Current Events > It dawned on me that I don't really have a fighting chance to be happy in life.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Flat broke, can't find work, somewhat deep in debt, can't afford insurance, can't afford therapy. I'm getting old. I've wasted so much of my life being constantly in fear of everything.

I've long abandoned the notion that I'll ever be successful or live any semblance of a comfortable life, but I just want to be happy and not terrified of everything.

The great russian writer was in gulag and basically never getting out and yet he found happiness.

Not with that attitude

:/

If you have all those issues and instead of taking time to fix it you decide to post about it on here,then you deserve it

CRON posted...

:/

Why are you terrified of everything?

Chosen1987 posted...

If you have all those issues and instead of taking time to fix it you decide to post about it on here,then you deserve it

shut up

Chosen1987 posted...

If you have all those issues and instead of taking time to fix it you decide to post about it on here,then you deserve it

I cannot afford any type of therapy, and I've been prescribed practically everything, even benzos, and nothing helps. I post here because I have absolutely no one else to talk to.

CRON posted...

I've long abandoned the notion that I'll ever be successful or live any semblance of a comfortable life,

So you gave up on your life before you even lived it?

Exposure therapy

CRON posted...

I cannot afford any type of therapy, and I've been prescribed practically everything, even benzos, and nothing helps. I post here because I have absolutely no one else to talk to.

ok. So explain your fear of everything please.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Pretty sure I sound like someone who didnt throw a pity party on a message board and instead went out and made a good life for myself

Chosen1987 posted...

Pretty sure I sound like someone who didnt throw a pity party on a message board and instead went out and made a good life for myself

ah yes, that's believe coming from a new alt

only well adjusted people make those

Guide posted...

ah yes, that's believe coming from a new alt

only well adjusted people make those

i Didnt know this was an alt thanks for informing me

No idea why I even made this topic. It was impulsive.

Do you have at least one good friend you can talk to? I have felt the same way. You need to keep job hunting until you find something you like. That is a huge thing. I liked my job but am starting to like it less and it changes your mental health.

electrochica posted...

Do you have at least one good friend you can talk to? I have felt the same way. You need to keep job hunting until you find something you like. That is a huge thing. I liked my job but am starting to like it less and it changes your mental health.

No, and that's part of it. I feel awkward having 'friends'. It's too much pressure and I'm afraid I'd be judged or something. I've been looking for work for almost an embarrassing amount of time and nothing's come up. The only interview I managed to score ended up being a scam. Due to financial issues and my driving anxiety, I had to sell my old car.

I'd suggest reading Three Men in a Boat, it never fails to give me a spring in my step, and a smile.

CRON posted...

No, and that's part of it. I feel awkward having 'friends'. It's too much pressure and I'm afraid I'd be judged or something. I've been looking for work for almost an embarrassing amount of time and nothing's come up. The only interview I managed to score ended up being a scam. Due to financial issues and my driving anxiety, I had to sell my old car.

Thats tough. Even talking to strangers can help so I don't think you should feel had about making the topic. Are you looking for a job in a certain field? Maybe you can broaden your scope!

I understand where you're coming from. The trick for me was to lower my expectations and strive to thrive on simplicity. I don't have big dreams. I don't even have little dreams. I have a few things that give me just enough of a push to keep moving forward, not necessarily toward or away from anything but just for movement's sake. They don't take a lot to acquire or maintain and they're all positive things. Reading a book. Taking a walk. Listening to music. Eating a cheap and simple but delicious meal, like curry and rice. I work enough to maintain these things, more or less, because anything more than that throws everything out of balance. I don't get the rewards of aiming high but I also don't get the pain of falling short.

electrochica posted...

Thats tough. Even talking to strangers can help so I don't think you should feel had about making the topic. Are you looking for a job in a certain field? Maybe you can broaden your scope!

The weird thing is I have no social anxiety. I have no issues with small-talk, talking to strangers, and all that. It's just this intrusive, invasive feeling of constantly being judged and talked about, even though I'm aware it's irrational.

I'm unable to find any job that would utilize my skills. I'm on Indeed constantly and unless I somehow relocate hours and hours away, there's nothing. I've given up on trying to venture into a career path and realize that I'm going to just have to suck it up and manage to tolerate shitty jobs until I die.

TheLiarParadox posted...

I understand where you're coming from. The trick for me was to lower my expectations and strive to thrive on simplicity. I don't have big dreams. I don't even have little dreams. I have a few things that give me just enough of a push to keep moving forward, not necessarily toward or away from anything but just for movement's sake. They don't take a lot to acquire or maintain and they're all positive things. Reading a book. Taking a walk. Listening to music. Eating a cheap and simple but delicious meal, like curry and rice. I work enough to maintain these things, more or less, because anything more than that throws everything out of balance. I don't get the rewards of aiming high but I also don't get the pain of falling short.

I don't have expectations anymore. At one point I had dreams and goals but it became pretty clear that even if my mental health and other issues were on point, it'd still be impossible to achieve. I'm sure it's just the depression making me exaggerate things but I don't really enjoy much anymore.

Everything I try to occupy myself with ends up making me miserable and bored, as I constantly get reminded of the various problems I have, or how things aren't looking so good for me. I've almost completely lost interest in video games and I don't really like watching any TV/movies/YouTube anymore. It all feels like going through the motions.

TheLiarParadox posted...

The trick for me was to lower my expectations and strive to thrive on simplicity.

This changed everything for me. This and not comparing myself to others. Also try not to care what others think which is hard to do. And generally people don't talk about you as much as you think. Keep looking.

I like my job enough but i don't make enough money so I may need to begin looking again. Job hunting sucks.

I've given up for the most part too. I'm gonna restart therapy, but don't think it'll work out.

if you have the time to post about it on gfaqs, you have the the tools available to you to fix your situation, but instead of putting in effort and yourself out there, you're content pissing and moaning about it while hoping a solution magically falls in your lap

no one's gonna fix your shit for you

I wish I knew what to say. I am sorry you are struggling. All I know to say is to ditch the fear somehow. Take a chance and do things. People regret missed opportunities more than failure.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

yup miserable af you caught me. Let me join in his boat of sorrow

If you have a roof over your head and your mouth is fed then be grateful.

Do you think you could work towards reevaluating your life where you are now, mentally refreshing and updating your perspective to the new standards?

I never really was a dream guy tho. So, I can't really understand what it's like to feel like you didn't achieve such a focused goal in time. I am a slacker that struggles to achieve anything in general tho. I tend to just do what I was talking about pretty much every new day at this point. Feelings carry over of course, but being able to not beat yourself up for anything behind you is pretty chill. Really helps you tackle what's in front of you, if you got something to tackle. You just gotta convince yourself of the logic that there's no benefit to doing this to yourself. Not "just" as in it's easy tho :/.

CRON posted...

I don't have expectations anymore. At one point I had dreams and goals but it became pretty clear that even if my mental health and other issues were on point, it'd still be impossible to achieve. I'm sure it's just the depression making me exaggerate things but I don't really enjoy much anymore.

Everything I try to occupy myself with ends up making me miserable and bored, as I constantly get reminded of the various problems I have, or how things aren't looking so good for me. I've almost completely lost interest in video games and I don't really like watching any TV/movies/YouTube anymore. It all feels like going through the motions.

I know what you mean. I really do. One thing that helped me was sort of mourning my past selves. I can pinpoint three or four moments in my life that broke me, most of them in childhood, and there is no way to come back from them. They killed a version of me that will never come back no matter what I do and each death left me more and more ill prepared to handle this world.

It took me a lot to learn that it's okay to feel bad for those mes. It's okay to lament the things I never had a chance to do or see or be. I had to learn to grieve for myself and then move on because every moment stuck on those things created another me to get stuck on and all those mes started to drag me into a hell I barely got out of. I really did have to just take a stand and decide life was worth living, then asses what I have to work with and build on that. Even though my material conditions didn't change too much, my life did improve. Without that declaration to myself, I was just existing, not living and that limbo is where the endgame shit thrived.

I don't expect to rouse you with cliches or aphorisms and I don't know you or your situation, so I'm not trying to offer you explicit steps on how to do this but sooner or later, you will reach a critical juncture on this and I think most people do have the ability to persevere there. I'm sorry you're struggling but I'm rooting for you. PM me if you ever need to talk.