Current Events > Why exactly do so many people want monogamous relationships?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've never actually been in a monogamous relationship because I'm too much of a piece of trash for anyone to want me exclusively. However, I have been 'the side piece' plenty of times and I never understood what was wrong with it really. Obviously, it's bad because the guy may be lying to his girlfriend/wife (I never really asked) but other than that, I don't get what the big deal about these relationships are. They're probably just going to cheat on you with someone like me anyway who gets the person being friendly/nice to me, and having sex, but not having to deal with everything else.

Like...what's the point honestly.

The concept has been ingrained in society mostly to protect assets (financial and human). Stable relationships are conducive to a productive society.
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Because not everyones life is as fucked up as yours.
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Some people commit and are faithful.
And when people get married they make vows.
But in today's fucked up world, I guess that doesn't mean shit.
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LostForest posted...

Because not everyones life is as fucked up as yours.

God damn.
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lol hmmmm i wonder, mr. edge
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There's literally people who find children attractive, it wouldn't be too far out for me to assume that maybe there are people who find faithfulness and commitment attractive.

Everyone is attracted to something.
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Love. At the most simplistic level that's your answer. But I'm sure there's a lot more detailed complicated answer.
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Because that's the most productive way for our species to exist. It doesn't mean people can't be happy in open or polygamous relationships, but the number of people who can is super low.

Sariana21 posted...

The concept has been ingrained in society mostly to protect assets (financial and human). Stable relationships are conducive to a productive society.

poly relationships can be stable lol

though you are right about the first part -- it's ingrained into society at this point, and anything else is stigmatized
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thanosibe posted...

Love. At the most simplistic level that's your answer. But I'm sure there's a lot more detailed complicated answer.

It's probably that. I don't believe I'm capable of romantic love, so that makes sense.
nemu posted...

Because that's the most productive way for our species to exist. It doesn't mean people can't be happy in open or polygamous relationships, but the number of people who can is super low.

So because it's 'productive' people are unhappy about the alternatives? Doesn't really make sense.

I dont want STDs. I dont want to guess whether or not a kid is mine in the event of an unplanned pregnancy.
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MrPeppers posted...

I dont want STDs. I dont want to guess whether or not a kid is mine in the event of an unplanned pregnancy.

Communicate with your partner(s) about who everyone is sleeping with, get tested, etc.

People who are for polygamy almost always sound like sex addicts.

Like that's the biggest thing one can get out of a relationship.
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Flockaveli posted...

There's literally people who find children attractive, it wouldn't be too far out for me to assume that maybe there are people who find faithfulness and commitment attractive.

Everyone is attracted to something.

the vast majority (I hope) are not attracted to children but apparently the majority find monogamy more attractive, so this argument doesn't seem that valid, unfortunately.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 posted...

thanosibe posted...

Love. At the most simplistic level that's your answer. But I'm sure there's a lot more detailed complicated answer.

It's probably that. I don't believe I'm capable of romantic love, so that makes sense.
nemu posted...

Because that's the most productive way for our species to exist. It doesn't mean people can't be happy in open or polygamous relationships, but the number of people who can is super low.

So because it's 'productive' people are unhappy about the alternatives? Doesn't really make sense.

Because it's productive, that's how we have evolved. We get easily jealous of others occupying the time of those we care about. That's why you hear stories of people who think they can handle open relationships or threesomes later majorly regretting it. You need a very specific mindset to make that work.

the average man is unfuckable

the average woman gets blasted by limitless chad dick
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Flockaveli posted...

People who are for polygamy almost always sound like sex addicts.

Like that's the biggest thing one can get out of a relationship.

nah, you can get way bigger things! like abuse, resentment, cheating (which imo is worse than just sleeping with others consensually), lies, divorce, losing half of your money. all of these things sound great!!!~

nemu posted...

Because it's productive, that's how we have evolved. We get easily jealous of others occupying the time of those we care about. That's why you hear stories of people who think they can handle open relationships or threesomes later majorly regretting it. You need a very specific mindset to make that work.

I can attest to this mindset. The thought of another man/woman and my wife is not something I can comprehend. Thankfully were both on the same page with that as weve talked about threesomes. We are exclusively for each other.
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Recently a poly woman invited me to be their boyfriend. It was very weird to me that she would devote so much love to me then go home to her husband and do the same thing (who was not poly himself but was ok with this). I ended it after a week. Some people just aren't built for it.

nemu posted...

Because it's productive, that's how we have evolved. We get easily jealous of others occupying the time of those we care about. That's why you hear stories of people who think they can handle open relationships or threesomes later majorly regretting it. You need a very specific mindset to make that work.

I guess.

If I actually got into a real relationship maybe I'd feel the same way. But for now, I'm resigned to being the side ho or nothing else forever lol

usually relationships are not between two people of identical financial and social means, but rather between people of complementary means

mutual dependence does tend to breed jealousy
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Human's can pretend they are a monogamous species all they want, but in reality we're more like.... birds... and sex / nudity shouldn't be so looked down upon. Really it's just another method of control.
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0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 posted...

nemu posted...

Because it's productive, that's how we have evolved. We get easily jealous of others occupying the time of those we care about. That's why you hear stories of people who think they can handle open relationships or threesomes later majorly regretting it. You need a very specific mindset to make that work.

I guess.

If I actually got into a real relationship maybe I'd feel the same way. But for now, I'm resigned to being the side ho or nothing else forever lol

Honestly @0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 you look very ashamed. I think it would help your chronic self esteem issues if you started fucking men that weren't already married.
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Because humans are selfish, and monogamy gives many of them a sense of control and ownership of a person who would otherwise view them as one of many fish in the sea.
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They dont, they just want a person as a companion and surefire sex. At least in office life with 9-5 jobs and all that, its basically part of the deal in banter to expect that everybody has or could have side action going on. So dont be naive.
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TheDrivingForce posted...

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 posted...

nemu posted...

Because it's productive, that's how we have evolved. We get easily jealous of others occupying the time of those we care about. That's why you hear stories of people who think they can handle open relationships or threesomes later majorly regretting it. You need a very specific mindset to make that work.

I guess.

If I actually got into a real relationship maybe I'd feel the same way. But for now, I'm resigned to being the side ho or nothing else forever lol

Honestly 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 you look very ashamed. I think it would help your chronic self esteem issues if you started fucking men that weren't already married.

I don't really fuck often anymore because most of the only people who want to fuck me are married or have gfs

Gotta change myself to be more fuckable I guess... but I'm ambivalent about it. Sex isn't that great anyway

I don't really have 'self-esteem issues,' I just see myself in a realistic way, and realistically, ~95% of people I meet will dislike me. I could put in the work to become more likable, but... I guess I wouldn't feel like I'm being myself then.

Yazarogi posted...

Human's can pretend they are a monogamous species all they want, but in reality we're more like.... birds... and sex / nudity shouldn't be so looked down upon. Really it's just another method of control.

there some are birds who only have one partner until one of them dies ( or cant reproduce )
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0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 posted...

Flockaveli posted...

There's literally people who find children attractive, it wouldn't be too far out for me to assume that maybe there are people who find faithfulness and commitment attractive.

Everyone is attracted to something.

the vast majority (I hope) are not attracted to children but apparently the majority find monogamy more attractive, so this argument doesn't seem that valid, unfortunately.

it's also possible to be faithful and committed to more than one person
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averagejoel posted...

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 posted...

Flockaveli posted...

There's literally people who find children attractive, it wouldn't be too far out for me to assume that maybe there are people who find faithfulness and commitment attractive.

Everyone is attracted to something.

the vast majority (I hope) are not attracted to children but apparently the majority find monogamy more attractive, so this argument doesn't seem that valid, unfortunately.

it's also possible to be faithful and committed to more than one person

yeah but most people wouldn't do that. that's what the topic is about

LostForest posted...

Because not everyones life is as fucked up as yours.

lol
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0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 posted...

averagejoel posted...

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 posted...

Flockaveli posted...

There's literally people who find children attractive, it wouldn't be too far out for me to assume that maybe there are people who find faithfulness and commitment attractive.

Everyone is attracted to something.

the vast majority (I hope) are not attracted to children but apparently the majority find monogamy more attractive, so this argument doesn't seem that valid, unfortunately.

it's also possible to be faithful and committed to more than one person

yeah but most people wouldn't do that. that's what the topic is about

true. I guess I was more responding to the post you were quoting than your post

a lot of people itt don't really seem to know much about poly relationships in general. like it's very different from sleeping around (not that there's anything inherently wrong with that either)
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TheDrivingForce posted...

LostForest posted...

Because not everyones life is as fucked up as yours.

God damn.

Sounds harsh, maybe, but it also doesn't seem like the OP has really witnessed monogamous love in action or had a model of it to aspire to. (Broken home, probably.) No, it isn't for everyone, and it definitely shouldn't be the basis of your own self-worth, but once you do find it it can be extremely self-gratifying. I'm an introvert and have gone long stretches of my life without dating, but I'm married now and there's a sense of safety and comradery in being with someone that can't quite be put into words. Or least not reduced to a soundbyte on a gaming forum. The point is, you do you, and don't knock others for doing the same.
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the0rebirth posted...

Because humans are selfish, and monogamy gives many of them a sense of control and ownership of a person who would otherwise view them as one of many fish in the sea.

More or less. Also the insecurity that comes with potentially losing someone if they snag someone better. Commitment involves sacrifice but is offers stability.
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averagejoel posted...

Sariana21 posted...

The concept has been ingrained in society mostly to protect assets (financial and human). Stable relationships are conducive to a productive society.

poly relationships can be stable lol

though you are right about the first part -- it's ingrained into society at this point, and anything else is stigmatized

I meant from a societal standpoint. Those in charge needed to know which children and, more importantly, which land (and other assets) belonged to whom. One man-one woman simplified that process so much that society defined monogamy as the "norm."

There are biological reasons too, of course, or we wouldn't see monogamy in other species.
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Because life is about relationships, family, friends... the people in your life, not the things, and certainly not the sex, though sex is a part of some relationships.

If you're lucky enough to be able to reflect on your life before you die... you won't think about your jobs, or the things you owned... you might think a little bit about the places you went, but mostly you'll be thinking about the people in your life that made all the pain worth it. Most of all, you'll think of the people you loved in a relationship kind of sense.

There's nothing like falling asleep and/or waking up next to someone you love. No matter how busy your life currently is, there's no better feeling than coming home and crawling into bed next to someone who wants you there in that bed with them. Even if they're barely awake and don't even notice you getting into bed, they'll often, almost as if by instinct, throw an arm or a leg over you (or sometimes just fart) to let you know they're glad you're back and wouldn't want anyone else in there with them.

That's not necessarily for everyone, but as I've gotten older, the importance of the people around me has come clearly into focus and I've been doing what I can to let them know that I care about them. For all the fun and benefits sex provides... it's fairly empty without the companionship that can often times accompany it.
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Most people are naturally monogamous - a poly person i know
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Not gonna lie, this feels a lot like attention seeking behavior.
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PsychicHippo posted...

TheDrivingForce posted...

LostForest posted...

Because not everyones life is as fucked up as yours.

God damn.

Sounds harsh, maybe, but it also doesn't seem like the OP has really witnessed monogamous love in action or had a model of it to aspire to. (Broken home, probably.) No, it isn't for everyone, and it definitely shouldn't be the basis of your own self-worth, but once you do find it it can be extremely self-gratifying. I'm an introvert and have gone long stretches of my life without dating, but I'm married now and there's a sense of safety and comradery in being with someone that can't quite be put into words. Or least not reduced to a soundbyte on a gaming forum. The point is, you do you, and don't knock others for doing the same.

Not broken, but my parents didn't like each other (they are dead now). You're actually right that I've never seen a healthy relationship lol. The one person who was ever interested in me ended up exploiting me, too.

Maybe I do have more issues than I realize xDD

HairyThotter posted...

Because life is about relationships, family, friends... the people in your life, not the things, and certainly not the sex, though sex is a part of some relationships.

If you're lucky enough to be able to reflect on your life before you die... you won't think about your jobs, or the things you owned... you might think a little bit about the places you went, but mostly you'll be thinking about the people in your life that made all the pain worth it. Most of all, you'll think of the people you loved in a relationship kind of sense.

There's nothing like falling asleep and/or waking up next to someone you love. No matter how busy your life currently is, there's no better feeling than coming home and crawling into bed next to someone who wants you there in that bed with them. Even if they're barely awake and don't even notice you getting into bed, they'll often, almost as if by instinct, throw an arm or a leg over you (or sometimes just fart) to let you know they're glad you're back and wouldn't want anyone else in there with them.

That's not necessarily for everyone, but as I've gotten older, the importance of the people around me has come clearly into focus and I've been doing what I can to let them know that I care about them. For all the fun and benefits sex provides... it's fairly empty without the companionship that can often times accompany it.

That sounds pretty depressing considering the fact that I don't really have the capability of feeling close to anyone lmao

Monogamy wouldnt be a thing if humans didnt experience jealousy and possessiveness, simple as that really. Monogamy is a calculated hedge against that feeling
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HairyThotter posted...

Because life is about relationships, family, friends... the people in your life, not the things, and certainly not the sex, though sex is a part of some relationships.

If you're lucky enough to be able to reflect on your life before you die... you won't think about your jobs, or the things you owned... you might think a little bit about the places you went, but mostly you'll be thinking about the people in your life that made all the pain worth it. Most of all, you'll think of the people you loved in a relationship kind of sense.

There's nothing like falling asleep and/or waking up next to someone you love. No matter how busy your life currently is, there's no better feeling than coming home and crawling into bed next to someone who wants you there in that bed with them. Even if they're barely awake and don't even notice you getting into bed, they'll often, almost as if by instinct, throw an arm or a leg over you (or sometimes just fart) to let you know they're glad you're back and wouldn't want anyone else in there with them.

That's not necessarily for everyone, but as I've gotten older, the importance of the people around me has come clearly into focus and I've been doing what I can to let them know that I care about them. For all the fun and benefits sex provides... it's fairly empty without the companionship that can often times accompany it.

Very nice post. I agree.
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By the time my wife is done with me the thought of another woman doesn't even enter my mind.
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Regarding sexual relationships,

In a monogamous relationship, the love for the other person in the relationship will always be 100% toward that person.

In a non-monogamous relationship, the love will be split between the other people in the relationship, and it can never be even.
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TC, sorry to tell you but you probably got played hard by your partners and enticed you into thinking an open relationship is ok
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i feel like the people who are anti-monogamy and/or live a poly lifestyle are the kinds of people that live their life as if they are never going to get old or grow/change in any way
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0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 posted...

That sounds pretty depressing considering the fact that I don't really have the capability of feeling close to anyone lmao

Welp, like the post said:

HairyThotter posted...

That's not necessarily for everyone

lol
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green butter posted...

i feel like the people who are anti-monogamy and/or live a poly lifestyle are the kinds of people that live their life as if they are never going to get old or grow/change in any way

Theres a lot on CE that are anti about monogamy, marriage, love, trust, etc. every time I thread is made on these subjects. Like not TC hes explaining himself but lots of posters in general in this thread and others. And it kind of makes me sad so many people have these attitudes in regards to something that can be amazing and beautiful if youre lucky enough to find someone that special.
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