Current Events > At what point does sending social media invites cross the line into creepy?

(+) Yeah! (+)

So several months back a former co-worker of mine initially got a Facebook friend request from a co-worker. She had never really talked to him much beyond saying hi in the elevator and she is pretty choosey about who she connects with on social media so she denied his request. A few weeks later she got an Instagram request from him. She keeps her profile private and only accepts request from actual friends so once again she denied that.

Fast forward a couple of months later and she gets another Facebook request. Once again she denies it. About three weeks after that she gets another Instagram request at which point she tells me about all this and is beginning to think it is weird and wants to know if she is just being over-sensitive. I said it's a bit odd but he could just be the guy who sends friend request to everyone on the recommended list and doesn't realize he has already sent a request. She decides to keep ignoring it and denies the request again.

Two weeks later (yesterday), she get another Instagram request. She now believes there is no way he hasn't realized she is denying these request and is now sufficiently creeped out by the dude. I'm also pretty much in agreement with her too. She blocked him on Instagram and says if she gets another Facebook friend request she'll consider taking it to her career advisor (management level employee who looks out for you at the company).

Is that escalation unreasonable given repeated denied request from a co-worker she has never actually had a conversation with? At a minimum, the dude has made an uncomfortable work environment for her, but she is also worried about escalating something when he hasn't made any sort of direct communication with her.

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I don't think the escalation is unreasonable but I would also encourage your friend to actually reach out and have a conversation with the other employee before going to management. At the very least, it may resolve a misunderstanding before an investigation has to be opened, and assertive communication skills are generally something I would encourage in the workplace anyway.

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s0nicfan posted...

I don't think the escalation is unreasonable but I would also encourage your friend to actually reach out and have a conversation with the other employee before going to management. At the very least, it may resolve a misunderstanding before an investigation has to be opened, and assertive communication skills are generally something I would encourage in the workplace anyway.

It's worth noting that telling her CA is still a far cry from mentioning it to HR. It would more be that she went on the record to someone in the company so she would have someone in her corner should things keep happening. Her CA is also friends with the other employee on Facebook so she could give a bit more color to whether the dude is socially weird or creepy-weird.

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simply being creeped out by friend requests seems a bit much. no telling whats going on with the dude, but I'd just keep denying them, going to his hr for just that seems overboard. when he starts messaging or getting weird about it in the real world, sure go for it.

I guess it also hard to guage this without seeing the work place dynamic...

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Gheb posted...

It's worth noting that telling her CA is still a far cry from mentioning it to HR. It would more be that she went on the record to someone in the company so she would have someone in her corner should things keep happening. Her CA is also friends with the other employee on Facebook so she could give a bit more color to whether the dude is socially weird or creepy-weird.

I suppose, and it certainly wouldn't hurt, but it is still going to a third party based on assumptions rather than directly addressing the behavior with an individual and clarifying through dialogue. My point was more that your friend should gather more information before going "on the record" about something that may or may not actually be happening. Maybe I'm overly optimistic, but in a professional setting I generally believe that adults should be able to resolve conflicts with each other without the need for somebody else getting involved, until those individuals find they can no longer progress.

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Update: Apparently this is the kinda dude who wishes every single woman co-worker he is friends with on Facebook happy birthday with the same birthday message. He also exclusively refers to them as "Miss ____".

He does not wish any the men he is friends with on Facebook happy birthday.

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Classic creeper

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s0nicfan posted...

Maybe I'm overly optimistic, but in a professional setting I generally believe that adults should be able to resolve conflicts with each other without the need for somebody else getting involved, until those individuals find they can no longer progress.

For the record I generally agree with this. She just isn't super comfortable reaching out to a co-worker she has never talked to before to tell him to stop sending her friend request because he makes her uncomfortable.

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