Current Events > Getting ghosted after a first date.

(+) Yeah! (+)

RetsuZaiZen posted...

Ghosting is lame but like they said, people have gone over the edge from hearing the word no.

I've been ghosted before and sure it sucks but you learn to not take it personally.

The really amusing thing is when you get ghosted and she texts you out of the blue... Lol

Nothing better than being the 4th option when the others don't pan out haha.

If a girl is shitty enough to ghost you, you dont wanna be with her anyways. Fuck that noise.

thats how Ive always seen it at least

The X Dawg posted...

I have gone on dates with roughly over 250 different women in the last 4 years (with relationships during that time too). Sometimes the first date kiss works, sometimes it doesn't. Obviously depends on the person, but a lot of the time the setting.

With COVID, I've pulled away from doing it until I am able to better understand someone's comfort level.

I was only saying that maybe that was what she was expecting. But with that many dates, you are bound to get weird outliers.

Im getting tons of red flags from this thread so its no wonder yall getting ghosted

I'm 37, it still happens.
And I still ghost girls.
There's rules, only 1 date? Its fine. I have a 24 hour rule, if I don't hear back after texting for 24 hours then just assume she's not interested and delete the number.

DoubleDare posted...

I'm 37, it still happens.
And I still ghost girls.
There's rules, only 1 date? Its fine. I have a 24 hour rule, if I don't hear back after texting for 24 hours then just assume she's not interested and delete the number.

But why do you ghost? I do agree it isn't a big deal if just one date though.

IDK why people care so much about ghosting. Do y'all just like date only one person at a time and have to wait for a response before sending messages to anyone else?

The X Dawg posted...

Nothing better than being the 4th option when the others don't pan out haha.

Lol exactly.

To the block pile!

Dont take it personally and move onto the next. Dont waste any time or effort on a woman who has no interest in you.

Tyranthraxus posted...

IDK why people care so much about ghosting. Do y'all just like date only one person at a time and have to wait for a response before sending messages to anyone else?

Some guys here only get a date once in a blue moon. Not saying this of TC

bsp77 posted...

Some guys here only get a date once in a blue moon. Not saying this of TC

Exactly. Im one of them lol. Hell, I havent even had a girl look at me in like five years. Not everyone has a pool of people to choose from.

bsp77 posted...

But why do you ghost? I do agree it isn't a big deal if just one date though.

I think it depends, like if its obvious the date was just ok, and there wasn't much chemistry, there isn't a point to having to say "Yea I didn't feel much of a connection" just not texting gets that point across.

The thing that is annoying? Girls who do the drift off to ghost. Where they text you, do the small talk for a few days after the 1st date then ghost.
I would just rather have the ghost the next day.

Thankfully I never been ghosted. Ive only had 2 failed dates. One was just really and I never saw her again despite trying my best to be nice so that was aight.

the other I was depressed and lonely after my first major break up with my first wife and she was a smoker and I dont date smokers so I dodged a bullet there.

DoubleDare posted...

I think it depends, like if its obvious the date was just ok, and there wasn't much chemistry, there isn't a point to having to say "Yea I didn't feel much of a connection" just not texting gets that point across.

The thing that is annoying? Girls who do the drift off to ghost. Where they text you, do the small talk for a few days after the 1st date then ghost.
I would just rather have the ghost the next day.

Well, no one messaging at all is not quite ghosting to me. I am thinking about choosing to NOT respond to someone's message.

I don't know if "I wasn't feeling it" is much better than being ghosted. I think a message is nice, but maybe just a bit more than that.

Learn from it.

Looked gf posted...

Easier to ghost than deal with someone getting mad

Doesn't make it any less uncivilized and rude

MrResetti posted...

Learn from it.

lol

Another reason for ghosting is, the person doesn't want to hear the other person pleading to have another chance.

But before this, it used to be what you go on a date then wait a day or 2 to call? So what happened if the girl wasn't interested then? She wouldn't answer, so not much of a difference now.

The excuses for ghosting sound like the arguments of a child, trying to avoid all situations that make them slightly uncomfortable. Which isnt the least bit surprising, since its such a childish thing to do.

Im not gonna tell my job I quit. Im just gonna not show up. They might get mad if I told them

SwayM posted...

The excuses for ghosting sound like the arguments of a child, trying to avoid all situations that make them slightly uncomfortable. Which isnt the least bit surprising, since its such a childish thing to do.

Im not gonna tell my job I quit. Im just gonna not show up. They might get mad if I told them

Yeah except when your job gets mad they dont murder you

TheGoldenEel posted...

Yeah except when your job gets mad they dont murder you

you face this risk when talking to anybody, literally anybody

I was ghosted by a 30something teacher on Tinder after a few messages or so. I must have tipped her off that I'm not prime material lmao. I didn't flip a lid over it though.

nfearurspecimn posted...

I was ghosted by a 30something teacher on Tinder after a few messages or so. I must have tipped her off that I'm not prime material lmao. I didn't flip a lid over it though.

Wait, did you have a date? If you only have messaged, that isn't ghosting.

TheGoldenEel posted...

Yeah except when your job gets mad they dont murder you

Thinking mild discomfort is going to lead to you getting murdered isnt healthy thinking.

You literally would meet some random for a date based on a short period of getting to know them. But now youre worried about your safety when it comes time to do the adult thing and let them down easy.

Fucking please.

bsp77 posted...

Wait, did you have a date? If you only have messaged, that isn't ghosting.

Of course catboy didnt go on a date lol.

bsp77 posted...

Wait, did you have a date? If you only have messaged, that isn't ghosting.

oh

The entitlement mentality in TC is strong.

SwayM posted...

Thinking mild discomfort is going to lead to you getting murdered isnt healthy thinking.

You literally would meet some random for a date based on a short period of getting to know them. But now youre worried about your safety when it comes time to do the adult thing and let them down easy.

Fucking please.

Murder is an exaggeration here, but men blowing up/stalking/etc when they feel slighted by a woman is not uncommon

SwayM posted...

Thinking mild discomfort is going to lead to you getting murdered isnt healthy thinking.

You literally would meet some random for a date based on a short period of getting to know them. But now youre worried about your safety when it comes time to do the adult thing and let them down easy.

Fucking please.

Tell me you dont talk to women without telling me you dont talk to women.

TheGoldenEel posted...

Murder is an exaggeration here, but men blowing up/stalking/etc when they feel slighted by a woman is not uncommon

SwayM posted...

Treat people as decent until they give you any reason not to.

Playing the what if Olympics isnt doing anyone any favours.

BlackMcCoy posted...

Tell me you dont talk to women without telling me you dont talk to women.

When you learn not to speak moronic in TikTok memes, I may then take you seriously.

SwayM posted...

Playing the what if Olympics isnt doing anyone any favours.

lol shut the fuck up

TheGoldenEel posted...

lol shut the fuck up

You first.

TheGoldenEel posted...

lol shut the fuck up

How about you shut the fuck up and address my post?

You can be murdered meeting anybody, literally anybody, it's not gender exclusive.

Drrobotniks posted...

How about you shut the fuck up and address my post?

You can be murdered meeting anybody, literally anybody, it's not gender exclusive.

https://www.who.int/en/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women

Key facts
Violence against women particularly intimate partner violence and sexual violence is a major public health problem and a violation of women's human rights.
Estimates published by WHO indicate that globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
Most of this violence is intimate partner violence. Worldwide, almost one third (27%) of women aged 15-49 years who have been in a relationship report that they have been subjected to some form of physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner.

Ghosting feels bad but you can't blame them. She doesn't owe you a proper answer of why she doesn't like you, and you shouldn't be looking for it either. She already sent you the message you needed to know. It sucks but that's the way it is. I do agree it's better overall to not ghost people but you gotta forgive people who do ghost.

I agree that you probably wouldnt want an explanation of why. People so often want to know why, as though it will somehow help the situation. Trust me, it wont, if anything it will just make it worse.

People want to know what it was so they can grow but it doesnt work like that. Chances are, whatever it is the other doesnt like about you isnt really easily fixed. Or not without changing who you are. Plus, it might be something specific that they dont like.

I could have easily told a fair amount of women exactly why I thought I didnt like them and all their annoying traits. But that is somewhat cruel. I wish them well and hope they find someone that values their qualities rather than be annoyed by them.

TheGoldenEel posted...

https://www.who.int/en/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women

all that, and still nothing about it being gender exclusive, huh

Zero context ghosting is generally immature and just taking the easy way out.

Ghosting someone after youve already told them you dont want to see them again and they still message you back is appropriate, however.

They obviously dont owe you a response, nobody really does, but unless you did something egregious they probably did you a favor and you dodged a bullet. Theres plenty of not so well adjusted women out there as there are men.

Drrobotniks posted...

all that, and still nothing about it being gender exclusive, huh

https://www.cdc.gov/injury/features/prevent-stalking/index.html

Stalking is common. About 1 in 6 women and 1 in 17 men have experienced stalking in their lifetimes.

it is way more common for women to experience behaviors like this so it makes sense that they would be more cautious

TheGoldenEel posted...

https://www.cdc.gov/injury/features/prevent-stalking/index.html

it is way more common for women to experience behaviors like this so it makes sense that they would be more cautious

I see what you're going for, but again, more common =/= exclusive to them, again, anyone takes that risk when meeting anyone

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I mean unless he was being a creep, its lame to ghost people after a first date and not just send a text at least to say they aren't compatible/see as friends. Second half of Generation Y, and Z suck at communicating and would rather text than call too.

Drrobotniks posted...

I see what you're going for, but again, more common =/= exclusive to them, again, anyone takes that risk when meeting anyone

That women are disproportionately more likely to experience negative behaviors from men, and to experience violence from men, coupled with the fact that women talk to each other (shocking I know) means that they are likely to do things to mitigate risk.

plus she is way less likely to get insulted if she just ghosts

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/4azrkc/what_is_the_weirdest_insult_a_man_has_given_you/

Yeah I dont buy the logic that women can be shitty to men for their safety when they arent actively in an unsafe position.

The reverse definitely wouldnt fly.

And I really dont see any reality where some asshole says to himself sure glad she ghosted me, cus if she had told me she wasnt interested I would have blew up at her. Good thing she knows to keep her distance from a psycho like me

Like someone who takes rejection so bad her life / safety is in jeopardy is also going to take ghosting so fucking well.

SwayM posted...

Yeah I dont buy the logic that women can be shitty to men for their safety when they arent actively in an unsafe position.

The reverse definitely wouldnt fly.

And I really dont see any reality where some asshole says to himself sure glad she ghosted me, cus if she had told me she wasnt interested I would have blew up at her. Good thing she knows to keep her distance from a psycho like me

what a ridiculous fucking way to frame this

fact is any woman who has ever dated has been called a c*** or a whore for rejecting a guy at some point, and maybe she just didnt feel like having that done to her on that particular day

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Girl: "I just wasn't feeling it, sorry."

Bitter crybaby loser: "No big deal you're fat anyway and-"

Girl: *block and delete all contacts*

Boy, that was hard.

As an adult male, I'm not made of glass. I can handle someone being honest about not vibing.

What would (and does) make me more angry is being treated with such contempt and disrespect that you can't even give me a simple "wasn't feeling it" text.

I make sure to treat everyone with whom I go on dates with respect and consideration, even if I'm not feeling it. Expecting the same in return is not asking too much.

All they do by ghosting good guys is make more bitter guys.

TheGoldenEel posted...

what a ridiculous fucking way to frame this

Something we both agree on.

Framing all men as shitbags that deserve to be treated like garbage doesnt fly with me. Also the complete lack of logic that if youre worried hes going to lash out at rejection that youre just delaying an even bigger freak out when he realizes youre ghosting him out of the blue

I can understand why women do it and I do empathize. However, I feel that it is still a shitty thing to do, and in the end it probably makes things collectively worse for women in the long run.

On the other hand, get over it guys. Not that big of a deal.

The biggest example for me was when I had sex on a first date, and then she ghosted me. Now, it could sound like I just sucked, but I found out later through Facebook that she moved to Europe a couple days later. She had told me on the date it was a month away, but in actuality she just wanted dinner and sex before moving. Oh well, tis a good story afyer the fact and being used is kinda fun.

Would never ghost someone if I've actually met up with them for a date but it does happen.

Just gotta learn to take everything extremely casual these days.

SwayM posted...

Something we both agree on.

Framing all men as shitbags that deserve to be treated like garbage doesnt fly with me. Also the complete lack of logic that if youre worried hes going to lash out at rejection that youre just delaying an even bigger freak out when he realizes youre ghosting him out of the blue

And if they freak out you can just block them