Current Events > I've totally given up on dating.

(+) Yeah! (+)

With COVID, the extremely bi-partisan nature of everything, and my departure from social media after just getting frustrated with how people behave on it, I've come to accept that it's pretty much impossible to meet someone for someone in my position.

I make 6 figures, I'm athletic, and I'm good with dogs, however I'm also short, losing my hair, and have a bad personality due to having extreme social anxiety. I have banged probably about 20-some girls, and maybe almost half of them have been pretty attractive, so I've actually had a pretty active life. A couple of the relationships, if I hadn't totally screwed up might have actually been pretty substantial.

But at this point in my life, I'm in my late 30's, and I realize that on top of being below-average in attraction, I'm also socially awkward because I'm terrified of people and never leave the house. (Not because of COVID, just because people terrify me.) Every date I've been on for the last few years has been just awful, most of the time I stop talking to the girl regardless of whether she ghosts me or not. The last time I had sex was almost 4 years ago, and it was some girl that one night standed me. I was drunk and could tell I was being used, so it was just awful sex. She called me a loser and told me to delete her number right afterwards.

Life isn't all bad. I do take a lot of pleasure knowing I can do whatever I want. I keep my dog happy, and I exercise a ton. I like to learn to do things other people don't.

But it's kind of difficult realizing that as you get older, socializing is exponentially more difficult, to the point where you just lack the ability to talk to strangers. I often times find myself wishing prostitution would just be legalized so I could at least address the problems loneliness brings, but honestly if it were legal I'm not 100% confident I'd take advantage of it just due to the stigma that would no doubt be around.

Is anyone else in the same boat? I know that CE is full of studs, but I often times wonder if other people are just "done" with it.

---

I read all that.

---

if your count is in the twenties you're already in the top 1% of dudes and the top 0.00000000000000001% of gamefaqs users so

I want to give up trying tofind someone, but being a married man has been my life goal since I was eight years old. Part of me just refuses to let the dream die.

---

WarfireX posted...

Is anyone else in the same boat?

Given up, yes. No success, and just a dead end job though.

---

EngineerGamer posted...

if your count is in the twenties you're already in the top 1% of dudes and the top 0.00000000000000001% of gamefaqs users so

Yeah, but of those 20's, I've had maybe like.....5 actual, legit, will be seen with me in public girlfriends.

A lot of them were one night stands/flings w/married chicks I worked with and were bored. One of them was a girl who had a major crush on me, but was embarrassed to be seen around me. So, she would go over to my house and **** me, but then she wouldn't even talk to me if we were at the same bar.

Only one of my girlfriends was someone I dated for more than 6 months, which was my longest relationship.

It feels to me like I have some sort of social disability I need to get therapy for. But even if I do that, it doesn't solve the fact that I'm becoming uglier as I get older.

---

You clearly don't lack the ability to talk to strangers if you've banged over 20 women lol

---

Heartomaton posted...

I want to give up trying tofind someone, but being a married man has been my life goal since I was eight years old. Part of me just refuses to let the dream die.

First, shut the fuck up.

Once you've done that, take note: I was in pretty much exactly the same boat you are. It was only after I stopped really caring, that I actually met someone - maybe the fact that I wasn't actively trying meant I wasn't doing things that put women off, maybe it was coincidence, maybe it's that I stopped rushing into dead-ends which gave something meaningful the chance to work out. I don't have a clue what the reason is.

And once you've taken note of that, shut the fuck up again.

---

I don't believe TC has banged 20 women.

---

Coca-Cola posted...

You clearly don't lack the ability to talk to strangers if you've banged over 20 women lol

People are thirsty. Hookup-based Tinder culture makes it easier than ever to get sex, but a lot harder to come up with a meaningful relationship.

---

Trumble posted...

First, shut the fuck up.

Once you've done that, take note: I was in pretty much exactly the same boat you are. It was only after I stopped really caring, that I actually met someone - maybe the fact that I wasn't actively trying meant I wasn't doing things that put women off, maybe it was coincidence, maybe it's that I stopped rushing into dead-ends which gave something meaningful the chance to work out. I don't have a clue what the reason is.

And once you've taken note of that, shut the fuck up again.

Shut the fuck up.

I can't.

Shut the fuck up.

---

you already have experience vs those who don't. so what you think you can't get back in the game and seal the deal? change your mindset.

you have to just work on yourself. be a better you. Have confidence in yourself, work on being nicer and more approachable (but not desperate).

online dating has sicher for most, especially with covid.

---

CalypsoDoom posted...

Honestly dating is fucking shitty in this day and age. If you're single, I'd enjoy it unless you really luck out.

I'm trying to man. I mean, I see a lot of the perks of it now as I've gotten older. House is totally peaceful right now, no one is bugging me. I'm not out hanging out with someone else's friends pretending to have a good time.

BUT, that peace is also deafening. If I didn't have my best bulldog buddy I would go crazy from the lack of activity here. It'd be great just to have the TV on with someone ELSE laughing at a show. Even something stupid, like some rando-sit-com so I could feel invited to join them.

Other perks, like I can travel anywhere I want on my own, or pick up any hobby I want are again cool, but unfulfilling by yourself. I even learned how to rock climb hoping to meet my match there, but the rock climbing community is like any other. Elitist and based on social status. The only women that talk to me there are newcomers, who ditch me as soon as they talk to someone more attractive.

Honestly, I hate it.

---

Heartomaton posted...

Shut the fuck up.

I can't.

Shut the fuck up.

All three of these are things I do / did say regularly too. The first and last, I'll say to you right now.

---

I believe you, but i dont have much advice except good luck. Sometimes you find what you need without looking for it


---

Coca-Cola posted...

You clearly don't lack the ability to talk to strangers if you've banged over 20 women lol

I used to go to clubs, get drunk, and dance. When you can dance, women talk to you first. If you go somewhere where people are actively getting drunk and talking to each other, you will get women to have sex with you eventually.

But like I said, I have social problems, and some of those women I wasn't all that nice to after all was said and done. They've collectively destroyed my reputation and cancelled me. One of them even spread a rumor that I used to "dose" women, which was total bull ****. But there isn't any reasoning with people once the genie is out of the bottle.

Also, back then I had confidence. Now that I'm losing my hair, I feel silly dressing flamboyantly and dancing. Without confidence, I have nothing.

---

Trumble posted...

All three of these are things I do / did say regularly too. The first and last, I'll say to you right now.

I'm just so lonely. :<

---

Trumble posted...

First, shut the fuck up.

Once you've done that, take note: I was in pretty much exactly the same boat you are. It was only after I stopped really caring, that I actually met someone - maybe the fact that I wasn't actively trying meant I wasn't doing things that put women off, maybe it was coincidence, maybe it's that I stopped rushing into dead-ends which gave something meaningful the chance to work out. I don't have a clue what the reason is.

And once you've taken note of that, shut the fuck up again.

Honestly dude, I appreciate you trying to give useful advice since that guy was echoing me, but your advice sucks. If I go around and "not give a ****", then I'm basically invisible. I have to do things to make myself stand out in order to even get people to talk to me. That's probably where some of my anti-social behavior comes from, at times I've found being disruptive the easiest way to get attention. But yeah, your advice is crap ass advice from someone who is probably more attractive than me or the guy that you were replying to and didn't need any actual tact or skill to meet someone.

---

You could probably address the hair loss problem with all the money you make. There's Finasteride, Minoxidil, and micro-needling/derma-rolling. You could even try a low level light. If you still have a decent amount of hair you could get a hair transplant. If you really have too much money, you could pay to be a subject in a hair cloning experiment. It only is supposed to cost six figures and may not take place for a few years.

---

Arcanine2009 posted...

you already have experience vs those who don't. so what you think you can't get back in the game and seal the deal? change your mindset.

you have to just work on yourself. be a better you. Have confidence in yourself, work on being nicer and more approachable (but not desperate).

online dating has sicher for most, especially with covid.

That's one of the most frustrating things. I have no idea what I was doing before that was so different where people would at least give me a chance, and be friends with me until they decided I was a weirdo, vs now, where people treat me like a ghoul as soon as I show my face in public.

My only hope is bringing my dog with me, but mostly that just winds up getting people to want to talk to my dog, and they couldn't care less about me. That's fine, because it makes him happy, but it doesn't help my situation.

Thanks for the pep talk, I know some part of what you say has to be somewhat true. I just think that as I've gotten older and uglier, my looks have fallen apart (my hair situation really is a mess and I have no idea what to do about it. I don't like the idea of me shaving my head either) and it just doesn't feel like I can recapture that lightning in a bottle. As you said, confidence is key, but back then I had the confidence of someone that didn't realize that he'd shape up into being ME today.

---

CalypsoDoom posted...

I will say sometimes shaving it off looks better

In almost 100% of cases, clean-shaven or very short hair looks much, much better than a receding hairline with longer hair.

---

CalypsoDoom posted...

Or he could find people that don't care about his hair situation.
I will say sometimes shaving it off looks better (in my opinion) but it depends on the person.

Thanks Calypso, I appreciate that. I just really struggle with the idea of shaving my head because I don't like who I see in the mirror. I don't have a butt-ugly face or jaw-line, but I've noticed that a common denominator in what makes an attractive human being is having hair to cover your forehead. I have a giant head, and I just feel like less hair makes that worse. IDK, I hate not recognizing myself in the mirror. As a kid I always wanted that John Connor T2 hair.

The other guy mentioned hair loss medical procedures. There are so many now, I don't know what is actually a credible solution vs taking my money from me like I'm a fool. I've considered hair systems, hair transplants. I've tried hair solutions, and none of them work.

I genuinely think if I had a cool hair style that would be all it took for me to be confident again though. I've proven myself to be able to survive in the real world, make GOOD income, take care of and keep another living being happy (my dog). I just LOOK like a loser. That's all I see when I look in the mirror, and it's hard. I genuinely feel too ugly to leave the house.

---

You are being negative and lack confidence

Those are two of the biggest turnoffs for anyone.

---

just bee yourself

_____Cait posted...

You are being negative and lack confidence

Those are two of the biggest turnoffs for anyone.

You aren't wrong, but by this point, I have no idea how to have a positive outlook on dating options (either talk to someone on OKC, or meet a random stranger walking my dog and a lot of people are hostile to me/won't make eye contact with me or even just cross the road to avoid crossing my path), and my confidence has been destroyed after being 1) fired from my job 3 years ago 2) cancelled in my social circle 3) aging horribly.

I don't know what to do. I should probably go to therapy, but I only say that because it's "probably" what I should do, not because I actually have any faith it would help.

---

FightingJester posted...

I read all that.

Haha

---

Also, something just occurred to me.

To you guys who are shocked that I'm saying all this but I've ****ed 20 girls....you do realize I told you I'm in my late 30's, right? Most guys are trying as hard as they can to get laid constantly from their teenage years up. In my 20's, there were blocks of time where I was going to clubs EVERY weekend.

Finding 20 individuals willing to have sex with you under those conditions is so not-difficult that even I could do it. So, if you think that's a high number and you're in your 20's, don't think that way. The sad part is, like I said, I have not had sex in over 3 years, and I can't really imagine that changing anytime remotely soon. And given that it's not changing remotely soon....I'm honestly not sure if I'll ever have sex again. I'm only going to become older and less attractive.

---

Heartomaton posted...

I'm just so lonely. :<

I can really relate to everything you've indicated in this thread, so I know both how much of a "I have to do something about this" thing it can seem, and how obsessing with it like that causes far more problems than it solves.

And I suppose that should also come with the warning that, if/when you do find someone, that doesn't mean you're going to instantly be happy about everything. Maybe at first, but there's far more to life than that; the second-worst thing you can do is assume that finding someone is going to fix everything and that your life will be perfect from then on.

(The worst thing you can do? Not shutting the fuck up.)

---

CalypsoDoom posted...

Or he could find people that don't care about his hair situation.
I will say sometimes shaving it off looks better (in my opinion) but it depends on the person.

He could, but I imagine it bothers him more than it bothers others.

---

Trumble posted...

I can really relate to everything you've indicated in this thread, so I know both how much of a "I have to do something about this" thing it can seem, and how obsessing with it like that causes far more problems than it solves.

And I suppose that should also come with the warning that, if/when you do find someone, that doesn't mean you're going to instantly be happy about everything. Maybe at first, but there's far more to life than that; the second-worst thing you can do is assume that finding someone is going to fix everything and that your life will be perfect from then on.

(The worst thing you can do? Not shutting the fuck up.)

JFC dude, nobody in here is saying that "finding someone" is the magic cure all. In fact I've made multiple points about how there are some really great things about being single. I don't even know that I want to meet someone and settle down, it'd just be nice to have the ability to get someone to have sex with me once in a while, or watch a movie with me on Fridays like I used to.

Your advice is fortune cookie common sense.

---

TerraSeeker posted...

He could, but I imagine it bothers him more than it bothers others.

This guy gets it, and maybe I should have some big revelation about how it doesn't really matter, but I just feel like I'm lying to myself. It does matter to me, I can barely look at myself in the mirror anymore.

---

WarfireX posted...

JFC dude, nobody in here is saying that "finding someone" is the magic cure all. In fact I've made multiple points about how there are some really great things about being single. I don't even know that I want to meet someone and settle down, it'd just be nice to have the ability to get someone to have sex with me once in a while, or watch a movie with me on Fridays like I used to.

Your advice is fortune cookie common sense.

My advice is aimed at one specific person and in response to their comments ITT - and that person is not you. But perhaps the fact that you felt the need to make it about you might shine some light on why you don't have the best luck in the dating scene...

---

Trumble posted...

I can really relate to everything you've indicated in this thread, so I know both how much of a "I have to do something about this" thing it can seem, and how obsessing with it like that causes far more problems than it solves.

And I suppose that should also come with the warning that, if/when you do find someone, that doesn't mean you're going to instantly be happy about everything. Maybe at first, but there's far more to life than that; the second-worst thing you can do is assume that finding someone is going to fix everything and that your life will be perfect from then on.

(The worst thing you can do? Not shutting the fuck up.)

Finding a solid relationship would make me happy in enough of my life to exaggeratingly say that I would be happy about everything. I would go from a pessimistic asshole to guy smiley in an instant.

You're right about it not fixing everything though. But it would give me the motivation and kick in the ass I need to fix those things myself.

---

Trumble posted...

My advice is aimed at one specific person and in response to their comments ITT - and that person is not you.

That doesn't make your advice helpful in any general sense. I know where that guy is right now, and being told to just man up and not care what anyone thinks is bull ****. If anything, doing whatever I want and not caring what people think lead to me being socially ostracized and fired from one of my jobs. I have had to make a lot of attitude adjustments over the last couple of years. Maybe this guy you are feeding bull **** to is in the same situation.

---

WarfireX posted...

You aren't wrong, but by this point, I have no idea how to have a positive outlook on dating options (either talk to someone on OKC, or meet a random stranger walking my dog and a lot of people are hostile to me/won't make eye contact with me or even just cross the road to avoid crossing my path), and my confidence has been destroyed after being 1) fired from my job 3 years ago 2) cancelled in my social circle 3) aging horribly.

I don't know what to do. I should probably go to therapy, but I only say that because it's "probably" what I should do, not because I actually have any faith it would help.

Forget dating. Focus on having a positive outlook on life. Work on yourself, grow. Also yes go to therapy. If you have money to spend on prostitutes you have money to spend on therapy. Do it.

---

Heartomaton posted...

Finding a solid relationship would make me happy in enough of my life to exaggeratingly say that I would be happy about everything. I would go from a pessimistic asshole to guy smiley in an instant.

You're right about it not fixing everything though. But it would give me the motivation and kick in the ass I need to fix those things myself.

Yeah dude, he doesn't get it. People like him try to shell out advice all the time. Maybe he's naturally charismatic and makes friends easily, so he thinks it all comes easily and people are just overthinking it. I'll also wager that there are a number of things that he's absolutely terrible at that are no struggle for me.

Honestly, having an awesome girlfriend helps a TON. It isn't the answer to all problems. My favorite girlfriend is a girl that I got bored and stopped talking to, realized how great she was, and then she had refused to talk to me when I came back. I 100% screwed up there, but I def wasn't co-dependent on her or any of that bull **** this guy is implying. And a lot of the major things that I did (having financial success, owning my own house), I either did because I was DUMPED by another girl that wanted me to get my **** together, or because I wanted to prove people wrong about me. So, the goal of a satisfying relationship, or just regular relationships is a pretty powerful motivator, regardless of this guy writing it off as not answering everything. He's only saying that because he is probably decent at making friends/getting girlfriends, but then sucks at simple things like paying his rent on time.

---

I haven't 'given up', but I never really look and women don't really like me anyway.

---

WarfireX posted...

Also, something just occurred to me.

To you guys who are shocked that I'm saying all this but I've ****ed 20 girls....you do realize I told you I'm in my late 30's, right? Most guys are trying as hard as they can to get laid constantly from their teenage years up. In my 20's, there were blocks of time where I was going to clubs EVERY weekend.

Finding 20 individuals willing to have sex with you under those conditions is so not-difficult that even I could do it. So, if you think that's a high number and you're in your 20's, don't think that way. The sad part is, like I said, I have not had sex in over 3 years, and I can't really imagine that changing anytime remotely soon. And given that it's not changing remotely soon....I'm honestly not sure if I'll ever have sex again. I'm only going to become older and less attractive.

There's lots of people in the same position that you you're in right now and their number is 0 so it could be wayyy worse

---