Current Events > Question for bisexual people...

(+) Yeah! (+)

I was wondering about something when it came to sex and relationships. Would you have a relationship with someone of the same sex or not. Or are any of you the opposite where you have sex with both, but only date the same sex?

I was talking about this on Reddit, and reading some old posts. Many described being bisexual, but hetero-romantic, which I guess makes sense. Though, for many different reasons. Some say its because they still want to be straight is societys eyes, where others want to live the normal life. And a good number of them say that they usually have some form of internalized homophobia/biphobia.

Some say they would date, but would have to be in the closet about it. And that they would feel bad if dating a gay man who was out. Though, many gay men are in the closet, as well... So it would work for some...

I think there was something else, but I forgot. Either way, I wanted to get some of your thoughts on the matter at hand, and some answers to the questions in the first paragraph. And maybe other questions. Elaborate if you could. Also, I was planning on making a poll at first. But not only were there to many choices I was making, but many were too long, as well...
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My female best friend is bisexual but hetero-romantic & I've seen that a lot from other women too. Her former female sex partner was the same way.

Haven't known nearly as many bi men, so can't comment on that side of things.

I'm pan, so I'll date anyone as long as they've got a good personality and I find them attractive. I generally prefer women and androgynous/non binary folks, but it really makes no difference to me.

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Being at least outwardly hetero-romantic is suuuuuuuper common among bisexual people

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Pus_N_Pecans posted...

I'm pan, so I'll date anyone as long as they've got a good personality and I find them attractive. I generally prefer women and androgynous/non binary folks, but it really makes no difference to me.

Basically this for me. I have dated men, but my preference is definitely towards other women both sexually and romantically but I've dated and slept across the spectrum and would again.

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garan posted...

My female best friend is bisexual but hetero-romantic & I've seen that a lot from other women too. Her former female sex partner was the same way.

Haven't known nearly as many bi men, so can't comment on that side of things.

Weirdly, it always seems to be the other way around that I see. More of the bi women I know are open to dating other women. Where most men seem to only want to "have fun" with other men, but not date them. Even on other sites and in some of the interviews I saw...

Pus_N_Pecans posted...

I'm pan, so I'll date anyone as long as they've got a good personality and I find them attractive. I generally prefer women and androgynous/non binary folks, but it really makes no difference to me.

Most people do have a type, so that makes sense...

King_Hutton posted...

Being at least outwardly hetero-romantic is suuuuuuuper common among bisexual people

Really? I haven't really hook-up or dated any. Though, I guess that could make it hard for others to date them if they were hetero-romantic...
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LinkPizza posted...

Many described being bisexual, but hetero-romantic, which I guess makes sense. Though, for many different reasons. Some say its because they still want to be straight is societys eyes, where others want to live the normal life. And a good number of them say that they usually have some form of internalized homophobia/biphobia.

Kinda describes my experiences.

I enjoy physical stuff with other men and find other men attractive but I can't ever seem to imagine myself developing an actual relationship with another man

And I think it must have something to do with, like you said, some kind of internal homophobia or some part of me subconsciously seeing the life I want as incompatible with a homosexual relationship

It's something that's always confused me.

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Funkydog posted...

Basically this for me. I have dated men, but my preference is definitely towards other women both sexually and romantically but I've dated and slept across the spectrum and would again.

So dating wise, your preference is women? What about sex? Is the preference for sex also women?

Doom_Art posted...

Kinda describes my experiences.

I enjoy physical stuff with other men and find other men attractive but I can't ever seem to imagine myself developing an actual relationship with another man

And I think it must have something to do with, like you said, some kind of internal homophobia or some part of me subconsciously seeing the life I want as incompatible with a homosexual relationship

It's something that's always confused me.

Yeah. One of the things we talked about was it's easier to have a "normal life" according to society by dating the opposite sex. Though, I personally wish we'd get rid of that all together. Go back to the way of the Greeks when it was actually considered weird to be straight or gay. And bisexuality was the way to go. I think that would help with dating, as well. That way, people could date who made them happy, rather than not date someone of the same sex who made them happy because society doesn't like it. I feel that society is kind of forcing bisexual men and women to not end up with someone of the same sex. Which is kind of sad...

Though, this does explain why it's possible many gay guys are weary of dating bi guys. They may be worried about something like this happening. But idk...
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LinkPizza posted...

So dating wise, your preference is women? What about sex? Is the preference for sex also women?

It varies honestly. Sometimes I prefer a feminine looking gal, sometimes a tomboy girl. Othertimes a big rugby player type of guy or your emo thin twink.

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Funkydog posted...

It varies honestly. Sometimes I prefer a feminine looking gal, sometimes a tomboy girl. Othertimes a big rugby player type of guy or your emo thin twink.

So, when it comes to sex, you're a little more open to people? But dating-wise, you preference is female?
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LinkPizza posted...

So, when it comes to sex, you're a little more open to people? But dating-wise, you preference is female?

Yeah but no. I've no issue with dating a guy and the two serious relationships I've had have been with a woman and a guy, so no issue with anything serious with a man. I just find myself more romantically drawn to women in general. But if I was given a choice by a genie of the exact same person to be in a relationship with, but one was feminine and the other was masculine, I'd pick the feminine one.

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I've speculated on this stuff privately. I think part of it goes back to how scientists were unsure if true bisexuality exists until recently. By true bisexuality, I mean that the person was born with some innate attraction to both sexes that manifested itself either in childhood or around puberty, analogous to what occurs in gay people.

It seems as though many people that call themselves bisexual are people born with an innate attraction to the opposite sex, but learned attraction to the same sex by cultural means. It's known that cultures in many different parts of the world took the same attitude towards sex with the same sex as the Greeks and Romans did, so it's not surprising that there are people today that are willing to have opportunistic sex with the same sex while preferring the opposite.

Again, this is just speculation based on what I've read on the subject.

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Shadowplay posted...

learned attraction

Ew, get that outta here.

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Shadowplay posted...

I've speculated on this stuff privately. I think part of it goes back to how scientists were unsure if true bisexuality exists until recently. By true bisexuality, I mean that the person was born with some innate attraction to both sexes that manifested itself either in childhood or around puberty, analogous to what occurs in gay people.

It seems as though many people that call themselves bisexual are people born with an innate attraction to the opposite sex, but learned attraction to the same sex by cultural means. It's known that cultures in many different parts of the world took the same attitude towards sex with the same sex as the Greeks and Romans did, so it's not surprising that there are people today that are willing to have opportunistic sex with the same sex while preferring the opposite.

Again, this is just speculation based on what I've read on the subject.

lolwut

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Funkydog posted...

Yeah but no. I've no issue with dating a guy and the two serious relationships I've had have been with a woman and a guy, so no issue with anything serious with a man. I just find myself more romantically drawn to women in general. But if I was given a choice by a genie of the exact same person to be in a relationship with, but one was feminine and the other was masculine, I'd pick the feminine one.

Ok. I think I understand...

Shadowplay posted...

I've speculated on this stuff privately. I think part of it goes back to how scientists were unsure if true bisexuality exists until recently. By true bisexuality, I mean that the person was born with some innate attraction to both sexes that manifested itself either in childhood or around puberty, analogous to what occurs in gay people.

Idk. I think people are just born with a sexual orientation. And just all figure it out at different ages, if they ever figure it out, that is. Like I know men who didn't really figure out they weren't straight until adulthood, while some knew as children...

Shadowplay posted...

It seems as though many people that call themselves bisexual are people born with an innate attraction to the opposite sex, but learned attraction to the same sex by cultural means.

I don't think you "learn attraction". And even if you did, I feel it would be gay men or lesbian women who would "learnt to be straight" because of cultural norms. Though, we know that doesn't really work. There are those religious straight camps that just torture people. So, when they come out straight, they are probably lying to avoid torture. And I know many guys who tried to be straight by starting a family and marrying a woman, to only come out as gay later, anyway. And though there have been people that said they were able to choose, I've always had a theory they were bi, and just choose to ignore their feelings for anyone of the same sex. Which makes them think they are choosing...

Shadowplay posted...

It's known that cultures in many different parts of the world took the same attitude towards sex with the same sex as the Greeks and Romans did, so it's not surprising that there are people today that are willing to have opportunistic sex with the same sex while preferring the opposite.

It depends. Though, you would have to know more about the cultures. Like one culture has young boys suck off the elder men and drink the semen, because that's what helps them grow into strong men. But that would be seen as gay by other cultures. And it might be seen as bad if you continue doing it after a certain age. And then you have Korea, which practices skinship. Where guys are "very touchy feely" with each other. Sitting in each other's laps, holding hands all the time, back rubs, etc. That being said, there's still a stigma around being gay. One guy apparently said, "That's gay, teacher!" while basically giving another guy an over the pant handjob...

Pus_N_Pecans posted...

Ew, get that outta here.

I agree...
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PrideOfLion posted...

I'm not sure of my sexuality but I've enjoyed sex with both male and female individuals.
I've only had hetero relationships though. I'm literally married to a woman.
I like dick, but I'm not really into kissing dudes. I think that's really my issue with it actually.

I know a guy like this. He doesn't mind dick and would suck a guy off to completion and get fuck. but no kissing. Though, he said he's straight. It was more of something he did to get off in high school. There are also some guys that like a good pegging. make sense with the prostate existing and all... Do you think if you weren't married, and could kiss dudes, you might have a relationship with a guy?

Also, if kissing really that bad? I'm gay, but can easily make out with a chick. Haha.
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I think I'd rather marry a guy (I'm a guy) because my entire family consists of women. I don't really care though

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AuroraUnit836 posted...

I think I'd rather marry a guy (I'm a guy) because my entire family consists of women. I don't really care though

Ah. That way, you'd have another guy around...

PrideOfLion posted...

Maybe? Yeah, I think I might but idk

I guess it would be hard to tell...

CalypsoDoom posted...

I prefer women too! in terms of attraction I mean. I like fewer men

Is it because of looks possibly?
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Pus_N_Pecans posted...

Ew, get that outta here.

King_Hutton posted...

lolwut

LinkPizza posted...

I agree...

I should have clarified that I'm an atheist and I'm not trying to spread some sort of Christian or other religious propaganda. It's pretty clear that one has no control over their sexuality and that there's nothing ethically or morally wrong with what consenting adults do with one another in their own homes.

LinkPizza posted...

Idk. I think people are just born with a sexual orientation. And just all figure it out at different ages, if they ever figure it out, that is. Like I know men who didn't really figure out they weren't straight until adulthood, while some knew as children...

Yes, that's what I'm saying. It does indeed seem to be the case that there are people that are born bisexual, just like how there are people born gay or straight. But, is it really so farfetched to believe that through the same cognitive processes in which someone acquires, say, a particular fetish, that someone could become attracted to the same sex or at least desensitized to the idea of engaging in sexual activity with them? And that at the same time, there are also people that are born with an innate attraction to both sexes? Why should it be that one can acquire some sort of bizarre, highly specific kink relating to the opposite sex, but it be impossible for a person to acquire some sort of general attraction to the same sex, while leaving their attraction to the opposite sex intact?

I think the issue here is that religious people and their ridiculous assertion that one can control their sexuality (or there is something wrong with same sex activity) have made it taboo to consider the possibility that the environment could play a role in some, but not all, people's bisexuality. And even if it were the case that a person's homosexuality or bisexuality was 100% due to environmental/cultural influences, it's not as if they had any control over their sexuality or that they could do anything to change it.

LinkPizza posted...

I don't think you "learn attraction". And even if you did, I feel it would be gay men or lesbian women who would "learnt to be straight" because of cultural norms. Though, we know that doesn't really work. There are those religious straight camps that just torture people. So, when they come out straight, they are probably lying to avoid torture. And I know many guys who tried to be straight by starting a family and marrying a woman, to only come out as gay later, anyway. And though there have been people that said they were able to choose, I've always had a theory they were bi, and just choose to ignore their feelings for anyone of the same sex. Which makes them think they are choosing...

Those camps are rooted in pseudoscience and have mistreated many decent people. And, again, sexuality is not something that one chooses.

LinkPizza posted...

It depends. Though, you would have to know more about the cultures. Like one culture has young boys suck off the elder men and drink the semen, because that's what helps them grow into strong men. But that would be seen as gay by other cultures. And it might be seen as bad if you continue doing it after a certain age. And then you have Korea, which practices skinship. Where guys are "very touchy feely" with each other. Sitting in each other's laps, holding hands all the time, back rubs, etc. That being said, there's still a stigma around being gay. One guy apparently said, "That's gay, teacher!" while basically giving another guy an over the pant handjob...

Yes, it is indeed a testament to how complex that human behavior is.

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I haven't come out to my family yet as bisexual so I'm not open with that. Unfortunately I've also never been in a real relationship either. It's always been hookups and friends with benefits. I haven't even begun to think about long term relationships with men or women.

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I mean I might date the same sex if the dynamic is right, but for the most part I'm romantically preferable to the opposite sex.
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Shadowplay posted...

I should have clarified that I'm an atheist and I'm not trying to spread some sort of Christian or other religious propaganda. It's pretty clear that one has no control over their sexuality and that there's nothing ethically or morally wrong with what consenting adults do with one another in their own homes.

It doesn't have to do with religion. It's the learned attraction thing, AFAIK. People don't agree with it...

Shadowplay posted...

Yes, that's what I'm saying. It does indeed seem to be the case that there are people that are born bisexual, just like how there are people born gay or straight. But, is it really so farfetched to believe that through the same cognitive processes in which someone acquires, say, a particular fetish, that someone could become attracted to the same sex or at least desensitized to the idea of engaging in sexual activity with them? And that at the same time, there are also people that are born with an innate attraction to both sexes? Why should it be that one can acquire some sort of bizarre, highly specific kink relating to the opposite sex, but it be impossible for a person to acquire some sort of general attraction to the same sex, while leaving their attraction to the opposite sex intact?

I think the issue here is that religious people and their ridiculous assertion that one can control their sexuality (or there is something wrong with same sex activity) have made it taboo to consider the possibility that the environment could play a role in some, but not all, people's bisexuality. And even if it were the case that a person's homosexuality or bisexuality was 100% due to environmental/cultural influences, it's not as if they had any control over their sexuality or that they could do anything to change it.

I can see someone acquiring a fetish. I can't see someone acquiring a new sexual orientation, though... Kinks can involve a different sex without you changing you sexual orientation...

I do think religion has stunted growth, though. I think they are a major problem with why people are afraid to be themselves... That and cultural differences. Too many people want to keep following old gender stereotypes. Like one guy who would never ask her girlfriend for money, or cry in front of her. He does most of the work, while she does lots of cleaning and cooking at home. He pays for every date, but she never does. And he does it because that's his upbringing. I think people should let go of old stereotypes. And do it because you want to, but not because you have to. Though, he says it's different when he's with guys... But I personally don't really see environment playing a part in making someone bisexual, or changing sexual orientation... The reason is because people can grow up exactly the same, like twins. And could have different sexual orientations, even though every in the environment was the same. Plus, if it was the environment, I feel somebody would have found that out by now. And would have tested it thoroughly...

Shadowplay posted...

Those camps are rooted in pseudoscience and have mistreated many decent people. And, again, sexuality is not something that one chooses.

Right. You can't choose it. I'd burn them all down if I thought I could get away with it...

Shadowplay posted...

Yes, it is indeed a testament to how complex that human behavior is.

It's complex. But only because we don't understand it all. When we think about our culture, it seems simple. But that's because we live it everyday. Another culture could seem totally alien to you. But after living it for a while, it becomes second nature. Like languages. Most humans who's first language is english can usually understand each other. And think it's pretty easy to learn english. But it's like super complex. It can seem simple to us (most of the time) because we speak it like everyday. Where in reality, it's super complex and hard to learn. Especially when you mix in slang, idioms, abbreviations, etc...
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I think a lot of bisexuals are very afraid to give up the illusion of straight passing

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KStateKing17 posted...

I haven't come out to my family yet as bisexual so I'm not open with that. Unfortunately I've also never been in a real relationship either. It's always been hookups and friends with benefits. I haven't even begun to think about long term relationships with men or women.

I mean, you could always date them in secret, i would think. Like how some gay guys are still in the closet... At least until you're ready, if you ever get to that stage...

harley2280 posted...

I mean I might date the same sex if the dynamic is right, but for the most part I'm romantically preferable to the opposite sex.

So, it's more of finding the right person that's the same sex?
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Try_Another___ posted...

I think a lot of bisexuals are very afraid to give up the illusion of straight passing

And it's one of the things I mention either on here or reddit. Probably both. By only dating the opposite sex, regardless of who you sleep with, it still gives the illusion of being straight. And gaining access to that "normal life". Though, that theory (which I believe it true) only works when people don't know you're bisexual, like in KStateKing17's situation. Their family doesn't know, so it would make sense for them to only date the opposite sex. If everyone knew, that theory probably doesn't work anymore. Or as much, I guess...
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LinkPizza posted...

And it's one of the things I mention either on here or reddit. Probably both. By only dating the opposite sex, regardless of who you sleep with, it still gives the illusion of being straight. And gaining access to that "normal life". Though, that theory (which I believe it true) only works when people don't know you're bisexual, like in KStateKing17's situation. Their family doesn't know, so it would make sense for them to only date the opposite sex. If everyone knew, that theory probably doesn't work anymore. Or as much, I guess...

I think its a case by case thing, but a lot of the world is pretty homophobic so its to be expected that a lot of bisexual people would try to roll with that societal punch rather than just take it straight to the chin. Not saying its right, just that thats how it is right now

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Try_Another___ posted...

I think its a case by case thing, but a lot of the world is pretty homophobic so its to be expected that a lot of bisexual people would try to roll with that societal punch rather than just take it straight to the chin. Not saying its right, just that thats how it is right now

Yeah. And I do understand that. Being gay, when I was younger, I use to wish I were bi instead so I could still fake straight. Now, I'm fine with it and prefer being gay. But it was different when I was younger because of how society was/is...
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I'm the same about the hetero-romantic thing. Only because I just don't find dudes attractive. They're just a sexual outlet

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DarthDemented posted...

I'm the same about the hetero-romantic thing. Only because I just don't find dudes attractive. They're just a sexual outlet

So, like good for sex, but that's it? But if you don't find them attractive, then why not just have sex with females? Like, even as a gay guy, I usually don't have sex if I find them unattractive...
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