Current Events > So I'm not sure if you guys remember a while ago I posted about my friend (Girl)

(+) Yeah! (+)

Basically the same friend who asked me to go with her to Amsterdam together. I implied we should get our group together (Basically quite a few of us) since I have a girlfriend and theres no way I'm going with a girl alone there. But she let on that it would be just the two of us and I turned her down saying I was busy.

At the time I made the topic, I said she had a boyfriend and she's been my friend for years since uni. So I didn't think there was any underlying implications. Well appparently I found out recently she had just broken up with him prior to asking me out.

Alarm bells or what? Well I still talk to her frequently via messaging but usually turn down her asking me out. I'm thinking of slowly just stop messaging her.

(Also there have been some guys who are jealous of me, specifically one of her fucking ex's. Long story but what the fuck?)

Do you think you'll be unable to resist if you two hang out and she comes onto you? Or will you feel like you'd be leading her on? I'm not understanding why you can't just put your foot down on it being platonic here

If you love your gf you should obviously go.

Jiek_Fafn posted...

Do you think you'll be unable to resist if you two hang out and she comes onto you?

I can definitely.

Jiek_Fafn posted...

Or will you feel like you'd be leading her on?

I don't feel this way. Unless I reciprocated which I never have.

Jiek_Fafn posted...

I'm not understanding why you can't just put your foot down on it being platonic here

You see I would have said the same thing so I understand why you say this. But actually being in the situation is more awkward, and its happened a few times. Thankfully girls aren't as bad as boys when trying to make moves.

I fear if I call her out, she could easily say she didn't mean it that way. In that situation I'd feel like a complete idiot. Not to mention we both are included in a big social circle of friends. So if things turn awkward or weird, she'd definitely tell all her other female friends. And I know a LOT of them personally.

So yeah, I want to move carefully.

Is she hot?

Why not have a threesome?

12amMadman posted...

If you love your gf you should obviously go.

Go where? You mean ghost her?

MFBKBass5 posted...

Is she hot?

Yeah she is.

Turtlebread posted...

Why not have a threesome?

This isn't a porno >_>

Also as much of a fantasy people have of those things, I believe being in that situation would make things weird asf in my opinion.

Just ignore her lol

If she brings it up in a group setting just say you were busy

What I was thinking of doing was inviting her, my girlfriend and other group of friends out for dinner or a movie. Just so everyone can be comfortable with each other and my girlfriend would know who she is and vice versa.

Hopefully that way she can back down and go back to being normal friends.

Edit: You know what, this is a dumb idea maybe.

MedeaLysistrata posted...

Just ignore her lol

If she brings it up in a group setting just say you were busy

I've been saying I'm busy a lot to get away from these dates. But I may just stop replying gradually altogether.

Yeah this is probably the best option.

SpiritSephiroth posted...

This isn't a porno >_>

BORING

Turtlebread posted...

BORING

The fantasy is much better than reality!

TC are you the same guy who had a long running topic series about you trying to get with some goth girl? This was like at least 10 years ago

SpiritSephiroth posted...

What I was thinking of doing was inviting her, my girlfriend and other group of friends out for dinner or a movie. Just so everyone can be comfortable with each other and my girlfriend would know who she is and vice versa.

Hopefully that way she can back down and go back to being normal friends.

Edit: You know what, this is a dumb idea maybe.

That worked for me and my bff. She'd crush on me here and there but settle down if she saw that I was legitimately happy. She'd go home afterwards and be secretly sad about it, but she internalized it all. Either way, friendship saved and strengthened

David1988 posted...

TC are you the same guy who had a long running topic series about you trying to get with some goth girl? This was like at least 10 years ago

he is, the creepy girl in my college class topics

and he never posted pics

Oh shit, whatever happened with her TC?

I would question your friend's intentions. Even if you are faithful, hanging out with a female friend who would love nothing more than for you guys to breakup is problematic. I know because I have been there. Now I am not saying that she wants you guys to breakup, but it is suspect. Especially because she didn't tell you when she broke up with her bf and she was against traveling with a group.

You can try the group hangout as suggested, but you may need to leave this friend behind. If she isn't truly supportive of your relationship (unless there is something wrong with your relationship), then she shouldn't be your friend. It is disrespectful to you and especially your girlfriend.

David1988 posted...

TC are you the same guy who had a long running topic series about you trying to get with some goth girl? This was like at least 10 years ago

She wasn't goth but did dress dark.

Turtlebread posted...

he is, the creepy girl in my college class topics

and he never posted pics

I'll never post pics of people I know lol

Jiek_Fafn posted...

That worked for me and my bff. She'd crush on me here and there but settle down if she saw that I was legitimately happy. She'd go home afterwards and be secretly sad about it, but she internalized it all. Either way, friendship saved and strengthened

Nice, then maybe it's not a bad idea after all.

David1988 posted...

Oh shit, whatever happened with her TC?

She went to Oxford university after college. We kinda kept contact for a bit here and there but finally grew apart years ago. Don't even know what she's doing or where she's at, but hope she's doing well.

I have a Japanese girlfriend now. Hopefully I'll move to Japan soon.

bsp77 posted...

I would question your friend's intentions. Even if you are faithful, hanging out with a female friend who would love nothing more than for you guys to breakup is problematic. I know because I have been there. Now I am not saying that she wants you guys to breakup, but it is suspect. Especially because she didn't tell you when she broke up with her bf and she was against traveling with a group.

You can try the group hangout as suggested, but you may need to leave this friend behind. If she isn't truly supportive of your relationship (unless there is something wrong with your relationship), then she shouldn't be your friend. It is disrespectful to you and especially your girlfriend.

Yeah I agree. Especially about the parts where she left that information out and it being disrespectful.

There are so many layers to this.

You made the right call TC. Even if you went and nothing happened, it could cause a lot of tension between you and your gf. It's not really worth it, especially if you suspect an ulterior motive

SpiritSephiroth posted...

What I was thinking of doing was inviting her, my girlfriend and other group of friends out for dinner or a movie. Just so everyone can be comfortable with each other and my girlfriend would know who she is and vice versa.

Hopefully that way she can back down and go back to being normal friends.

Edit: You know what, this is a dumb idea maybe.

Do not do this.

SpiritSephiroth posted...

I've been saying I'm busy a lot to get away from these dates. But I may just stop replying gradually altogether.

Yeah this is probably the best option.

Eh, I don't think ghosting her is your best option. Just talk with her. You can set some boundaries without accusing her of anything.

DipDipDiver posted... You made the right call TC. Even if you went and nothing happened, it could cause a lot of tension between you and your gf. It's not really worth it, especially if you suspect an ulterior motive

Yeah, no need for drama.

divot1338 posted...

Do not do this.

I went back and forth, but it feels things could blow up if something went wrong.

NoxObscuras posted...

Eh, I don't think ghosting her is your best option. Just talk with her. You can set some boundaries without accusing her of anything.

Maybe so, I would have to get my words straight.

Bump