Current Events > Tips to increase self confidence?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I have struggled with this in my 3 decades on this earth

find people who will tell you how great you are on a regular basis

Stop giving a fuck

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Stop giving a fuck

how tho

Well TC, you want to stay away from me. I've been told that I shatter the confidence of many with my mind games.

It's hard, I'm wondering the same thing lol

Hell the other day I found an old report card from elementary school. And it basically said the same thing people say about me to this very day. "Good kid (guy) but has very low self esteem." >_>

I don't do it often (and I should since it does help with alot of different things) but I've found exercising helped a bit. It doesn't help alot but it does help a little bit. And going outside even by yourself (I'm always by myself lol) helped with my mood/self esteem. Just going to the park to see the trees and get some fresh air and shit helped

Take the time to notice small things.

Start going to the gym.

Depends on what area of your life you're lacking confidence in.

If it's in your ability to do or achieve something, you just need to practice until you git gud, and not give up. Set-backs, periods of stagnation, and even outright regression, are all common occurences here so don't do that thing where people are like "Well I fucked up pretty bad better throw the whole endeavor in the trash"

If it's in your ability to relate and connect to other human beings, I don't fuckin know. I hate most of the people I run into so there's no healthy advice I can give you besides the fact that most people are actually pretty nice, but emotional communication isn't that common so don't make any harsh assumptions about your place in the world. Tons of people probably appreciate you, they just don't say it because, hell, who the fuck tells anyone anything these days?

And if someone hurts you? Fuck em right to the 9th circle of satan's crusty asshole. Too many narcissistic morons in the world, don't make the mistake of giving their worthless opinions any clout.

Excercise is the biggest confidence boost

shrimptempura posted...

how tho

If you find yourself spiralling into negative thoughts, have a routine or plan in place to think about something else. I dunno

Marijuana

Thanks everyone, for your insights.

For me, I've got a pretty deccent life. Didn't have a hard time growing up and have a few brothers/sisters I connect with. A fiance I love and believe she loves me.

But all my life I've just lacked self confidence. In who I was, in my job, etc.

I do go to the gym, and that helps me feel good about myself in some areas.

But for example, at my job, I feel confident in some things I do, but if I was going to be on an interview for a promotion, I have no idea how to talk myself up because I feel like I'm nothing special.

I don't really feel like anything in my life that I'm interested in, I'm an expert in. Even my interests, I feel like I could never speak to anything as an expert on something.

In new experiences and meeting new people I constantly feel like I have to impress them or live up to something and that my menial existence just won't be good enough. I don't really know how tto change this thinking to feeling confident in myself and exuding it out to people when I meet them, if that makes sense.

Like if I were to meet you on the street today and talk to you about who I am, I have no idea where to start in explaining anything great about myself

And just to be clear- I'm not depressed or feel like my life is bad or anything. I just really don't know how to not feel like I'm so very unremarkable in so many ways, if that make sense

Did you clean your room yet?

shrimptempura posted...

Thanks everyone, for your insights.

For me, I've got a pretty deccent life. Didn't have a hard time growing up and have a few brothers/sisters I connect with. A fiance I love and believe she loves me.

But all my life I've just lacked self confidence. In who I was, in my job, etc.

I do go to the gym, and that helps me feel good about myself in some areas.

But for example, at my job, I feel confident in some things I do, but if I was going to be on an interview for a promotion, I have no idea how to talk myself up because I feel like I'm nothing special.

I don't really feel like anything in my life that I'm interested in, I'm an expert in. Even my interests, I feel like I could never speak to anything as an expert on something.

In new experiences and meeting new people I constantly feel like I have to impress them or live up to something and that my menial existence just won't be good enough. I don't really know how tto change this thinking to feeling confident in myself and exuding it out to people when I meet them, if that makes sense.

Like if I were to meet you on the street today and talk to you about who I am, I have no idea where to start in explaining anything great about myself

And just to be clear- I'm not depressed or feel like my life is bad or anything. I just really don't know how to not feel like I'm so very unremarkable in so many ways, if that make sense

I relate to a lot of this, including having a fiancee that loves me a lot, but I just...have never had a lot of confidence in myself. I've always been timid and sensitive and I feel like I complain a lot. I also don't really have any passions.

Stay away from communities that bombard you with negativity. Those places thrive off misery, and will do what they can to keep you there.

It's why places dedicated to incels will typically always turn nasty, because they don't want to see their members succeed and be happy

Super Slash posted...

I relate to a lot of this, including having a fiancee that loves me a lot, but I just...have never had a lot of confidence in myself. I've always been timid and sensitive and I feel like I complain a lot. I also don't really have any passions.

I feel like I've lived a pretty ok life but that my lack of self confidence creates this noticeable barrier which keeps me from opportunities and happiness that I'd otherwise have if I were more self confident. And I'm aware of this situation but that there's a mental block in faking the confidence and I don't know how to get around it

Umbreon posted...

Stay away from communities that bombard you with negativity. Those places thrive off misery, and will do what they can to keep you there.

It's why places dedicated to incels will typically always turn nasty, because they don't want to see their members succeed and be happy

Thanks. I can't really say I'm really in any negative circles. I'm nor sure if this is a trait I was born with, or something that was triggered onto me when I was young and I've struggled to get rid of it as I grew, or what

Like for example, how do I feel confident in my abilities?

I have had many friends in the past that I could very much recognize they seemed very confident in themselves, and I always felt like I was an odd person out even if they didn't notice (or didn't say anything about it for my benefit)

I'll give you the best advice you'll ever hear. Start working a retail job part time. That will not only boost your confidence tenfold, but it will force you to stop giving a shit about what others think about you.

I was a wreck prior to entering retail. I couldn't even look people in the eyes, let alone talk to them. 6 months into a cashier job I was looking at people, 12 months I was having regular conversations, 18 months and it was like I never had issues to begin with. You learn from putting yourself into positions where you are extremely uncomfortable in the first place. Some people it comes naturally, others it takes time.

Just like dating. If you aren't good at it, force yourself into a position where you have to talk to people your attracted to. It'll be a pain in the ass at first, but after a few months you'll gradually start building up confidence.

Some of the most confident people in the world are ugly ass pick up artists. Because they have tricked their brain to not process failure. 1000 women might turn them down, but there will always be that 1.

Ivany2008 posted...

I'll give you the best advice you'll ever hear. Start working a retail job part time. That will not only boost your confidence tenfold, but it will force you to stop giving a shit about what others think about you.

I was a wreck prior to entering retail. I couldn't even look people in the eyes, let alone talk to them. 6 months into a cashier job I was looking at people, 12 months I was having regular conversations, 18 months and it was like I never had issues to begin with. You learn from putting yourself into positions where you are extremely uncomfortable in the first place. Some people it comes naturally, others it takes time.

Just like dating. If you aren't good at it, force yourself into a position where you have to talk to people your attracted to. It'll be a pain in the ass at first, but after a few months you'll gradually start building up confidence.

Some of the most confident people in the world are ugly ass pick up artists. Because they have tricked their brain to not process failure. 1000 women might turn them down, but there will always be that 1.

Do I think maybe either you misunderstand or I haven't exactly explained myself properly.

I actually work in retail and have worked in retail for over 8 years.

I don't have a problem facing customers or feeling confident in what I say to them. When I'm "on the job" I'm not super uncomfortable or skiddish.

That's the thing, you wouldn't know it to look at me, you wouldn't think I'm some uncomfortable introvert.

But when it comes down to it, when it comes down to how I feel about myself and whether or not I'm comfortable or confident in who I am, it's just not there. My co-workers likely don't see it. But the lack of feeling from myself holds me back.

Idk, I feel like it's hard to explain.

Exercise, books, stack habits, and mindfully notice the incremental improvements in your life, and the times when you are socialising.

Everyone has reservations. It's all in your head. If people see confidence then you essentially have done the trick already. Maybe you're not spending all your time trying to get recognition, but you have other things to worry about, right?

Confident people experience the same thing, but they hide it. They either hide it, or they're ignoring danger, or are ignorant to their own failings, or see themselves unrealistically, or get by stepping on toes. If that's you? Idk. I don't meet a ton of noteworthy people who don't basically have a punching bag to make them look better, whether they choose to participate or it's just their followers who do the belittling. I mean, think of it like this, the opposite of your situation, if a person feels confident but nobody ever sees it... Then what's the point? Do you want to feel confident or do you want to look confident?

A lot of people get a great deal of confidence just because they think someone else can't tell what they're actually feeling, and they have succeeded in projecting an image of who they want to be. Even then, you wanna be a hotshot and end up all burnt out and jaded? A lot of confident people are narcissists, and it comes with the ego, and leads to selfish behavior over a petty goal. So......

Normal confidence is what I experience when I see a person struggling with a Rubick's Cube. I can walk up and I know they'll be enchanted when I solve it, so everything else is a given. I got nothing to worry about. I am the shit. I run the risk of looking like an elitist or showoff tho

Work to be a better you and be productive everyday. Professionally, financially, personally and with relationships/interpersonally. Learn something new and don't repeat mistakes. Give yourself short and long term goals.

Arcanine2009 posted...

Work to be a better you and be productive everyday. Professionally, financially, personally and with relationships/interpersonally. Learn something new and don't repeat mistakes. Give yourself short and long term goals.

The goals thing might be a good lead. I haven't ever really been in the mindset in my life of setting goals

The confidence gap

Get an alien symbiote.

As a 33 yo who started doing their best to stop the social anxiety wreck I used to be
-I did spend an entire semester not opening my mouth once back in HS-

Exercise is alright, I did it but it is no magic booster, even tho you know you look good and you know people know you look good, you wont get shit if you do not have the confidence to go with it. I learned this the hard way.

The only way to be confident is to have experience and to be experience you just need to try something a shit ton of times until it becomes second nature.
I had to go from the person that was afraid to speak to anyone at school and later work to a person that was able to handle a tiny group conversation to someone that would be able to ask random girls on the street out.

What helped me most at first was saying hi to random people on the street, just a hello or good afternoon helped. I started with old people as they were the easiest to deal with, whenever a cute girl walked past me I would try my best but no voice came out to greet her.
I kept at it with elderly and 40 upwards people.
Eventually I was able to say some kind of weird noise when I tried to say hello to a girl, she did not respond and she probably thought I was a weird creep.

Disclaimer: I did this because I wanted to get chicks as I was a lonely nerd at 23, but this helped me tangentially in numerous ways because I was able to talk to many different types of people while also scoring numerous chicks :P

dumb question, have you talked to your fiance about this? maybe have her talk about the things she sees that are great about you. or something

Getting bigger boobs helped some

You just need to look in the mirror and tell yourself three things:

You're good enough.

You're smart enough.

And dog gone it, people like you.

Slayerblade11 posted...

Excercise is the biggest confidence boost

Start with this

Go harder

The toughest step is realizing that this is a problem and actually wanting to fix it.

Next, you actually should deep dive into your past and think about what your insecurities are and try to figure out where they stem from. Get to the root of the problem. Once you address that you'll be free. In most cases you're conditioned a certain way based on how you were raised and your outlook on life.

Succeed at everything every time.

Jiek_Fafn posted...

Succeed at everything every time.

Ah

This one still has that sparkle in their eyes