Current Events > Will pay $30 for poster with most helpful feedback on this scene from my novel.

(+) Yeah! (+)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lwxCgRXueM5yTxhH1f8y-PkSl2WJesumEYNr-EwbWBI/edit?usp=sharing

1878 words. Paypal will be the method I guess.

I already see some flaws, and some parts of the scene have already been revised once. But still, I want to see what kind of constructive criticism CE can provide me with.

Dryads are not my own creation. They have been a part of mythology for quite some time. Traditionally, hey are humanoid plant creatures born from trees, and always female.



---

how to fuck tree

---

I'm interested, but what kind of feedback exactly are you looking for? I can give it a read once I have an idea. I'll admit I don't really write/read fantasy myself, but I think I'm generally a pretty solid writer.

---

Pus_N_Pecans posted...

I'm interested, but what kind of feedback exactly are you looking for? I can give it a read once I have an idea. I'll admit I don't really write/read fantasy myself, but I think I'm generally a pretty solid writer.

OK, so there's a verbal conflict/confrontation that happens in this scene. Sort of like one you might see between Ray and Deb on Everybody Loves Raymond. I guess I want to see how well-written the conflict was. Did it keep your interest? Did you feel the emotions that that were likely intended (there's one part that's supposed to lighten up the conflict and make you laugh. I'd be interested to see if you could spot it)? Was it too easy to be on one characters side of the argument -- was one of them significantly worse in this conversation than the other? Do you feel like the conflict was resolved -- maybe not totally, but at least enough to keep you interested in how this might develop the characters for what may occur in the future?

If you or anyone can answer any or all of those questions, and possibly come up with additional helpful comments, that would be appreciated.

---

Heres what Ive got:

The dialogue feels a bit stilted at times, especially in the beginning of the confrontation, like Issac seems more shocked than upset or hurt, and I wasnt sure if it was intentional on Brylenas part of not since I do get the sense that her culture is very different, but she doesnt seem to understand at all what might have upset him, even though the other woman already scowled at him for peeping.

I also think the back and forth dialogue exhange could use some emotion or facial expressions interspersed to break it up a bit more? Since Im sure Issac is processing a lot of conflicting emotions throughout it all.

I think theres a good balance between the two points of view, though Brylena does come off a little arrogant without any previous scenes for me to read to put her into a better context. (Im not sure how much/what kinds of exposure she has to humans either, which would also play a role in her reactions to certain things.)

And Im pretty sure the hair plucking is the part youre talking about with lightening the mood? I think it works. It shifts the tone in a natural sort of way so you understand the conflict has subsided.

---

Pus_N_Pecans posted...

I think theres a good balance between the two points of view, though Brylena does come off a little arrogant without any previous scenes for me to read to put her into a better context.

Yeah, this is the main criticism I was expecting. I know I made her character a total bitch. That's something I want to fix, because the novel so far is shaping up so far to be a love story / triangle, so the characters need to be someone that a person can realistically fall in love with.

Thanks for the feedback. I'll keep the topic bumped for about a week or so. Winner won't be decided until after the topic purges.

---

From both critics who have examined it, my dialogue is stilted in places. What is a good way to fix this and avoid it in the future?

---

An_Actual_Chad posted...

Dryads are not my own creation. They have been a part of mythology for quite some time. Traditionally, hey are humanoid plant creatures born from trees, and always female.

TIL that I apparently want to fuck plants.

---

An_Actual_Chad posted...

From both critics who have examined it, my dialogue is stilted in places. What is a good way to fix this and avoid it in the future?

I think peppering in some fleshed out dialog tags will help with that. it'll help give the lines a little more emotion.

---

Bump

---