Current Events > A skeleton walks into a bar.

(+) Yeah! (+)

He says to the bartender, "I'll have a drink... and a mop."
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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on.

After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
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Not bad. 7/10.
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Oooh lemme try.

A skeleton walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a whiskey neat. In fact, leave the bottle."
The bartender pours him the whiskey and says, "What's on your mind, friend?"
The skeleton downs the drink and pours himself another. Whiskey is dripping down his ribcage onto the stool and eventually the floor. "Sandra is going to leave me soon. She hasn't said the word divorce, but it's gotta be hiding under her tongue at this point."
The bartender wipes down some glasses and tries to avoid eye contact because, well it's just fuckin eyeholes and that's creepy to look at. "Have you guys seen a marriage counselor?"
"No. We should have seen psychiatrists before we met," the skeleton mutters as he adds to his waterfall. "Our only interests were drinking together and watching TV until we fell asleep next to one another. That was enough for a time. We were lonely. We were sad. We were afraid to leave."
The bartender stares down the length of the bar praying for another patron to show up.
"Eventually, Sandra needed more. And I don't blame her. She went back to school and got her Masters degree," the skeleton drones on as his puddle grows. "She got a better job and has made so many new friends. And the truth is, I'm so proud of her. But I've been proud while drunk on the couch."
The bartender puts down his towel and slowly reaches for the bottle.
The skeleton snatches the bottle before the bartender can and pours himself another drink. "She's tried to help me too. She still loves me and just wants to give me what she's already given herself. What if we were only together because we were those two lonely, broken people all those years ago? What if we grow and change and we turn into people who are not supposed to be together anymore?"
The bartender sighs. "Then that's okay."
The skeleton stops himself mid sip and asks, "What?"
The bartender rests an elbow on the bar and tells him, "Just because you put two broken pieces together, that doesn't mean it's fixed. You can't solve a puzzle if all the pieces are flimsy and broken. They've got to be sturdy. Drinking can be nice, TV can be nice, and being proud of someone you love can be great. But it won't make you strong."

The skeleton nods and gets up from the bar before profusely apologizing for leaving his wallet in his other pelvis. He swears he'll come back and pay his bill, but for a while he doesn't. Six months later, he returns and hands the bartender sixty dollars. The skeleton has been sober for five months now. Unfortunately, the skeleton was right. He and Sandra weren't as compatible when they were sober, leading to their separation. They're still friends, thankfully. Sandra's dating an accountant named Derek now. The skeleton is delighted at how great Sandra and Derek seem together, even though he still misses her. The bartender offers the skeleton a round on the house, but the skeleton declines. He's heading to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in fifteen minutes.

And even though he has NO BODY to go with, he feels strong.
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A skeleton logs on to gamefaqs.gamespot.com

A man walks into a bar. It hurt.
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Lol I laughed
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Two men walk into a bar, but the third one ducks.
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