Current Events > So I asked my previous dates ''where it went wrong''?

(+) Yeah! (+)

And I only asked the ones where I knew the date(s) had gone well.

So it is as follows:

Distance x1
Language barrier x1
Not ready for dating x2

I've had more than that, but those are the ones I can remember / still reach.

What about you?

I've never asked, because I like to think I know where I fuck up. In general, I don't make an effort and when I'm feeling emotionally exhausted I ghost people, and that's really shitty of me.

I probably should reach out and talk to those people, but I've left some of them on 'read' for years, and it seems easier to just not bother and avoid repeating those mistakes with anyone new until I can truly say I'm ready to work on maintaining a relationship.
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Kurumiee posted...

Distance x1
Language barrier x1
Not ready for dating x2

They would all have known these things before going out with you. They are all excuses.
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WrkHrdPlayHrdr posted...

Kurumiee posted...

Distance x1
Language barrier x1
Not ready for dating x2

They would all have known these things before going out with you. They are all excuses.

I assume 'distance' is emotional distance and that TC is copping to being emotionally withholding, though I might be wrong. You might think you can overcome a language barrier or think you're ready for dating, have a bad or frustrating date, and decide that those things are actually deal breakers for you. Happens all the time. Hell, most long distance relationships fall apart because of the stresses of long distance, at first you think you can handle it, but time reveals that it's really not worth the effort, and both of you should probably just move on.
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hollow_shrine posted...

WrkHrdPlayHrdr posted...

Kurumiee posted...

Distance x1
Language barrier x1
Not ready for dating x2

They would all have known these things before going out with you. They are all excuses.

I assume 'distance' is emotional distance and that TC is copping to being emotionally withholding, though I might be wrong. You might think you can overcome a language barrier or think you're ready for dating, have a bad or frustrating date, and decide that those things are actually deal breakers for you. Happens all the time. Hell, most long distance relationships fall apart because of the stresses of long distance, at first you think you can handle it, but time reveals that it's really not worth the effort, and both of you should probably just move on.

I took it as actual distance.

But if what you say is true then 2 of the 3 the woman already knew going into the date so they are excuses.
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WrkHrdPlayHrdr posted...

Kurumiee posted...

Distance x1
Language barrier x1
Not ready for dating x2

They would all have known these things before going out with you. They are all excuses.

Distance actually made sense because she was travelling 3hrs just to get here. Unless she stayed at relatives who happened to live close to me. Money wasn't an issue because students get free public transport around here.

Language barrier was a problem for me too.

Other two are questionable. One said ''relative died, so I'm not ready for dating. Just work''. I don't remember the other one.

WrkHrdPlayHrdr posted...

Kurumiee posted...

Distance x1
Language barrier x1
Not ready for dating x2

They would all have known these things before going out with you. They are all excuses.

The distant one yeah, but she was meeting me when she was staying with relatives who lived close, and wanted to give it a try.

Language barrier, not quite. We met on tinder.

''Not ready for dating'' were questionable though.

WrkHrdPlayHrdr posted...

But if what you say is true then 2 of the 3 the woman already knew going into the date so they are excuses.

I wouldn't say those are excuses, especially if those women went on the first date and ultimately concluded it wasn't working. That is literally why you're going on the first date, to see what's good, and decide if whether or not you want to continue.

An excuse would be reneging on a promise, or cancelling the date.

And again. Some times we tell ourselves we can handle things when we really can't, or we try things we're not quite ready for.
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JustMyOpinion posted...

Meh. If Prince Charming came charging in on his steed I'd doubt she'd say "You seem great but I'm just not ready to date yet."

People do that all the time:
- With partners who want to get married when you're fearful of commitment.
- With people who can't wait to have children, when maybe you want to enjoy a few years of marital bliss before adding in any little ones.
- With people who are unwilling to follow a boyfriend or girlfriend's who is moving for work, either because they have their own jobs or don't want to abandon their social circles.

Every one of those relationships will end, even though both people involved deeply love each other, and would likely have gotten married were circumstances more favorable. People give up the relationships of their dreams because they're not fully committed to them literally all the time. People are complex. We want a lot of things all at once. Even marrying our hypothetical prince charming won't check all those boxes for us.
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JustMyOpinion posted...

Or the much more likely option is they were looking for a gentle way to let him down.

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