Current Events > I finished my animation!

(+) Yeah! (+)

Here it is! It's the first part (four parts are planned) of a coming of age/queer romance sort of thing. It's a story that's pretty close to my own heart, so I'm really happy to finally release this thing just in time for pride month.

Lemme know what you think!

Vimeo - https://vimeo.com/430052146
And Youtube for you peasants out there - https://youtu.be/px8BKkzSHyY

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It's not bad, great animation, feels a little rushed. The music is a hit or miss. Overall Doesn't do much for me, but I I've seen this event time and time again in my life. I Was just literally passing by two young ladies talking the parent talk drama. Great job overall.

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CountDog posted...

It's not bad, great animation, feels a little rushed. The music is a hit or miss. Overall Doesn't do much for me, but I I've seen this event time and time again in my life. I Was just literally passing by two young ladies talking the parent talk drama. Great job overall.

Thanks! Later installments will veer into less typical territory I think. This one is the most straight forward because they're still pretty young.

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Background music is a little too loud compared to the voice acting and narration. Might want to be more mindful of that in future installments. Makes it hard to really focus on what's actually being said with the BGM drowning everything out.
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Great job!!!

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Kircheis posted...

Background music is a little too loud compared to the voice acting and narration. Might want to be more mindful of that in future installments. Makes it hard to really focus on what's actually being said with the BGM drowning everything out.

That's fair. I might make some edits to up the voicework later; it's a common problem of mine.

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Nice.

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that's really cool.

I like your art style.

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This was sweet, my only real criticism is that the music is kinda loud.

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Mareen posted...

This was sweet, my only real criticism is that the music is kinda loud.

Thanks everyone! I might go back in and tone the music down some.

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Well done but the music is a little too loud

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cymbaline posted...

Well done but the music is a little too loud

Thank you! That's what I keep hearing, so I'll scale it back. The youtube link will remain the same because youtube sucks and doesn't let you swap out files, but I'll update the vimeo one tomorrow or something.

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Updated the Vimeo link with lowered volume on the music.

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the animation and art feels different which I like but Im sorry the music while good was kinda stressfull which didnt really fit well imo, just wasnt a fan of the music catching the scenes. Maybe the volume change can make it feel different.

I also liked the story, kinda wanna continue watching.

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yeah music was imo too upbeat for most of the content (and loud), but otherwise very impressive and keep it up!

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FF_Redux posted...

the animation and art feels different which I like but Im sorry the music while good was kinda stressfull which didnt really fit well imo, just wasnt a fan of the music catching the scenes. Maybe the volume change can make it feel different.

I also liked the story, kinda wanna continue watching.

The story I have planned is about the evolution of their relationship over high school and college. At the end of part 2, Dhalia will reveal a plan to transition at the end of high school, using his college scholarship to fund it, and then the rest will be about how the two struggling to reorient and redefine their relationship in order to save it.

Definitely, probably won't be out for a year though to be honest....I'm god awful slow at both writing and animating.

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Overall I thought it was pretty cool. I like the artstyle.

I did lol at the lack of subtlety of the one girl having giant cans. That's not really a criticism. I just wanted to share.

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Jiek_Fafn posted...

Overall I thought it was pretty cool. I like the artstyle.

I did lol at the lack of subtlety of the one girl having giant cans. That's not really a criticism. I just wanted to share.

Thanks!

It's to serve a point later on. I wanted to make Dhalia curvier because they're supposed to have the more desirable body type for a girl, though it will be later revealed that they don't identify as such. The dramatic irony works better that way.

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I came into this topic with low expectations. But that was surprisingly well made.

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The art style looks great.

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Thank you both!

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Rad stuff, I really like their eyes for some reason.. it really breathes the character of shyness into both of the characters. I watched the YT version first and the Vimeo one just to see the difference in how the volume affects the whole presentation and I think it's spot on

The music is really charming I feel and I honestly think the synergy in the pacing of the animations and the vibe of the music is also spot on

The voice of the second character needs to be tamed a bit though and it needs to be smoothed out in some form to match the narrator. Either the slightest, super tiniest bit of volume adjustment (I'm talking like a microlevel lol) or some processing by using an audio suite like Audacity and a free VST plug-in to tame the highs of the voice via a compressor.. maybe even a de-esser to control that amount of breath in there. Something to think about - I think that's a nit-pick as far as my ears go

But a super job deserves super praise - I really enjoyed it, it's super touching :,)

RedJackson posted...

Rad stuff, I really like their eyes for some reason.. it really breathes the character of shyness into both of the characters. I watched the YT version first and the Vimeo one just to see the difference in how the volume affects the whole presentation and I think it's spot on

The music is really charming I feel and I honestly think the synergy in the pacing of the animations and the vibe of the music is also spot on

The voice of the second character needs to be tamed a bit though and it needs to be smoothed out in some form to match the narrator. Either the slightest, super tiniest bit of volume adjustment (I'm talking like a microlevel lol) or some processing by using an audio suite like Audacity and a free VST plug-in to tame the highs of the voice via a compressor.. maybe even a de-esser to control that amount of breath in there. Something to think about - I think that's a nit-pick as far as my ears go

But a super job deserves super praise - I really enjoyed it, it's super touching :,)

Oh, thank you! I generally have a hard time slowing my pacing down enough, but I felt like I did okay for once here.

You mean Dhalia? I'm not super good with audio, (I'm honestly pretty terrible) but I did clean their's up a bit. It was a lot louder than Poppy's and I could tell their microphone wasn't as high quality, but they were really excited about the part. The actress I cast for Poppy was actually one of the very last auditions I received, but I just loved the accent she did; I think it works really well as a "narrator" voice. I didn't want to push my Dhalia to try to mimic it, especially because I want that character to feel a bit "off" anyway.

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One last bump.

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@Pus_N_Pecans

Congrats on creating this video! Dont stop until its done. We need more people creating content, which is basically a way for you to share your dreams and vision with us.

As for advice, and with respect, please consider the old storytelling technique of show, dont tell. A lot of the narration is telling us what we are already seeing on screen. You could cut out most of it and the overall effect would, IMO, be better for engaging the viewer and creating suspense. The only drawback is if you wanted to keep the audio for hearing-impaired listeners. One way to really show, not tell with regards to Dhalias emotions is to literally show her looking at some boys (could be in a teen magazine or another student) as shes growing up, but maybe she also looks at girls, especially at Poppy. This would keep us guessing as to what or whom Dhalia is interested in and how Poppy is unsure, but brave and hopeful, in her romantic attempt.

Anyway, good luck with your project. Maybe my suggestions wont work for you, thats Ok. But I hope you continue to share your story with us. Id love to see how it progresses.

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No, I think the show, dont tell critique is on point. I always write these things without knowing for sure if its something I want to animate or not, so this one ended up being difficult to do without being too literal in the translation.

i do like your suggestion for Dhalias character though. I think something like that would be good to include in part 2, where theyre going through a questioning phase.

Ill definitely keep posting them as I finish, but itll be a long while til the next part. Im very slow because my animating skills are honestly pretty limited.

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