Current Events > hey ce wanna know how to get your IT people to help you ASAP? Here's how.

(+) Yeah! (+)

1: don't use the body of the email. Ignore it. Pretend it doesn't exist.
We don't like having to actually click and read the body. It's pointless. Takes too much time.

2: make sure to use all caps. I mean EVERYTHING IN CAPS. Why? Because you want your email to stand out right? Of course you do. You don't want Janice in accounting getting her emails read before you do you?

3. Make sure to give a set of words that don't make sense to us. This way we are more likely to jump onto that email title (remember no body, title only) and rush down to you to help you. Something like 'I was on vacation for two weeks and I can't remember the password for the email I use once every 6 months to send out reports can you please help?' is absolutely useless. That tells me the problem and how to solve it. You think we like being told what the problem is and how to solve it? No we hate it.

4. Always be passive aggressive. We love it. We absolutely will run to your rescue if you treat us like we're your personal servant.

Now let's all put this together shall we using two emails

Subject: HELP!!!!! CODE ISNT WORKING FOR COMPUTER!!!!
Body:

That's a go getter right there.
All caps? Check!
Subject only? Check!
Fucked up amount of exclamation marks? Check!

'But wait', you think, 'that doesn't sound very passive aggressive to me'.
And you are right my friends. It isn't.
This is why when IT replies with:

'Hi {redacted name},
Can you explain when you say code, what do you mean? I'm guessing the password for the computer is working just fine since you just emailed me. Do you mean someone needs the wifi password? It's {redacted password}. If you mean the door codes that was moved over to security, their mobile is {redacted number}.

And then that is where you my friends reply with:

'I just need the code!!! How hard is it to look it up??!!!!'

And then I forward to the principal with 'yeah she's not getting help until she learns how to write emails properly. She emails parents daily and if she's acting like that then you might want to dicuss how to compose an email'

This reminds me of the I needed help from my IT department and I didn't have time to explain everything so I basically did this:1: don't use the body of the email. Ignore it. Pretend it doesn't exist.
We don't like having to actually click and read the body. It's pointless. Takes too much time.

2: make sure to use all caps. I mean EVERYTHING IN CAPS. Why? Because you want your email to stand out right? Of course you do. You don't want Janice in accounting getting her emails read before you do you?

3. Make sure to give a set of words that don't make sense to us. This way we are more likely to jump onto that email title (remember no body, title only) and rush down to you to help you. Something like 'I was on vacation for two weeks and I can't remember the password for the email I use once every 6 months to send out reports can you please help?' is absolutely useless. That tells me the problem and how to solve it. You think we like being told what the problem is and how to solve it? No we hate it.

4. Always be passive aggressive. We love it. We absolutely will run to your rescue if you treat us like we're your personal servant.

Now let's all put this together shall we using two emails

Subject: HELP!!!!! CODE ISNT WORKING FOR COMPUTER!!!!
Body:

That's a go getter right there.
All caps? Check!
Subject only? Check!
Fucked up amount of exclamation marks? Check!

'But wait', you think, 'that doesn't sound very passive aggressive to me'.
And you are right my friends. It isn't.
This is why when IT replies with:

'Hi {redacted name},
Can you explain when you say code, what do you mean? I'm guessing the password for the computer is working just fine since you just emailed me. Do you mean someone needs the wifi password? It's {redacted password}. If you mean the door codes that was moved over to security, their mobile is {redacted number}.

And then that is where you my friends reply with:

'I just need the code!!! How hard is it to look it up??!!!!'

And then I forward to the principal with 'yeah she's not getting help until she learns how to write emails properly. She emails parents daily and if she's acting like that then you might want to dicuss how to compose an email'


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Just give her the code

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I wouldve just told my IT guy dont you guys just unplug the router or something?


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I just had a ticket yesterday from someone titled "!HOT! - Cannot Access File share after Laptop Factory Reset - HELP!"

I made sure to edit the title to remove the !HOT! and HELP! part. When we edit titles, it'll email the user stating that the title was updated to the new title. I hope she got the hint.

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Or just pour an entire bottle of water on whatever piece of equipment was troubling you.

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You forgot an advanced tip for pro IT engagement: always CC their manager on the ticket and insist your issue is time sensitive and program critical, no matter how trivial.

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They learned day one not to CC the principal
They learned day two what happens if they CC their boss (vice principal)
They learned day three what happens if I CC either the principal or vice principal when emailing them

...so what happens?
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For which one

I would expect this from users who have no degrees... but aren't teachers supposed to all have bachelor's?

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Oh look, another smug help desk employee.

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Veggeta_MAX posted...

I would expect this from users who have no degrees... but aren't teachers supposed to all have bachelor's?

She's admin.
teachers tend to submit their requests in person thankfully

I seriously dont know why IT is so lazy, your job isnt that hard

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ColdRainAndSnow posted...

I seriously dont know why IT is so lazy, your job isnt that hard

It's one of those things where you need to help us help you. Believe me, all I want to do is help you resolve your issue so you can get back to work and be productive but acting like the sky is falling down because something unfamiliar happened on your screen does not help.

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ColdRainAndSnow posted...

I seriously dont know why IT is so lazy, your job isnt that hard

Hey the work moms encourage it

TBF, a lot of IT guys are snobs, though. Lots of them act holier than thou just because they hold the keys to the infrastructure kingdom.

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nothanks1 posted...

For which one

yes
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I got the number four before I realized it was satire

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s0nicfan posted...

You forgot an advanced tip for pro IT engagement: always CC their manager on the ticket and insist your issue is time sensitive and program critical, no matter how trivial.

I have a good director and when people try to bypass the whole system and go straight to him, he'll simply ask them if the helpdesk is broken.
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teep_ posted...

yes

Cc the principal: it's replied to with 'please be patient. {redacted} has to support the entire school. Followed by the principal reminding everyone of that in the staff meeting that week.
Cc the vice principal: its replied to with 'he's probably busy with something for the principal'
I cc the principal: same as them doing it but their name gets mentioned

BignutzisBack posted...

I got the number four before I realized it was satire

I apologize

Veggeta_MAX posted...

I would expect this from users who have no degrees... but aren't teachers supposed to all have bachelor's?

They don't teach email etiquette in college unfortunately.

ColdRainAndSnow posted...

I seriously dont know why IT is so lazy, your job isnt that hard

Can't tell if this is sarcasm or trying to get a rise outta the IT people itt. Either way, most people think IT just means helpdesk techs.

People don't understand that unless you a massive company, there aren't dedicated helpdesk techs. Most IT people have to handle the entire infrastructure of their company. Server uptime, configuring monitoring/alerts, making sure backups are successful, working on upgrade projects the business wants, handling the budget, printers, telephone system, end user computer equipment, etc. Helpdesk is just a small part of the responsibilities required and someone who has project deadlines to hit don't have as much time for helpdesk tickets.

Veggeta_MAX posted...

TBF, a lot of IT guys are snobs, though. Lots of them act holier than thou just because they hold the keys to the infrastructure kingdom.

That true. In my experience those types are slowing being phased out thankfully. They are a chore to deal with even as an IT person.

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I've got a client at my job and their clients are schools and even though I'm generally not supposed to talk to their clients except for district IT staff I occasionally end up having to deal with a teacher or other administrator as some of my client's software is installed locally because of corner cutting. Corners cut so hard I remote desktop login sometimes to find it's running on windows XP.

Anyway.

Emails from the school staff are by far the least professional / poor form. They come in with all kinds of fucked up fonts or literally background images in the fucking email and this one time I remoted into a PC, which is an official Dept of Education work computer for that school, and the wallpaper was literally a baby in a diaper, presumably the kid of the woman I was talking to, and it made me kind of uncomfortable.

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Tyranthraxus posted...

and the wallpaper was literally a baby in a diaper, presumably the kid of the woman I was talking to, and it made me kind of uncomfortable.

Is this a rare occurrence for you? From my experience, if a company allows users to customize their desktop wallpaper, it's generally pictures of their kids or pets.

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Meanwhile in my office one of the posters:

https://i.imgur.com/LzxMB70.png

I mean, how hard is it to just send her the Konami code?

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BlazinBlue88 posted...

Is this a rare occurrence for you? From my experience, if a company allows users to customize their desktop wallpaper, it's generally pictures of their kids or pets.

Baby in a diaper is rare. General family / pet pics aren't. But also 99% of shit I remote into are data center machines, many don't even have UIs. Those that do the wallpaper is usually straight black or the windows default. I don't do office support but from what I've seen walking around the office nobody had a picture that was just baby in diaper.

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I like to mention that I've been dealing with the problem for a long time and they haven't been helping me

Tyranthraxus posted...

Baby in a diaper is rare. General family / pet pics aren't. But also 99% of shit I remote into are data center machines, many don't even have UIs. Those that do the wallpaper is usually straight black or the windows default. I don't do office support but from what I've seen walking around the office nobody had a picture that was just baby in diaper.

Thankfully I don't do end user support anymore either. Back several years ago when I did, I saw so many random kid and pet pictures. Baby diapers were normal.

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Also make sure to come into the staff room where the principal is (CEO) talking to me about my vacation and interrupt with 'I could literally not do any work since the code was never given to me' which then gets a response of 'yes, there was a code you asked for but never clarified what code it was. It's like a parent calling you and telling you that their child is out sick but never naming the child'

And then the stupid fuck responds with 'but like he (me,the it department)should know all the codes.

Then the principal sighs and explains unless we know what code is needed then it can't be helped.

The code was finally revealed to be her password for her home WiFi

You forgot the important optional step: straight up lie about what you've done.

When the IT guy says, "did you try a reboot?" or "did you close the program and restart it", just say yes no matter what. Reboots are annoying and they don't fix anything and the IT guy is just trying to patronise you. It was fine that all you did was shut the lid on your laptop or just exit the RDS.

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hey ce wanna know how to get your IT people to help you ASAP? Here's how.

I reduced wait times over the phone and sped up service significantly by having sex with mine.

#lifehax

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nothanks1 posted...

The code was finally revealed to be her password for her home WiFi

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pinky0926 posted...

You forgot the important optional step: straight up lie about what you've done.

When the IT guy says, "did you try a reboot?" or "did you close the program and restart it", just say yes no matter what. Reboots are annoying and they don't fix anything and the IT guy is just trying to patronise you. It was fine that all you did was shut the lid on your laptop or just exit the RDS.

I love it when they tell me they rebooted then I bust out task manager. "Uptime 55 days"

People never lie to me anymore about rebooting
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I really hate people who send emails with the subject: HELP! If you dont give us any information, it is going to take us a lot longer to get back to you to troubleshoot, cause we will handle people who give us more information first.

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nothanks1 posted...

Also make sure to come into the staff room where the principal is (CEO) talking to me about my vacation and interrupt with 'I could literally not do any work since the code was never given to me' which then gets a response of 'yes, there was a code you asked for but never clarified what code it was. It's like a parent calling you and telling you that their child is out sick but never naming the child'

And then the stupid fuck responds with 'but like he (me,the it department)should know all the codes.

Then the principal sighs and explains unless we know what code is needed then it can't be helped.

The code was finally revealed to be her password for her home WiFi

It's really surprising that the IT sector doesn't have the highest murder and suicide rates in any profession.

TheSavageDragon posted...

It's really surprising that the IT sector doesn't have the highest murder and suicide rates in any profession.

It's generally quite a satisfying job in many respects with reasonable hours and reasonable pay. So it has some shitty customer service quirks. As much as we like to bitch about u$ers in IT, I think IT guys tend to get a bit fucking carried away with it tbh. Like, sometimes IT guys should just go outside more or interact with people in social settings more voluntarily so that they don't lose their marbles every time they have to talk to someone who doesn't understand things like they do.

My ex was a vet surgeon. She spent half a decade busting her ass in medical school only to find out that her career path had lead her to a lifetime of euthanising cute animals, dealing with screaming and crying people threatening her with legal action on a weekly basis and not being paid all that well on top of never being taken as seriously as a "real" doctor.

I'd come home and be like "you'd never believe how annoying Miranda from accounts was today, I had to reset her password like 8 times", and she'd be like "I killed 3 dogs today and now I have to write a case report as one of those people is suing me". Every. week.

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All you had to do was give her the damn code, CJ!
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It takes a lot of patience and soft skills to work in IT.

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pinky0926 posted...

It's generally quite a satisfying job in many respects with reasonable hours and reasonable pay. So it has some shitty customer service quirks. As much as we like to bitch about u$ers in IT, I think IT guys tend to get a bit fucking carried away with it tbh. Like, sometimes IT guys should just go outside more or interact with people in social settings more voluntarily so that they don't lose their marbles every time they have to talk to someone who doesn't understand things like they do.

My ex was a vet surgeon. She spent half a decade busting her ass in medical school only to find out that her career path had lead her to a lifetime of euthanising cute animals, dealing with screaming and crying people threatening her with legal action on a weekly basis and not being paid all that well on top of never being taken as seriously as a "real" doctor.

I'd come home and be like "you'd never believe how annoying Miranda from accounts was today, I had to reset her password like 8 times", and she'd be like "I killed 3 dogs today and now I have to write a case report as one of those people is suing me". Every. week.

I agree to some extent. While I'm not in IT I do a lot of IT work for family and friends and I tend to keep my cool most of the time.
But I can't fathom how a teacher in this day and age simply doesn't know the phrase "password for my Wifi", especially when they've been teaching from home during quarantines. The only reason I can think of is that they are a year away from retirement

TheSavageDragon posted...

I agree to some extent. While I'm not in IT I do a lot of IT work for family and friends and I tend to keep my cool most of the time.
But I can't fathom how a teacher in this day and age simply doesn't know the phrase "password for my Wifi", especially when they've been teaching from home during quarantines. The only reason I can think of is that they are a year away from retirement

There's is a huge knowledge gap I've found. Some people's reaction to confusing technology stuff is just to reflexively never use it. So rather than develop any fundamental learning of systems that can give them a basic clue on how to figure the rest out, they just proudly never learn a thing.

Boomers, basically.

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pinky0926 posted...

There's is a huge knowledge gap I've found. Some people's reaction to confusing technology stuff is just to reflexively never use it. So rather than develop any fundamental learning of systems that can give them a basic clue on how to figure the rest out, they just proudly never learn a thing.

Boomers, basically.

You just described my 38 year old sister to a T.

Your topics confirm basically all the school IT stereotypes

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Veggeta_MAX posted...

It takes a lot of patience and soft skills to work in IT.

Imagine thinking that typing out an email is hard LMAO

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As bad as some users are, there are still a lot of nice and understanding users. I've worked with a ton of people who understands that I am always being pulled away from different people all the time so they always tell me to take my time.

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Veggeta_MAX posted...

As bad as some users are, there are still a lot of nice and understanding users. I've worked with a ton of people who understands that I am always being pulled away from different people all the time so they always tell me to take my time.

But the problem is, the understanding users tend to not have that many problems and the horrible horrible users tend to have a ton of issues, mostly the exact same ones they always have and refuse to learn how to either fix it(if it is an easy fix), or take any of the preventative measures we suggest.

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For every Janice in accounting, I have like 30 staff members who love me.
like literally I'm the only person by name who gets thanked every time at the weekly brief from the principal

Also this person was admin so not a teacher

The only reason I'm not more stressed out is that the only time I ever got called after hours was a major incident that had the principal order in two bottles of vodka as a thank you for answering the call.

parent threatened to sue the school saying a teacher was sending inappropriate emails. Turns out it was just spoofed emails by one of the students who disliked her

A user already gets on my shit list if they walk in for a meet and greet on the day they are hired and are touring the premises. I had work to do and you just broke my train of thought

if I ever see you again, you wont go unpunished

I have two offices
If I'm in my office then please just walk right the fuck in cause I got all the time for you

If I'm down by the students hangout with a laptop then you either better be my work mom, the vice principal or be one of the kids because you will be on my list of' death glare at' for the next month.