Current Events > 7 ways you're ruining a conversation

(+) Yeah! (+)

If you want to deny a conversation and make someone feel unheard skip to 1:45

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTvlVHLVxLw" data-time="


deny their feelings
giving philosophical response
asking questions
defense of the other person
pity
amateur psychoanalysis
giving advice

solution..

listen and give an empathetic response

There's two more unofficial ones if you ask me

8. constant interruption
9.changing the subject
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Having an erection
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The fuck is wrong with asking questions?
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@Sayoria

Hm. Not sure how I feel about this but in general people dont want help, they just want a shoulder to cry on. Which is OK too but still
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Just respond with "man thats crazy" no matter what they say
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_Matchabuu_ posted...

Hm. Not sure how I feel about this but in general people dont want help, they just want a shoulder to cry on. Which is OK too but still

Not so much a should to cry on as validation, not that many people know how to validate other's feelings (which is of course covered in the first 2 points).
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DrizztLink posted...

The fuck is wrong with asking questions?

From Anna's point of view.. I think it just depends.. Like if you're firing away questions and sort of deflecting from listening and being understanding, it can be annoying to some.

_Matchabuu_ posted...

Hm. Not sure how I feel about this but in general people dont want help, they just want a shoulder to cry on. Which is OK too but still

True. And this is especially a huge issue with people (mostly guys) who didn't grow up comfortable expressing their feelings and were taught how to solve problems as a way of giving advice vs trying to be sympathetic at least
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So just listen and sit there stone faced then.
They should talk to a wall then if another human being with normal responses in a conversation is too much for them.
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My friends love me because I'm a good listener

that said, I'm not good at small talk
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So basically you dont respond at all? Lol

by being a part of it
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I dunno about that advice there chief.
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EternalDivide posted...

So just listen and sit there stone faced then.
They should talk to a wall then if another human being with normal responses in a conversation is too much for them.

Just listen and offer them sympathy, if you don't know what its like to be in their shoes. If they ask for help, give it to them.I don't see why you can't give advice, but not just for the sake of advice, and give it out when its appropriate and depending on the situation. Too many people come with the, "solving problems" mindset vs just listening and cheering them up. Some people DO just want to vent and don't want you to not give them advice at all. You just have to feel it out. If someone is talking about their feelings on a situation, don't go in there saying,"stop having this mindset. You have to be like this." That's literally my fucking brother. No empathy at all. You can't "solve problems" when there are feelings involved. The people who are disagreeing are the ones that have trouble connecting to feeligns
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Sometimes I just sit and listen and be an empathetic friend while they go on spewing poison about their co-workers, neighbors, family members, and government, etc.

Torrific posted...

Sometimes I just sit and listen and be an empathetic friend while they go on spewing poison about their co-workers, neighbors, family members, and government, etc.

Everyone vents. If they are overly toxic and do nothing but talk shit and have nothing good to say, then it your choice to cut them out of your life.
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10. Treating people lile they're all part of a hive mind and have no individuality
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Im not interested in listening as much as Im interested in conversation. This is probably why my girlfriend sometimes bitches about how she just wants to vent sometimes and truly doesnt want my input.
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Lol... I mean I feel like at least 3 of those points have a major asterisks to them. Sometimes it's ok to walk them through analyzing the situation but in a way where you get to help them see things in a different light that they wouldn't have thought of. It's obviously difficult to do without serious awareness as a human being and a deeper understanding of the situation that the other person is talking about.

But what TC is referring to is baby mode. It is generally effective to just go aww... are you at least feeling ok? And they usually appreciate that sorta response, I would agree. But sometimes it's even more effective if you point out a contradiction that's in favor of them that they're missing and validate their complaint. Or narrate how they must be feeling at that point, and make them say "yeah exactly!" I dunno I just think there's a lot more to conversation.
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Arcanine2009 posted...

giving philosophical response
asking questions
defense of the other person
pity
amateur psychoanalysis
giving advice

as long as you do so moderately, you can do all of these while still productively doing this

listen and give an empathetic response

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This sounds more like advice on supporting someone dealing with emotional stress/turmoil than anything. Conversation implies actual back and forth. If you apply this to having a conversation, you're basically accepting that your feelings are irrelevant because the other person is all that matters.
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Irony posted...

Having an erection

"I said DONT have an erection!"
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