Current Events > The man you are not initially attracted to could be your perfect match.

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https://madamenoire.com/194658/youre-not-idris-why-the-man-youre-not-immediately-attracted-to-could-be-your-perfect-match/

Men can grow on women. I know that probably sounds like the least romantic thing you can think of; but in many cases, more than you may think, its true. But sometimes when a woman doesnt get that warm and fuzzy feeling from a man right away, she may quickly dismiss the thought of ever giving him a chance. I used to be one of those women but soon realized that even the man who doesnt immediately give me butterflies has the potential of becoming someone I fall in love with; and not giving someone a chance based on an initial feeling like butterflies or sparks that you hear about in the movies might actually block me from meeting a good man.
To some this may sound like settling, especially if it causes you to ditch some of the shallow prerequisites you may want in a man. You know them: must be over six feet tall, must look like he plays sports even if he doesnt, and could easily pass for Idris Elba. Some men dont get a chance simply based on their height or looks. And while every woman is certainly entitled to her preferences, it doesnt hurt to give a nice guy a chance.
My last boyfriend probably lacked all of the physical requirements listed above. While he definitely wasnt unattractive, I just wasnt attracted to him in the beginning. And even after the first date and further conversation, I still wasnt impressed. Honestly, if I had met him under different circumstances, I probably would have never seen him again and just chalked it up to lack of chemistry; but because we had mutual friends, we ended up seeing each other more often.
These sporadic encounters soon led to another date and more conversation. Eventually, I realized he possessed many of the characteristics I wanted in a man. He was funny, ambitious, spiritual, and he wasnt broke. Plus, we really had a lot of fun together. Youre probably thinking, if he was so great and we had so much fun together, why is he my ex? We grew apart due to other issues, but we were together for a couple of years and are still cordial friends. He might not have ended up being Mr. Right, but it was a time of my life I enjoyed and dont regret.

Since then, I have met other men that I am not initially attracted to on a romantic level. Surprisingly, Ive ended up dating a few of them beyond a friendship level, even exploring the idea of a committed relationship. Just the same, some of the men I was immediately attracted to and thought I had a spark with havent lasted past the first phone call, proving that the initial chemistry isnt always the deciding factor.
Ive talked to many married women who claim that they were not initially attracted to their husbands, some couldnt even stand them at first; but somehow they ended up giving these guys a shot and theyve been together ever since. This could very well have to do with the fact that women usually value different things in a relationship than men and can often forgo five-star looks for five-star treatment and a good heart. Although we have our list of physical wants in a man, many times we will disregard them if a man possesses the other things we value. To some this could be financial stability or great conversation and personality. To others it could be emotional support.

Whatever your thing is that you value in a relationship, many times you cant tell off of an initial encounter, or a few come-and-go conversations if a guy could be a good match. Seriously, if the man isnt so bad even if he doesnt appear to be your type, it doesnt hurt to let him buy you dinner at least once. From there, you can figure out if you guys repel one another, or if hes just what the doctor ordered. You never know what might be missing out on if you pass on every guy who doesnt immediately light your fire

What do you think CE?

its almost like romance is more than physical attraction or something

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Good thing I'm not attracted to men.

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Yeah, people seem too quick to write people off these days imo. The modern dating scene makes finding a new person trivial for a lot of people, though, so it's easy to write people off.

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@Master_Bass why do you think it makes it trivial? The ease of which you can find a new person?

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jon1012 posted...

@Master_Bass why do you think it makes it trivial? The ease of which you can find a new person?

Yeah, it's easier than ever for some people with all the dating apps/sites out there to just jump to a new person if they're not immediately impressed.

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Master_Bass posted...

Yeah, it's easier than ever for some people with all the dating apps/sites out there to just jump to a new person if they're not immediately impressed.

Well the writer of this was one of those people.

But I'm not attracted to men.

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ZeroX91 posted...

But I'm not attracted to men.

but they could be your perfect match

In general, it's fine. Mr (or Mrs) Right is better off being referred to as Mr (or Mrs) Good Enough. Know your deal breakers, know the qualities you'd like to have in a mate, and go from there. No one is going to check off all of your boxes, and if they do, you need to dream bigger (but also latch onto the one who did check said boxes).

But this is just stupid:

it doesnt hurt to let him buy you dinner at least once.

*vomits*

Yeah, let's burden the man here with this shit. I want an equal, not a pet and not a project.
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Thatguyonthebus posted...

but they could be your perfect match

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RedWhiteBlue posted...

But, honestly, I'd like to see some stats, that likely aren't out there, on how strong a relationship is and lasts and if there's a higher chance of a dead bedroom when comparing the chemistry spark people seek vs the friendship turned relationship that this is more like.

It is well documented that sparks die so...

Like actual scientific studies say the shelf life of sparks is about 2 years max.

RedWhiteBlue posted...

Edit - just to clarify, spark is not equal to 2 people having limerence, but they think they have common ground and share interests, but it still dies?
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Sparks is like that feeling of love at first sight or wanting to remove the guys pants because he is so hot or butterflies etc. Call it strong attractive desire.

Many people make that a requirement and if they don't feel it will not do a 2nd date or even a 1st date if say they already knew the person asking out.