Current Events > Are you afraid to die?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Had a convo with the wife the other day where I opened up about my depression and it got deep and thinking if I'm alone feeling this way. My depression isn't the type where I want to die, and let me clarify I do NOT want to die. However I am not afraid to die and never really have been as it is the 1 thing guaranteed to happen. My life isn't exactly shit but truth is i literally will work my entire life busting my ass and that's not how I want to live my entire life. So just curious if anyone else isn't afraid of death even if they don't want to die.
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no

I drove through an active train crossing in 0 visibility a couple years ago
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I'm afraid of leaving behind my loved ones and not knowing if dey'll be alright or not
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More afraid of the concept of missing out on cool shit and leaving family to suffer. I have depression too, so I know what you mean. It's not that I'm looking to die, but death is a type of peace, and I'll take any peace as it comes.
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on a biological/instinctual level yea,

but tbqh, i wouldn't be against a train careening off the train tracks and spattering my car with me in it instantly.
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yea.
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Evening_Dragon posted...

More afraid of the concept of missing out on cool shit and leaving family to suffer. I have depression too, so I know what you mean. It's not that I'm looking to die, but death is a type of peace, and I'll take any peace as it comes.

That's a good way to put it and kind of how I feel. I've gone most my life without peace. The closest I ever got was when my 1st child was born and I held her but then life ramped up because I had all new responsibilities. Like I finally had a new outlook and motivation in life but I was still in high school so it quickly became a struggle. I ended up being a fantastic supporter of my family even though we aren't rich but all bills are paid and we have some extra spending cash every week. However I never really got to enjoy my youth and life just became more stressful which added to the depression.
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Sage JJ posted...

Evening_Dragon posted...

More afraid of the concept of missing out on cool shit and leaving family to suffer. I have depression too, so I know what you mean. It's not that I'm looking to die, but death is a type of peace, and I'll take any peace as it comes.

That's a good way to put it and kind of how I feel. I've gone most my life without peace. The closest I ever got was when my 1st child was born and I held her but then life ramped up because I had all new responsibilities. Like I finally had a new outlook and motivation in life but I was still in high school so it quickly became a struggle. I ended up being a fantastic supporter of my family even though we aren't rich but all bills are paid and we have some extra spending cash every week. However I never really got to enjoy my youth and life just became more stressful which added to the depression.

Probably won't help, but sometimes I look forward to being old. Sure I won't have the power of youth, but there are so many things I wanna do that don't need such physical ability, and by the time I'm old, I'll have far less obligations to distract me than I do now.
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I find the concept of nonexistence pretty scary.
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I used to be afraid to die, but after my battles with mental illness I don't care anymore. I've been to jail. Several psyche wards. I often wonder what my purpose is anymore. That's why I no longer care if I die, I try to take care of myself and do what needs to be done but I'm just like "I wish I was a billionaire or was extraordinarily talented in something." I worry about my family. The things that keep me going is seeing where all this goes, like what's the whole purpose of my being here. I became religious, like I believe in an afterlife, I just don't know if it'll be good or just the same thing. My parents are getting older and I look at them and wonder if that'll be me in 25 years, don't get me wrong they seem happy, but they've had to deal with a lot. It's all a lot to think about really. I just hope for the best.
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I care more about all the things I miss out on after my death. The fact that I no longer get to be a part of Earth's future sagas is disappointing. Assuming I don't die until old age, I think I have plenty of years to make my life feel satisfying, if I'm not already satisfied with it.
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I will not lie. I used to think I wasn't afraid, but after I got diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer and really saw and felt what living with cancer was like I was legitimately, for the first time in my life, terrified of dying. I felt like a child, small and vulnerable, trembling with fear as I stared at death. It was an extremely palpable sensation.
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EverDownward posted...

I will not lie. I used to think I wasn't afraid, but after I got diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer and really saw and felt what living with cancer was like I was legitimately, for the first time in my life, terrified of dying. I felt like a child, small and vulnerable, trembling with fear as I stared at death. It was an extremely palpable sensation.

This is why I don't believe most people who say they aren't. It's like saying you're not scared of gorillas when you've never even been in the same city as one. It's easy to say it when you've never even gotten close to what you claim you don't fear. And doing stuff that could get you majorly hurt or die doesn't convince me either because being wreckless isn't the same as not fearing death. You're concentrated on the wreckless act when you're doing it and not actually dying. Only through experiences like your own do you really get an idea of what being at that door feels like. Hell, even sever panic/anxiety attacks give people an idea of how scary it is. I've brushed off anxiety attacks but it wasn't cause I wasn't scared of death, it's cause I knew it was an anxiety attack and wasn't gonna result in death.
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Lost_All_Senses posted...

EverDownward posted...

I will not lie. I used to think I wasn't afraid, but after I got diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer and really saw and felt what living with cancer was like I was legitimately, for the first time in my life, terrified of dying. I felt like a child, small and vulnerable, trembling with fear as I stared at death. It was an extremely palpable sensation.

This is why I don't believe most people who say they aren't. It's like saying you're not scared of gorillas when you've never even been in the same city as one. It's easy to say it when you've never even gotten close to what you claim you don't fear. And doing stuff that could get you majorly hurt or die doesn't convince me either because being wreckless isn't the same as not fearing death. You're concentrated on the wreckless act when you're doing it and not actually dying. Only through experiences like your own do you really get an idea of what being at that door feels like. Hell, even sever panic/anxiety attacks give people an idea of how scary it is. I've brushed off anxiety attacks but it wasn't cause I wasn't scared of death, it's cause I knew it was an anxiety attack and wasn't gonna result in death.

It is entirely possible that the lack of reality in facing my death only makes me think I don't fear it, I won't deny that. I don't have your experience with anxiety attacks, though. I haven't had those in a while, but I couldn't ever brush them off.
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Evening_Dragon posted...

Lost_All_Senses posted...

EverDownward posted...

I will not lie. I used to think I wasn't afraid, but after I got diagnosed with metastatic colon cancer and really saw and felt what living with cancer was like I was legitimately, for the first time in my life, terrified of dying. I felt like a child, small and vulnerable, trembling with fear as I stared at death. It was an extremely palpable sensation.

This is why I don't believe most people who say they aren't. It's like saying you're not scared of gorillas when you've never even been in the same city as one. It's easy to say it when you've never even gotten close to what you claim you don't fear. And doing stuff that could get you majorly hurt or die doesn't convince me either because being wreckless isn't the same as not fearing death. You're concentrated on the wreckless act when you're doing it and not actually dying. Only through experiences like your own do you really get an idea of what being at that door feels like. Hell, even sever panic/anxiety attacks give people an idea of how scary it is. I've brushed off anxiety attacks but it wasn't cause I wasn't scared of death, it's cause I knew it was an anxiety attack and wasn't gonna result in death.

It is entirely possible that the lack of reality in facing my death only makes me think I don't fear it, I won't deny that. I don't have your experience with anxiety attacks, though. I haven't had those in a while, but I couldn't ever brush them off.

Wait, Im confused. You just stated you did fear it in the last post. I thought I was just adding to what you said. I don't think my experiences give me a better idea than you.

Also, I could only brush off my anxiety attacks (after practice) because I also have very serious physical conditions that kind of make them seem smaller in the grand scheme. Like Ive gotten stomach pain so severe it felt like my insides could just fail at any second. But then somehow I get past them and have good days again. Sometimes good weeks and ok months even. None of my pains are new anymore and I just gotta rake it on faith that they will just past like they have before. Im still here so they can't be as severe as they feel when they're happening.
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I fear other people dying, but not myself. I cannot control my own death.
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