dune movie or something. Ask her out to some kind of date. She might be getting bored of the small talk.

@Crono99
@solosnake

she responsed to me this is the last two text messgesb

me Friday night

I think you have a good job you would know more but the people calling off is annoying and your hands being physical tooaltho that one time I still swearr it was overcookeds fault

I feel you, being sick sucks..at least you are slowly getting better now! Once you are better, I can take you out to eat!

her this morning

People calling off definitely gets annoying Im ready for the school year to end so we can switch to the summer stuff. Im slowly getting there I think being in the school makes it harder yo get better when the sickness flies around in there

what do you guys make of this

Idk if my message was a response worthy one but yeah idk

im just nit sure at this point shes just trying to be nice

I think Im going to text her back in 2-3 days and follow up with her and see how shes feeling and ask to hangout

Text her only to hang not to make small talk with her. If she isnt reciprocating next her fast.

Yeah I get that shes not on her phone too much at least when we hang out shes never on her phone

just looking back in December she made a lot more emojis and was more affections thru texts but as chrono says it ebbs and flows but I guess getting a text back
isnt bad

At first I was depressed since the message was bland by her but my message was bad too so I guess her responding was still a +

gonna do my plan above wait a day or two and then text her how shes feeling and what else I said then after response I going to ask if I can come over on x or y day

if she says no she still sick or whatever then ina be depressed af but I guess we know where I stand then officially : /

Anyone else have thoughts ? Will text her back tomorow

Yeah, I think she needs to get a protection order.

Jesus man, chill.

The only woman who will love an anxious man is an equally anxious woman.

Everybody else will smell it from a mile away because you smell it yourself within your own self.

You can do this. You can live easier.

@SrRd_RacinG
do you reallythink ive been anxious and needy in my texts tho? its not like I dont respod back right away

I kinda feel I fucked up not responding back to her yet

we have been haning out for almost 3 months, well last time we hung out was 3 weeks ago from today

sounds bad when I say 3 weeks but last week she had sinus that hurt as you can tell through texts so its not as bad

You need to find someone that knows both of you to have any meaningful insight into this situation. Taking advice from anonymous people on CE might be the single worst thing you can do.

@Sandalorn

that is true, those that do say the same stuff, therapy, need ot chill, the one that knows both well has said he thinks things are still good and I need to chill out but he is saying that if we dont hang out against in the 2 weeks its weird

I do think its fucked up she texted me Sunday morning and I haven't responded yet... I feel its not good when my brother said i should have texted that same day with a hey hows your day

ryudo500 posted...

@SrRd_RacinG
do you reallythink ive been anxious and needy in my texts tho? its not like I dont respod back right away

I kinda feel I fucked up not responding back to her yet

we have been haning out for almost 3 months, well last time we hung out was 3 weeks ago from today

I used to behave similarly. I would have considered myself a "covert anxious attacher."

Because it doesn't matter if the anxiety is not being displayed externally, it's being felt internally.

That's how I see it. Even if things work out or don't work out or stay the same, you'll want to feel less anxiety in your coming relationships, no?

Good luck regardless. :)

I understand

texting her tomrorow

wish me luck this isnt over yet plz

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/f/ffe0e5c4.jpg

Will text her in an hour or two!

Feel like crap listening to peoples responses of not texting here

feel
like it was the wrong move especially since now they nowhere to be found in this thread again : /

Sandalorn posted...

You need to find someone that knows both of you to have any meaningful insight into this situation. Taking advice from anonymous people on CE might be the single worst thing you can do.

Yeah, you can get some decent general advice sometimes but keep this in mind. You need someone who knows both of you and your personalities (a mutual friend maybe?) to get really good advice truly tailored to the situation.

Also I feel like certain posters on CE are really mean/harsh to people looking for relationship/dating advice. I feel like they come into topics looking for excuses to laugh at or make fun of the person seeking advice.

just text her dude. You can say you have been busy the last few days but have been thinking of her and would like to take her out.

Text her/10

If this girl knew youd created a thread on the internet asking strangers about how you should behave i think shed be mortified.

falayyou01 posted...

If this girl knew youd created a thread on the internet asking strangers about how you should behave i think shed be mortified.

Nah. She'd be getting the vapors

falayyou01 posted...

If this girl knew youd created a thread on the internet asking strangers about how you should behave i think shed be mortified.

Maybe but good thing shell never know.

ryudo500 posted...

Feel like crap listening to peoples responses of not texting here

feel
like it was the wrong move especially since now they nowhere to be found in this thread again : /

I never said to not text her back. Many of us were saying to stop sending multiple texts, stop asking if she is ready to meet yet, and mainly to chill out.

Honestly though, for having dated for months, the texts between you two are awkward and have little warmth. It's weird.

Anxious attachment style comes from childhood. It's specifically derived from an inconsistent parenting style. Sometimes they (your parents) were there for you but sometimes they were not. So now as an adult, you have to act out to get the attention/affirmations. Hypervigilance is a trademark of this style of attachment. In this specific example, you might not be showing your hypervigilance to your date but it is evident here and in your mind.

Largely, the anxious attacher has a negative view of self but a positive view of their partner. This person is also prone to ups and downs within moments. This person places people upon pedestals and yet very quickly this person can remove that person from said pedestal... Only to place them back on the pedestal when their fears are quelled (temporarily through a text/call/interaction that they were desperately waiting for).

Refuge is beyond temporary in an anxiously attached person. It is so fleeting! Fear of abandonment is profound because so much emphasis/potential happiness is placed on the external world. If only the partner knew this before getting invested in a person of this nature. It is a difficult battle. Only when the anxious person looks deeply within and finds inner value will their attachment style change.

You can do it

bsp77 posted...

I never said to not text her back. Many of us were saying to stop sending multiple texts, stop asking if she is ready to meet yet, and mainly to chill out.

Honestly though, for having dated for months, the texts between you two are awkward and have little warmth. It's weird.

thats what friends fianc said and I feel terrible about it since its kinda on my fault

solosnake posted...

just text her dude. You can say you have been busy the last few days but have been thinking of her and would like to take her out.

i did text her

shiwed her two links one of true detective and something else

then the one right after

Howve you been feeling? And asked her if her one cat let her other cat play with the cat toy I got them and if its still in one piece XD

she mentions a week ago they liked it and one cat wasnt letting the younger one play with it

The first msg I sent was cringe but the one right after is okay

if she responds

Ill say that Id really like to see her this week and that Id like to come over thurs or fri if youre up to it, been going through (her name) withdraws with the exhausting emoji

(I said the withdrawal line a month ago and she laughed and thought it was cute)

ryudo500 posted...

The first msg I sent was cringe but the one right after is okay

if she responds

Ill say that Id really like to see her this week and that Id like to come over thurs or fri if youre up to it, been going through (her name) withdraws with the exhausting emoji

(I said the withdrawal line a month ago and she laughed and thought it was cute)

You should have just asked her out the first time man. Also dont ask to come to her house, ask her to go out somewhere.

@solosnake

i sent links to two things then I sent this

Howve you been feeling? And asked her if her one cat let her other cat play with the cat toy I got them and if its still in one piece XD

if seh respnds then il ask

she doesnt reall yliek togo out at all she works in morning doign stuff then from 4-11 she works aagin, so at tnight we cant do anyhign but she prefers to hang and chill t her plce its been that way for 3 months, trust shes not much of an out person once her shched chaned I thinkit woudl be better once she goes frsit shift