Current Events > I feel so guilty when someone pulls "Im lonely"....

(+) Yeah! (+)

Like an actual friend or family member, not like a girl wanting to do stuff.

When family or friends pull the L word out i feel really bad and go to whatever thing they want me to go to...

It reeks of honesty and desperation....

Why would you feel guilty about that? Are you the reason to blame for them being lonely?

No?
Then stop feeling guilty. That's not the place for it.

ClockworkHare posted...

Why would you feel guilty about that? Are you the reason to blame for them being lonely?

No?
Then stop feeling guilty. That's not the place for it.

I feel guilty because i probably dont want to go but if they said theyre lonely i feel very obligated to go. Were friends/family and theyre waving a desperation flag...

Well for them it means the world that you spend time with them. You never know if you save someone from heart break it ending their life.

Lairen posted...

I feel guilty

Don't.

It's not appropriate. You did not commit an offense, so don't feel guilty. It makes no sense. If you go through life with mixed up wiring like that, all it's going to do is make you vulnerable to people who NEVER feel guilty about exploiting you.

If a person's lonely because of their own choices (key detail there), you making a habit of rescuing them is just trying to fill a hole they continue to keep digging. You're validating the choices that are keeping them alone. Not every lonely person commits something drastic; most don't. We're talking like over 90%. Plenty of lonely people hit rock bottom (which they need to do in order to realize they may be causing their own problem). Then they decide whether or not to turn their life around. But they will never reach that state if someone conveniently keeps rescuing them from dealing with reality.

What I'm saying is not even cold. On the contrary, an example of cold would be habitually tugging on the heartstrings of a friend to the point of selfishly soaking up most of their free time just to facilitate not having to deal with the consequences of social laziness and cowardice. That's cold. That deserves a punch in the face.

You want to occasionally help a friend have some company when you got nothing planned? That's fine. You've been planning a fun day out, but give it up because a friend refused the invite and just wanted to crash with you anchored to them? That's toxic, end that shit. You should have no time for parasites. Feel free to pass lonely folks an invite, but if they keep saying no...dump them. You tried.

Im trying not to be too dramatic but it goes from a light hearted offer to hang out to serious at a drop of a word. Being lonely is a serious problem and its seen as pathetic to admit it so when a family/friend drops it, the tone changes and i understand to take it as that and just go.

And tbh it usually goes just fine cause they really just needed a human presence to feel better/normal. I just feel a little guilty because i probably wanted to do something else but generally whatever else can wait.