Current Events > Feeling stuck in situations I'm not stuck in

(+) Yeah! (+)

And do not want to be in

to recap, Ive been talking to an older woman. Have not met bc of quarantine but there is an expectation that we will, which I was down with at first. It was very casual and open ended. However now it feels less so, and like it is becoming something I do not want. I do not think this is through anything she has actually said or done, and is likely just in my head. I have been deep in a severe ADHD/OCD/general anxiety hole for the past week, picking worse than I usually do, unable to focus on anything for more than (and this is no exaggeration) a few seconds, not sleeping, barely eating. This has been deeply exacerbated by my past coming back up, again. I have been furiously engaging in compulsive behavior and I feel like an insect in a jar.

I was totally stoked about this and now Im totally not and I dont know what to do or what I want. Im a total shitshow.

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why the fuck i gotta be mentally ill for tho

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Going bald because I cant stop pulling my hair Out is awesome

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how do i make my mind slow down

i cant even describe the feeling but every day is like this and it gets worse as i get older and i cannot fucking deal with it

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Take a deep breath and relax. What's the worst thing that could happen? Is it that bad?

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everything is that bad because i cant relax about anything and no matter what it is and how goid it is i will inevitably end up in a state like this for some extended period and freak the fuck out and fuck it up and hate myself

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Ghost her. Yeah its kinda a dick move but you have to look out for you and your well being. This is obviously causing you a lot more stress than its actually worth

Close your eyes and breath in deep through your nose, and then slowly breathe out through your nose. Do this a few times while covering your heart with your hand to ground yourself. It can be okay

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No, no. Don't ghost. I've been on the receiving end of that and it feels terrible and not fair to the person. I would break it off with her though until you're in a better state of mind, but please don't ghost her.

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Harpie posted...

Ghost her. Yeah its kinda a dick move but you have to look out for you and your well being. This is obviously causing you a lot more stress than its actually worth

Close your eyes and breath in deep through your nose, and then slowly breathe out through your nose. Do this a few times while covering your heart with your hand to ground yourself. It can be okay

I don't think you should ghost her but I think the other advice is solid. I would just tell her you're currently to overwhelmed to interact with her anymore, and if she gets weird, then you can block her. I feel you though. I have all the same neuroses.

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smoke_break posted...

No, no. Don't ghost. I've been on the receiving end of that and it feels terrible and not fair to the person. I would break it off with her though until you're in a better state of mind, but please don't ghost her.

indica posted...

I don't think you should ghost her but I think the other advice is solid. I would just tell her you're currently to overwhelmed to interact with her anymore, and if she gets weird, then you can block her. I feel you though. I have all the same neuroses.

I would normally 100% agree with you guys, but theres more to the story here. Iirc, TC has some pretty bad trauma surrounding older women and sex. Because if this, it turns him into an anxious fucking wreck who does not have the confidence to say that things are going too fast/he needs to break it off.

Ghosting is shitty, but in this situation its acceptable because not doing so is causing TC a lot of mental hardship and extreme anxiety

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wtf, youre pulling your hair out? What is she doing???

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darkprince45 posted...

wtf, youre pulling your hair out? What is she doing???

That is a compulsion I have had for years and is not directly related but a result of anxiety. I dont like rip clumps of hair out of my head, its more running my hands through aggressively, feeling around my scalp for bald spots that dont exist and this actually causing my hair to begin to thin, etc. still have a full enough head that other people dont see it, but I can tell Ive started doing damage to my hair.

anxiety and ocd affect most of my family and ive had a fucked up ass life

Harpie posted...

I would normally 100% agree with you guys, but theres more to the story here. Iirc, TC has some pretty bad trauma surrounding older women and sex. Because if this, it turns him into an anxious fucking wreck who does not have the confidence to say that things are going too fast/he needs to break it off.

Ghosting is shitty, but in this situation its acceptable because not doing so is causing TC a lot of mental hardship and extreme anxiety

Its not just with older women I have that problem, but it definitely does not help. For example, there was someone closer to my age who was making me uncomfortable and while I felt bad I had no problem cutting her off; here its different, because on paper I like this person, but Im having deep anxiety about the situation that is difficult for me to even articulate. I think this is pretty much all just my own mental illness making itself worse, but I also dont know that Im really in any shape to be evaluating that right now.

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I should also note that she also has a background of severe trauma and has generally been very understanding and accommodating of my needs in this regard, and has been very willing to listen as well as understanding when I dont want to get into much detail

I have also however been trying to repress feelings that she reminds me of my older ex, and I do not believe that she is a dangerous person in that way and think that this in particular is absolutely a result of my trauma

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Tactical_Spork posted...

I should also note that she also has a background of severe trauma and has generally been very understanding and accommodating of my needs in this regard, and has been very willing to listen as well as understanding when I dont want to get into much detail

I have also however been trying to repress feelings that she reminds me of my older ex, and I do not believe that she is a dangerous person in that way and think that this in particular is absolutely a result of my trauma

It sounds like she's a good person who would understand if you needed to take a pause for yourself.

Have you ever tried any kind of meditation?

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The indeterminate quarantine probably doesn't help here, seems like the exact sort of thing to amplify anxiety waiting to do something afterwards.

I don't think there's any shame to ditching these plans in the circumstances but there's obviously underlying issues that won't help too

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Being locked inside has absolutely not helped and had already sent me into adhd overdrive

I pretty much cant do anything because I have to stop every 10 seconds to go do something for several hours and it just snowballs

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Anyway I forced myself to drink a couple nips and I feel sick but it made my thoughts slow down to a point where I at least feel like I exist

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smoke_break posted...

No, no. Don't ghost. I've been on the receiving end of that and it feels terrible and not fair to the person. I would break it off with her though until you're in a better state of mind, but please don't ghost her.

This, ghosting is horrible and cowardly. If you exain things honestly I am sure she will understand, if she doesn't, would you want to be with her anyway?

The Booze let me relax enough to fall asleep. Awake and feeling a bit more leveled than I did last night. Well see if that lasts

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are you on meds?

Dont self medicate with alcohol

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Im not. Should be, but Im not.

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So nothing is really ringing alarm bells about this person other than your own behavior and obsessions about it right? Like it's not her, it's how you are being that is freaking you out.

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malenz posted...

So nothing is really ringing alarm bells about this person other than your own behavior and obsessions about it right? Like it's not her, it's how you are being that is freaking you out.

I think so, yes.

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Do you feel comfortable telling her you have mental issues and need some space because you're starting to scare yourself (making it clear it is not her that bothers you)? Or is there a counselor you can ask for what you should do?

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Hairistotle posted...

Broh. Just tell her you're having a flare up of trauma shit and take like a week at least to clear your head. I don't think she'll judge. What have you primarily been doing during quarantine? Gaming it up?

Mostly been trying to watch things, but it takes me multiple hours to get through an episode of x files because I cant focus on anything at all. Ive also spent more time playing music than I have in a long time, and it has proven to be the only thing I -can- focus on with any success, so thats sort of reassuring at least.

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Hairistotle posted...

Alright man. I say secure a break for yourself. Based on what you've said here I see no reason she'd give pushback for you wanting to take like a week to yourself. Sounds like she gets it. Just play tunes. Maybe take a walk every other day.

Its trite but I think the walking would be great if you aren't already doing it. It's gonna get some of that excess energy (and by extension anxiety) out of your system

This sounds like good advice

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On top of this Im now going no contact with the ex threatening legal action for things I did not do and dealing with that stress. This is going to make me bald.

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Yeah update on that last bit they threatened me into a meeting w them sunday to discuss accountability and threatened to use the texts they coerced out of me throughout the relationship to take legal action

why cant they just let it be done? Why are they doing this to me? I wasnt a perfect partner but I tried so hard, why do I deserve this? I just want my life back, and I fear Ill never have that luxury.

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