Current Events > Transgender Woman Mentally Ruined by Religious Parents to the Point of Suicide

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A transgender woman was recently forced back into her home country by her own employers, then she was subjected to systemic de-transitioning by her religious parents to the point where she was filled with so much self-loathing and mental anguish. While some of us tend to view suicide as the coward's way out, there are times when the pain is simply too much to bear for some that they want to immediately end it by any means.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/0/5/3/AAPVm4AAERc1.png

Final Message
hi. If youre reading this, Ive already killed myself. I have given life every opportunity, I have given myself every chance to get better. But I couldnt do it, I wasnt strong enough, I dont think there was a universe where I was ever strong enough to survive this.

Why?

Sometime in the summer, I was contacted by Michael Pocalyko (Cybersecurity guy) through an IRL friend who claimed he was a fixer and wanted to fix the issue that was between me and my parents. I thought this was impossible, Im transgender and they are strict conservative Muslims, but I decided I would give it a shot because it cant hurt right lmao?

Over the next couple of months, I had called Michael Pocalyko and his associate Ellen, these calls seemed innocuous and honestly pretty helpful. It was mainly questions about my safety and whether I had my needs met at the place I was staying at. Towards the end of my stay at my friends place, I had witnessed a traumatic event and was already in a bad place mentally, Michael took note of this and decided to push me to leave Georgia and move back to Virginia. Michael and Ellen, along with a Saudi lawyer named Bader met me at the train station. I was taken to a hotel and allowed to experience DC, I genuinely was optimistic and believed this could work. God I wish I wasnt so f***ing stupid.

At this point, the only person in that group that I was in contact with was Bader, the Saudi lawyer. Bader, throughout this entire time, in his weird way, tried to get me to detransition. First, he pampered me. He got me an apartment temporarily, he took me out to eat, he took me to therapists, but over time, the more conversations I had with him in person, the more I realized what he was trying to do. He tried to get me to be normal. Gave me examples of feminine men and said that they are transgender but they are hiding it, that its better to hide it. Told me stories personally about people he knew that successfully hid it. Repeated constantly that I can just hold 2 lives, the female me and the male me. Constantly said I looked like a man, always talked down on my appearance. Bought me masculine clothing and tried to throw away ALL of my feminine clothing. At every step of the way, he tried to detransition me. I had a breakdown over this and bombarded Michael Pocalyko and Ellen with texts about what was happening, they did not respond. I did not realize fast enough what was happening because Im f***ing stupid.

At a certain point, I realized I was entirely dependent on Bader for food and shelter, and that if I ran away, he could easily find my location, and since I was illegal, I would have just been deported to Saudi. I subconsciously gave up, I was too tired. I did everything he asked, I cut my hair, I stopped taking estrogen, I changed my wardrobe, I met my dad. And then I had another breakdown. My mom kept telling me to repent or I was going to hell, and I did, I repented. I believed I was going to hell so much that I read the entire Quran front to back in a couple of days, crying the entire f***ing time about what a disgusting thing I am, and I didnt sleep. I repented, and I was broken. Bader then booked a flight back to Saudi, and I came back.

The first month was fine, okay even. I was on edge the entire time, but I was treated like I was going to run at any second by my family, then came the second month. At this point, I was subjected to daily searches of my belongings, my mom searched all of my electronics whenever she got the chance. I was berated for being a freak when my mom found my private photos, my dad called me a failure and an abomination. I was told that Michael, Ellen, and Bader were actually all specifically hired to get me back and that there was no escape from my situation. I was destroyed, but I wanted to keep going.

After the first time they found my HRT, it was traumatizing, but I didnt want to stop. I didnt want to live if I couldnt transition. Then the second time came. After that, I took a month break off of HRT, and got back on it. They have found my HRT again, and I am done fighting.

I wasnt always a good or even decent person, at times I was a f***ing a******, and a disgusting human being. But there were times I feel like I was good. I dont understand why I was given this life with these circumstances, every day hurts, every second stings. I have tried killing myself in the past, but every single time I was still holding on by a thread somewhere deep inside me, I think thats why I survived them. This time, I am done. I am tired.

Message to the people I love.l:

To my friends, to the people I chose to be my family, to my girlfriend, to everyone who has shown me kindness in this life, I sincerely thank you. You made an unbearable existence bearable at times. I am deeply sorry I have disappointed you all, I wish things were different, I wish this message was a message about how I won, how I escaped and built a successful life. How I managed to get FFS, SRS, and beat my dysphoria. I wish I was speaking to you about how proud I am of myself to have done the impossible. But thats not my reality.

I wish this world wasnt so f***ing comically cruel, I am actually laughing writing this sentence. Its unironically ridiculous how bad my luck has been the past couple of weeks. Someone just walked past my car and glanced at me, I wonder if they know Im gonna kill myself. I wonder what they would think about me if they knew who I actually was.

I wanted to be a leader for people like me, but that wasnt written to happen. I hope that the world gets better for us. I hope our people get old. I hope we get to see our kids grow up to fight for us. I hope for trans rights world wide.

goodbye <3

This is the suffering transgender individuals have to go through on a daily basis. Why does have it be that way? What will it take for us to punish the people causing so much pain and suffering to innocents who just want to be themselves?

thINk oF THe cHILDreN

It's so sad. Too bad bigots would just read this and go: "See? This ideology gets people confused and depressed and causes families to fall apart. All the more reason to eradicate it."

Also, it's an abortion of justice that everyone named in that note isn't arrested and going to prison for a long time.

hockeybub89 posted...

It's so sad. Too bad bigots would just read this and go: "See? This ideology gets people confused and depressed and causes families to fall apart. All the more reason to eradicate it."

Also, it's an abortion of justice that everyone named in that note isn't arrested and going to prison for a long time.

People are coming after her employers and demanding answers. Also, this is one of the things dug up about the male employer.
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/0/7/6/AAPVm4AAERdM.jpg

hockeybub89 posted...

It's so sad. Too bad bigots would just read this and go: "See? This ideology gets people confused and depressed and causes families to fall apart. All the more reason to eradicate it."

Also, it's an abortion of justice that everyone named in that note isn't arrested and going to prison for a long time.

Her family lives in Saudi Arabia. In the eyes of their government, she was the criminal, not her family. Nothing will be done to them

Humble_Novice posted...

forced back into her home country by her own employers

H-1B was a mistake.

Very common unfortunately.

The rest of us have to go on living and struggling so her death isn't in vain. We're destined to carry the weight of our dead trans brothers and sisters until the bitter end

This is so fucking sad.