Current Events > Just left the hospital, dad in ICU and idk what to do

(+) Yeah! (+)

Been here since 10pm last night til the neurologist told us what exactly is going on. Dad is alive and stable, but not awake and it might be 10ish days before the next step.

Did the whole crying with the family part and got some work ahead of me. Now I'm on my way home and idk what the fuck to do. How the fuck do people grieve once they're home? I could go to work but I've been up for 24 hours and that's gonna catch up.

Fuck

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metallica846 posted...

Why is he in the ICU?

Bleeding in the brain, combination of high blood pressure and years of meth addiction. They're keeping him stable until he can breath, then we gotta look into supportive care or something

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maybe he'll get clean now

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Not much you can do sadly, just wait and hope things turn around. :(

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Colorahdo posted...

maybe he'll get clean now

Well I mean he's prolly gonna be on a feeding tube for the rest of his life. I guess one way to get clean is to be physically incapable of getting high.

Vyrulisse posted...

Not much you can do sadly, just wait and hope things turn around. :(

I know it's gonna be a wait, but it's like what the fuck do I do, wallow in my own grief? Can't actually do anything til tomorrow

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


He's always been using, never stopped. Addicted since before I was born. Congratulations on your recovery dude, that's awesome.

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Sorry

Colorahdo posted...

maybe he'll get clean now

Wow. You are an asshole.

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How did it start?

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Solid Sonic posted...

How did it start?

Probably smoking meth

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damn. sorry, man.

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That's a real shit one, you have my sympathy. I remember my mother being in intensive care and it was horrible, you know there's a good chance it's the end (in her case it was) but I remember feeling something like grief at her suddenly being beyond communication and also feeling like I couldn't really express that because it wasn't the end. Like if I started expressing my feelings of loss that was giving up on her.

A few years ago, my dad suffered some pretty intense strokes and brain bleeds over the course of a month or so. His was the result of high blood pressure and long-term alcoholism. The good news is that he came out of it after some surgeries and medications, but the bad news is that he had some significant brain damage afterward. His eyes weren't right; lots of missing patches in his vision. He couldn't talk right, and his hand eye coordination was horrible.

He did physical and cognitive therapy, and while he may not ever be 'right' again and there are still deficits, the average person wouldn't even know anything was ever wrong with him if they saw him today.

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Was he a good father?

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I'm really sorry TC :(

Solid Sonic posted...

How did it start?

He had headaches the past few weeks, then yesterday was driving to work and felt vertigo. When he got to the hospital they were restraining him (he doesn't do restraints/hospitals well), and he may have had a stroke. He wasn't taking his blood pressure meds and was coming down off meth when I arrived.

p-m posted...

That's a real shit one, you have my sympathy. I remember my mother being in intensive care and it was horrible, you know there's a good chance it's the end (in her case it was) but I remember feeling something like grief at her suddenly being beyond communication and also feeling like I couldn't really express that because it wasn't the end. Like if I started expressing my feelings of loss that was giving up on her.

Thank you, that's how I felt when the neurologist broke the news. He's not dead and should still be able to live out his years... Just in a convalescent/nursing home with 24 hour care. We cant give up, this is just the start of a long road in taking care of him. I'm sorry for your loss, I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone.

IfGodCouldDie posted...

Was he a good father?

Not exactly. He's got problems that made it so he couldn't be the best he could, but he tried and still loved me. What's bad is recently he's been turning things around, back in legitimate work and got his license. Guess it was too late.

And thank you to everyone else. It helps to deal with this.

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Blue_Dream87 posted...

Bleeding in the brain, combination of high blood pressure and years of meth addiction. They're keeping him stable until he can breath, then we gotta look into supportive care or something

Sounds like an intracranial hemorrhage or ICH. Did they need to do a craniotomy or did they use meds like mannitol or hypertonic saline to reduce all that pressure?

Sorry for what you're going through.

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Super Saiyan 3 Goku posted...

Sounds like an intracranial hemorrhage or ICH. Did they need to do a craniotomy or did they use meds like mannitol or hypertonic saline to reduce all that pressure?

Sorry for what you're going through.

I guess it's something like that. He was bleeding deep into the pons but it didnt spread. They just reduced his blood pressure and stabilized him, neurosurgeon said there was no surgery to do. Thank you, I'm just glad he's still alive and won't be a vegetable

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I'm sorry. That's not something anyone would ever wish to go through.

I hope you're all able to find some sort of peace at the end of this. :(

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My dad was in ICU in February and died a week later. It was a horrible experience and it effects me to this day on certain days. I stayed with him when they unhooked him until it was over. He struggled for hours and he'd go gray, then get his color back. It continued from 12 noon all the way until 8:15 pm. I didn't eat for a few days after.

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Sorry, Killer Khan. :(

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When my brother died i just slept for a few days.

i worked out a lot to get out anger. i also did some sparring.
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Blue_Dream87 posted...

I guess it's something like that. He was bleeding deep into the pons but it didnt spread. They just reduced his blood pressure and stabilized him, neurosurgeon said there was no surgery to do

This is almost exactly how it went with my dad. His stroke was resolved by lower blood pressure and no surgery. He actually came out of that pretty well. The stuff that really got him in a bad way was the heart surgery they did a few months later.

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Subarachnoid bleed, probably?
If it got the pons that's bad news, and he may be limited in his ability to breathe independently. If that doesn't recover, he won't be making it out of the ICU.

It's important for you and your mum/family to have a good think and conversation together about what your dad would have wanted for himself in these circumstances. It's hard to accurately give survival estimated in medicine, but there's a fair chance that even after 10 more days there won't be much improvement. What would be an unacceptable quality of life for him? Would he still want to be alive if he's unable to commuinicate and unable to feed himself? What about dependent on a feeding tube due to swallow problems, but alert and able to communicate non-verbally? Do your best with the medical team to make sure that the expected outcome isn't one that he would consider unacceptable.

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KillerKhan420 posted...

My dad was in ICU in February and died a week later. It was a horrible experience and it effects me to this day on certain days. I stayed with him when they unhooked him until it was over. He struggled for hours and he'd go gray, then get his color back. It continued from 12 noon all the way until 8:15 pm. I didn't eat for a few days after.

Im sorry to hear that, just watching your dad slowly die before you is a harrowing experience. You have my condolences

Hanky_Bannister posted...

When my brother died i just slept for a few days.

i worked out a lot to get out anger. i also did some sparring.

I do feel like for me it's gonna be sleeping and working. I've found being productive helps me cope, also a supportive environment.

Sonic Cannon posted...

Subarachnoid bleed, probably?
If it got the pons that's bad news, and he may be limited in his ability to breathe independently. If that doesn't recover, he won't be making it out of the ICU.

It's important for you and your mum/family to have a good think and conversation together about what your dad would have wanted for himself in these circumstances. It's hard to accurately give survival estimated in medicine, but there's a fair chance that even after 10 more days there won't be much improvement. What would be an unacceptable quality of life for him? Would he still want to be alive if he's unable to commuinicate and unable to feed himself? What about dependent on a feeding tube due to swallow problems, but alert and able to communicate non-verbally? Do your best with the medical team to make sure that the expected outcome isn't one that he would consider unacceptable.

I'll ask the nurse later exactly what it's called. He's actually making some improvement, he can respond to commands like squeezing and thumbs up and he's trying to wake up.

The thing is, our family are survivors. And if he recovers, even if he won't be able to breath on his own, hes the type of person to make the best of a shitty situation.

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Sitting with him now, still sedated but he's responsive. Can shake & nod his head and can answer my questions. One sided conversations and he really doesn't want to be here but I'm just glad I can talk to him

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Glad he's vocal now. That's an improvement.

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Blue_Dream87 posted...

Sitting with him now, still sedated but he's responsive. Can shake & nod his head and can answer my questions. One sided conversations and he really doesn't want to be here but I'm just glad I can talk to him

Improved level of consciousness is an encouraging sign. Shouldn't need to be intubated much longer if he's following instructions like that, assuming his breathing is going ok.

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Treasure what time you have, and I am glad your father is recovering.

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