Current Events > Would you date an autistic woman?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Have you dated one?

I mean, I am, so...

Honestly, it would depend though. I have met a few and some manage their tendencies well and some are just completely socially clueless. I could date the former, but not the latter.

I married one

Is she hot??

I attempted to, sort of. I used to know this one with aspergers. She was in her 20s, and I was in my 30s. We met at this group thing for adults with aspergers. For some years I occasionally did stuff with her. Mostly went to movies. But we never really became anything more. We were both super shy and didn't know how to talk to the other

Both of us had our parents pushing us to interact with each other. But it never could go anywhere. And then I moved to Alaska.

I decided that 2 autistic people is hard to make work.

Zikten posted...

I decided that 2 autistic people is hard to make work

It depends on the people, as we are all different. Even though I am autistic, I am outgoing, charismatic and talkative, including about the relationship and how to move it forward. I am the more communicative one with my fiance and she is not autistic (but she has social anxiety)

If both people are very introverted and not willing to bring things up, then yeah, it will be an issue.

High functioning, sure

Depending on the level of autism its actually illegal, unless the legal guardian consents.

I'm not sure my brand if humor would work well

Caracalla posted...

Depending on the level of autism its actually illegal, unless the legal guardian consents.

We clearly aren't talking about that

Pretty sure my wife is very mildly autistic. Her brother has moderately severe autism, and she has some classic rigidity in her thinking, and some classic aversions, like to routine or expectation violations.

Sure. I could deal with someone that was mildly autistic. It wouldn't surprise me if I was a bit too, but I've never been tested or anything.

i've been on dates with high functioning women before, so sure

I would, yes.

High functioning isnt really a thing and its sort of considered shitty to say these days.

That aside, Ive dated several autistic women. I actually just went on a really fantastic first date with an AuDHD woman last week.

I would wager many, many people have dated autistic women and not even realized it, because its wildly underdiagnosed in women and the average dude isnt very perceptive when it comes to women

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I do understand its a spectrum, but the spectrum isnt high functioning to low functioning. Everyone functions differently in different situations and at different things.

Also, not sure why youre questioning with me like Im the one that decided this and Im just in error. Its not a thing, its not a clinical term, it isnt used for diagnoses, and studies have been done and they arrived at the conclusion it shouldnt be used. And it is seen as sort of shitty to use as a term. Im just informing you of these things, I didnt invent the concept.

It depends
My best friend just got diagnosed with it in her 30s. Women tend to mask it really well and the visible signs tend to be different or not very noticeable to the outside world. Still, a lot of the behaviors that stem from her autism are reasons that our relationship has been platonic. So while I very much love her quirks, I don't think I'd enjoy them in a romantic relationship.

Already have, my first gf had aspergers.

She does share memes about it so I guess I probably have

Cheater87 posted...

Already have, my first gf had aspergers.

Aspergers is another thing that doesnt actually exist anymore as a diagnosis.

Zonbei posted...

Aspergers is another thing that doesnt actually exist anymore as a diagnosis.

Oh, well, what would she have now?

Zonbei posted...

Aspergers is another thing that doesnt actually exist anymore as a diagnosis.

Which took away from how many people self-identified. Don't make this out to be a simple debate where your thoughts here are the "correct" ones.

No.

Yes. Im not really in a position to turn down most women at 37 with no prospects whatsoever.

bsp77 posted...

Which took away from how many people self-identified. Don't make this out to be a simple debate where your thoughts here are the "correct" ones.

Who said anything about my thoughts? I stated a fucking fact about diagnoses. Theres this whole book about it called the DSM, you see, which is why this is not in fact a debate and what I said is correct.

Cheater87 posted...

Oh, well, what would she have now?

Its just a part of Autism Spectrum Disorder, which has varying presentations.

Zonbei posted...

Who said anything about my thoughts? I stated a fucking fact about diagnoses. Theres this whole book about it called the DSM, you see, which is why this is not in fact a debate and what I said is correct.

Yes, but you also talked about how certain terms shouldn't be used anymore, as they are somehow negative. It is a little inconsiderate considering how many self identity. And many people in the autistic community were upset by the changes.

bsp77 posted...

Yes, but you also talked about how certain terms shouldn't be used anymore, as they are somehow negative. It is a little inconsiderate considering how many self identity. And many people in the autistic community were upset by the changes.

Then you should have responded to that message instead of the one where I just stated a fact. I didnt say a damn thing about the morality of using the term Aspergers.

people can self identify however they want. Its putting the term on other people that is the issue. (This is the first actual personal opinion Ive stated, for reference, since that seems to be hard to figure out.)

And what I did say before which could be construed as a moral stance is that its considered kind of shitty to use high functioning. A thing that is, again, just me relaying information, rather than my own opinion.

STEROLIZER would not because he doesn't like people who are not neurotypical.

Zonbei posted...

Then you should have responded to that message instead of the one where I just stated a fact. I didnt say a damn thing about the morality of using the term Aspergers.

people can self identify however they want. Its putting the term on other people that is the issue. (This is the first actual personal opinion Ive stated, for reference, since that seems to be hard to figure out.)

And what I did say before which could be construed as a moral stance is that its considered kind of shitty to use high functioning. A thing that is, again, just me relaying information, rather than my own opinion.

Fair enough that you didn't say anything negative about aspergers.

I just figure "high functioning" is used for those who can live alone and find work, but maybe that is a poor assumption on my part. If I tell people I am autistic, I admittedly don't add the "high-functioning" part because people automatically know that I am - I have kids, I have a social circle, I have a career, I am now engaged.

Zonbei posted...

High functioning isnt really a thing and its sort of considered shitty to say these days.

That aside, Ive dated several autistic women. I actually just went on a really fantastic first date with an AuDHD woman last week.

I would wager many, many people have dated autistic women and not even realized it, because its wildly underdiagnosed in women and the average dude isnt very perceptive when it comes to women

Well its called a spectrum for a reason. Very varying degrees of severity. How are we to call those that can fully function on their own as members of society and those that need care takers and cant talk?

bsp77 posted...

Fair enough that you didn't say anything negative about aspergers.

I just figure "high functioning" is used for those who can live alone and find work, but maybe that is a poor assumption on my part. If I tell people I am autistic, I admittedly don't add the "high-functioning" part because people automatically know that I am - I have kids, I have a social circle, I have a career, I am now engaged.

The reason high functioning is seen as shitty is because its saying everyone who isnt is low-functioning, which doesnt even mean anything. Theyre not low functioning; theyre differently functioning. Theyre great at doing all sorts of things. Its a weird assignation of value to specific parts of human existence and a belittling of anyone who isnt great at those. High functioning people are often low functioning in other areas. Better to not have the weird value statements.

All that aside, its simply a fact that high functioning isnt a diagnosis, isnt in the DSM, and every study and medical opinion says to stop using it.

I've dated a few gals likely on the spectrum. Hell, I might be myself, I dunno. But yeah, nothing wrong with it - it's a degrees thing. Obviously I'm not going to go after someone who's non-speaking or otherwise severely autistic, but tics, texture/audio stuff, etc.; it doesn't have to be a difficult thing.

CARRRNE_ASADA posted...

Well its called a spectrum for a reason. Very varying degrees of severity. How are we to call those that can fully function on their own as members of society and those that need care takers and cant talk?

Do you need a specific word to describe disabled people that need care takers versus disabled people that dont? Because I dont think anyone is out here calling some disabled people high functioning.

Pretty easy to just not call them anything at all unless its literally your responsibility to take care of them, for one. Doctors generally dont call them anything and instead just describe their presentation. In the same way theres no ADD and ADHD anymore, just ADHD, and no one is going around applying sublabels to ADHD people about how well they function so we can be sure we know how valuable to the economy they are or whatever.

Our understanding of these things has changed. thats all there is to it really.

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It isnt objectively a thing? Its literally a subjective judgement about whether or not a person meets specific, arbitrary, subjective criteria? Its not a real diagnosis. It doesnt exist medically. People who are high functioning are good at some things. People who are low functioning are good at some things. The subjective part is the value assigned to the things each is good at by whoever is judging.

The spectrum doesnt go from mild to severe. Its a rainbow of different presentations, not a scale of 1-10. Thats why its called a SPECTRUM.

Zonbei posted...

It isnt objectively a thing? Its literally a subjective judgement about whether or not a person meets specific, arbitrary, subjective criteria? Its not a real diagnosis. It doesnt exist medically. People who are high functioning are good at some things. People who are low functioning are good at some things. The subjective part is the value assigned to the things each is good at by whoever is judging.

The spectrum doesnt go from mild to severe. Its a rainbow of different presentations, not a scale of 1-10. Thats why its called a SPECTRUM.

I get your point, but isn't it just if they need help or not? And please don't try to qualify help, I only mean if they can live on their own. Not saying they have to live on their own, but they can if they choose. They could still have awful social skills.

bsp77 posted...

I get your point, but isn't it just if they need help or not? And please don't try to qualify help, I only mean if they can live on their own. Not saying they have to live on their own, but they can if they choose. They could still have awful social skills.

No, that is generally not even what people mean when they say high functioning. It was originally called Aspergers and was defined as having higher intelligence and language skills than average. But really when people say it they usually tend to me presents in a way that is more socially acceptable and doesnt cause other people problems.

If someone is autistic in a way that means they need help, just say that. Many neurodivergent people need help with some thing or another. ADHD people that need accommodations at work need help, but nobody is calling the ones that dont high functioning, because that would be sort of insulting.

Conversely, calling people with autism high functioning actually diminishes and invalidates any struggles theyre having. It really just looks at them through the lens of how much does their autism impact all the other non-autistic people around them.

One suggestion is using high support needs or low support needs instead.

https://themighty.com/topic/autism-spectrum-disorder/autism-functioning-labels-low-functioning-high-functioning/

Im not even sure what autism means anymore so I couldnt say for sure. I know people that say theyre autistic but are way better socially than me with way better careers and also display high levels of intelligence/skill. So I just wonder what exactly makes them autistic, or me or anyone really. When I was a kid I thought it meant severely mentally disabled or some type of obsessive compulsion which is why thered be these amazing piano players that are autistic. So yeah, ill abstain.

EmilyTheCEman posted...

Im not even sure what autism means anymore so I couldnt say for sure. I know people that say theyre autistic but are way better socially than me with way better careers and also display high levels of intelligence/skill. So I just wonder what exactly makes them autistic, or me or anyone really. When I was a kid I thought it meant severely mentally disabled or some type of obsessive compulsion which is why thered be these amazing piano players that are autistic. So yeah, ill abstain.

Well, there is a whole internet you can use to find out what it means instead of just being confused. Because youre right, you really dont seem to have any clue what autism is.

Is zonbei averagejoel?

Zonbei having a normal one

COVxy posted...

Is zonbei averagejoel?

I legitimately dont know who that is. I dont have any alts and never have, and Ive been posting for a very long time lol.

Crimson_Corsair posted...

Zonbei having a normal one

I mean yeah? Is it a problem to correct misconceptions about autism in a topic about autistic people? Do you have some kind of issue with that, lol

Zonbei posted...

Well, there is a whole internet you can use to find out what it means instead of just being confused. Because youre right, you really dont seem to have any clue what autism is.

We are on the internet right now, this here, this is the internet, this discussion. Do you feel that there is a locked in consensus on what autism is in this topic so far?

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So youve just like, not actually been reading what Im saying, huh? I even provided you an alternative: high support needs and low support needs. And a literal article (written by someone autistic) explaining why those are better terms. Im certainly not causing any harm, lol.

All I did was explain to you what many autistic people feel, as well as what is literally true about how these terms are used medically (I.e they arent.) its weird youre acting like this is solely my opinion that I made up. Maybe read the article I posted? Its just one of many but its pretty simplistic and easy to understand.

finally:
autistic people: labeling us high functioning invalidates our struggles
you: this has nothing to do with that, that link doesnt exist

literally what just happened.

I'd be willing to give dating a high functioning one the old college try.