Current Events > Will you get a wife or husband one day?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'd given up hope a long time ago. It's just not going to happen.

Married already

No.

Master_Kazuya posted...

I tried my best to reign it in. It was the hardest thing to keep inside every day. She was in an apparently shitty relationship (and also never talked about it or mention he would exist in front of me) so I tried being like don't force anything, give her space, she has someone already, this is just a crush, etc. Even our mutual coworker was saying she was asking about me, if I was single, etc. Eventually I just had to ask her out. I had to know on my terms instead of hers. She was saying stuff like "there's nobody to love me at home", "I like it when people are a little assertive", so I just thought fuck it, maybe she wants me to ask her out and take her out of her relationship instead of trying to hold it in.

I tried to walk away figuratively after asking her out (and walked away literally after I asked), but she'd still actively try to get my attention when I was clearly not trying to have any part of it. She would drop little things here and there like "once you meet my uncle", "you'd get along with my dad", "I'll show you [this tiktok I'm showing] in a year", "I should have never left you in the first place", "maybe next year", etc. She told our coworker (yes this was at work, yes I know bad idea, yes this girl was the exception to it all) that I was being obsessive and would act really distant towards me if others were around, but when in private, she would be the one engaging me when I'm trying to be left alone. One time I pretended to throw trash over her head, and she said "if you throw that at me, it's over" after telling people she wasn't leading me on. I had to talk to her aside and be like "What's over?" and she didn't say anything, just looked at me. She had previously threatened that I'd never see her again several times before that, so finally I just thought, fuck it it's not worth someone threatening abandonment towards me to keep me close.

After she said no (technically she said "well I do have a bf but we can still go get smoothies"), I tried to move on and she gave me no space to let things mend together or to let me process it on my own; it felt like she needed me to give her attention. She'd be extra fun and upbeat and cute and stuff. She got mad once that I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying, and I'm like "I can't react to everything you say and do, it's not like we're together". She got mad and moved back in with her bf the next week. There was a moment after that where she would be distant, and I kinda thought about it from her perspective and hey maybe she just needed to do this vague leading on thing, maybe her life/mentality was in some shit situation where she just needed this kinda dynamic to be sure about me, maybe she feels like she can't tell me yet, so I tried to reconnect. We got along for a little bit but she just started getting so bitter, saying things to me that she knows would get to me, making up rumors, being sweet when it's just us and then using those moments to say I'm still obsessed, and then denied all of it when I confronted her about it.

I figure if someone isn't willing to communicate with me when I need it too, they don't give a shit about my needs. Even saying something like "I can't talk about it" or "I'm still deciding" or "I'm sorry you feel like I'm leading you on, what would help you move on" or anything. It was just silence and keeping me on that razor edge when she clearly knew I liked her. Granted maybe I had some understanding and growing up to do, but I've also realized that someone that at least respects you will work with you.

Honestly, she sounds fucked up, and she wasbstringing you along, either as a backup or si.y for validation. And I assume the "reign it in" comment is about not being overly excited or clingy, especially if a date hasn't even happened.

However, asking someone out is generally the right thing to do. That is being assertive, which is good, but you have to do it in a confident manner and seem like you are cool no matter the response. Guys who melt down with a rejection, or appear that they would, is the issue.

bsp77 posted...

Honestly, she sounds fucked up, and she wasbstringing you along, either as a backup or si.y for validation. And I assume the "reign it in" comment is about not being overly excited or clingy, especially if a date hasn't even happened.

However, asking someone out is generally the right thing to do. That is being assertive, which is good, but you have to do it in a confident manner and seem like you are cool no matter the response. Guys who melt down with a rejection, or appear that they would, is the issue.

The rejection sucked but I was glad I asked. Out of everything that happened and all the ambiguity, it made me see that she wasn't willing to take the same leap of faith that I was taking.

The only thing that sucked was that I was trying to move on and keep to my own space and she was trying extra hard to reignite that spark. It's hard cause I still had feelings and I felt like she didn't want me to stop liking her. It's like if I pull away, she chased, and I liked her so much deep down that I bought into the fake hope.

Im divorced. Separated after 5 months of marriage and officially divorced after 10 months of marriage.

Long term relationships always end up in heartache and misery no matter what. I refuse to try it again, and failed steady relationships are nothing but a waste of time and effort. Casual flings are better, they're fun, fast, and painless. I can only think of a couple of times when I had hurt a fuck buddy, which is why I had to learn to make it perfectly clear that it would be strictly temporary.

Keep in mind, this is just my personal thoughts on the matter. One-size-does-not-fit-all in matters of the heart.

Getting a relationship really isnt that hard , some of you make it so much harder than it has to be lol.