Current Events > As soon as the plane lands you stand up, get your bags and ready to rush off

(+) Yeah! (+)

Gotta go fast right?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Gotta put my shoes and socks back on first, you right

Normally when exiting a plane I would just sit down on the ground and take a nice runny shit. However, the time had come. I left the bathroom and proceeded to the front of the plane. I saw the plane captain, who was in the middle of doing some paperwork and said, "you look like shit, are you feeling okay?" I replied, "yeah, I just got sick but I'm okay now." As I walked to the seat I noticed the smell in the front seat was worse than usual. The captain looked at me again and said, "hold up, hold up." And he walked to the back of the plane and looked in the rest of the seats. He told the co-pilot, "all right you get these passengers out of here and get a hold of them when we land." He then turned to me and said, "you should probably have that looked at." In the meantime, the flight attendant and some other passenger were busy assisting a mother whose baby was not behaving well. I looked at my mother in law who had an IBS-C diagnosis and asked her how it was she could tell. She said she was a doctor and pointed to a diagram on the wall which indicated that the small intestine is where the disease is. The left colon and the rectum are a part of the colon, but the left colon's job is to receive waste, which for a person with IBS is a lot.

I explained that my father had the same thing, that I had the same symptoms and had the same diagnosis. She was just as dumbfounded as I was. I told her that my father had spent $40,000 dollars on doctor's appointments and tests. In the end, he had a colostomy and I had a few days of diarrhea and cramping. That was the extent of it. We tried a few different treatments and nothing seemed to work, I told her. It took years of work for my father and I to get to this point. I just had to try things.

D. As soon as the plane lands I start a slow clap. You aren't an American if you don't clap when the plane lands.

JK. I've never flown.

I wait patiently for the slow fucks in front of me. Then when it's my time I quickly grab my shit and rush out like a pro. Everyone is impressed and thinks I'm super cool

I always stay til after the credits