Current Events > Dating Coach || Why being a NICE GUY is ruining your chances with WOMEN

(+) Yeah! (+)

thx1138 posted...

As a woman I guess she would know?

You would think so, but what women say they want and what they often go for is not the same. I think this is true for men as well, where they often end up with someone they don't state they were going for.

Adam posted...

Have money
Have a job
Be physically fit and active

I'd argue you don't need all of these things.

Don't get me wrong, certainly pluses.

There's plenty of fat, unfit men with woman out of their league.
Dudes with no real career with woman.
Etc.

I'd argue the one you had spot on is knowing how to socialize, which includes socializing with a woman.

bsp77 posted...

I know you don't mean "chill" as in sex, as you get that. Do you mean a woman who "is chill"? I know they exist, as everyone talks about how easy going my fiance is. I also think a lot of it is learning how to be more chill myself. You often attract the energy you give.

When I was "chill" I was "boring". Or not ambitious enough. Or childish. Or whatever. Being comfortable with myself personally never worked for me when it came to attracting people. I might have overdone it this year as I do annoy partners with always having to do something now, In terms of challenging oneself. But they keep coming back no matter how pissed off they get with me. They don't forget about me. I am a little toxic about it but my partners seem to prefer that than me just "chilling". I've had chick's block me then unblock me and we end up smashing again. Whatever I'm doing is working as last weekend on Sunday I slept with two different women (one I woke up with and one I went to bed with)

FelineCyborg posted...

When I was "chill" I was "boring". Or not ambitious enough. Or childish. Or whatever. Being comfortable with myself personally never worked for me when it came to attracting people. I might have overdone it this year as I do annoy partners with always having to do something now, In terms of challenging oneself. But they keep coming back no matter how pissed off they get with me. They don't forget about me. I am a little toxic about it but my partners seem to prefer that than me just "chilling". I've had chick's block me then unblock me and we end up smashing again. Whatever I'm doing is working as last weekend on Sunday I slept with two different women (one I woke up with and one I went to bed with)

Being chill has nothing to do with being boring and has nothing to do with your activities or your ambition. Being chill is an energy you bring. Like I am going out to karaoke tonight which is a thing some women find fun and interesting. But I am still chill in terms of bringing positive energy and being relaxed while also confident. I have had lots of women approach me at karaoke, but I am taken :)

But is it working for you? Are these the women you want?

bsp77 posted...

Being chill has nothing to do with being boring and has nothing to do with your activities or your ambition. Being chill is an energy you bring. Like I am going out to karaoke tonight which is a thing some women find fun and interesting. But I am still chill in terms of bringing positive energy and being relaxed while also confident. I have had lots of women approach me at karaoke, but I am taken :)

Oh I'm chill now , but I won't hesitate for a second anymore calling people out on something I don't like. The old me would've given women a pass because I didn't want to "upset" them. Then I stopped thinking from my own perspective and realized they are addicted to that. They don't want to be comfortable all the time. That's how it seems to me at least.

FelineCyborg posted...

Oh I'm chill now , but I won't hesitate for a second anymore calling people out on something I don't like. The old me would've given women a pass because I didn't want to "upset" them. Then I stopped thinking from my own perspective and realized they are addicted to that. They don't want to be comfortable all the time. That's how it seems to me at least.

Well, yeah, don't agree with women in the name of being "nice".

Be a good person, not a nice person.

Which is why i dont date anymore. Not going to change who i am just to get girls. Im good where im at.

bsp77 posted...

Well, yeah, don't agree with women in the name of being "nice".

Be a good person, not a nice person.

I am a good person in that sense, I spend money and attention on women, I try to change the things they don't like about their lives, I will be an asshole if i have to in the name of productivity and positive living. I'm not the type of dude in it just for the sex, which is probably why the sex is coming to me I guess. I'm never the guy who initiates, you'll know when a chick wants it, she'll be direct about it. Sex isn't very important to me honestly. It's more about the validation I guess. I've always felt looked down on by women throughout my life, that prevailing what is so wrong with me whenever I used to attempt to connect with a female, even just trying to have friendships with them. Something clicked this year with what was "wrong" with me and it was because I was too comfortable. I never "needed" what they offered and I could sense the resentment and boredom from that just as easily as they sensed my lack of desperation and drive. I feel like I still don't and I'm just spinning my wheels in existential fury, but that energy won't last long term.

You said people match the energy you bring. Women have always had a sense of judgement about me. They didn't start noticing me until I started judging them. That very passive aggressive "you aren't good enough" judgement i never get around dudes, yea I learned that from women. If I ever try to bring that energy to my dude friends they'll tell me to fuck right off but women love it.