Current Events > Turned 29 two days ago, and I'm depressed af.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Completely wasted my twenties being afraid of everything and isolating myself. I'm too old to turn things around.

Better start crying.

that's exactly how I felt when I was in that position like a decade ago and now I give no fucks whatsoever lol

You are never too old. I made huge changes at 40.

Happy belated birthday!

I took some big risks at 28, things have worked out better than I could have expected.

29 is still pretty young

Antifar posted...

I took some big risks at 28, things have worked out better than I could have expected.

What happened?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

At this point, not much. I sound like a broken record but I have significant anxiety issues (in addition to some minor physical health issues) that I cannot afford to treat in the slightest. I have absolutely no support system and zero chances of being able to live independently.

I've followed every single hobby and "dream" of mine and I've failed, resulting in me just not liking any of my former interests. I feel like a walking corpse at this point, and even though I clearly need to buckle down and plan out my life, no matter how much effort I'd put into things, it'd be for nothing.

Want a hug...

So what are you hoping to get out of this topic? You have made several similar ones over the course of the last week or so (maybe for longer? I dunno), and you will shoot down any suggestions that come your way. So what are you looking for? Just to vent?

I am trying to understand expectations, not to demean.

It's time for some Mindfulness, that'll get you in a better place.

You have to believe that your life can change, or it never will. This is a self fulfilling prophecy. You need to actively change your life and have hope. Youre only a lost cause if you believe it to be so.

Youre the only one that can save you.

CRON posted...

've followed every single hobby and "dream" of mine and I've failed

You can't fail at a hobby. Hobbies don't require you to be successful at them.

constantly being down in the dumps and throwing pity parties for yourself will only continue to make things worse.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Creative things. Silly things. Stuff like art, graphic design, writing, acting/voice acting. I've tried everything and failed at it all, to the point where I don't like thinking about it. It was foolish for me to think I deserved to follow those pursuits. I've tried getting back into them but I'm just not creative anymore.

I don't have steady hands and my motor skills have taken a serious hit over the past decade. I physically can't draw, my graphic design skills suck, my writing is too formulaic and dumb, and I spent a solid year trying to get into VO/VA work, only to be laughed at multiple times.

I really don't have any hopes or dreams anymore. It sounds pathetic and dramatic but it's the truth. I just can't muster the energy to give a shit, knowing I'm doomed to a lifetime of poverty and mental illness.

bsp77 posted...

So what are you hoping to get out of this topic? You have made several similar ones over the course of the last week or so (maybe for longer? I dunno), and you will shoot down any suggestions that come your way. So what are you looking for? Just to vent?

I am trying to understand expectations, not to demean.

I have absolutely no support system whatsoever and just want to vent, and hopefully people will listen. I can't even do that with what little family I have left, as my mother just rolls her eyes and constantly tells me to shut up; even when I'm crying.

Harpie posted...

You have to believe that your life can change, or it never will. This is a self fulfilling prophecy. You need to actively change your life and have hope. Youre only a lost cause if you believe it to be so.

Youre the only one that can save you.

I've tried this multiple times, even going as far as getting several books on it. Positivity and optimism just don't do anything for me when there are too many objective variables in my life which effectively doom me.

CactusCat posted...

constantly being down in the dumps and throwing pity parties for yourself will only continue to make things worse.

I'm aware. The problem is I can't stay positive, have nothing to be happy about, don't like anything about myself, and don't have the financial means of living a happy, safe life.

CRON posted...

I have absolutely no support system whatsoever and just want to vent, and hopefully people will listen. I can't even do that with what little family I have left, as my mother just rolls her eyes and constantly tells me to shut up; even when I'm crying.

Feel free to vent and I (and many others) will listen. But it is admittedly hard for many of us to not try to help.

bsp77 posted...

Feel free to vent and I (and many others) will listen. But it is admittedly hard for many of us to not try to help.

It's just difficult shaking the feeling that things will keep getting worse, because they've been consistently getting worse.

Youre missing a goal that you can work towards. Whats holding you back the most right now?

I'm 32 and I got into law school this year. I put it off for years cause I didn't think I was good enough, then one day I just said fuck it and started studying for the LSATs.

It's not too late to shoot your shot. If there's something you really want.

Harpie posted...

Youre missing a goal that you can work towards. Whats holding you back the most right now?

Literally everything. I can't even focus on a single thing I can work towards without everything else being in the way or ruining it. It sounds pathetic but I can't articulate it any other way.

I just want to be normal. I want to stop being terrified of everything, terrified of being judged, and constantly paranoid about everything. I want dignity that I will never, ever have.

The thing is, even if I wasn't mentally ill, I'd still be broke, and I'd have no chance of having a relatively safe, comfortable, independent life on my own. I'm stuck living at home where (if I were able to find a job) 100% of my money would go towards the rent and other expenses. I'm stuck living in a very expensive area because that's where jobs are. I have a number of health issues I can't take care of because I can't afford insurance. This just sounds like I'm rambling like a lunatic.

I'm not even going to have any semblance of a social life because I've been too accustomed to people treating me awfully, not to mention I hate social functions.

I did nothing in my 20s too. But the best nothing I did was not becoming someone who just complains about it all in their 30s >_>. Not trying to be mean. But what do you think would happen mentally if you get to your 40s and realize you spent your 30s complaining about your 20s? You should focus on making the best of the moment and make your 30s about living in those moments and not giving a shit what others think if you're not hurting anyone. That's what Im doing and it's way better than my 20s

Lost_All_Senses posted...

I did nothing in my 20s too. But the best nothing I did was not becoming someone who just complains about it all in their 30s >_>. Not trying to be mean. But what do you think would happen mentally if you get to your 40s and realize you spent your 30s complaining about your 20s? You should focus on making the best of the moment and make your 30s about living in those moments and not giving a shit what others think if you're not hurting anyone. That's what Im doing and it's way better than my 20s

I can't live in the moment because there aren't moments to enjoy. I'm terrified of virtually every aspect of life; never having any semblance of a support system. Since I've been maybe 11 or 12, I've felt like a walking corpse.

I can't have fun and "live in those moments" when there's nothing I enjoy doing and I second-guess and dwell on literally every stupid thing someone can worry about; rational or irrational. I can't not give a shit what others think, as that's what ruined my life.

Have you tried medication than? Maybe medication could get you into a state of mind where you can work on other aspects of yourself easier. Then when you do that, you can ween off the medication

Lost_All_Senses posted...

Have you tried medication than? Maybe medication could get you into a state of mind where you can work on other aspects of yourself easier. Then when you do that, you can ween off the medication

Back when I could somewhat afford it, I was put on all kinds of meds and not only did they not help, but some made things physically worse. I've been put on SSRIs, benzos, antipsychotics, and nothing helps.

CRON posted...

I've followed every single hobby and "dream" of mine and I've failed, resulting in me just not liking any of my former interests.

This is something I can imagine happening and I think the idea of it really slows any progress I'd be able to make.
What's it actually like when it happens? Does it only lose the allure/worth you imbued it with, do you become actively hostile or avoidant toward it? The closest I've gotten is to do something, quickly think "In hindsight it wasn't all that, was it?" and become distant with no real contempt toward it. I wasn't old enough to feel like it was valuable time going down the drain so your situation makes me morbidly curious.

Harpie posted...

Youre missing a goal that you can work towards. Whats holding you back the most right now?

This. Lack of goals in life will make things worse. You tried to achieve your dreams and got knocked down. Life is a constant uphill battle. That's just how it is.

I grew up in a backwater redneck town with no opportunities. Not wanting that life for myself, I was bull headed and kept slowly climbing upwards regardless of what anyone said. Now I make 4x what my parents make combined.

CRON posted...

Back when I could somewhat afford it, I was put on all kinds of meds and not only did they not help, but some made things physically worse. I've been put on SSRIs, benzos, antipsychotics, and nothing helps.

Sometimes it's a long process to find the right one for the specific person. It can be strongly circumstantial on your end too. If you're giving them enough insight on yourself to find the right solution. Sorry, if the financial situation isn't adequate for it. America really sucks at protecting it's people's mental states.

Im not a professional tho. I can only say what worked for me. Which was faking it til I make it and exposure therapy. Anyone who says pretending to be ok is always a bad thing is probably toxic, imo. Cause the alternative is giving into your worst thoughts and then pushing everyone away who doesn't want to be brought down by them. Most people are holding back in conversation at times so that they don't bring down the room tone. And it's not to say you should never express your feelings. It's about finding that balance that invites more positive people into your life to help you understand more productive and easier on yourself ways of thinking. Just like toxic people can help destroy others mentally, positive people can make people mentally more healthy overtime

CRON posted...

Back when I could somewhat afford it, I was put on all kinds of meds and not only did they not help, but some made things physically worse. I've been put on SSRIs, benzos, antipsychotics, and nothing helps.

Can you not get medicaid? My MIL hasn't worked since the 80s and her and her disabled daughter quality for it. That's how my SIL gets her medicine paid for.

Also yeah, it'll take a while to figure out what medications work for you. Those types of meds take about 2 weeks to get adjusted to and bypass the side affects. Give each of them 2-3 weeks, see if they help, then try other meds if they don't. My wife has crippling anxiety and it took her 2-3 meds before she found the ones that worked for her.

Youve only been a legal adult for 11 years. The question is what are you going to do about it now? If nothing, expect nothing to change.

You haven't hit 30 yet, you still have plenty of time but don't sit on it. I turn 21 in 3 days for the 14th time

I was in the same boat 2 years ago at age 27. Going to the gym getting in shape and taking better care of myself more in general has made me feel a lot better.

ViewtifulJoe posted...

This is something I can imagine happening and I think the idea of it really slows any progress I'd be able to make.
What's it actually like when it happens?

It stems from genuine lack of interest, frustration with not being able to succeed at anything, and those things just not making me happy. In hindsight I feel embarrassed and silly for being into "nerdy" things for so long. I'm 29 and it's just embarrassing seeing people around my age devoting their free time to infantile distractions. Every single thing that I previously enjoyed is just a reminder of how much time I've wasted, and how pointless those things were.

As for my hobbies? I just gave up on them; not much to it. I don't enjoy doing them, they don't improve my life, and they're relatively pointless if I can't financially profit off them. I need to get my life in order and there's no point wasting my time doing stupid "creative" shit.

Slayerblade11 posted...

I was in the same boat 2 years ago at age 27. Going to the gym getting in shape and taking better care of myself more in general has made me feel a lot better.

I spent several months last year getting into exercising and eating healthier and it only made me feel worse. I felt like it was all an obligation and added a lot more stress and worry to my life. I almost developed an eating disorder because of it.

I can't even exercise at home because my neighbor's too close and literally every single thing anyone does can be heard through the walls.

dj1200 posted...

Youve only been a legal adult for 11 years. The question is what are you going to do about it now? If nothing, expect nothing to change.

I don't really know what to do, which is what worries me. I can't rationally think of any realistic goals or careers for me, as I'm going to be miserable no matter what.

Realistically and objectively, it's going to be impossible for me. I want to have some type of hope, and selfishly feel like I deserve to feel some hope, but it's just not there.

You need some kind of creative outlet. Every time I do the math on buckling down, I always have one creative activity for balance. It's less cringe than just watching a movie in your free time or whatever imo.

You can't just wallow in self pity. You need to work towards something. 29 is still pretty young. You have a lot more maturity and life experience than an 18 year old. Save money, build up and maintain your health, work on yourself.

No you aren't

Start lifting weights. That was my first step to self confidence

MedeaLysistrata posted...

You need some kind of creative outlet. Every time I do the math on buckling down, I always have one creative activity for balance. It's less cringe than just watching a movie in your free time or whatever imo.

I've tried basically everything and have run out of interest or energy for anything else. I'm not going to make pottery because I have untreatable anxiety, lmao.

Smackems posted...

No you aren't

Start lifting weights. That was my first step to self confidence

I got into exercising for months and it only made things worse, and I almost developed an eating disorder because of it.

CRON posted...

I've followed every single hobby and "dream" of mine and I've failed, resulting in me just not liking any of my former interests

Not sure if serious but assuming so, at least you tried. Try something else.

Edit. Read the whole thread. Pretty sure this is just wangst.

Failing is just learning. I've failed millions of times but I kept going till I got it right,and now I'm confident af. You have to keep trying

Kim Kusanagi posted...

Not sure if serious but assuming so, at least you tried. Try something else.

Edit. Read the whole thread. Pretty sure this is just wangst.

Wangst?

Why does TC keep ignoring my posts?

Yeah you really need to look into Medicaid. I had to get my parents to stop claiming me as a dependent so I could qualify (and it's not illegal in my state, I talked to multiple people at the Health Care Authority about it first). And they have trouble even affording their own medical bills, so...

Sorry to hear how rough it's been for you. It sounds like maybe you are placing a lot of weight and expectations on yourself which is why you feel like a failure. I'm 37 now, and I think the 30's have been much better than my 20's for the reason that I just stopped trying to care about expectations and focused on more practical things.

I'll give you an example of what I mean. I started a youtube channel in my late 20's that did decently and got up to 30000+ subscribers. I'm a musician and I had all these dreams to write music, earn youtube ad revenue, and get famous. It sounds a bit dumb now, but I remember how excited I was about the possibilities. But eventually, I got exhausted by how much effort it took to make a video and how little views and ad rev I was getting in comparison to the effort. I thought I was failing and that I was a bad musician. I started to get depressed.

Finally, I decided to take a step back for my mental health. I took a hiatus from my youtube and instagram. In that time, I was able to reflect on the fact that while I may be a talented musician, some things are out of my control like online algorithms. I was letting the internet and online strangers define my own self-worth which I didn't realize how ridiculous that was until I took a step back.

I went back to the drawing board and figured out what I wanted to do in life. Instead of focusing on my passions, I looked at what I was good at that was also practical. Throughout this time, I had been teaching music and I realized that I worked well with kids and was a good teacher. So instead of my dreams of being a famous musician, I decided to focus on teaching which turns out to be a decent living in my area. 20-something year old me might look at the me right now and think that I became a failure because I gave up on my dreams. But the me of today is very happy and realized that I discovered new passions that I didn't know that I had. Turns out that I love working with kids.

A lot of people are commenting that you are still young and I think what they mean is that you still have a lot of time to figure out what you want and can do with your life. When you compare yourself with others, there will always be someone who does it better than you so forget that. Find your strengths and try to go from there.

Also, I think you mentioned anxiety. Therapy is always good but a good quick go-to for calming down that I have found is just breathing slowly. Whenever I feel stressed (which can be often when working with kids...), I take a minute or two to do slow breathing. Take a two to three second inhale through the nose, then a slow exhale for as long as you can do so comfortably. Repeat for a min.

I saw someone mention exercising and that's also a good idea. If you can't exercise at your house, take a short walk. Change of environment can help with mood too.

Good luck with everything! I hope you feel better soon.

I turn 30 soon and I feel like I was turning 21 a few weeks ago.

Time posted...

I turn 30 soon and I feel like I was turning 21 a few weeks ago.

Name checks out

CRON posted...

I've tried basically everything and have run out of interest or energy for anything else. I'm not going to make pottery because I have untreatable anxiety, lmao.

Sometimes it feels like I just want to sit there. But I still have interest in stuff, I just either forget about it, delay it, or avoid it entirely. Your best bet is to find something that you potentially want to do but hasn't happened yet. But you know that. Personally I want to write, and stuff like music is kind of in my "failed out of category but would still like to do for fun". I haven't succeeded at anything either.

Do you have a degree?