Current Events > My manager keeps misgendering one of my coworkers

(+) Yeah! (+)

seriously why can't this person go to HR on their own?
how is this TC's problem?
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The Trent posted...

seriously why can't this person go to HR on their own?
how is this TC's problem?

Some people have this curse called "empathy". Wild shit, I know.

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TC, nobody likes a white knight. It's not your battle so stay out of it.

but if this person isn't willing to stand up for themselves then why should TC make his life harder by doing so?
if anything he should talk to the person about going to HR themselves first
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The Trent posted...

but if this person isn't willing to stand up for themselves then why should TC make his life harder by doing so?
if anything he should talk to the person about going to HR themselves first

Because maybe he wants to? And it's frankly disgusting how much negative stigma there is from going to HR.

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hockeybub89 posted...

The Trent posted...

but if this person isn't willing to stand up for themselves then why should TC make his life harder by doing so?
if anything he should talk to the person about going to HR themselves first

Because maybe he wants to? And it's frankly disgusting how much negative stigma there is from going to HR.

Because going to HR isn't for employees, it's a CYA for the company only.

This topic:

a) transphobes who are also misgendering TC's coworker
b) these same people also hate women and think it's white knighting if anyone is decent to a woman
c) people who lack empathy
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god i wish i had empathy

but since i disagree with posters here, that means i dont

fuck

im a bad person

XXmiznatorXX posted...

hockeybub89 posted...

The Trent posted...

but if this person isn't willing to stand up for themselves then why should TC make his life harder by doing so?
if anything he should talk to the person about going to HR themselves first

Because maybe he wants to? And it's frankly disgusting how much negative stigma there is from going to HR.

Because going to HR isn't for employees, it's a CYA for the company only.

Yup. Thats the angle I would take with the whole thing. Im not going to HR with a complaint, more of a heads up that this might be a problem if it isnt addressed. Because Im such a team player looking out for the company.

Also I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not but the trans person is a FtM, not a MtF. idk if that matters to anyone but I just wanted to clarify for clarifies sake.
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Politics posted...

Also I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not but the trans person is a FtM, not a MtF. idk if that matters to anyone but I just wanted to clarify for clarifies sake.

Whats their name? Is it a traditionally masculine name, or something more ambiguous like a Pat or Sam?

NeoShadowhen posted...

Politics posted...

Also I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not but the trans person is a FtM, not a MtF. idk if that matters to anyone but I just wanted to clarify for clarifies sake.

Whats their name? Is it a traditionally masculine name, or something more ambiguous like a Pat or Sam?

Rather not name him but it's not like he calls himself Jessica or anything girly.
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Only help if they ask for help.

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Let loose Twitter on him
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Politics posted...

Also I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not but the trans person is a FtM, not a MtF. idk if that matters to anyone but I just wanted to clarify for clarifies sake.

i can't fathom how this is a notable detail
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Yeah or maybe the coworker ends up shooting up the place before killing himself. It'll be blood on your hands if you don't mention something. Definitely agree. Be an ally.

Guide posted...

CyricZ posted...

Whenever someone's sentences contain "....she ------- SORRY HE---", you know they're just doing it to piss them off.

Shapiro does the same thing.

Ask yourself if it's more important to do the right thing or keep the job stress free. We can't make the decision for you.

Some benefit of the doubt: I can totally see myself making this mistake in earnest. But I'm certainly no Trump supporter.

Yeah, I have a friend who is FtM and I accidently misgender them *all the time,* but that being said its not someone that I had never known before that popped up at work, its someone I knew as a female for a bajillion years. I think if it was a person I just met I'd be able to get it right.

But yeah hard for us to tell if its an accident or on purpose, but if you are pretty sure its on purpose I would probably just go to HR or encourage the new worker to do so.
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Lairen posted...

Ive had times i went to hr, 100% right, but it dissolved into a "Well you cant really prove that" and nothing happened at all. Good luck.

That's probably the most likely scenario, but it depends. I've seen that a lot but every now and then someone gets fired from an HR complaint so you never know. >_>
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even if nothing comes from the complaint this time, it puts the issue on record, so when it keeps happening HR has more than just his word on how serious the situation is.
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TC you should talk to other employees and get them all to go to HR on behalf of the coworker who is being discriminated against. The large number of people reporting it makes it harder for your boss to retaliate against any individual employee, and makes it more likely that HR takes meaningful action.

Its also, as an added bonus, a first step in organizing your workers and unionizing your workplace. Solidarity forever!

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The Top Crusader posted...

Lairen posted...

Ive had times i went to hr, 100% right, but it dissolved into a "Well you cant really prove that" and nothing happened at all. Good luck.

That's probably the most likely scenario, but it depends. I've seen that a lot but every now and then someone gets fired from an HR complaint so you never know. >_>

Yeah usually, you go to HR, you end up with a target on your back.

HR isn't there for their own employees best wishes, it's for the companies best wishes. That's it.

Don't get involved. It isn't your fight and it doesn't involve you.

Although if the coworker is showing up signs of shooting up the place, then it does concern you.

That said, you are leaving soon, and you don't want to burn any bridges at your old employer.

even if that's true, this is a situation where the company's best option is to intervene: "Just a heads-up, If this manager keeps doing this, you guys can get sued".
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You owe your solidarity to your coworker, not your boss.
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You should talk to your co worker first. Like let them know you are willing to go to HR for them and go from there.

Hairistotle posted...

EdgeMaster posted...

Lmao. This is true on several different levels. Guy or girl, they are their own person and can fight their own battles at their min wage job. If you think you need to protect your coworker because theyre a girl then thats sexist and transphobic.

why are you like this

i literally cant wrap my head around it. why are people like this

Youre the guy who has an alcohol problem, cries at work, wets the bed and gets nervous when he sees cops in public, correct? I could ask the same thing but I dont want to embarrass you.

CarrieChan posted...

Don't get involved. It isn't your fight and it doesn't involve you.

This. Your coworker is a grown ass man, let him fight his own battles.
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ITT: A bunch of scabs

TC don't listen to the bootlickers who want this discrimination to go on. Report to HR, let your employee know you're there to support him/reaffirm his identify after the manager is a dick, and if you're leaving then fuck it, unionize if they don't do anything or go to the media.

We shouldn't tolerate bigotry and antisocial behavior like that from higher ups in a workplace. Be a bro, you've already proven that you are by considering helping him.

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I work in California and just went through harassment training for my job.

If you witness an employee harrassing another employee over their gender, you are required by law to report it to your superior. Your superior is not to expose your identity, or else they'll be in big trouble as well.

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If this person is new, and has been a he for as long as your boss has known him, then there is zero excuse for this. I dont even see how someone can claim it as an accident. Like if somebody goes by a nickname, and you've only ever known them by that nickname, you're not gonna accidentally call them by their birth name all the time so why would that happen here?
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Blue_Dream87 posted...

ITT: A bunch of scabs

TC don't listen to the bootlickers who want this discrimination to go on. Report to HR, let your employee know you're there to support him/reaffirm his identify after the manager is a dick, and if you're leaving then fuck it, unionize if they don't do anything or go to the media.

We shouldn't tolerate bigotry and antisocial behavior like that from higher ups in a workplace. Be a bro, you've already proven that you are by considering helping him.

This is spoken like someone who has never worked in a professional company before and has no idea what they're talking about.

The workplace isn't a place to hold virtue signalling protests and p***sy hats. TC goes to HR, he/she will get a target on their back.

Best course of action, talk to the trans person directly, get their thoughts, and go from there.

Don't just see something and try to be a white knight hero. That ish doesn't work in the professional world.And you could end up doing MORE harm to the trans person than helping them.

It's hard to take anyone who uses the term White Knight unironically seriously, especially when it's not even in the right context (and in fact comes out as transphobic)

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XXmiznatorXX posted...

This is spoken like someone who has never worked in a professional company before and has no idea what they're talking about.

The workplace isn't a place to hold virtue signalling protests and p***sy hats. TC goes to HR, he/she will get a target on their back.

Best course of action, talk to the trans person directly, get their thoughts, and go from there.

Don't just see something and try to be a white knight hero. That ish doesn't work in the professional world.And you could end up doing MORE harm to the trans person than helping them.

ok boomer

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Y'all are abusing the F out of language. Reporting blatant discrimination is not virtue signaling or white knighting. It's being a decent person and may even be required by law. This conservative/regressive strategy of demonizing anyone who dares to identify and act on unjustice is bs and TC shouldn't fall for it. There could be negative consequences for reporting discrimination, but that just proves that the boss and the whole organization is criminal, not that TC would ever be wrong for reporting discrimination.
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I bet your manager doesn't even refer to the other workers as their genders as much as the trans worker.

Of course I have to say "does this affect you?"

And that's your answer (its no btw)

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Blue_Dream87 posted...

It's hard to take anyone who uses the term White Knight unironically seriously, especially when it's not even in the right context (and in fact comes out as transphobic)

It's hard to take someone seriously when you see the world as transphobic when it's not. (rollseyes) But it's also hard to take someone seriously when you bypass the actual person to go around them and get HR involved without talking to the actual person first.

What if the trans person isn't too bothered by the misgendering? And they get pulled into a meeting from HR out the blue and causes more uproar and confusion?

It's not a good way to handle the situation, in the business world.

XXmiznatorXX posted...

Blue_Dream87 posted...

It's hard to take anyone who uses the term White Knight unironically seriously, especially when it's not even in the right context (and in fact comes out as transphobic)

It's hard to take someone seriously when you see the world as transphobic when it's not. (rollseyes) But it's also hard to take someone seriously when you bypass the actual person to go around them and get HR involved without talking to the actual person first.

What if the trans person isn't too bothered by the misgendering? And they get pulled into a meeting from HR out the blue and causes more uproar and confusion?

It's not a good way to handle the situation, in the business world.

Politics posted...

shnangyboos posted...

Does he actually care? Does he want you to do this for him? You might get this dude in the middle of some shit that he doesn't want to be involved in.

The trans co worker was literally just complaining about it to me yesterday, and my boss literally several times has misgendered him right to his face, like literally standing right next to him.

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XXmiznatorXX posted...

What if the trans person isn't too bothered by the misgendering?

Politics posted...

The trans co worker was literally just complaining about it to me yesterday,

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Feline_Heart posted...

XXmiznatorXX posted...

Blue_Dream87 posted...

It's hard to take anyone who uses the term White Knight unironically seriously, especially when it's not even in the right context (and in fact comes out as transphobic)

It's hard to take someone seriously when you see the world as transphobic when it's not. (rollseyes) But it's also hard to take someone seriously when you bypass the actual person to go around them and get HR involved without talking to the actual person first.

What if the trans person isn't too bothered by the misgendering? And they get pulled into a meeting from HR out the blue and causes more uproar and confusion?

It's not a good way to handle the situation, in the business world.

Politics posted...

shnangyboos posted...

Does he actually care? Does he want you to do this for him? You might get this dude in the middle of some shit that he doesn't want to be involved in.

The trans co worker was literally just complaining about it to me yesterday, and my boss literally several times has misgendered him right to his face, like literally standing right next to him.

Ah I missed that part. Thanks.

But yeah, I'd still ask them first before going to HR. At least get them involved.

shockthemonkey posted...

XXmiznatorXX posted...

Blue_Dream87 posted...

It's hard to take anyone who uses the term White Knight unironically seriously, especially when it's not even in the right context (and in fact comes out as transphobic)

It's hard to take someone seriously when you see the world as transphobic when it's not. (rollseyes) But it's also hard to take someone seriously when you bypass the actual person to go around them and get HR involved without talking to the actual person first.

What if the trans person isn't too bothered by the misgendering? And they get pulled into a meeting from HR out the blue and causes more uproar and confusion?

It's not a good way to handle the situation, in the business world.

I like how you keep saying in the business world even though its obvious youve never worked anywhere with legitimate policies and HR.

It's obvious you haven't or you wouldn't have said what you just said.

And I actually do, which is why I'm telling OP to be careful with it and let the person know beforehand.

@XXmiznatorXX

How do you manage to be deeply, thoroughly wrong on each and every issue and sub issue? Is it due to your reading skills?

Judging based on your absurd statement that the world isn't transphobic, you may just be fundamentally bad at perceiving reality accurately. People are ostracized, harassed, disowned, fired, attacked, and even killed for being transphobic every day in the US and around the world.
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Politics posted...

shnangyboos posted...

Politics posted...

The trans co worker was literally just complaining about it to me yesterday, and my boss literally several times has misgendered him right to his face, like literally standing right next to him.

The thing is I'm getting my Masters in a few months and I'm planning on leaving this job (its just a crappy retail job I do on the side to support myself while finishing up grad school) so the thing is I'm trying to keep my work life as mellow and drama free as I can while I'm still here. I am literally MONTHS away from putting in my two weeks and I have jobs I'm lining up in the mean time. I also have relatives that would let me live with them while I look for other jobs so either way I am getting the hell out of here relatively soon. That being said I'm literally Politics and I feel like I should be doing something to help the cause.

Personally, I'd talk to the manager before escalating it. Nothing accusatory or hostile, just look man, you keep calling him her and it's really bothering him, just bringing it to your attention in case you were unaware. I don't know your relationship with the manager, though, so that might not work.

The thing is its just an assistant manager who is saying this. The general manager is actually a lesbian so I think if I talked to her about it she might be able to do something. I just need to be there a day she is there and he isn't

I'd probably talk to the general manager first if you have your coworkers permission to. That's the best way to do it. Then she can escalate the matter to HR. But you shouldn't go to HR yourself about it.

Jesus H with all the shit posting.

TC I would honestly talk to your discriminated coworker. Let them know that you are willing to go with them to HR, go to HR yourself, etc before doing anything on their behalf. There is a fine line between taking the initiative and stepping over the line. It seems obvious that this is bothering your coworker, which is understandable. But why hasn't your coworker done something about it on their own? There maybe a reason that you are not even aware of.

Just food for thought.

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legendary_zell posted...

@XXmiznatorXX

How do you manage to be deeply, thoroughly wrong on each and every issue and sub issue? Is it due to your reading skills?

Judging based on your absurd statement that the world isn't transphobic, you may just be fundamentally bad at perceiving reality accurately. People are ostracized, harassed, disowned, fired, attacked, and even killed for being transphobic every day in the US and around the world.

Ah, sorry, I meant to say word, not world.Just caught that.

thanosibe posted...

Jesus H with all the shit posting.

TC I would honestly talk to your discriminated coworker. Let them know that you are willing to go with them to HR, go to HR yourself, etc before doing anything on their behalf. There is a fine line between taking the initiative and stepping over the line. It seems obvious that this is bothering your coworker, which is understandable. But why hasn't your coworker done something about it on their own? There maybe a reason that you are not even aware of.

Just food for thought.

Basically, all of this.