Current Events > Is it strange that I don't have much of a desire to date, anymore?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I was previously in a horrible relationship with an emotionally abusive BPD creature and as a result it's left me with a ton of anxiety, paranoia and self esteem issues.

I tried to move on and for socialization's sake, talk to new people. Nobody seems to be interested in having a conversation, or take an interest in anything I have to say. The ironic part of it all is I don't really have social anxiety, and have never had any issues with that.

Between all that, and sex being completely ruined for me, the idea of being in a relationship just sounds way too stressful. Is this something I should work on, or just accept and move on?

It's not strange. My last serious relationship ended in tragedy also. Following the breakup I forced myself into therapy as the anxiety and stress was taking physical tolls. The worst part was that it was affecting my work and even my co-workers were commenting on the drop in work quality. It eventually led me to quitting before I got fired.

The idea of strong personal relationship no longer appeals to me the same way either and I wonder if I would ever be open to the idea again.

That's eerily similar to my situation. It started to affect my work until I started having panic attacks. I had to quit.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I actually feel very lonely, and sometimes think about having a positive person in my life that I can talk to and connect with. Given the current state of my life, it's not going to ever happen but I'm looking at it rationally and not from any standpoint of resentment or entitlement.

I can't afford therapy and when I did, the quality was so bad that I just gave up on it.

Maybe your psyche is giving up like mine has.

Nope i was the same way for a while. 2 girls in a row did me wrong and i didnt trust women for a long time. I didnt go on a date for 12 years.

nfearurspecimn posted...

Maybe your psyche is giving up like mine has.

It's strange. I have moments where I have that confidence and think about things being better, but reality sets in.

This is actually really common so don't feel bad. The current dating climate veers this way where about the time you breakup , the couple starts traumatizing each other. Sometimes it's one sided but some women do this because it's easier to hate you and move on then love you and be sad. Also when you date a person who is damaged they pass on the pain frequently.

Also I've noticed with women. They will treat you like shit , and if you take it , they lose respect for you and start abusing you throughout the relationship. In their eyes if you don't have the self respect to call them on their crap , you deserve to be treated however they see fit. If they are dumping on you , and you crawl back like a dog , your ass belongs to them and they know it. Women are very aware of power dynamics because they are smaller than us.

This is where the saying , treat em like dirt and they stick like mud comes into play. As weird as it sounds , when you point out a girl's flaws they get a complex and some will respect you more. They seek your approval then, which is often by giving you more sex for validation. Sometimes you have to bone the cranky out of a girl too , and many of them expect you to know all this intuitively. Men think a woman will complete them , but woman want a complete package already by our age.

Keith_Valentine posted...

This is actually really common so don't feel bad. The current dating climate veers this way where about the time you breakup , the couple starts traumatizing each other. Sometimes it's one sided but some women do this because it's easier to hate you and move on then love you and be sad. Also when you date a person who is damaged they pass on the pain frequently.

Also I've noticed with women. They will treat you like shit , and if you take it , they lose respect for you and start abusing you throughout the relationship. In their eyes if you don't have the self respect to call them on their crap , you deserve to be treated however they see fit. If they are dumping on you , and you crawl back like a dog , your ass belongs to them and they know it. Women are very aware of power dynamics because they are smaller than us.

This is where the saying , treat em like dirt and they stick like mud comes into play. As weird as it sounds , when you point out a girl's flaws they get a complex and some will respect you more. They seek your approval then, which is often by giving you more sex for validation. Sometimes you have to bone the cranky out of a girl too , and many of them expect you to know all this intuitively. Men think a woman will complete them , but woman want a complete package already by our age.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/2/9/1/AARv9PAABiNz.jpg

I've been where you are and came out the other side improved. Your innocence has been destroyed , so you either bend or you break.

Let me adjust my fedora here , it's slipping over my bifocals

TC my last gf also had BPD, and I have the same feeling. I bet there was a ton of gaslighting and maybe this feeling you couldn't truly call her out on it due to her situation (mine also had a ton of trauma, or at least she claimed so I felt like her caregiver at times)

How long ago did you break up? The feeling will pass and you will get your confidence back. Just know a lot of things she gave you anxiety over a healthy person would not have you worrying about. And be careful about dating people with mental illness

haloiscoolisbak posted...

TC my last gf also had BPD, and I have the same feeling. I bet there was a ton of gaslighting.

How long ago did you break up? The feeling will pass and you will get your confidence back. Just know a lot of things she gave you anxiety over a healthy person would not. And be careful about dating people with mental illness

It's been over a year. Everything ended once she called me asking for computer help. She was too embarrassed to admit that she didn't know how to use the file explorer on her computer and ended up repeatedly telling me to kill myself, and moments after hanging up the phone bombarded me with pictures of corpses of suicide victims.

I've still felt miserable and in many ways am still afraid of her.

After the crap your psycho ex put you through, it's completely understandable not to want to date for awhile. Getting yourself healthy before trying again is a very good idea.

Kieth, that's a borderline sexist comment but no lies were detected.

TC, I don't think the solution to your romantic woes is belittling women. I don't endorse it either.

CRON posted...

I was previously in a horrible relationship with an emotionally abusive BPD creature

Ok so abuse is never ok and abusers should rightfully be called out. But calling people with mental disorders "creatures " is pretty horrible and only adds to stigma, that's honestly bad of you to say, be better than that

CRON posted...

She was too embarrassed to admit that she didn't know how to use the file explorer on her computer and ended up repeatedly telling me to kill myself, and moments after hanging up the phone bombarded me with pictures of corpses of suicide victims.

Sending pictures of corpses of suicide victims is not a symptom of BPD, that's a symptoms of her just being a horrible person. Please don't confuse the two and think everyone with BPD is like that

Keith_Valentine posted...

This is actually really common so don't feel bad. The current dating climate veers this way where about the time you breakup , the couple starts traumatizing each other. Sometimes it's one sided but some women do this because it's easier to hate you and move on then love you and be sad. Also when you date a person who is damaged they pass on the pain frequently.

Also I've noticed with women. They will treat you like shit , and if you take it , they lose respect for you and start abusing you throughout the relationship. In their eyes if you don't have the self respect to call them on their crap , you deserve to be treated however they see fit. If they are dumping on you , and you crawl back like a dog , your ass belongs to them and they know it. Women are very aware of power dynamics because they are smaller than us.

This is where the saying , treat em like dirt and they stick like mud comes into play. As weird as it sounds , when you point out a girl's flaws they get a complex and some will respect you more. They seek your approval then, which is often by giving you more sex for validation. Sometimes you have to bone the cranky out of a girl too , and many of them expect you to know all this intuitively. Men think a woman will complete them , but woman want a complete package already by our age.

Uh, no, none of this is true. You don't treat people like garbage in a loving and healthy relationship. Nobody who would treat their significant other poorly is relationship material, and I'm guessing you aren't either. I would not want to stay in a relationship where my significant other treated me like dirt and neither would any other self respecting woman, and saying that all women will treat you poorly is frightening incel talk

Wii_Shaker posted...

Kieth, that's a borderline sexist comment but no lies were detected.

It isn't "borderline" sexist at all when it's completely across the border, and if you can't detect any lies there then I worry for you

Kiyune posted...

It isn't "borderline" sexist at all when it's completely across the border, and if you can't detect any lies there then I worry for you

It's not a lie that there are some women that are manipulative and exploit weaker men. I'm not blowing the men's rights whistle here.

Keith knows what he is doing and it's framing his information in a way that uses a truth to make his point but also make it clear that he doesn't respect women.

I even said I didn't agree with it in my post. Direct your pitchfork to the sexist, we're on the same side mate.