Current Events > Two of my favorite albums ever and why

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https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_nTLdTq6zNbb-Se_XH2JfYK2MhKDzM5qWk

When I hear these, Im instantly reminded of piling into my best and oldest friends beater car at odd hours of the night and staying out all night doing nothing but just going somewhere. His shit didnt have any kind of aux, so wed both carry around CDs all the time or make mixes or burn whole albums to play in the car; I have such fond memories of scattering to pick out my stack for the night, when it was decided in the moment that we were hanging out, before he got to my house to scoop. It wasnt uncommon for him to just adopt shit I left in his car, and there were a few instances where Id force him to listen to stuff just by leaving it on his passenger seat until he took it. We had a crew of homies, and his cousin who was both our best friend and my unrequited crush, and the three of us would frequently take late night trips to the 24 hour donut spot, even though it was an hour away. Wed pack the car and drive out to the woods to dick around and smoke, or go to Boston at 1 AM and walk from the Commons to Fenway and through Chinatown and shit and just see what we encountered, or just chill on our boys stoop or in a basement talking shit. We used to hangout in his basement at his moms crib and get crazy fucked up and watch stupid shit on youtube on a giant old CRT that only kinda worked, but we couldnt be too loud because of his sister and we had to sneak out the bulkhead every time we wanted to smoke, even in the middle of January when it was -2 degrees.

One time in particular, he and I decided to go to Philly to see one of our favorite bands and visit his cousin, who had moved to go to school there. It was just us two, the whole 7+ hour ride. We were 18, and it was my first time leaving New England without a real adult, my first time in Philly, and the first time I felt freedom. For this trip a particularly huge selection of music was needed, and my So It Goes CD, a relative rarity thanks to poor distribution, was an absolute essential; we had seen Ratking the year prior, once opening for Earl Sweatshirt and once headlining, skipping some graduation-related bullshit to go to the latter and smoking with them in some sketchy car after. This album was in constant rotation the whole way there; also in the mix was a burned copy of Mac Demarcos 2, Lightning Bolts long-awaited newest record, Aphex Twins Syro, and countless mix CDs, both accumulated from previous goonery and tailor made for the drive, as well as others I dont remember.

I have such a vivid memory of driving through a wintery New York City with him, ice cold with a seemingly visible, frigid harshness to everything in the winter sun, and while I have no earthly clue if its what was playing at that moment, Ratking immediately floods my mind with that image. The show was great, the weekend even better abd seeing our friend was wonderful. We had awkward interactions with her college friends, and we saw the city, and it was great. We got up the day after the show bright and early to hit the road home. During our drive, the infamous Polar Vortex of 2015 was hitting the northeast particularly hard.

The drive home got more intense as we went, as flurries begat snow, begat heavy snow, begat blizzard, begat whiteout. I again have an incredibly vivid memory of driving through New York in progressively worse snow, and I again cannot recall what was actually playing at the time, but the image is brought instantly to my mind by the sound of these records, 700Fill in particular, despite the fact that it wasnt released in any capacity until several days later. We had left at around 10 AM; by thevtime we hit Connecticut, it was dark, and there was easily a foot of snow on tbe roads as plows had yet to hit the road. Halfways through the state, ice build-caused one of his wipers to snap clean off, and he was in an increasingly panicked state as we continued.

(cont.)
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The drive ultimately clocked in at 11 hours and change; by the time we reached home my ass had gone numb and he was nearly in tears from the drive. To this day he says he hated it, but I know he looks back on it with fondness.

In the ensuing months, we would continue on as we had, doing dumb bullshit and enjoying life as not-quite-adults. In the fall of that year we would begin writing music together, after failed, laughable attempts in high school. He was at the same time jamming with another guy, same age as us and in another local band, and the concurrent jam sessions would slowly merge and metastasize into a band. The three of us quickly became inseparable, and wed continue on doing the same things we had been, while trying to work towards on music we were enthusiastic about. That December, I went solo to Philly for another show and another visit; I returned home to find that my parents were divorcing. I tried to reach out to her for some kind of support, but after having been rejected firmly, it was clear the friendship was strained. We no longer talk, and its been at least a year since weve spoken in any capacity.

The next year or so carried on normally with minor squabbles here and there but mostly great times; wed slowly become prominent locally, we 3 were still best friends. I was plagued by the first of my terrible relationships, but I now look back on those times and that person with fondness as well. Things were good and everything was progressing and we were all excited.

By spring of the next year, tensions had begun to build. The final nail in the coffin came when I entered a relationship that haunts me to this day. At this point, my oldest friend also began seeing someone new, and older. We started seeing him less, he started getting angrier, and he threatened to quit the band frequently. All of this while I was also dealing with an extremely abusive person, and constantly reaching out to them in hysterical states at all hours of the day. The three of us stopped hanging out. He eventually quit.

Now, he and I have started talking again, though much less frequently, and neither of us are very quick to respond to one another. We still only infrequently see each other, despite both saying how we miss chilling. Two people have filled his place since he quit, and although the newest is great, theres a palpable feeling the band is on its last leg, and that this old dog should be taken out back soon, when it was seemingly on the cusp of real success. The other part of our old trio has gone down a dark hole of alcohol abuse, escalating experimentation, and generally toxic and anti-social behavior; I only hear from him these days if nobody else can give him a ride, or if nobody else cares enough to talk about guitars, and I frequently have the things he says about me to others relayed back to me. I still bought him a special pressing of one of his most cherished records for his birthday this year, and I still hope he can change, and that we can be friends again. My oldest friend is now engaged to the older woman; we all think, and have since the beginning, that there is an element of manipulation happening. He wont hear it. Hes fairly isolated, and her friends are his only friends now. He doesnt come to shows. He no longer makes music. I miss him.

When I hear these records, I am instantly overcome by a rush of memories, less specific instances and more a pastiche of the events of a period of time, a singular positive, warm emotion. I remember less the things people said and more the way they said them. I remember the faces I havent seen in nearly two years, the voices I no longer get to hear, the places Ill never see again. I rarely listen to these records anymore, because this feeling overwhelms me, and at times moves me to tears. I am reminded of all these people and things and relationships I held so dear, that have now been irreparably perverted and changed. I am reminded of the people I cared most about. I know it will never be the same.
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Thanks for reading this rambling mess of a blog post
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Gonna bump this just cuz i spent a while typing it
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I miss my friends and I cried all night about it

What the fuck happened
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Tactical_Spork posted...

I miss my friends and I cried all night about it

What the fuck happened

Ah it's just the way things go man, people change, priorities change, and sometimes you can't relate to the things you used to anymore. This post inspired me to listen to some music from my past as well. I remember hanging with old best friends of mine then; we'd talk about the future and always saw each other there as if we we'd be inseparable. In recent years though a huge distance has grown between us. I seldom see them anymore, our history is pretty much all we share and when I do hang it's out of of a sense of duty from that, but even that's fading. And actually, as that's happening I've recently been reconnecting and getting close with an older friend who I had grown apart from, so it's not impossible for things to reconverge at a different time.

But for now, as long as they're happy just be happy for them. It's good to reflect on these memories and always beautiful to have art that you can associate them with, but nothing to do now except pick up, be receptive to new things, and make new memories. Que sera sera
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didn't read a single word but good job typing all that